


Broken Bones

by parsleylion



Category: Linkin Park
Genre: Angst, Domestic Violence, M/M, domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 16:14:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 26
Words: 102,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12302841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parsleylion/pseuds/parsleylion
Summary: When Mike flees from his abusive lover, Dave, he meets Chester, an old friend and they slowly start to fall in love with one another. Chester promises to keep Mike safe - but will he be able to keep his promise when Dave turns up, determined to take Mike back?





	1. Breaking

Sometimes it's so easy to live a lie, to pretend to be happy, pretend that things are okay because that way you don't have to face all the problems around you. Things get pushed to the back of your mind. True feelings get hidden away as you hide yourself under happy thoughts, tell yourself that everything is fine. Only once things go too far, once the horrible truth starts to catch up with you, it quickly becomes impossible to hide away and unless you stop pretending, eventually you will break.

 

*

 

I stared at him, almost as if I was trying to capture the stillness and serenity of his sleeping form and have it in my mind everytime I thought of him. I didn't want to see the shouting, screaming version of him, I didn't want to see the tearful apologetic man everytime his name crossed my mind.

 

No, I wanted to see him like this, at peace, this is how I wanted to remember him, for this was surely the last time I was ever going to go running back to him.

 

He'd gone too far this time, way too far.

 

This was it, this was the end.

 

And even though, deep down, I didn't want it to be the end, I didn't want to admit things were wrong, I knew that what I was doing was for the best; not only for me, but for him also.

 

We'd been destroying one another for far too long now; if I didn't leave then, maybe the next time we argued, I wouldn't be leaving alive.

 

Part of me felt guilty though, just like all the other times. He couldn't help it, he was sick, he didn't mean the things he said, the things he did.

 

But no, I'd given him chance after chance to get help. I'd tried everything I could think of to help him myself, but nothing was changing.

 

I sniffed, wiping a tear from my cheek and let out a sigh.

 

"Bye Dave," I whispered, gently tracing my hand over his shaven head, "Bye," I sighed, taking a final look at him before carefully draping the covers over him.

 

He let out a sigh and I stopped as he turned onto his stomach, murmuring something in his sleep.

 

Leaning down, I placed a tiny kiss on his cheek, telling myself, promising myself, that this would be the last time I left him.

 

Leaving the room, I pulled the door shut behind me. I grabbed my bags and headed towards the door, quietly unlocking it and stepping out into the cool night.

 

I locked the door behind me, slinging my backpack over my shoulder and headed down the steps, not glancing back once and as I quickly jogged down the street.

 

For this time, I knew, I swore to myself that it was over.

 

There was no going back.

 

****

 

I stood outside the door of my best friend Brad's flat, hopping from one foot to the other as I waited for him to answer.

 

My breath came out in small puffs, warm against the chilly night air. Rubbing my hands together I pressed the doorbell once more, glancing through the frosted glass as a light inside flickered on.

 

I picked my bags up as I heard someone unlocking the door from the other side.

 

It swung open and a half asleep Brad stared back at me, as if he was half  
expecting it to be me.

 

"Come in," he sighed, pulling the door open and standing aside.

 

I smiled weakly and stepped into the warm apartment, Brad shutting the door  
quickly behind me to stop the cold air getting in.

 

"Woah," he stopped and stared at me, hand reaching up to the side of my swollen face, "He really did it this time, didn't he?" he hissed, "Mike, tell me you're not going back to him, you've got to swear."

 

I slowly nodded my head, this would normally be the time where I would've defended Dave's actions, but not this time, this time he'd gone too far.

 

"Mike, are you okay?"

 

I shook my head, still clinging onto my two bags, leaning against the wall as Brad spoke.

 

"What did he do?"

 

I looked at him, a shaky sigh escaping through my lips, not wanting to talk, not  
wanting to have to say it. I felt so ashamed, so dirty.

 

"Oh God," Brad sighed, "Don't tell me he...."

 

I nodded solemnly, turning away as tears began to escape my eyes.

 

"The fucker," he hissed, "Where is he now? Is he at his place? I swear to God I'll go right round there and...."

 

"Brad, please, leave it," I begged.

 

He looked at me and nodded, "You've got to do something about this though," he sighed, taking my bags from me.

 

I numbly nodded my head, following him into the spare room that I'd spent so many sleepless nights in.

 

He flicked on the light and placed my bags on the floor, rubbing a hand over his scalp, "Do you need anything?"

 

I shook my head, "I'm sorry I woke you Brad, you go back to bed."

 

"Help yourself to anything you need, right? We'll talk in the morning," he sighed heading back out of the door.

 

"Thanks Brad," I smiled.

 

He stopped and stepped back over to me, wrapping his arms around me, "You get some sleep yeah?" he whispered before pulling away from me.

 

I nodded and sighed as he left the room, pulling the door closed behind him.

 

I ran a hand through my hair, kicking off my shoes. I pulled back the covers and  
slipped in underneath them, flicking the light off before I snuggled back down.

 

I closed my eyes, sleep over taking my mind.

 

****

 

Things weren't always this way.

 

No, once, not so long ago, I had been a happy and care-free kid. I didn't want to pile the blame on to him, or sound selfish, but things really did go down hill after I'd met Dave Farrell.

 

I couldn't remember who introduced us, although I had a feeling it was Rob, who was roommates with Brad and I at the time. This was all back in the first year of college, about two or three years ago now. It had been Brad's nineteenth birthday and having been best friends with him since I was about nine, I'd organized a party for him, along with my other partners in crime, Joe and Rob.

 

We'd held it in our apartment, handing out invites to just about everyone that we knew. The night had gone well, and I'd hit the drink big time. By the time everyone else had either left or passed out, I was in the corner with Rob giggling everytime Brad had tried to get up. He'd gotten more wasted than any of us.

 

Then Dave had come over, and we'd got talking, and, er, kissing, and I'd ended up  
sleeping with him.

 

I'd woke the next morning, thinking he would be gone, half hoping he wouldn't and to my surprise, he was very much still there, wide awake, watching me as I slept.

 

From then on, we were inseparable. He was the sweetest guy I'd ever met, always pampering me, buying me things, the most supportive person I'd ever had in my life beside Brad.

 

One year later, things had taken a turn for the worse. I don't know why, but he just became really possessive, didn't like the idea of me spending time with Brad, Rob or Joe.

 

I'd shaken it off, thought his jealousy would had soon boiled over, but I was wrong, very wrong. Things got even worse. He started drinking, to take his mind off the fact that he was struggling at college. Eventually he quit and found a job, a job he couldn't stand though. I'd tried to help, so many times, I'd tried. Only he'd just ignored me, ignored my pleas for him to get help.

 

Then he'd just changed even more, became some kind of monster. The arguments we had became more heated, he became violent, to the extent that sometimes he would even beat me.

 

Only I couldn't leave him, not Dave.

 

I honestly didn't have enough toes and fingers to count the number of times I'd ended up here, in Rob and Brad's apartment, scared to my wits after Dave had hurt me.

 

But this time, I promised myself, this was it.

 

This was the end of Dave and I.

 

The start of a new beginning.


	2. Regrets

Life always seems to be so full of regrets. Regrets of knowing that things could've turned out another way, if only you'd tried. Regrets of making the wrong decisions, not bothering to do things that you know you should have done. You can spend all your life regretting things, but where's it going to get you? Nowhere.

  
  


*

  
  


I slowly turned over, blinking as the daylight struck my eyes. I struggled to figure out where I was at first, but as my eyes took in the all too familiar surroundings, my mind clicked and last night just came flooding back to me once more.

  
  


I shivered and snuggled underneath the warm blankets, my mind and body aching. A sharp pain ran through my spine as I rolled over onto my stomach and I let out a groan.

  
  


Sitting up, I rubbed my eyes and tried to move into a position that didn't feel like someone was stabbing me. It was no use though and eventually I just flopped back against the pillows, my eyes gazing up at the ceiling as I tried to figure out what to do now.

  
  


Part of me knew not to go back to Dave. After last night I had been so positive that I would not be seeing him ever again. Only now my confidence seemed to had taken a knock and I felt bad for leaving him without a word, without a scrawled letter of apology.

  
  


The last tiny part of me just wanted to get dressed, grab my bags and go back to him. I just wanted to see him again, wanted him to hold me, tell me he'd never meant to go that far, promise me that he'd never to it again.

  
  


Only I knew that I couldn't.

  
  


If I went back now, I'd probably regret it for the rest of my life.

  
  


This was my chance out, I had to take it.

  
  


"Hey. How you doing?"

  
  


I broke out of the trance I'd fallen into and looked up to see Brad leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

  
  


I sat up a little and shook my head, fiddling nervously with the tattered hem on my T-shirt.

  
  


A shaky sigh escaped my lips and I tried my hardest not to let the tears that were welling up in my eyes run free. Only it was no use.

  
  


"Bro," Brad whispered sadly, walking over to me.

  
  


I looked up at him, tears spilling from my eyes as he sat beside me, wrapping his arms around my shaking form.

  
  


"I'm sorry," I whispered between my sobs.

  
  


"Sorry? What for? You've not done anything wrong," he told me, his hands running comfortingly up and down my back.

  
  


I pulled away from his clutch, wiping away my tears with the back of my hand.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


"Yeah?" My voice croaked.

  
  


"What happened last night?"

  
  


I stared at him for a split second before slowly getting to my feet, "Would it be okay if I got a coffee?" I asked him, swiftly changing the subject before he had time to continue.

  
  


"Y..Yeah, sure," he frowned.

  
  


"Want one?"

  
  


He slowly nodded his head as I turned away, making my way across the hall and into the small kitchen.

  
  


I let out a sigh as I stepped into the small room, leaning back against the counter. I knew I had to tell him, I knew I couldn't runaway forever. I just didn't want to tell him, I didn't want to have to share what had happened.

  
  


I felt so ashamed.

  
  


"Mike."

  
  


I slowly looked up as Brad entered the kitchen, concern evident in his brown eyes. He stepped over to me and placed a hand upon my shoulder, looking me right in the eyes.

  
  


"Mike, just tell me," he whispered.

  
  


I looked back into his eyes, my mind scared of his reaction - although he knew vaguely what had happened - I didn't want to have to say it out loud. That way I could just kid myself that bit longer that things were okay.... Only they weren't.

  
  


I slowly shook my head, "Brad... You know," I murmured, staring back at him.

  
  


He let out a sigh and nodded his head, "I know that he," he stopped and gulped before continuing, "I know that he raped you," he sighed.

  
  


I shivered as the words left his mouth, as he spoiled my ignorance, made me face what had happened.

  
  


"But.. why? I mean what happened?"

  
  


"Nothing," I whispered solemnly, turning away from him. I grabbed two mugs from the shelf but was quickly stopped as Brad took my arm, turning me to face him again.

  
  


"It's not nothing," he told me quietly, "Mike you have bruises all over your arms, a black eye and your shirt is covered in blood.

  
  


I slowly placed the mugs down and looked down at my T-shirt. He was right. Dry patches of blood covered it. My eyes moved across to my arms, tears threatening to spill once again as they met with the black bruises that seemed to scatter themselves over my tan skin.

  
  


"Come on," Brad's voice was soothing as he slowly led me across the kitchen, gently pushing me down into one of the wooden chairs that surrounded the table.

  
  


He sat down across from me and I knew he was only trying to help, just like all the other times, but all I could do was stare blankly ahead of me, desperately begging my tears not to fall.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


He didn't have to ask, I knew that he wanted to know why my boyfriend had forced me to have sex with him. Only I couldn't provide the answer - I knew it had something to do with the fact that he was drunk and we'd been arguing, but the real reason - the reason why the person I loved so much wanted to hurt me - that was beyond me.

  
  


"I just want to help," Brad sighed, taking my hand from where it lay on the table, "What happened?"

  
  


I stared back at him, my sadness now overtaken by anger. Anger at Dave for doing this to me when all I'd ever done was love him.

  
  


What had been so wrong with that?

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


"We argued," I cleared my throat and looked up as Brad nodded for me to continue, "It was stupid really," I shook my head, "I have no idea what we were arguing about, but he stormed off and came back about two hours later. He was totally wasted. I tried to stay out of his way, I went to bed but just as I was falling asleep," I stopped, blinking back the tears that had started to fall.

  
  


"What?" Brad whispered.

  
  


"He, he came into our room and pulled the covers off the bed. I tried to stop him but he's so much stronger than me. He had me pinned down to the bed and I couldn't stop him. He was hitting me and punching me and I couldn't stop him. He wouldn't stop...."

  
  


I felt Brad let go of my hand and within seconds he was crouched by my side, gently rocking me against him as more and more tears fell from my eyes.

  
  


Just like he had done a thousand times before.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


I stared out of the window watching as Brad and Rob walked along the pathway towards the apartment. Behind them walked Joe, who was struggling to carry a large art folder. I smiled and shook my head as he dropped it, glaring at the pair in front of him as they carried on, oblivious to the fact that Joe was on the floor trying to pick up various pieces of paper.

  
  


I moved away from the window and flopped down on the beat up leather couch that occupied most of the space in Rob and Brad's lounge. I heard the door being unlocked and seconds later Brad and Rob appeared at the doorway of the lounge.

  
  


"Hey," Rob smiled, dropping his bag to the floor and slumping down into one of the big armchairs, "You okay?" he asked, glancing across to Brad as I nodded my head.

  
  


"Sure?" Brad asked, settling down in the chair beside Rob's.

  
  


I nodded again before staring back out of the window, where Joe was still struggling down the path. No doubt Brad had told Rob everything. Not that I minded, Rob was one of my best friends after all.

  
  


A few minutes later I heard the front door slam, followed by a load thud which I assumed was the sound of Joe throwing his art folder to the floor.

  
  


"Thanks for helping guys," Joe called sarcastically.

  
  


"No problem," Brad and Rob chuckled.

  
  


"No, really, I mean..." Joe's voice stopped as he reached the door and I looked up, smiling as he charged over to me, "Mike!!"

  
  


I winced a little as he wrapped me in his arms, crushing me underneath him. He finally pulled away, a frown gracing his features as he stared at my face.

  
  


"What happened?" he whispered, his eyes settled on the large bruise that covered my cheek.

  
  


I stared back at him, almost as if I was having a conversation with him in my head because I still didn't want to have to say it.

  
  


Joe's face slowly contorted into anger and he shook his head, "Don't tell me he did this to you?"

  
  


I slowly nodded my head, swallowing as I went to speak, "It's good to see you again, Joe," I smiled.

  
  


He slowly smiled, catching the hint that I didn't want to talk just now, "You too," he smiled, moving away from me, "Now who dares challenge me to a game on the mighty playstation?"

  
  


I laughed as Joe sat himself in front of the TV, grabbing one of the controllers. I hadn't seen him for about six months, but it was as if nothing had changed. Rob sat beside him as they waited for the console to load and I looked away, aware of someone's eyes on me.

  
  


I turned to see Brad staring at me and he nodded his head, beckoning me out of the room. I slowly got to my feet, wincing as pain shot through my body. I stood up straight and followed him out into the hallway, stepping over the contents of Joe's art folder as I followed him into the kitchen.

  
  


"I was half afraid that you'd be gone when I got back from college," he sighed.

  
  


"Still here," I nodded.

  
  


"Look, you're welcome to stay as long as you need," he looked down to the ground, "I really don't want you going back to him though," he told me, looking back up at me once again.

  
  


"Me neither."

  
  


"So, you're welcome to move back in," he paused as I slowly nodded my head, "Because if you want to, we can go and get the rest of your things?"

  
  


I stared back at him, knowing as well as him that it was now or never.

  
  


I had to do this now, before I stupidly changed my mind.

  
  


"Please," I nodded, "If you don't mind."

  
  


Brad smiled back at me, relief in his eyes, "Come on, lets get going."

  
  
  


****

  
  


I stared up at the tall apartment building in front of me, shivering as a cool breeze swept across me.

  
  


Brad placed his hand upon my shoulder and I looked down at the set of keys that were in the palm of my hand, not quite believing what I was about to do.

  
  


"Ready?" Brad asked.

  
  


I slowly nodded my head, knowing I was far from ready, beckoning the question when, exactly, was I ever going to be ready to leave my abusive boyfriend?

  
  


I followed Brad up the steps to the front door and shoved the key in, unlocking the red painted door. I kept my fingers crossed that Dave was still at work as I gingerly stepped into the warm house, flicking on the light switch by the door.

  
  


Brad followed me inside and I quickly registered that Dave was indeed still at work. His shoes were no longer in their place by the door and his coat had gone from the hook.

  
  


"So, where do we start?" Brad asked, glancing around the cluttered lounge.

  
  


I shook my head, my eyes fixed on the bedroom door as I slowly tiptoed over to it. Pushing it open, I found, much to my relief that the bed had been made, broken shards of glass and clothes had been cleared away. I sniffed the air, noting the faint smell of polish and quickly turned to the closet, pulling out a large holdall. Setting it down on the bed, I looked around the room, not wanting to ever spend another night in it again.

  
  


It seemed to take Brad and I forever to get all my things together, but less than an hour later I stood in the kitchen surrounded by boxes and bags of clothes, cds, books and artwork.

  
  


I glanced at the notepad that stood on the kitchen table beside the phone.

  
  


"I should write him a note," I glanced up at Brad.

  
  


"Why?"

  
  


"I feel like I owe it him to at least explain...."

  
  


"No," Brad shook his head, "You don't owe him a thing."

  
  


I looked up at him, knowing that he was right. I didn't owe Dave anything, so why did it feel that way?

  
  


Slinging a couple of bags over my shoulder and grabbing a stack of boxes I took one final look around the apartment before following Brad down the hallway and outside into the cool evening.

  
  


I set the boxes down, passing Brad the bags as he loaded them into the back of his car. I slung the final bag onto one of the back seats and headed back up the concrete steps, pulling the door to the house shut.

  
  


I looked down at the bunch of keys, smiling as I saw the pink teddy bear keyring that Dave had bought me for a joke. My smile soon faded though and I bit back a sob as I shoved the keys through the letter box, racing back down the steps before I had chance to change my mind.

  
  


I got into the passenger seat and shut the door, pulling on my seat belt as Brad started the engine up. He pulled away from the edge of the pavement and I watched the blurred reflection in the mirror of the house slowly fading away.

  
  
  


****

  
  


I lay curled up in a tiny ball, tears running down my cold cheeks as I buried my head into the pillow.

  
  


The sounds of Rob and Brad's laughter coming from across the hall rang through my ears, all I wanted to do was go and join them, but even one of Rob's really bad jokes wasn't going to cheer me up.

  
  


I felt so miserable. It felt as though I'd lost the last two years of my life. Like everything I'd lived for had slipped away from my grasp and now I was left holding nothing, nothing but a broken heart.

  
  


I rolled over onto my back, staring up at the ceiling above me.

  
  


Here I was, back in the room I'd spent the whole of my first year at college in, back in the room where I'd spent my first night with Dave.... I closed my eyes, trying to erase all thoughts of him, but it was impossible.

  
  


Everything seemed to point at him.

  
  


I wondered if they were any other twenty one year olds out there as fucked up as me?

  
  


I very much doubted it.

  
  


I wanted to go back to the first year of college and change everything that had happened ever since. I wouldn't have talked to Dave at Brad's party, I wouldn't have fallen helplessly in love with him. I wouldn't have moved in with him and I wouldn't have dropped out of college. I'd still be trying to get a degree along with Joe, Brad and Rob, not stuck in the office I worked in, the job I'd chosen because Dave had said it was a good idea, because Dave said I was wasting my life away at college.

  
  


I wouldn't be here now, I wouldn't be crying.

  
  


But I was and there was nothing I could do about it.

  
  


I was left with nothing but regrets.


	3. Forgetting

Sometimes it's best to move on, best not to live in the past or dwell too much on things that might not have gone to plan. Only it's hard. It's hard to forget about things that have gone wrong, things that have hurt you, left bad memories in your mind. It's hard, but you know that it's for the best.

 

*

 

I stared at the computer screen before me, until the numbers and lines gradually started to blur into one messy black and white smudge. Letting out a loud sigh, I snatched my glasses from my head and slumped back against my chair, slowly rocking it from side to side as I closed my eyes, feeling the signs of yet another headache beginning to kick in.

 

It had been a whole week since I had left Dave and I'd not heard from him once. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Here I was at work trying to calculate the sales figures for the art supplies company I worked for. I said trying, I should add, 'and failing.'

 

It had been one long day and I felt like doing nothing more than curling up in a tiny ball in the middle of the office and closing my mind off from this damn job. It probably wouldn't go down too well.

 

I jumped as the phone beside me began to ring and placing my glasses back on, I rolled the chair along the shiny wooden floor, pulling the receiver up and placing it by my ear.

 

"Good Evening Hovan Art Supplies, for all your stationary and craft needs. How can I help?" I cringed at the sound of my less than zealous voice and waited for the caller to reply.

 

"You know it's a good job I'm not a client," the voice chuckled.

 

"Hey Brad," I grinned, "How's it going?"

 

I heard him laugh and shifted the receiver to my other ear.

 

"I'm good. Just calling to say I have to go to my parents for the weekend. Some good old Delson family gathering awaits my presence."

 

"Sounds like fun."

 

"Yeah, that's exactly what I told my mom when she just called. Anyway, will you be okay on your own? I think Rob's stopping at his girlfriends."

 

"Brad," I sighed, "I'm not a kid," I rolled my eyes, "I'll be fine."

 

"I know, it's just that you've been a little edgy this past week...."

 

"Yeah, I know," I paused, "Sorry Brad I didn't mean to snap."

 

"S'ok. I'll catch you on Monday then."

 

"Sure, have fun," I smiled.

 

"Ha," he spat, "You too. Bye."

 

"Bye."

 

I placed the phone back down and looked up at the large clock on the wall, a smile creeping across my face as I saw the time. Seven PM. I was free to go. No more work for two whole days.

 

I shut down my computer and grabbed my bag from under the desk. Saying goodbye to a few of my work colleagues, I headed out of the office and down the several flights of spiral staircases until finally I was outside.

 

I rolled down the sleeves of my grey hoodie as a cool breeze shifted past me. It was only early March, and the sun had almost set amongst the thick smokey clouds that lined the sky. Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I started my walk home.

 

Home.

 

Could I really call it that? Was the spare room in my friends small apartment now my home? I sighed and suddenly got that aching feeling in my stomach, that feeling of longing for something, something that you know you shouldn't have but you can't help but crave it.

 

I wanted Dave.

 

Just to see him, just to have him hold me.

 

I thought of him back home, back in the place that I felt I should be. I thought of us curled up by the warm log fire, Dave's arms encircling me, keeping me safe.

 

But for once, all the good thoughts, the heart warming memories of Dave and I were clouded over by a much stronger vision.

 

The vision of that last night that we'd been together, the hurt that he'd caused me, the pain that he'd caused me.

 

And with that in mind, I knew that what I was doing was right, wasn't it?

 

****

 

I pushed the key into the lock and twisted it around, finally managing to unlock the door. It sprung open and I stepped in, looking back outside as I dropped my bag to the floor.

 

It was dark now and I looked around the campus site that housed Brad and Rob's apartment. A few kids were hanging about at the edge of the pavement, listening to music that came from one of the cars parked beside them. I smiled, remembering my first year in college, remembering the times in life before I met Dave, which seemed to be happier.

 

I closed the door and locked it, sliding the large silver bolt across it as I turned and switched the light on. The neon light lit up the small hallway and I shivered a little as I stepped further inside the empty house.

 

I could've fixed myself something to eat, watched TV for a while but I found myself stepping into my room, shutting the door firmly behind me.

 

Flopping onto my bed, I shivered and closed my eyes, the headache that I'd felt coming was beginning to kick in. I sat up and pressed my hands against my forehead, trying to suppress the throbbing feeling.

 

Several minutes later I got to my feet, deciding to get some aspirin, but something stopped me. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted something peeking out of one of the several boxes filled with my belongings.

 

I stepped over to it and slowly pulled the object out. It was a silver coloured picture frame, surrounding a photograph of Dave and I. We were both smiling, Dave's arms wrapped protectively around my waist, a look of happiness in his deep eyes.

 

I sighed and shoved it back in the box, my eyes catching on something again. My cellphone.

 

I slowly pulled it out from the box, wiping my finger across the tiny screen.

 

This was the reason I hadn't heard from Dave, because I hadn't turned it on ever since I'd left. It had been shoved to the bottom of this box in it's idle state.

 

I sat back down on my bed and gently pressed the 'on' button with my thumb. It made a small beeping noise and the screen lit up, asking me to enter my pin code. I typed the numbers in and waited.

 

Seconds later it beeped, slowly followed by another beep, then another until finally the words 'Voice Mail Box Full' flashed back at me. I scrolled down the screen, 'You have twenty five new voice messages.'

 

I slowly pressed 'enter' and placed the small phone to my ear, listening as it began to play my messages.

 

"First message. Message received on the third of March at nine thirty am..... 'Hey Mike, baby where are you? I've been going frantic all morning. I need to speak to you, I need to see you. Please call me back as soon as you get this, I love you so much.....'"

 

I stared ahead of me, my heart breaking as the next message played back to me.

 

"Second message. Message received on the third of March at two forty five pm..... 'Mike, please switch on your phone. I want to let you know how sorry I am, I never meant to hurt you, I swear it won't happen ever again. Just give me one more chance. Please call me as soon as you get this. I love you Mike....'"

 

And so they went on, about three for everyday since I'd left him. I let out a sigh as the last one filled my ears....

 

"Last message. Message received on the seventh of March at six eighteen pm..... 'Baby, please, will you just call me. I need to know that you're okay, I need to know that you're safe. You've punished me enough, okay? I won't ever, ever hurt you again, I swear to you. Just call me, let me know you're safe. I love you Mike, please don't forget that....' End of messages....."

 

Tears were spilling down my cheeks.

 

A thousand questions running through my mind, over and over, round and round again.

 

What if he was telling the truth this time? What if he really meant it? He sounded so upset, he sounded so bad.

 

What if he meant it?

 

What if he really loved me, hadn't meant to lose his temper with me all those times?

 

I looked back down to the phone, slowly switching it off.

 

What if I went back to him again and he didn't change?

 

I let out a sob and hurled the tiny phone across the room. It hit the far wall and smashed into pieces, scattering small shards of plastic and metal onto the carpet below.

 

I curled up on my bed, my head throbbing even more as I closed my eyes and cried myself to sleep for the forth night in a row.

 

****

 

I shifted in my bed and pulled the warm covers over me, rolling slightly onto my side as I tried to get comfortable. I let out a sigh; the bare space next to me felt so empty. Shivering, I pulled the covers closer to me, trying to block out the pain in my head.

 

A crash outside the bedroom made me jump, and my breath caught in my throat as I heard the door slowly opening.

 

I squeezed my eyes shut and curled up into a smaller ball as the footsteps made their way around my bed, finally stopping as I let out a breath.

 

Suddenly the covers were snatched from above me, torn out of my clutch and before I had time to react he was on top of me, pinning me down against the mattress, his hand clamped over my mouth.

 

I squirmed beneath him, trying to push him away but he was much stronger than me, he had me trapped.

 

"Baby," he whispered, leaning his head down to mine, "Why do you do this to me, hey?"

 

I frowned and tried to struggle against his grip once again, but it was no use.

 

He finally let his hand move from my mouth and I lay beneath him, gasping for breath.

 

"Dave," I whispered, looking up at him as he sat up on top of me, his hands sliding down to my hips, "I'm sorry," I told him, although what I was apologizing for I wasn't quite sure.

 

"You know that you shouldn't answer back to me?"

 

I slowly nodded my head.

 

"You know that I'm always right? What I say goes?"

 

I slowly nodded my head once again, wincing as he leaned back down, his hot alcohol tinged breath hitting my lips.

 

"Dave please," I pleaded, "Don't h.. hurt me."

 

His eyes narrowed, "You think that I'd hurt you Mikey?" he whispered, his hushed voice dripping with a sarcastic tone, "You know I'd never hurt you without reason," he stopped as he let out a light laugh, pressing his body harder against mine.

 

His hands moved from my hips, slowly sliding up the sides of my body until they reached my face, clamping themselves to my cheeks. He smiled and leaned forward, until there was no gap between our faces.

 

"It's just that sometimes Mikey, you do things that you shouldn't," he whispered, his hot breath upon my lips, "Sometimes the only way to punish you is to," he stopped, letting a malicious laugh escape from his throat.

 

I blinked tears away, I was scared, much more scared than I'd ever been before. He was more than a little drunk, he was completely wasted.

 

His fingernails began to dig into my cheeks as he lowered his lips to mine, forcing his tongue inside my mouth as he kissed me roughly.

 

I tried to back away, tried to move my head away from his tight grip but it was no use.

 

"Be good for me Mikey," he whispered, his voice sickening me to the stomach, for I knew exactly what was happening next.

 

It'd happened before, and no doubt, was going to happen again.

 

And no matter how hard I tried; there was no way I'd be able to stop him.

 

I fought against him as he ripped my shirt away. I struggled beneath him as he ripped my boxers away. Even as he began to undress himself, I tried to get away, tried to pull the covers back over me but I was rewarded with several punches to the chest, causing me to cough violently as he continued to free himself of his clothes.

 

"Please d... don't do this," I begged him, my voice hoarse from crying, my throat sore from screaming.

 

"Ssh baby, it'll be okay," he whispered as he laid down on top of me, his hands running up and down my arms in an almost soothing manner.

 

But there was nothing soothing about his actions.

 

He was getting off on this; his erection pressing into my thigh, growing harder and harder the more I squirmed and begged him to stop.

 

"Just quit complaining," he finally hissed, shaking me violently by the shoulders.

 

"Please," I sobbed, tears running down my cheeks, "I don't want this to happen. I don't want this to...."

 

"Shut the fuck up."

 

His eyes screamed anger at me, his face growing redder as he repeated the words, "Just shut the fuck up or I swear to God I will fucking kill you."

 

I gulped, staring back at those eyes which had once held so much love for me, only now, they seemed void of any emotion other than pure hatred.

 

I felt my legs being forcefully shoved apart and before I had chance to protest, his hand was clamped tightly over my mouth, forcing my head down against the pillow as he roughly slammed himself inside me.

 

The pain was worse than ever before, and I didn't need to look to know that I was bleeding, I could feel it pouring from me, feel the stinging sensation as he began to roughly move in and out of me; hand still firmly locked around my mouth.

 

I had no choice but to give in, and slowly, my eyes began to shut as I tried to picture myself in another time, another place. Pretending that this wasn't really happening.

 

"Open your eyes."

 

His voice was severe, filled with menace.

 

"I said open your fucking eyes."

 

My eyes snapped open and they slowly looked up, meeting with his fire filled orbs, watching in terror as he continued to thrust himself back and forth, causing himself to be in total pleasure; causing myself to be in nothing but immense pain.

 

Each time he pushed a little bit further, each time his hand around my mouth tightened that little bit more.

 

"Oh God...."

 

I watched him as he moaned my name and his body began to jerk, pain running through me as he came, spilling his seed deep inside of me.

 

He collapsed against me, his hand finally slipping away from my mouth as he lay above me. His breathing was heavy and he lay there for a good while, trying to get his breath back.

 

Slowly he sat up, looking at me with pure disgust as he roughly pulled out of me and grabbed his pants, quickly pulling them on.

 

"Get up," he ordered and shakily, I got to my feet, almost losing my balance as the room around me began to spin.

 

He stepped over to me, a wicked smile upon his face as he leaned into me and placed his lips upon mine. He tasted foul, of beer and cheap cigarettes and I winced as he probed his tongue into my mouth, slipping it along the roof of my mouth until he finally pulled away, his hands moving up to my shoulders.

 

"You disgust me," he hissed and before I knew what was happening he had shoved me roughly to the ground and there I lay, shaking, in fear of what was coming next.

 

I felt dizzy as I tried to open my eyes and focus on my surroundings.

 

"You're all the fucking same," he hissed, pinning me down to the floor.

 

I felt so weak, so defenseless as he began to punch me, his fists working over time as they crashed down against my body, bruising me much deeper down than the bone.

 

I don't know how long it was until he stopped, but I suddenly felt myself being lifted to my feet and when I dared to open my eyes, I was in Dave's arms. Tears rolled down his cheeks and I just stared at him, completely empty, void of any feelings.

 

He'd ripped my emotions away.

 

****

 

I woke up with a start, sweat pouring down my face, my breaths short and ragged.

 

My chest felt tight and my lungs craved for air. I closed my eyes as I slowly sat up, trying to calm myself down.

 

I finally managed to stop shaking, but my tears ceased to stop falling.

 

It hadn't been a nightmare, more like a very intense flashback of what had happened the last time I was with Dave.

 

I felt so weak and frightened and I lay back down against the mattress, curling up into a tiny ball as I tried to block the cruel visions that played themselves back over and over again in my mind.

 

And for the second time that night, I cried myself to sleep.

 

****

 

Monday seemed to take forever to arrive, I don't remember a single time that I'd longed for the weekend to disappear.

 

It was late afternoon and I lay on the couch in clean clothes after spending a good part of the morning in the shower.

 

I'd called in sick at work, which, for once wasn't a lie. I really did feel sick. Sick to the stomach.

 

The weekend had passed by in a long blur. I hadn't left my room, hadn't eaten or moved from the tiny space on my bed. I'd laid there for the whole of Saturday and Sunday in a trance like state, ignoring all knocks at the front door, all rings of the telephone.

 

I finally moved this morning, after waking up scared to death as another nightmare had plagued my sleep.

 

My headache had ceased to go, but after a couple of painkillers and a few hours under a warm shower I felt much better, and here I lay, waiting for Brad to return home.

 

I flicked idly through the millions of TV channels, before finally settling on some kid's cartoon channel, nothing too taxing, as my mind was still on other things.

 

I must've fallen asleep, because next thing I knew, I was being lightly shaken by the shoulder.

 

I slowly opened my eyes, relief completely washing over me as my eyes met with Brad's friendly smile.

 

"Hey buddy," he grinned, sitting down next to me, "Good weekend?"

 

I wanted to lie and tell him that I'd had an awesome time, but as I tried to fake a smile back at him, I slowly began to choke on the sobs that forced there way out of me.

 

I found myself wrapped up in Brad's strong arms. He didn't have to ask what was wrong, I could tell it; he knew, he understood.

 

My tears slowly started to subside, but the pain inside my mind was still there, still as strong as ever.

 

I knew it was going to be hard, I knew it was going to take time, but why?

 

Why was it so hard to forget?


	4. Moving

_\- Three months later -_

  
  


When you've finally started to move on from your past, move on from things that just aren't going to work, you've got to be careful. You've got to stay positive, got to believe that what you're doing is for the best, because if you stop, if you slip back into old ways, that's when things become dangerous, that's when you could end up undoing all the time you've spent trying to start afresh. Be careful, or you'll end up at square one again. You've got to be careful.

  
  


*

  
  


"Please Brad?"

  
  


"No."

  
  


"Why not?"

  
  


"Because the last time you borrowed it you were in a three car pile up and beside the fact that you were hurt, it took me four months to get that piece of junk fixed up and roadworthy again."

  
  


I looked up from my magazine and smiled as Rob pleaded with Brad to let him borrow his car. For some reason he had some serious making up to do with his girlfriend, and had promised to take her out to the beach today. Only one problem stood in his way; Brad was the only one out of the four of us who had a car. Brad was also in a stubborn mood and wouldn't let Rob borrow it.

  
  


"Please?"

  
  


I smiled and took a sip from my drink, leaning back into my chair to watch the argument in front of me. What? I had to have some form of entertainment around here.

  
  


"Brad, listen. I swear on my life that I will not go a fraction above the speed limit and I will have your car returned safely by the end of the night, I  _promise_."

  
  


"Dude, you sound so desperate," I grinned, "What was it that you did wrong? Sure must have been something," I chuckled.

  
  


Winding Rob up was one of my favourite pastimes.

  
  


"Look it's nothing, just that I owe her this," he sighed, looking back to Brad who had now sat down in the chair next to me, attempting to eat the sandwich he'd made himself.

  
  


"Please Brad?"

  
  


I let out a laugh, "You'll be on your knees and kissing his feet in a minute."

  
  


"He can kiss my ass for all I care," Brad said through a mouthful of sandwich, "He's not getting it."

  
  


"Please!" Rob whined and I had to laugh again. The look on his face was comical.

  
  


"Look, I'll even fill the tank up  _and_  clean it  _and_  wash it for you. I'll even fucking pay you, just please let me take it Brad."

  
  


Brad looked across at me and let out a sigh.

  
  


"I think you've made him suffer enough," I grinned, taking a sip of my drink.

  
  


"Oh, okay," Brad nodded, "But I want it back by ten."

  
  


"Really?" Rob exclaimed.

  
  


"Yes."

  
  


"Oh thank you!" Rob grinned, throwing his arms around Brad and kissing him on the lips.

  
  


He grabbed the keys from Brad's hand and was out of the front door in a flash, leaving a stunned me, and an even more stunned Brad sat at the table.

  
  


It's always the quiet ones, hey?

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


I lay on my back with Brad to my left and Joe to my right. We'd been sat outside in the hot June sun for most of the afternoon, with nothing much to do except listen to Joe's insaneness and Brad's sarcasm.

  
  


I had been trying my best to draw something, but the sheer brightness of the sun and lack of air had soon put me off and I'd joined Joe and Brad on the small patch of grass to the rear of the garden as we lazed the rest of our Sunday afternoon away.

  
  


"Look," Joe spoke, lifting his tanned arm up to point to the sky, "That one looks like you Mike," he said, pointing to one of the plump, white clouds.

  
  


I frowned and looked up, trying to follow his gaze.

  
  


"Okay," I laughed, slightly bemused, "How?"

  
  


"Yeah, it looks more like a pig to me," Brad nodded.

  
  


"Same thing," Joe sniggered.

  
  


"Hey," I pouted, nudging him lightly. It was way to hot to even think about kicking his ass.

  
  


A shrill ring interrupted Joe's laughter and a few seconds later it clicked that it belonged to my cellphone. I quickly got to my feet and hopped inside, grabbing the small phone from the counter.

  
  


The screen flashed before me.

  
  


_'Private Number.'_

  
  


Shrugging, I clicked the answer button and brought it up to my ear.

  
  


"Hello?" I asked, turning towards the door and laughing a little as I saw Joe had started to pick at the grass and scatter it in the mini afro that adorned Brad's head.

  
  


"Hey."

  
  


My smile quickly faded and I stood frozen to the spot as the voice sounded in my ears.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


My heart began to pound.

  
  


It couldn't be.

  
  


It wasn't.

  
  


How the hell had he got my number?

  
  


"Mike? Are you still there?"

  
  


Three months.

  
  


It had been a three whole months since I'd heard his voice.

  
  


Three months of piecing my life back together and moving on. I'd come so far in the past three months, I'd come so far. I'd changed jobs, I was a designer on an up and coming rock magazine, I was doing something I loved, getting to use my artwork, I'd been given full control of the magazine design. I was starting to get back to my old self, going out with Brad, Joe and Rob to illegal parties, having fun with my friends.

  
  


I'd slowly got my life back together.

  
  


Everything was changing.

  
  


And now, now Dave was calling me?

  
  


I took a deep breath and rubbed my eyes, "Dave," I sighed, although why I didn't deny all knowledge of who Mike was and tell him he'd gotten the wrong number I did not know.

  
  


I still felt, for some strange reason, like I owed him an apology.

  
  


"Hey," his voice called through the phone, "How are you?"

  
  


I stepped over to the kitchen table and pulled out one of the chairs, plonking myself down on it before I answered. How was I? I was fine until you called, I thought bitterly.

  
  


"I'm good," I answered, pausing briefly, "And you?"

  
  


"I'm fine."

  
  


An eerie silence settled between us.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


"Yeah?"

  
  


"I really need to see you."

  
  


My mind seemed to turn itself upside down at that point, because now he'd said it, I began to wonder if maybe, just maybe, I might want to see him.

  
  


And did I?

  
  


I had no clue.

  
  


"Would that be okay? I mean, could we meet maybe?"

  
  


"I'm not sure if that's such a good idea," I told him, although a small fraction of my mind was screaming otherwise, I knew that it was common sense. I'd been fine without him, a little bumpy at first, but I didn't need him, I didn't need to see him and listen to his weak excuses, look into those innocent eyes of his and feel a sense of compassion towards him.

  
  


Did I?

  
  


"Mike, please, just give me a chance. There's things I need to say, things we need to discuss. Won't you at least give me ten minutes to try and make things right?"

  
  


"Ten minutes?" I laughed, "Dave, it's going to take a lot longer than ten minutes for you to put things right."

  
  


"I know, but it's a start, just," he paused, "Just meet me, for a coffee or something. I just really need to see you."

  
  


I closed my eyes, not wanting to give in but at the same time part of me still wanted to see him. I'd missed him like hell on occasions, it had been a hell of a job getting over him.

  
  


So maybe seeing him, it would be like one final time? One last chance for me to, for me to what?

  
  


I let out a sigh.

  
  


"We shouldn't. It's not a good idea."

  
  


"Please."

  
  


I looked across to Brad and Joe who were now tackling one another on the ground, both completely covered in grass.

  
  


"Okay," I nodded, "We can meet tomorrow."

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


I stood outside the coffee bar in town, glancing at my watch for the fifth time that minute, cursing myself for being early for once in my life.

  
  


The sun shone down above me and I pulled my cap further down over my eyes in an attempt to shield them from the scorching midday sun.

  
  


Why was I doing this again?

  
  


I shook my head and looked down at my watch, watching as the digits flashed to twelve o'clock and the bells from the town church began to chime.

  
  


"Mike."

  
  


I tore my gaze away from my watch and slowly looked up, my eyes meeting Dave as he stood before me, a smile upon his sun kissed face.

  
  


I cleared my throat and smiled slightly at him, "Hey."

  
  


Before I got chance to move, his arms were thrown around me and he pulled me into a tight embrace.

  
  


"Damn, I've missed you so much," he whispered as he hugged me tightly.

  
  


He finally let me go and I stood frozen, my arms firmly by my side.

  
  


"Come on," he smiled cheerily, "Let's get a drink."

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


We sat inside the air-conditioned coffee bar, in one of the small booths beside a window. I absently played with the ice in my coke, stirring it around with the straw as Dave sipped on his coffee, telling me about what he'd done the past three months.

  
  


"I've been doing a lot of thinking....."

  
  


His voice washed over me though, and I continued to fiddle with my drink, nodding now and then as he told me that he'd quit drinking, told me that he was going to counseling, to get things under control.

  
  


Part of me had been scared before I came here today. Part of me knew he was going to feed me this bullshit story, just like he had done a thousand times before. I was scared because I thought I was going to fall for not only his story, but him, again.

  
  


Only I wasn't falling this time.

  
  


I was barely listening to word he was saying.

  
  


For this time I realized; I'd finally moved on.

  
  


That spark hadn't been there when I'd first looked up into his eyes this afternoon. That smile that he'd flashed me had done nothing whatsoever to me.

  
  


"So, how about you?"

  
  


I broke out of my thoughts and looked back up to him, "Sorry?"

  
  


"What have you been up to?"

  
  


"Moving on," I simply stated, "Got a new job, finally got my life back together again. Things are going good," I smiled.

  
  


"Oh," Dave's smile slowly faded.

  
  


I felt a bit bad really, but then why should I?

  
  


"I tried to speak to you before now, you know."

  
  


"Yeah, I got your messages."

  
  


"But after that as well. I figured you'd be with your friends. The amount of times Brad has told me he didn't know where you were...."

  
  


"Brad?"

  
  


"Yeah, I called round at his place, I assumed that's where you'd be staying."

  
  


I frowned. Not once had Brad mentioned Dave asking for me.

  
  


"How'd you get my new number?" I asked, suddenly feeling slightly paranoid.

  
  


"I phoned up where you used to work, eventually this guy passed it on."

  
  


"Oh."

  
  


"Don't you think now's the time you stopped punishing me Mike?"

  
  


I sighed and got to my feet, deciding now really would be a good time to leave.

  
  


"No," I shook my head.

  
  


"Please Mike."

  
  


I jumped when he caught hold of my wrist, pulling me back.

  
  


"Please. Stop playing this stupid game. Just come back home with me."

  
  


His eyes bored into mine and I felt nothing more than a sickening feeling as I pulled away from his grasp.

  
  


"I've got a new home now Dave," I told him, "Me and you, we're over, we have been a long time," I whispered.

  
  


"Mike, don't say that. I know you don't mean it. Please, come back home. I love you baby...."

  
  


"I'm sorry Dave," I sighed, "I don't love you anymore."

  
  


I watched as he sat back down again, tears spilling from his eyes but the emotional blackmail wasn't working this time.

  
  


"Bye," I sighed, taking one last look at him before I walked away.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


By the time I got back home, I was feeling so empty, so numb. I kept seeing Dave's face as I told him I no longer loved him. I kept seeing the way that tears had started to fall from his eyes. It was playing over and over in my mind like a tape - only the tape was knackered. It was stuck, playing everything in slow motion.

  
  


I opened the front door and stepped inside the cool apartment, kicking my sneakers off as the door shut behind me.

  
  


"That you Shinnizle?" Brad's voice called from the kitchen.

  
  


I walked down the hallway and stuck my head around the kitchen door. Brad was by the microwave, watching as a pizza spun around on the glass plate inside.

  
  


"Why didn't you tell me Dave had been here?"

  
  


Brad jumped and spun around, obviously not knowing that I was stood here.

  
  


"What?" he frowned.

  
  


"Why didn't you tell me that Dave had been here?" I didn't mean to sound all pissy but I couldn't believe that Brad, of all people, had been keeping it from me.

  
  


"Mike," he sighed, "Bro, I'm sorry. I guess I didn't want to get you upset. You've been so up and down these past months," he paused, "I guess I was just trying to protect you. Anyway, how did you find out?"

  
  


I knew from the tone of his voice what he was suspecting.

  
  


"Brad, how could you lie to me?" I asked, ignoring his question.

  
  


"I didn't."

  
  


"Okay, how could you keep that from me?"

  
  


"Mike. I... If I'd had told you that Dave had been here drunker than ever and threatening you, you'd had been fucking scared, wouldn't you?"

  
  


I slowly nodded my head.

  
  


"That's why I didn't tell you. I'm sorry if it seems wrong, but at the time I just thought telling you would have made things worse."

  
  


I let out a sigh and stepped into the kitchen, plonking myself down at the table, "Sorry I snapped Brad," I whispered, "Thanks for doing that."

  
  


He smiled, "Don't be mad at me, I was just trying to help."

  
  


"You did," I assured him.

  
  


He smiled as the microwave pinged and turned around to get the pizza out. He placed it on plate and sat down, putting it on the table between us.

  
  


I smiled and took a slice, hoping that I could always be there for Brad the same way that he was here for me, if he ever had problems.

  
  


"So," Brad said, swallowing a mouthful of pizza, "You went to see Dave?"

  
  


"Yeah."

  
  


"Mike? Why?" he asked, clearly puzzled.

  
  


"I just wanted to see him one last time."

  
  


"One last time?" A smile played at the corner of his lips, "So does this mean....?"

  
  


"I told him we are well and truly over. I told him that I don't love him anymore."

  
  


"So, you're, you're over him?"

  
  


"Yeah," I smiled, "I mean, I'm never going to truly forget the things that he did to me but yeah, I'm finally moving on."

  
  


Brad smiled at me with a grin that I was sure matched the size of mine.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


Time flies when you're having so much fun. Yes, seriously.

  
  


After finally getting Dave out of my life for good, the week had gone swimmingly well. Work was getting more and more enjoyable by the day and I'd spent most evenings hanging out with Brad, Rob and Joe, just chilling and acting liked big kids, battling it out on the playstation till the early hours of the morning.

  
  


It was the weekend once again and I sat in the kitchen aimlessly doodling on one of my sketchpads as Rob hurried around the kitchen as he prepared a meal for his girlfriend. It seemed to be some weird tradition between them - every Friday Rob would cook her the same old pasta dish.

  
  


I'd pointed it out to him that they sounded like an old couple and that was the reason that Rob was getting frantic. He was attempting to cook something different. Not a wise idea, considering Rob only knew how to cook pasta and toast.

  
  


It was keeping me amused though.

  
  


"I hope you're going to be out of here soon," Rob growled as he shoved a tray into the oven and slammed the door shut.

  
  


"Mmm," I mumbled, my pencil scrawling across the sheet of paper.

  
  


"I'm off."

  
  


I looked up to see Joe stood in the doorway, two bags slung over his shoulder.

  
  


"I thought you'd become a permanent fixture around here," I joked.

  
  


Joe did live with his parents but for the past two weeks he'd been sleeping on the couch here.

  
  


"Ha," Joe scowled, prodding me playfully, "My laundry needs going," he grinned, "I'll see you two on Monday. You've got my number if you miss me to much Shinnizle," he leaned next to me, "Just in case you need some Joe style boy loving."

  
  


I laughed out loud and whacked him over the head.

  
  


"Right I'm out of here."

  
  


"Bye Joe," Rob and I called as he headed out.

  
  


"That guy is tweaked," Rob stated, lifting my sketchpad from the table before he placed a red table cloth over it.

  
  


"Where's Brad?" I asked.

  
  


"Oh he's out somewhere," Rob shrugged as he began to flick through my book, "Dude these are frickin amazing," he nodded to a page of drawings.

  
  


"You think?"

  
  


"Yeah," he smiled, passing the book back to me, "Now scram. Justine will be here any minute now."

  
  


"Hey is that something burning?" I asked, sniffing the air as I got to my feet.

  
  


"Oh shit," Rob exclaimed, spinning round to the oven and with that, I hastily retreated to my room.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


I lay on my bed, my discman on at full volume, fingers tapping against my stomach in time with the beat of the music.

  
  


I jumped as the bedroom door swung open and stopped the disc to see Brad in the doorway, a huge smile upon my face. He'd obviously heard my singing.

  
  


"Hey."

  
  


"Hey," I smiled, tugging out my earphones.

  
  


"Nice singing," he grinned.

  
  


I stuck my tongue out at him.

  
  


"I got a takeaway, fancy some?"

  
  


I got to my feet and glanced at my watch. It was a little after nine PM and I still hadn't eaten yet.

  
  


"Sure," I smiled, heading over to him.

  
  


"I'll get the drinks," he grinned as I followed him into the hallway, "Oh and there's a surprise for you in the lounge," he called as he headed into the lounge.

  
  


"Ooh, let me guess," I chuckled as I walked over to the lounge, "You got me a Happy Meal from....." I stopped as I stepped through into the lounge and my eyes met with the person who stood before me.

  
  


Brad's cousin.

  
  


"Hey Mike," he smiled, his eyes sparkling back at me.

  
  


"Chester!" I exclaimed, my smile spreading further and further across my face.

  
  


"Damn, I've missed you," he smiled, stepping over to me and closing the gap between us. He threw his arms around me and I slid my arms around his waist, snuggling close against him, inhaling his scent.

  
  


Damn, I'd missed him too.


	5. Memories

Good Memories are pretty things. Like the first time you managed to ride your bike without stabilizers when you were a kid, or the first time you saw a rainbow breaking through shimmering black skies. But for every good memory, there's guaranteed to be a bad one. Like when you got to the end of the road and came tumbling off your stabilizer free bike, or when you finally realized that there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

  
  


*

  
  


Chester slowly pulled away from me and I stood rooted to the spot as he rested his warm hands on my shoulders.

  
  


It had been almost five years since I'd last seen him.

  
  


Five whole fucking years.

  
  


The last time I'd seen him was when we were about sixteen and even though he was now twenty-one - he still looked pretty much the same. His hair was short and brown, his frame tall and thin and behind his thick framed glasses, he still had that mischievous glint in his deep brown eyes.

  
  


Chester had lived in Arizona, but for as long as I'd been friends with Brad he'd been over in California for three weeks each summer, stopping with his cousin. The fun the three of us used to have together. I smiled and shook my head, still not quite believing he was here.

  
  


His mother was English and when he was sixteen his parents had divorced, his mom wanted to get away from it all, so he ended up going to live in the UK with her.

  
  


I smiled at Chester once again. The pair of us had been pretty close throughout our teens, meeting up together on the odd weekend just to hang out. I had kept in touch with him for a while when he'd gone over to England, e-mailing him and talking to him on the phone, but I guess we'd gradually drifted apart and lost touch.

  
  


I seriously couldn't seem to stop smiling.

  
  


"So you found him then?"

  
  


I finally broke eye contact with Chester, spinning around to see Brad at the door, a smile upon his face.

  
  


"You... Why didn't you tell me?" I narrowed my eyes at him jokingly.

  
  


"We wanted to surprise you," Chester smiled, flopping down on the couch. He patted the seat beside him and I sat down obligingly, having to pinch myself that this wasn't some kind of dream.

  
  


"You sure did that," I grinned.

  
  


He smiled back at me.

  
  


"So, what are you doing over here?"

  
  


"I've come back to live here."

  
  


"Really?"

  
  


"Yep. I got a job in town, just gotta sort myself out somewhere to live. Brad said it'd be okay to share your room.... you don't mind do you?"

  
  


"Of course I don't," I grinned.

  
  


Having Chester back looked like it was going to be fun....

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


"So, what have you been doing then?"

  
  


It was almost midnight and Chester and I were laid outside in the back yard, the moon shining brightly above us in the clear night sky.

  
  


"Me?" Chester asked, turning to face me.

  
  


"Yeah you," I smiled.

  
  


"Well, mom re-married about three years ago to some guy called Ed. He's okay, but he has four kids already. So I now have four step brothers, they're all under ten years old and pains in the ass," he chuckled, "I left school when I was eighteen and went to college and I just got my degree back in August last year," he laughed, "I've been working in a factory packing vegetables until last month when I finally had enough money to come back home," he smiled, "What about you?"

  
  


I sat up a little, leaning back on my shoulders, "Well," I started, glancing across at him, "I graduated from High School, despite you telling me that I'd rebel and end up getting kicked out..."

  
  


"Yeah," he laughed, "But you were a little punk back then, always getting into trouble..."

  
  


"And who corrupted me?" I chuckled.

  
  


"Nothing whatsoever to do with me...."

  
  


"Then, as you know, I went to college and then, then I met Dave in first year..."

  
  


"Dave?" Chester nodded, "I think I remember you telling me about him when you first met. The cute red head?"

  
  


I smiled and nodded, "Yeah that was the one...."

  
  


"So what happened next?"

  
  


"Well, this time last year, after being together just over a year and a half, we moved in together."

  
  


"Really?" Chester sounded surprised.

  
  


"Yeah," I nodded, "I quit college at the end of my second year and got a really well paid job in this extremely boring office..."

  
  


"That bad, hey?"

  
  


"Yeah," I paused wondering how much to tell Chester, "We, erm, we split up though."

  
  


"Oh?"

  
  


"Yeah, that's why I'm living back here."

  
  


"What happened?"

  
  


"We... We argued a lot."

  
  


"Oh..."

  
  


"That was about three months ago though, I'm over the worst," I told him with a reassuring smile. Though I think I was trying to reassure myself rather than him.

  
  


"So I got a new job a couple of months ago. Working on the design of a new magazine."

  
  


"Sounds like you're doing okay then," he grinned.

  
  


"Yeah," I agreed.

  
  


"Listen, I'm sorry we kinda lost touch," he suddenly sighed, "I really had to knuckle down to get my degree."

  
  


"Now I'm jealous. I don't have fancy letters to go after my name," I pouted.

  
  


"Ha," he laughed, "Seriously Mike, I've missed you these past few years."

  
  


"Are you getting all emotional on me Chaz?" I chuckled.

  
  


He stuck his tongue out and smiled. I watched as he closed his eyes, his mouth opening as he yawned a little.

  
  


"Come on," I smiled, getting up, "Let's get some sleep."

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


Chester and I had been, at one point, more than just good friends. After spending countless nights together in the summer the year that we were fifteen, it had become obvious that we both felt more than just 'friendly' feelings towards one another.

  
  


Chester had been the first guy I kissed, the first guy that made me realize I wasn't exactly straight, in fact, I was completely the opposite.

  
  


And as I lay on my side, the covers kicked off, watching Chester as he slept in the spare bed, my mind began to wonder back to that very special night that had made Chester and I more than just good friends.....

  
  
  
  


_It was hot. No scratch that, it was fucking boiling. Almost three o'clock in the morning and there was not a breeze about. The air was close, sticky, hanging around, making me feel uncomfortable._

  
  


_Beside me lay Chester, fanning himself with a large leaf he'd found on the ground._

  
  


_I looked around our surroundings. We were in some forest near home, camping out for the night. We, being Rob, Brad, Chester, and I._

  
  


_It was Chester's last weekend before he had to go back to Phoenix and we'd managed to all persuade our parents to let us camp out for the night. Brad and Rob were asleep in the small tent that we'd pitched a few yards away from where Chester and I were laying right now._

  
  


_"What are you thinking?" Chester whispered, placing his makeshift fan down._

  
  


_"Nothing much," I smiled, glancing over to him._

  
  


_"This has been fun," he smiled, "I dunno why but I've always wanted to camp out for the night. Must be some weird man thing," he chuckled, swatting a midget away from his face._

  
  


_"Yeah," I agreed, my eyes slowly wondering down his bare torso. His skin was covered in a thin layer of sweat, glistening with the heat._

  
  


_"Mike?"_

  
  


_I snapped my eyes away from his chest and looked back up to him, "Hmm?" I asked._

  
  


_"Come here a minute."_

  
  


_I frowned but moved closer to him, resting beside him. We lay like that for a few minutes, so close that I could hear the steady rhythm of Chester's heart beating._

  
  


_Finally the silence was broken._

  
  


_"Mike... I..."_

  
  


_I slowly turned on my side to Chester, questioning him with my eyes._

  
  


_"What?"_

  
  


_He didn't answer though, just kept staring back at me, his deep brown eyes piercing right into mine. Suddenly he reached his arm out and his soft, warm hand was placed upon my hip, fingers gently stroking the warm skin._

  
  


_"Mike," he paused, "Do you want to..."_

  
  


_My heart was flipping, stomach tying itself in knots. He didn't even have to ask the question. We both knew as well as each other what he was trying to ask; what was going to happen._

  
  


_Slowly, I nodded my head._

  
  


_His worried expression turned into a small smile and he sat up a little; hand still holding onto my hip. He moved closer, his other hand snaking up my back, resting on the back of my head, our faces mere inches from one another's._

  
  


_I slowly closed my eyes, my heart pounding as I felt Chester's soft lips gently brush against mine. We were hesitant at first, our kisses soft and tender. Chester tasted so sweet, just how I'd imagined... and yes, I'd been imagining it a lot._

  
  


_We slowly pulled away, staring at one another, the only sound filling the quiet night beside the buzzing of mosquitos was our heavy breathing._

  
  


_It wasn't long before we were kissing again, my hands resting against Chester's back, pulling his warm body right against mine. Our nerves seemed to have gone now, our kisses became hungrier, more needy._

  
  


_I groaned as Chester bit down on my lower lip and flicked his tongue inside my mouth, massaging it over my own. Our tongues battled for a while longer, until Chester gave in and I pushed him down against the ground, straddling him with my slightly larger frame._

  
  


_The kiss deepened, my tongue sliding further inside Chester's mouth as his hands ran up and down my bare back, sending waves of pleasure down my spine._

  
  


_I finally pulled away, for the sheer fact that we were both gasping for breath._

  
  


_"Wow," Chester panted, smiling up at me, his fingers lazily lacing themselves in my black spikes of hair._

  
  


_"Yeah.... wow...."_

  
  


_I wasn't really able to say much else about the situation._

  
  


_I slowly rolled off Chester, lying on my side beside him once again._

  
  


_"Mike?" he smiled, running his hands back down my spine again. They rested on my lower back, precariously close to the waistband of my shorts._

  
  


_"Yeah?" I whispered back, sure that I was beginning to blush as Chester's warm hands slowly began to creep down underneath my shorts._

  
  


_I felt myself beginning to get a little hard, to say the least, as Chester's hands slid all the way into the back of my shorts, his warm hands gently stroking my ass. He closed the small gap between us, placing a gentle kiss upon my lips, before removing his hands and swiftly rolling me onto my back._

  
  


_He straddled me down against the ground, pinning my arms above my neck as he leant down and began nibbling on my bottom lip._

  
  


_It seemed that I wasn't the only one who was more than enjoying this._

  
  


_"Chester..." I couldn't help but moan as he began to grind his hips into mine, his hands finally letting go of my arms, trailing down to my chest where they slowly began to massage my hot skin._

  
  


_His lips finally clamped over mine, kissing me hungrily. Our legs tangled together and I shivered as I felt Chester's hands at the waistband of my shorts once again._

  
  


_He broke the kiss, and slowly pulled away, looking me deep in the eyes. I knew that he was seeking some kind of permission and I smiled at him, my hand sliding down my hot chest and resting on top of his, gently pushing it inside my shorts._

  
  


_I wanted this._

  
  


_I wanted this more than anything._

  
  


_I slid his hand lower, my body tingling as he wrapped his fingers around my aching erection, looking me dead in the eye as he began to slowly pump his hand up and down._

  
  


_"Ohh... Uhhh..." My eyes snapped shut, arms fell to the side of my body as Chester continued his work._

  
  


_I'd never had anyone touch me before, let alone like this. My mind was spinning, body tingling, this felt good, too good._

  
  


_"Mike..."_

  
  


_I heard Chester murmur my name as he leant down against me, his breath upon my lips as I slowly opened my eyes. His ministrations stopped and I lay there panting as I felt my shorts being slowly pushed down to my ankles._

  
  


_Chester smiled wickedly, sitting up once again._

  
  


_I was having trouble not shooting my load right there and then as he slowly began to run his hands up and down his chest. His head tilted back, eyes closed, mouth slightly open as a throaty moan escaped his lips._

  
  


_His hands began to move faster, stroking up and down his chest, caressing his tanned stomach until finally they slid down under the waistband of his shorts and his eyes snapped open, looking down at me._

  
  


_My breathing was uneven as he lowered his shorts, lifting his hips as he slid them off, kicking them away._

  
  


_He lay back down against me, his lips gently pressing against mine, hands slowly running up my arms, stopping as they reached mine and our fingers laced together._

  
  


_He began to grind his hips into mine once again, slow at first but his speed gradually speeded up, settling into a steady rhythm as his erection slid over mine, the friction causing a feeling of complete and utter pleasure._

  
  


_Our fingers finally untwined, hands placing themselves onto one another's bodies, hungrily groping and kneading the silky hot skin below us. Chester's lips met mine once again, and as our groins began to rock back and forth with more force I felt myself getting closer and closer._

  
  


_His tongue slid over mine, sweet lips melted against my own._

  
  


_"Oh... Fuck..."_

  
  


_His pace quickened and my hands slid to his hips, fingernails digging into his flesh as I begged him to go faster._

  
  


_"Ches... I'm... gonna...."_

  
  


_"Look at me..."_

  
  


_Chester's voice was raspy and my eyes snapped open to meet his lust filled orbs._

  
  


_"Shit..." he groaned, digging his hands into my waist._

  
  


_"Chaz...."_

  
  


_I let out a groan, my head spinning as waves of pleasure flowed from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. I came hard, Chester a few seconds after me, spilling our seed onto our sweaty bodies, the ground below._

  
  


_We lay still for a few minutes, waiting for our ragged breathing to return to normal._

  
  


_Chester slowly opened his eyes and looked down at me with a smile._

  
  


_He grabbed his shorts and pulled them on, pulling mine up over my waist when he'd finished._

  
  


_Placing a kiss on my forehead, he snuggled up next to me, our arms wrapped around one another's bodies._

  
  


_We lay there on the grass, completely sated, looking up at the black night sky, watching the stars as they twinkled down on us._

  
  
  
  


I smiled and slowly opened my eyes. Glancing across at Chester, I watched him as he slept; his body rising and falling with every breath that he took.

  
  


I rolled onto my stomach and closed my eyes once again, falling into a deep sleep.


	6. Fantasies

Let's face it. We all have dreams, wishes, fantasies. It's what keeps us going some days. It's nice to have little dreams, aspirations, no matter how extreme they may be. It's good to be able to think that one day these thoughts might come true, these dreams might become reality. What's even better is when they do come true, when our fantasies do turn into reality.

  
  


*

  
  


"Favourite film?"

  
  


"Erm, I wouldn't say I have a favourite... I really liked 'Requiem For A Dream', though."

  
  


"Really?"

  
  


"Yeah. I mean, it confused the hell out of me at first, but yeah, I like it," Chester smiled, turning on his side to face me, "What about you?"

  
  


"I don't watch many films," I replied.

  
  


"I bet," he grinned, pointing a finger at me, "I'm sure you've got a whole collection of gay porn films hidden under your bed."

  
  


"Yeah, I've got a few," I chuckled, watching in amusement as he mouth opened slightly in shock.

  
  


"Really?"

  
  


"Yeah," I nodded, "Why do you want to watch one or something?"

  
  


He narrowed his eyes playfully at me, a smirk playing on his lips, "So what do you do for fun around here nowadays?"

  
  


I smiled, unsure if I'd just made him really uncomfortable, "Fun? Around here? You have to be shitting me," I laughed, sitting up.

  
  


I was beginning to get that strange feeling that I'd felt about him all those years ago and I wasn't sure if it was a wise idea.

  
  


I moved away from where I'd been laid on his bed beside him for the past hour, reminiscing about old times and catching up with one another. I got to my feet, plonking myself down in the seat at my computer desk.

  
  


"We go to the beach, erm, go to parties that Brad's friends hold and that's about it really," I told him, glancing over my shoulder before I switched the computer on.

  
  


I stared at the screen in front of me as it turned blue and began to make a loud whirring noise as it loaded up.

  
  


"You want a drink?" Chester asked me, getting up from the bed.

  
  


"Sure," I smiled, watching as he left the room.

  
  


"You two seem to be getting on pretty well."

  
  


I looked up from the computer screen to see Brad in the doorway to my room, a smirk upon his face as he stepped inside. He flopped down on Chester's bed, making himself comfy.

  
  


I turned around from the computer, glancing across at him, "Who's 'You two'?" I asked innocently, knowing damn well who he meant.

  
  


He smiled, "You know exactly what I'm talking about  _Michael_."

  
  


"Nope. I don't."

  
  


"Ugh," he rolled his eyes, "You and my cousin," he smiled knowingly, "You've been spending every last minute with him for the past seven days."

  
  


"Have not."

  
  


"Have so."

  
  


"I  _haven't_...."

  
  


"Yes," Brad nodded, "You have."

  
  


"We've had a lot of catching up to do."

  
  


"Oh yeah?" he smirked, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

  
  


"Not like that! Chester and I, we're just, we're just good friends...."

  
  


"Very  _good_  friends," he grinned.

  
  


I scowled at him and turned back round to the computer and logged onto the internet as I started to try and find the cd I was looking for. 'Shangri-La Dee Da' by Stone Temple Pilots. It was a present for Chester. It was one of his favourite albums, but he'd gone and lost his discman - complete with that disc inside - at Stanstead Airport back in England. I thought it would make a nice surprise.

  
  


I smiled, remembering the times when as teenagers we'd had this weird dream of becoming a famous rock band. The times that Chester and I had lazed about over at his house, sitting on the veranda and writing song lyrics. The last time I'd heard him singing had been a long time ago, probably the last time I saw him.... when we all went camping and  _things_  happened....

  
  


My eyes widened. Brad knew something, didn't he? Why else would he be winding me up about Chester? He'd been doing it for the past week, ever since Chester had come back. He had to know - but that night had been kept between Chester and I - no one else, it was our dirty little secret.

  
  


So why, exactly, was Brad trying to make out that there was something going on between Chester and I, when he didn't even know Chester was into guys... or did he?

  
  


"Did he say something?" I asked, suddenly spinning around in my chair.

  
  


Brad smirked back at me, an expression that he knew irritated the hell out of me.

  
  


"Did who say what?" he asked, sitting up a little.

  
  


"Chester. Did he say anything?"

  
  


"About?"

  
  


I rolled my eyes, "About... us...?" I suddenly felt paranoid, wondering if Brad had known all along what had happened between Chester and I. They were cousins after all....

  
  


"What?"

  
  


"Nothing," I sighed, turning back to the computer.

  
  


"If you mean did he tell me about your hot night of passion back when you were young, innocent fifteen year olds, then no."

  
  


I swung around, almost falling off the chair. My mouth dropped open, "You.. You...?"

  
  


"No he didn't tell me."

  
  


I frowned, "You're not making sense...."

  
  


"I heard," he simply stated, "God I think the whole of fucking California heard."

  
  


I felt my cheeks burning up.

  
  


"Y... you heard?" My voice was barely audible. This was too embarrassing.

  
  


"Yeah," he nodded like it was no big deal.

  
  


Of course it wasn't a big deal. I mean he'd only heard Chester and I 'experimenting' with one another about six years ago. He'd only not told me that he knew all about.

  
  


I stopped, wondering how much he'd figured out.

  
  


"Why didn't you mention this before?"

  
  


"I did. I talked to Chester but," he paused, "He didn't want it getting out. I mean he did have a girlfriend after all."

  
  


"Yeah," I paused, "It's not like it meant anything. We were just experimenting."

  
  


"That's not what Chester told me, in fact quite the opposite...."

  
  


"What? What did he say?" I asked franticly.

  
  


"You still like him, don't you?"

  
  


I stared back at Brad, "That's avoiding my question."

  
  


"Answer mine first. You've got the hots for my cousin."

  
  


"Brad," I whined, "Okay, yeah I have, but you tell anyone and I will...."

  
  


"Why didn't you tell me before?"

  
  


"'Cause before, like you said, he had a girlfriend. Anyway after he left I met Dave and yeah....."

  
  


Brad opened his mouth but closed it straight away as Chester stepped through the door, with two cans of coke. He smiled and passed me my drink.

  
  


"Thanks," I nodded, placing it down on the desk.

  
  


"We were just talking about you," Brad smiled.

  
  


I glared at him and turned back to the computer, fiddling absent mindedly with the mouse.

  
  


"Yeah," Brad continued as Chester flopped down beside him on the bed.

  
  


"Mike and I were just wondering if you'd like to come out tonight, you know, to celebrate you being back."

  
  


If Brad Delson were one giant neck, I would've wrapped my hands around it and strangled it right there and then.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


"So, Mike what are you drinking?" Brad asked, his voice slightly louder than usual as he spoke across the music that was thumping throughout the club.

  
  


"Just a coke," I replied with a smile, aware of Chester's eyes on me as I replied. I looked up at him as Brad left the table, heading over to the bar.

  
  


He simply smiled at me, a smile that would have sent any man loving creature weak at the knees. I thanked God that I was sat down and smiled back.

  
  


We had ended up at one of Brad's favourite bars. The bar that Joe, Brad and sometimes Rob and I, spent most Friday nights in just hanging out and listening to music. Or in Brad's case, seeing how many girls numbers he could get in one night, or more aptly, how many girls throats he could get his tongue down.

  
  


Brad Delson: Lady killer.

  
  


I shook my head and looked back up at Chester.

  
  


"So," he grinned, "D'ya come here often?" he asked, putting on a girlie voice and batting his eyelashes at me.

  
  


I laughed and answered in an equally effeminate voice, "Not that often, I prefer going to the...."

  
  


Our banter was interrupted as came back, smiling at me knowingly as he placed our drinks down.

  
  


"There is such a fit girl at the bar," he whispered, looking back up to the bar.

  
  


"What her?" Chester scowled, nodding discreetly to a small, blonde haired girl who sat facing us, eyeing Brad up and down in a not so discreet manner.

  
  


"Yeah," Brad smiled.

  
  


"Cous, your taste is getting worse," Chester chuckled, sipping on his drink.

  
  


"Oh yeah? So which chick would you go for?" he asked, turning to him.

  
  


"Well for starters  _she_  would be a  _he_.... I told you Brad, I only do dicks," he smiled, winking at me.

  
  


I felt myself blushing, even more so when Brad glanced at me, that smirk on his face getting bigger and bigger. I quickly took a sip of my coke, as my face began to return to it's normal colour.

  
  


So, Chester was gay after all?

  
  


I smiled to myself, wondering if he still remembered what we'd once shared....

  
  


I had to talk to Brad about that one, though. I still couldn't believe he hadn't told me he knew all about Chester and I.

  
  


"So, anyone take your fancy in here?" Brad asked, glancing around the bar.

  
  


I scowled at him as his gaze settled on me.

  
  


"Not really," Chester answered, flashing Brad a smile.

  
  


"Are you sure?" Brad asked, staring at me all the while.

  
  


I glared at Brad. He was up to something, I knew it.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


"Haven't you had enough to drink already?" I asked Chester as he downed his seventh barcardi breezer.

  
  


He placed the bottle down on the table and looked at me, a lopsided smile upon his face, "You should have a drink or two," he smirked, leaning across the table, "You need to loosen up a little," he whispered, squeezing my hand before he burst out into a fit of laughter.

  
  


I shook my head and glanced at my watch, it was just past eleven and as I looked up toward the bar, I spotted Brad. He was with a girl at the bar, the girl he'd spent the past hour with. His arm was wrapped around her waist and I stared at them, wondering if what they were doing was actually legal.

  
  


"Go on, one drink won't kill you. It's not like you've got to drive or anything."

  
  


Chester's cheery voice broke into my mind and I looked back at him, shaking my head.

  
  


"Aww," he pouted, "Why not?"

  
  


"I just don't drink," I informed him.

  
  


"Oh. Are you straight edge?" he asked, his eyes lighting up.

  
  


"No," I smiled, "I just don't drink."

  
  


"Gah," he stuck his tongue out at me before picking up the straw from one of his bottles.

  
  


I watched as he twisted around his finger, laughing every so often, but what was so funny, I didn't quite know. Chester could obviously handle his drink, unlike me. He wasn't completely wasted, nor was he sober, he was somewhere in between.

  
  


I smiled as he put the straw down and looked up at me.

  
  


"Come on," he grinned, getting up from the seat.

  
  


I frowned at him as he held his hand out for me. I took it and slowly got to my feet, my eyes questioning him.

  
  


"We're going to dance," he stated simply, "That's if you want to?"

  
  


I smiled back and nodded reluctantly.

  
  


"Good," Chester whispered and before I knew it he was leading me out through the crowds of people onto the dance floor.

  
  


He turned round as we stepped onto the dance floor and flashed me a smile before wrapping his arms around my shoulders, his eyes piercing into mine as he leaned against me.

  
  


I smiled nervously, although why I felt nervous I wasn't quite sure.

  
  


Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was dancing with Chester.

  
  


Maybe it had something to do with the fact that his hot body was now pressed up against mine and my hands were now placed upon his hips.

  
  


Or maybe it had something to do with the fact that the pair of us had been flirting outrageously with one another all night.

  
  


Whatever it was, I was getting that strange feeling in my stomach once again.

  
  


"You're a good mover."

  
  


I jumped as I heard Chester's low voice murmur in my ear.

  
  


"Then again, you always were," he smirked, moving his face in front of mine.

  
  


I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. Chester was definitely drunk, rubbing his groin against mine and staring right into my eyes. Things were going to be hell between us tomorrow morning unless I stopped him soon.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


"Yeah."

  
  


"Am I making you feel uncomfortable?"

  
  


I stared back at him, my eyes wide as one of his hands slipped down from my shoulder, stopping on my lower back.

  
  


I nodded my head, "Chester you're drunk and we should get going."

  
  


"But I'm having fun," he pouted, sliding his hand back up to my shoulder, "Aren't you?" he whispered, pushing further against me.

  
  


"Chester, stop it," I blushed.

  
  


Of course I was having fun, Chester was coming onto me like a ton of bricks.

  
  


But he was drunk, he was going to regret this.

  
  


"Please?" I whispered, pulling away.

  
  


He frowned and let me out of his grasp.

  
  


"Come on, lets get home, yeah?"

  
  


He slowly nodded as I took his hand and led him over to the bar. We stopped by Brad who was still making out with his lady friend.

  
  


"Hey Brad," I patted him on the back, "We're heading home."

  
  


He pulled away from the young girl, a smirk upon his face.

  
  


"Not like  _that_ ," I glared at him.

  
  


He winked at me before turning back to the girl as we walked toward the exit.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


I turned to Chester, "Yeah?"

  
  


"I think I'm going to throw up."

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


Chester and I had been walking through the humid night for at least an hour now, and we were nowhere near getting home. It should've only taken us fifteen minutes to walk from the bar to the apartment, but Chester it seemed, couldn't take his drink quite as well as I'd assumed.

  
  


He was crouched over by a wall, heaving the contents of his stomach out onto yet another street corner as I stood beside him, holding him up. I'd lost count of the number of times we'd stopped as Chester proclaimed that he was going to be sick  _again_.

  
  


"That should teach you not to mix your drinks," I smirked as he slowly stood up straight, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

  
  


"I'm thirsty," he sighed, leaning back against the wall.

  
  


"There's a nightcafe in the next street," I smiled, pulling up, "We can get some coffee there," I told him as we began to slowly walk down the road, "That should sober you up."

  
  


"I'm not drunk," he insisted, "It takes a lot to get me drunk," he suddenly stopped, looking as though he was trying to focus on the road ahead, "Okay," he nodded as we started to walk again, "Maybe I'm a little tipsy."

  
  


I laughed and shook my head as we turned left into the next street, stopping outside the cafe as I grabbed my wallet from my back pocket.

  
  


We headed into the cool building, greeted by a strong aroma of coffee and peaceful music that was playing in the background.

  
  


I left Chester at one of the tables and went over to the counter, ordering two large, strong, black coffees. One to wake me up and one to sober Chester up. I paid for them and smiled at the waiter before taking them over to a table in the far corner where Chester was slumped, fiddling with a paper sachet of sugar.

  
  


"Here you go," I smiled, placing the hot cups down.

  
  


"Thanks," he mumbled sleepily as he removed the lid.

  
  


I watched, waiting for my drink to cool a little as he proceeded to pour seven packets of sugar into his cup. He stirred it around before taking a sip.

  
  


God help me if he can't take his sugar.

  
  


We sat in silence for a good half hour, sipping on our drinks, watching people as they came and went through the door.

  
  


"Sorry about before when we were in the bar."

  
  


I was that deep in thought that Chester's voice startled me a little and I almost choked on my mouthful of drink.

  
  


"Huh?" I glanced up at him.

  
  


He smiled sheepishly at me, "I mean sorry about making a complete tit out of myself, I was a little high I guess," he blushed.

  
  


"Oh you mean your exotic dancing?"

  
  


He blushed again, turning a deeper shade of red.

  
  


"It's okay."

  
  


"I feel like such a twat," he mumbled.

  
  


"Don't," I smiled, "You were drunk and I enjoyed it, so it's all good."

  
  


He stared back at me open mouthed.

  
  


"I was joking."

  
  


"Oh."

  
  


I stared at him, was that disappointment in his voice? After all, Brad had implied that he liked me too... Or maybe Brad was winding me up or I'd got the wrong end of the stick.

  
  


"Truth is though," he paused, "I only meant to drink a little bit. I thought I'd find it easier then. I guess I drank too much," he sighed, "You want another one?"

  
  


"Sorry?" I frowned.

  
  


He thought he'd find  _what_  easier?

  
  


"Coffee?"

  
  


"Wha? Oh, yeah, sure," I smiled as he got up and headed over to the counter.

  
  


My head was spinning. Had Chester being flirting with me because he was drunk? Or had he gotten drunk so he could flirt with me?

  
  


It was too late to be thinking about stuff like this, it was one am, after all.

  
  


Chester returned a few minutes later and passed me my hot coffee before sitting down and taking a sip from his cup.

  
  


"Thanks," I smiled, watching him for a few minutes, "Ches?"

  
  


"Hmm?" he looked up.

  
  


"What did you think you'd find easier if you drank?" I frowned.

  
  


"Oh," he blushed, "It's not..."

  
  


"Chester."

  
  


"Okay," he looked down at his coffee, before slowly glancing back up at me again, "Well," he paused, "I was talking to Brad just before we came out and," he stopped, "Mike, I really like you," he blurted out.

  
  


I stared back at him, waiting for him to continue.

  
  


"And he told me that you still really like me and at first I thought he was winding me up but then, well, then..." he stopped, "I just thought that if I was aided by a little alcohol then I might find it easier to, well, tell you.... I guess I just drank a little too much..."

  
  


I was still staring back at him.

  
  


"And if you hate me and if Brad was lying I'll just go right now, I'll understand, I won't be offended..."

  
  


"Chester," I smiled, "Brad wasn't lying."

  
  


It was his turn for the open mouthed stare.

  
  


"I like you too. A lot," I grinned, fiddling with one of the empty packets of sugar. At least I thought it was empty. But suddenly sugar burst out onto the table, and my lap.

  
  


"Oops," I blushed.

  
  


He laughed along with me, the tension easing off a little.

  
  


I couldn't seem to stop smiling though.

  
  


Chester liked me.

  
  


He  _really_  liked me.

  
  


It was like a dream come true.

  
  


I'd always adored Chester since we were kids. I never knew why, exactly, until that night a long time ago.... I'd always enjoyed being near him, being in his company and even though he'd only been back a week, I'd already started to enjoy having him around once again.

  
  


I smiled nervously and began to drink my coffee, watching as Chester poured yet more sugar into his cup.

  
  


Though in my eyes, he was sweet enough.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


It was starting to get light by the time we left the cafe at around four o'clock. Don't ask me what we did in the three hours we were there. We talked though, talked about everything, everything  _except_  us.

  
  


It was as if we were both in some state of shock and had completely changed the subject, talking about anything except the fact that we both fancied the pants off each other.

  
  


We still seemed to remain in shock as we walked down the street, heading for the beach.

  
  


"It's so pretty out here," Chester smiled, gazing up to the sky.

  
  


"Yeah," I agreed, glancing out ahead of me.

  
  


The sky was a pale grey, almost blue colour, scattered with yellow streaks as the sun began to rise. In the distance I could see the clear blue sea, stretching out for miles on end before us.

  
  


We carried on down the dusty road that eventually led to the sandy expanse of golden beach.

  
  


We came to a pine deck that ran along from the beach cafe, usually housing deck chairs and sun loungers, but being four in the morning it was empty. We sat down, looking out over the sea, watching as more and more of the sun began to appear in the clear skies.

  
  


I leaned back on my arms, my legs dangling over the edge of the deck and I watched as Chester stared out at the scene in front of him.

  
  


His eyes seemed full of awe, his face glistening in the heat, a small smile upon his rosy lips.

  
  


I sighed.

  
  


How could he like someone like me?

  
  


I wasn't any good for him. I wasn't any good for anyone, just like Dave had told me over and over a thousand times.

  
  


I closed my eyes as Dave's name crossed my thoughts.

  
  


How could I think of someone like him in a moment like this?

  
  


Opening my eyes, I sat up again, feeling a spurt of confidence as I reached out and placed my hand on Chester's knee.

  
  


He slowly turned to face me as I made contact with him.

  
  


"Did you mean what you said before?" I asked.

  
  


His lips curled into a broad smile, "Yeah," he nodded, "Did you?" he asked urgently.

  
  


"Yes," I smiled, nodding my head.

  
  


An awkward silence settled between us.

  
  


I glanced back out across the sea, watching as a few gulls soared across the skyline, dipping behind the sun.

  
  


"It's strange," Chester suddenly spoke, causing me to look back to him, "I mean, you were the main reason I came back here. I really did miss you, y'know," he blushed.

  
  


"Me too," I smiled.

  
  


He really came back for me?

  
  


England must have sucked then.

  
  


"It's like, I never thought that you'd like me back... but when Brad said before that you...."

  
  


"What did he say, exactly?" I asked.

  
  


"It was just before we came out this evening, I mean last night," he smiled, "He said you had the hots for me. I didn't believe him, I thought he was winding me up...."

  
  


"He wasn't."

  
  


Chester grinned and placed his hand on top of mine.

  
  


"I know what you mean though. It is strange. It's like I want to kiss you so badly, yet even though I know you feel the same, I'm still kind of... scared, I guess," I looked at him as I finished.

  
  


"Come here," he smiled softly, moving his hand from mine and sliding his arm around my waist.

  
  


I moved closer, turning to face him a little, butterflies forming in my stomach.

  
  


Yeah, I'd kissed him before but that was six years ago, this was now.

  
  


I moved my hand from away from his knee, sliding it up to rest on his hip. Our heads moved closer, until finally there wasn't an inch of space between us. My eyes snapped shut as I felt Chester's warm lips gently pressing against mine.

  
  


We kissed tenderly, Chester's hand pulling me closer to him as I felt his tongue sliding along my lower lip. He slowly slipped it into my mouth as the kiss became needier, more hungry as I tasted Chester for the first time in what seemed an eternity.

  
  


It was better than I'd imagined, better than the memories I'd had of kissing him before.

  
  


He tasted so sweet, so warm.

  
  


It felt so good, so right.

  
  


We finally broke the kiss and I found myself staring into Chester's deep brown eyes, a smiling playing on my lips.

  
  


He returned my smile and slid his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer against him.

  
  


I sighed contentedly and rested my head against his shoulder, smiling when his other hand gently wrapped around mine, our fingers intertwining, fitting perfectly as if we were meant to be.

  
  


And there we sat, the two of us, together, watching the sun as it rose before us.


	7. Honesty

Honesty is meant to be the best policy, so why is it so hard to tell the truth at times? Is it because it's scary to accept the truth? Or is it because it's easier to forget the truth? Whatever it is, we all know that in the long run, you've got to be truthful not only to others, but to yourself, otherwise people can end up getting hurt. It's easier said than done though, isn't it?

  
  


*

  
  


I watched Chester as he slept peacefully beside me. He was lying on his stomach, his head turned on it's side, facing me. His right arm rested underneath the white pillow as he murmured something in his unconscious state.

  
  


I smiled and got up from his bed, where I'd been sat watching him for the past half hour. Quietly, I stepped over to my bed, glancing at the clock as I grabbed some clean clothes.

  
  


It was two pm. Chester and I had finally gotten home around ten this morning. After we'd finally moved from sitting on the beach, we'd stopped by a cafe to get some breakfast before slowly walking home, hand in hand.

  
  


I yawned, glancing at Chester with a smile upon my face before I made my way out of our room and into the bathroom across the hall.

  
  


Closing the door behind me, I dropped my pile of clothes to the floor, frowning as I caught my reflection in the mirror.

  
  


I looked awful, no doubt due to the lack of sleep I'd had, but I felt good, happy even.

  
  


It felt nice to be happy for a change.

  
  


I tore my gaze away from my reflection and stripped out of my boxers and T-shirt before getting into the shower and twisted the taps on. A cool stream of water sprayed out and I stood still for a few seconds, trying to wake myself up.

  
  


What happened this morning still seemed like a dream. A fucking good dream. I kept having to pinch myself that I hadn't slipped into a really deep sleep, make sure that this was really happening.

  
  


Grabbing the bottle of shower gel, I squeezed some into my flannel and began to wash, humming to myself as I worked the soap up into a lather.

  
  


I was so glad Chester was back. It was weird though. My life had been pretty rotten over the past year, but now ever since I'd left Dave things had just gotten better.

  
  


Chester was like the icing on the cake.

  
  


And wouldn't I like to lick that off....

  
  


I smiled to myself, but my smile seemed to fade pretty quickly as I ran my hand over my stomach. I stopped my actions, my whole body seeming to freeze as I slowly looked down.

  
  


I sighed and ran a finger along the deep, red and white scars that glared back at me.

  
  


The soapy cloth dropped out of my clutch and just like that, I was feeling down again.

  
  


I closed my eyes, trying to block out the pain, the thoughts that were screaming at me, trying to haunt my mind.

  
  


Only I couldn't......

  
  
  
  


_I lay on my back, staring up at the ceiling as I tried to block out the shouts coming from the kitchen._

  
  


_"Mike? I'm talking to you. Are you even listening?"_

  
  


_I tore my gaze away from the ceiling and looked across to Dave where he stood in the kitchen, a cold look in his eyes._

  
  


_"Yes," I sighed._

  
  


_"Well that makes a nice change," he muttered, slamming yet another empty beer bottle down on the counter._

  
  


_He was absolutely wasted again, came home from work in the foulest of moods and had hit the fridge, emptying it of his stash of beer._

  
  


_I jumped as the phone began to ring. Dave stood still, watching me as he picked up one of the bottles and took a swig from it._

  
  


_I sighed and unfolded my legs, getting up from the couch and heading into the kitchen, picking up the phone from where it hung on the wall._

  
  


_"Hey?"_

  
  


_"Hey Mike, it's Brad."_

  
  


_I smiled and turned away from Dave, "Hey. How's it going?" I asked._

  
  


_"Good and you?"_

  
  


_"Fine," I answered a little too cheerfully._

  
  


_"I was wondering if you wanted to come over? We can get some pizza, catch up with one another. I haven't seen you in ages."_

  
  


_I sighed and turned around, fiddling with the phone cord as I watched Dave. He was going through the cupboards beneath the counter, looking for more alcohol no doubt._

  
  


_"Yeah," I nodded, "That'd be good."_

  
  


_"Cool. Well you can come over anytime really."_

  
  


_"I'll be there in about an hour," I told him, "See you then."_

  
  


_"Laters."_

  
  


_I hung up the phone and let out a sigh as Dave slammed the final cupboard door and turned around to face me._

  
  


_"Haven't we got anymore beer?" he asked, leaning back against the counter._

  
  


_"You've had enough," I told him, stepping over to the counter and grabbing the empty bottles._

  
  


_"It's not up to you to tell me when I've had enough to drink," he hissed, his voice slurring slightly._

  
  


_I placed the bottles at the end of the counter as I headed into the lounge, grabbing my coat and shoving my feet into my trainers._

  
  


_"I'm going to Brad's," I told him as I pulled my jacket on, "Can I have the car keys?"_

  
  


_"I thought we were supposed to be having a quiet night in," he questioned, staring back at me._

  
  


_"Yeah," I sighed, "We were. That's until you decided to get drunk. Again. Where'd you put the keys?" I asked walking into the kitchen._

  
  


_I grabbed a plastic bag and shoved the bottles in it, planning to dispose them in the bin outside. I hated Dave leaving them around the house. They seemed to scream at me, reminding me about things I'd rather forget._

  
  


_I grabbed the bag and looked up to Dave, "Keys?" I asked him, knowing damn well that they were in his trouser pocket._

  
  


_"You're not going out," he simply stated._

  
  


_"Dave," I sighed, "I'm not stopping here. I can't be around you when you're like this. Can you just give me the keys then I can get going."_

  
  


_"No," he hissed, standing up straight._

  
  


_I tried to keep calm as he stepped over to me, narrowing his eyes at me, "You told me it was going to be just you and me tonight. Together," he whispered, grabbing me by the shoulders._

  
  


_"Dave get off me," I warned, trying to back away from his grasp._

  
  


_He shook his head._

  
  


_"Dave, please, just let me have the car keys."_

  
  


_"No," he hissed, shaking me violently._

  
  


_I gulped, dropping the bag of bottles to the floor. They smashed against the kitchen floor, the sound echoing eerily through my mind._

  
  


_I hated it when he was like this. It scared me so much because I knew all to well what he was capable of._

  
  


_I kept telling myself that he didn't mean it, that he couldn't control himself._

  
  


_Only when I stared back at his menacing eyes, I didn't know what to believe._

  
  


_"It was meant to be you and me tonight," he told me, "So why don't you take off your coat and go and wait for me in the bedroom."_

  
  


_I bit my lip, trying to think of ways to stop myself from crying. I wasn't going to let him get to me, I wasn't going to cave in again._

  
  


_"No Dave," I told him forcefully, "If you won't give me the keys, I guess I'll have to walk."_

  
  


_I pushed him away from me and grabbed the bag from the floor, turning toward the backdoor._

  
  


_I managed to quickly unlock the door. My hands shook as I turned the handle causing the door to swiftly open but just as I stepped out I felt Dave tug me back, grabbing the bag of bottles from my grasp._

  
  


_I turned round, just in time to see him lift the bag, but not in time to react as the bag came crashing down on my head._

  
  


_The sound of glass smashing against my skull resounded in my mind as I lost my balance and fell down the steps._

  
  


_I landed on the cold ground at the bottom of the steps, my head smacking against the dirty concrete with a thud._

  
  
  


_*_

  
  
  


_When I opened my eyes I was in our bedroom. My head was throbbing and I felt so groggy. Everything that had happened had played itself over and over again in my head after I'd passed out._

  
  


_I shuddered as I heard someone shift beside me and looked to my left, my breath catching in my throat as I saw Dave beside me._

  
  


_"Hey Mike," he smiled, "I was wondering when you were going to wake up."_

  
  


_I stared at him, a sickening feeling creeping inside my stomach._

  
  


_"Brad called," he paused, "It's a shame you didn't make it. He was looking forward to seeing you, he even had your favourite pizza," he grinned, breaking out into a laugh._

  
  


_I closed my eyes as I felt a tear slip down my cheek._

  
  


_Why was he doing this to me?_

  
  


_Why did he hate me so much?_

  
  


_I felt something cold trailing along my stomach and quickly opened my eyes, looking down to where Dave's hand was._

  
  


_He smiled back up at me, watching my face as I saw what was clutched in his hand._

  
  


_It was a piece of green broken glass from one of his beer bottles._

  
  


_"Who knew that this would come in so handy?" he grinned, holding it up._

  
  


_I watched him as he stared at the sharp piece of glass, an evil look in his eyes._

  
  


_"Dave...."_

  
  


_"What?"_

  
  


_His eyes locked with mine and I shivered._

  
  


_He was high on God knows what and as he leaned his head closer to mine I could taste his alcohol tinged breath._

  
  


_Shuddering, I tried to back away, only I couldn't move. My whole body seemed to ache and I was feeling dizzier and dizzier._

  
  


_"I'm going to teach you a lesson," he sneered, placing a kiss on my cheek, "It's only because I love you though baby," he whispered, "You know that right?"_

  
  


_I gulped and turned my head the other way, feeling more tears welling up in my eyes._

  
  


_"RIGHT?" he hissed, angrily turning my head back to face him._

  
  


_I nodded numbly._

  
  


_He leaned closer, gently pressing his lips against mine._

  
  


_For a moment I was lost, I forgot everything._

  
  


_He kissed me gently, his hand softly caressing my cheek, just the way he used to kiss me, the way things used to be._

  
  


_And I kissed him back, feeling that warmth he gave to me, feeling safe, feeling loved._

  
  


_Just like before._

  
  


_Suddenly my ignorance was shattered and I pulled away, letting out a cry as I felt something sharp being pushed into my stomach._

  
  


_Dave let out an evil laugh and dragged the piece of glass along my skin once more, pinning me down against the bed as he dug it deeper and deeper into me._

  
  


_I screamed and tried to push him away only I couldn't._

  
  


_I was worthless, I wasn't strong enough to fight him off me. I writhed about beneath him, crying, begging him to stop._

  
  


_Only he was stronger than me and the more I struggled, the more he laughed, began to hit me until finally I ceased to move._

  
  


_And so he continued to cut me as I lay there helplessly, silent tears streaming down my cheeks._

  
  
  


I wiped away my tears and angrily shut the shower off, grabbing a towel as I stepped out into the steam filled bathroom.

  
  


I dried myself and got dressed in silence, tears slipping down my cheeks as I leant back against the door.

  
  
  
  


****

  
  
  


I sat at the kitchen table in silence, staring into oblivion as I tried to control the thoughts that haunted my mind. It was almost five o'clock and I'd been sat here for the past two hours going over and over the things that had happened with Dave.

  
  


Why was I feeling like this again?

  
  


I thought I'd finally gotten him out of my head, out of my life.

  
  


Maybe I'd been kidding myself, not being true with myself.

  
  


Or maybe it was just a bad day for me, no matter how well it had started.

  
  


I let out a sigh and grabbed an apple that sat in a fruit bowl in the middle of the table. I looked at the shiny red object before I placed it down and began rolling it from one side of the table to the other.

  
  


I was so engrossed in my aimless task that I didn't notice Chester stood in the doorway watching me.

  
  


"Hey."

  
  


I jumped, causing the apple to roll off the table and across the kitchen floor. Looking up, I saw Chester smiling at me. He had obviously just had a shower as he was dripping wet and wore only a white towel which was wrapped around his slender waist.

  
  


I smiled back, feeling ten times better as I saw him.

  
  


"I'm just gonna get dressed," he winked before turning and heading into our room.

  
  


I chuckled to myself and got up from my chair, stepping over to the fridge and bending down to pick up the apple.

  
  


"Ooh apples."

  
  


I jumped again and looked up to see Joe in the doorway.

  
  


"'Sup?" he asked stepping over to me and taking the apple.

  
  


I suppressed a laugh as he took a bite out of it and opened the fridge door, grabbing a carton of milk from it.

  
  


"How'd you get in?" I asked.

  
  


"Rob let me in. We've been in the lounge all day. Got here just before you and Chester came home," he paused as he took a swig from the box of milk, "Good night was it?" he smirked.

  
  


I smiled back at him, watching in amazement as he downed over half the carton of milk in one go, "Yeah, it was actually," I told him as he placed the milk down onto the counter.

  
  


He winked at me before turning out of the kitchen, bumping into Chester as he headed back into the lounge.

  
  


"You okay there?" Chester's friendly voice asked as he walked over to me, now fully dressed in light blue jeans and a white T-Shirt. He rubbed his hair with a towel as he stopped in front of me.

  
  


"Yeah," I nodded, "Why?"

  
  


"You just looked a little down before," he told me, "Not... having second thoughts?" he asked anxiously.

  
  


"No!" I grinned.

  
  


"Good," he smiled, stepping closer to me, "Cos I was going take you out on a date," he grinned.

  
  


"Yeah?" I smiled as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

  
  


"So how about Friday?" he asked.

  
  


"Sure," I nodded.

  
  


He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine, "I look forward to it then," he whispered.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


Friday seemed to arrive pretty quickly, but not without me having my sleep plagued by nightmares, vivid flashbacks. Luckily I hadn't woken up screaming or crying, just scared, for which I was thankful for. I wasn't sure if I could face explaining things to Chester just yet.

  
  


I stood in front of my wardrobe trying to figure out what to wear. I was torn between a black pair of pants and a pair of dark green pants. Yeah, colourful person.

  
  


Chester was taking me out to some fancy restaurant in town at seven o'clock. It was just after six thirty and I was nervous as hell, much to the amusement of Brad who stood in the doorway laughing as I tried to decide which pants to wear.

  
  


I eventually decided on the black ones and pulled them on, followed by my shoes. I looked in the mirror, glaring at Brad as he laughed behind me.

  
  


"Dude, you look like you're going to a funeral," he laughed.

  
  


"Yeah, yours if you don't shut up," I retorted playfully.

  
  


"Ready?"

  
  


I swung round to see Chester hovering in the doorway, dressed similar to me in dark pants and a blue top.

  
  


"Yup," I smiled grabbing my wallet and shoving it into my back pocket.

  
  


We walked down the hall and through the front door into the cool evening air, Brad watching us with a smirk upon his face as we got into his car. Chester had spent a good part of the evening begging Brad to let us take it. He'd finally caved in after Chester had told him he'd do his fair share of the washing up for the next week.

  
  


What was so special about to Brad about his car I would probably never figure out. In my eyes it was a piece of junk.

  
  


Chester started up the engine and we pulled away from the kerb, driving off down the quiet street. He was keeping it a secret as to where, exactly, we were heading. All he'd told me was that it was in the 'posh' side of town, along the seafront.

  
  


I looked across at him and smiled, watching him intently for a few minutes before turning to look out of the window.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


The meal had been fun. I was embarrassed to say, that I'd never really been taken out for a meal before but it went well. Apart from one thing.

  
  


Well, it wasn't exactly something that was  _wrong_ , just scary, I guess.

  
  


I really felt like I was falling for Chester in a really, really big way. Everything he said or did just made me smile, we had so much in common that it was unreal. I sounded soppy, didn't I? I just couldn't help but get this warm feeling in my stomach everytime he looked at me.

  
  


I found myself smiling again and glanced at Chester as he squeezed my hand.

  
  


The air was cool as we walked along the beach, finally stopping at a bench where we sat down beside one another.

  
  


"You fancy a beer?" Chester asked nodding his head to the bar that stood a few hundred metres behind us.

  
  


"Nah thanks," I shook my head.

  
  


"Sure?"

  
  


"I don't really drink."

  
  


"How come?" Chester sounded surprised, "You and I were always getting drunk and off our heads when we were younger. Did you decide to tone a down a little?" he asked, smiling.

  
  


"Something like that," I sighed, forcing myself to smile at him.

  
  


"Wait. Are you okay?" he asked, staring me right in the eyes.

  
  


"Yeah," I nodded, "I'm fine. Why?"

  
  


"It's nothing..."

  
  


"What?"

  
  


"Well, everytime the waitress offered us wine this evening you started looking nervous and you're doing it now... did I say something wrong?"

  
  


I sighed and looked out over the crowds of people that lined the beach before looking back at him.

  
  


I guess I had to be honest with him, didn't I?

  
  


"Did I make it that obvious?" I sighed, causing him to frown.

  
  


"What's wrong?"

  
  


"Remember Dave, my ex?"

  
  


"Yeah," he nodded.

  
  


"He was," I paused, "He is an alcoholic."

  
  


Chester's face fell, "Oh, shit I'm sorry..."

  
  


"It's okay. I just, I guess that's the reason I won't, well, can't drink anymore," I told him truthfully.

  
  


"Is that why you broke up?"

  
  


"Yeah," I nodded, "I tried so hard to help him but he wouldn't let me. It was the last resort, I guess. He used to shout at me a lot when he drank and that's why we argued and eventually I left him."

  
  


"Shit," Chester muttered, "That must have been hard."

  
  


"Yeah, it was."

  
  


I looked back at him, wanting to tell him more, only I couldn't seem to get the words out of my mouth.

  
  


Or was it because I didn't want to have to hear myself saying it again?

  
  


"Come on," Chester's voice broke into my thoughts, "You look tired. Lets get back," he smiled, getting to his feet.

  
  


"Thanks for tonight," I paused as I got to my feet, "It's been good fun," I smiled, linking my hand with his.

  
  


"Yeah," he grinned, "It has."


	8. Wounds

Sometimes it's hard for physical wounds to heal. Sometimes it's even harder for emotional wounds to heal. The pain might have gone deeper than you could ever imagine. Your mind, your heart, they get scarred and sometimes those scars may never mend. Sometimes things are beyond fixing.

_Wounds so deep they never show, they never go away. Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played._

  
  


*

  
  


I lay on my back with Chester fast asleep beside me on his stomach. His left arm was swung across me, hand resting on my chest as I read through a book.

  
  


It was Friday again. Weeks just seemed to be flying by at the moment. Not that I was complaining. At least I was no longer stuck in the blurry days with Dave where days and hours seemed to drag along, where time seemed to slow.

  
  


Chester shifted beside me, his hand sliding down my arm, fingers gently dancing in the palm of my hand.

  
  


"You look so sweet like that," he murmured sleepily, causing me to blush.

  
  


I folded the corner of the page I was reading and closed the book, placing it down on the floor beside me. Chester snuggled further against me, shifting so that his head lay on my chest.

  
  


He looked up at me with big brown eyes, reaching his hand up to remove my glasses. I smiled and wrapped my arms around him as he reached over to place my glasses down on top of my book.

  
  


He leaned back down, shifting a little so that he was on top of me.

  
  


"How you doing?" he whispered, placing a soft kiss upon my lips before I had chance to answer.

  
  


I smiled at the feel of his warm lips against mine and closed my eyes, sliding my hands up his back until they reached his head. My fingers wrapped themselves around his spikes of hair and I pulled him closer, my tongue gently trailing across his bottom lip.

  
  


His lips parted willingly and I slid my tongue inside his warm mouth, gently sliding it against his, my hands scrunching at his hair between my fingers.

  
  


Chester finally pulled away, smiling lazily at me.

  
  


"I'm good," I grinned.

  
  


He sighed contentedly and rested his head back against my chest, my arms encompassing him as his eyes slowly started to close.

  
  


"You?"

  
  


"I'm sleepy," he said, followed by a yawn. His mouth opened in a child-like manner and he blinked sleepily as my hands ran up and down his back.

  
  


"But you know what?" he mumbled, "Friday nights weren't made for sleeping. They were made for going out and having a good time," he grinned, sitting up, "How about it? We can go and join the others, it'll be fun," he smiled, moving off me.

  
  


"Sure," I smiled, "I just need to wake up first," I yawned, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hands.

  
  


Chester and I, after getting home from work about two hours ago, had ended up cuddled up in a small ball in the middle of our room, eyes snapping shut, sleep over taking our minds as soon as our bodies had hit the floor.

  
  


It was just after nine now and I slowly got to my feet, watching as Chester grabbed his wallet and shoved it into the back pocket of his baggy jeans.

  
  


"I need to change first," I said, looking down at my crumpled black shirt.

  
  


"Nah you don't," Chester smiled, "You look sexy like that."

  
  


I felt myself blushing again as Chester eyed me up and down.

  
  


"Except for," he paused stepping over to me, "That," he ran a hand through my thick black hair before stepping back, "There. Perfect. Ready?"

  
  


I smiled as he took my hand and we headed out of the apartment into the warm night air.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


The club was full as some local band were playing. I forget there name, but the music was soft rock, some woman singing over lightly strummed guitars, her voice drifting across the crowds of people over to the booth where I sat in between Brad and Rob.

  
  


Rob was more than a little high. He sat beside me, his head leaning back against the wall, eyes bloodshot and wide as they looked out over the masses of people.

  
  


Brad, on the other hand, was completely sober and telling me in great detail about some chick, Selina, that he was hoping to get a piece of later. His words, not mine.

  
  


I smiled and nodded as he continued to tell me all about her, watching as Joe and Chester came over from the bar with the drinks.

  
  


"Here you go ladies," Joe beamed as they handed the drinks out. I smiled as Chester passed me my glass of coke with ice and I took a sip of it as they sat down opposite us.

  
  


"She is so hot," Brad's voice suddenly sounded.

  
  


"Hmm?"

  
  


He rolled his eyes and nodded his head over to the bar. Joe, Chester and I followed his gaze across to the bar where a tall, brunette girl was standing, dressed entirely in black, eyeing Brad up.

  
  


"Oh. Selina?" I asked, fiddling with the straw in my drink.

  
  


"No, that's Selina's friend Emma," Brad smiled, nodding at her.

  
  


She smiled back and did that really annoying thing that girls can do when they flick their hair back.

  
  


"Oh. I thought you wanted Selina," I smiled across at Chester who winked at me before taking a sip of his beer. His eyes were on me as he put the bottle to his mouth and tipped it back. He knew exactly what I was thinking.... It was written in the more than mischievous glint in his eyes.

  
  


"And Emma," Brad said.

  
  


"Really...." I muttered, only half listening to Brad as Chester placed the bottle down, licked his lips and winked across at me.

  
  


"Yeah," Brad nudged me, causing me to jump, "And they're coming over...."

  
  


I finally tore my gaze away from Chester and looked up as Emma and another tall, brown haired girl, that I assumed was Selina, walked over to us.

  
  


"Hey," they both smiled, eyeing Brad up and down in the same way that a hungry dog would look at a piece of meat.

  
  


"Can we buy you a drink?" The girl I assumed was Selina asked, leaning down to whisper something in Brad's ear. I'm not quite sure if he was actually listening though as his gaze seemed to had settled on the more than ample amount of cleavage that she had on show.

  
  


He nodded anyhow and before I knew it he was heading over to the bar, one girl on each arm, turning to wink at us before he sat down.

  
  


"How does he do it?" Joe whined.

  
  


"I have no idea," I replied in awe, Brad had always had this miraculous pulling power.

  
  


"It's so unfair," Joe sulked, taking a mouthful of his drink.

  
  


"Aww," Chester smiled, "Is Joe getting all jealous?"

  
  


I chuckled and took a mouthful of my drink.

  
  


"Well there were two of them... he could've shared," he pouted, "Or at least asked me if I wanted to take part in a foursome," he stated in all seriousness.

  
  


I let out a high pitched laugh, spraying my mouthful of coke all over Rob. He was too stoned to notice though and continued to stare into space, tapping his fingers against the table to the beat of the music.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


Chester and I left the club around an hour later, leaving Joe to deal with Rob who had said very little throughout the night, just nodded every so often and drank. A lot.

  
  


We were hardly through the bedroom door when Chester pushed me hard against the wall, his lips immediately locking with mine as he lead me over to the bed.

  
  


I moaned in pleasure as he pushed me down onto my soft bed, his hands trailing up and down my sides.

  
  


Chester's lips felt soft against mine and I let out a light moan as his warm tongue slowly trailed across my bottom lip. He pushed me further down against the bed, until he was on top of me; his strong hands pinning my body down.

  
  


My arms wrapped around his slim body, hands slowly sliding up and down his back as the kiss grew more intense. Chester's tongue flicked inside my mouth and I let out a moan as he kissed me hungrily, grinding his hips into mine.

  
  


His hands left my waist and slowly traveled further down, causing my heart to jump as they crept underneath my T-shirt.

  
  


I completely froze.

  
  


"Chester...." I pulled away from him, his hands still sliding under my shirt, resting just inside the waistband to my shorts.

  
  


He moved closer once again, his lips delicately pressing against mine but I couldn't go on.

  
  


All I could see was Dave.

  
  


His hands all over me, sickening voice whispering to me.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


I shuddered and closed my eyes, my heart beginning to pound harder and harder.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


_Don't you want me to touch you? Don't you want me to make you mine?_

  
  


I started to panic. Why was this happening now? Why was I thinking of  _him_?

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


I heard Chester's voice and opened my eyes. He had stopped kissing me, stopped touching me. He sat beside me, concern upon his face.

  
  


".... Did I do something wrong?" he asked, his voice shaking a little.

  
  


I took a deep breath, "N.. No. It was... I'm sorry Chester," I almost whispered.

  
  


He nodded his head, "It's okay."

  
  


"I'm sorry... I didn't mean things to," I stopped, glancing at him, unable to explain to him what was buzzing around in my head.

  
  


What was I supposed to say?

  
  


Oh sorry Chester, my ex boyfriend used to rape me and for a moment then I thought you were him.

  
  


"It's... It's alright," Chester whispered, but I could see a clear look of confusement in his eyes.

  
  


We sat in silence for a good few minutes, I was sure I could almost hear the sound of Chester's heart beating in his chest. Slowly, I turned to face him. He smiled at me weakly.

  
  


"What's wrong?" he asked, clearly concerned.

  
  


"Sorry," I whispered, blinking back at him.

  
  


He still looked confused, but slid his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. I felt a lot calmer as he hugged me, the visions now slipping away from my mind.

  
  


I wrapped my arms around Chester and smiled at him before hesitantly pressing my lips against his.

  
  


My eyes snapped shut as he began to kiss me back, his hands running up and down my back as I shifted to lie on top of him. I pushed him down against the bed, our kiss not breaking once as I straddled him down.

  
  


I moaned as I felt his tongue slip inside my mouth once again, allowing me to taste him. Our kiss finally broke as he gently rolled me off him so I was on my back. I opened my eyes as he pinned me down against the mattress, his body grinding into mine as he lowered his head back down, our lips meeting once again.

  
  


My eyes snapped shut as the kiss deepened and Chesters hands begin to slide around my waist, gently rubbing my lower back through my shirt.

  
  


I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer as our hips begin to grind together. Chester broke the kiss, trailing his warm tongue down to my neck where he began to gently bite on the tender skin.

  
  


_You know I'm only doing this because I love you. Sometimes love hurts, doesn't it Mikey?_

  
  


My eyes snapped open as I heard his voice spiraling through my mind once again. Why was I doing this? Why couldn't I stop hearing him?

  
  


I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to push the haunting images to the back of my mind as Chester's hands started to slowly slip under my shirt.

  
  


_I like touching you Mike. Do you like it too?_

  
  


I opened my eyes once more, beginning to panic once again as Chester's warm hand slid further up my shirt.

  
  


"Chester," I whispered.

  
  


He didn't hear me, his hands were trailing down my back and around to my hips, touching me as he brought his lips back up to mine.

  
  


"Chaz," I whispered again as his tongue trailed along my bottom lip.

  
  


_You're mine now Mikey, I've marked you as my own, branded you as mine._

  
  


"Chester, please, stop...."

  
  


My words weren't coming out and I began to panic. I was sure I was shouting only he couldn't hear me.

  
  


His hands were sliding over my body, pushing my shirt further and further up as they slid over my stomach.

  
  


"CHESTER."

  
  


He stopped then, eyes snapping open as he sat up with a shocked look in his eyes.

  
  


I wasn't sure if it was because I had actually just yelled at him, or if it was because of what his gaze was fixed on now.

  
  


The scars that lined my stomach.

  
  


I quickly got up, beginning to shake as I pushed my shirt down.

  
  


"Mike."

  
  


Chester grabbed me by the arm, forcing me to look at him.

  
  


"What's going on?" he asked urgently.

  
  


"Nothing," I told him, "I have to get some air."

  
  


"No," he told me, "What happened just then?"

  
  


I stared at the ground, my breath catching in my throat.

  
  


"Mike? What happened? Why do you have scars all over your body? Is there something you need to tell..."

  
  


"I'm sorry," I whispered, looking back at him, "I'm sorry Chester. I never meant things to go this far, I never meant for you to find out. I'll leave okay, just let me get my shoes...."

  
  


"Mike what the fuck is wrong?" he yelled, startling me.

  
  


I stared back at him, beginning to shake.

  
  


Chester no longer stood before me.

  
  


It was Dave, his fiery eyes full of hatred.

  
  


"What's wrong  _Mikey_?" he hissed, moving closer to me.

  
  


I gulped, trying to back away but I couldn't move.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


"Please just leave me..."

  
  


"Mike open your eyes."

  
  


My eyes snapped open. When did they even close? I looked up and I saw Chester stood before me, concern written all over his face.

  
  


"I'm sorry," I whispered.

  
  


"What's wrong?" his hand was on my shoulder, "Mike?"

  
  


"I need to be on my own," I told him, pulling away from his grasp and turning towards the door.

  
  


"I'm not sure if that's a good idea."

  
  


"Chester," I stopped turning to face him, "I never meant things to get this far. You don't need me, okay? I'm fucked up," sighed, "Sorry."

  
  


I heard him saying something as I pushed the door open but I didn't quite hear what the words were. I felt sick as I crossed the hall and stepped into the cool lounge.

  
  


Shivering, I lay down on the couch, my eyes closing as I curled up into a tiny ball.

  
  


I could still see Chester's face staring back at me. I could see it in his eyes, it was so clear what he had been thinking.

  
  


I was insane, crazy, a freak. He wasn't going to want anything to do with me now, was he?

  
  


Why was this happening to me? Why couldn't I forget about the bad memories from my past?

  
  


Because I was fucked up, fucked up and beyond repair.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


My body ached from head to toe when I finally woke up, cold and alone on the battered couch. I shivered and buried my head into the cushion as it began to throb, thoughts of last night drifting into my mind.

  
  


I let out a sigh and rolled onto my back glancing at my watch. It was just after nine am.

  
  


Typical. The only Saturday I woke before noon and I was tired as fuck and feeling seriously shitty. I knew I'd better move though, otherwise there'd be questions from the others if they found me in just my boxers and a shirt, fast asleep on the couch. Alone.

  
  


I slowly got to my feet, standing still for a few seconds as a slight wave of just-got-out-of-bed dizziness spun through my head.

  
  


Rubbing my eyes, I stumbled over to the door and stepped across the hallway. I hesitated for a second before I placed my hand on the cold handle and slowly pushed it open.

  
  


I peered into the bedroom, stepping in a little and quietly closing the door behind me. I frowned as I saw that Chester's bed was empty and he was nowhere to be seen.

  
  


I let out a sigh. I wasn't surprised, I'd probably scared him away forever.

  
  


Grabbing some clothes from my closet I made my way into the bathroom, deciding to take a warm shower before I faced the day, or more aptly, the aftermath of yesterdays actions.

  
  


I finally stepped out of the bathroom around half an hour later, with no recollection of how I'd managed to spend so long stood under the shower. I tossed my towel into the laundry basket and padded into the kitchen, jumping as I saw Chester sat at the table.

  
  


I couldn't face him, not yet.

  
  


"Mike. Stay a minute," he said, as if he'd somehow read my mind.

  
  


I tried my best to smile as I stepped over to the counter and poured myself a cup of coffee.

  
  


"Do, you, er want a coffee?" I asked, my voice coming out barely above a whisper.

  
  


"No thanks, I've got one," he answered, smiling at me as I sat down beside him.

  
  


An awkward silence settled between us. I fiddled nervously with the handle of my mug, trying to avoid all eye contact with Chester.

  
  


"You wanna talk?"

  
  


I finally looked up as Chester spoke.

  
  


"I...I..."

  
  


Chester smiled sympathetically as he placed his hand on top of mine, squeezing it gently.

  
  


"I'm sorry for what happened," I sighed.

  
  


"It's okay... I just don't understand what was wrong Mike," he paused, looking me dead in the eye, "You scared me, I didn't know what I'd done wrong."

  
  


"It wasn't you."

  
  


"It wasn't?"

  
  


"No. It was me, I seem to have this habit of fucking things up," I muttered.

  
  


"Don't say that," Chester told me, "Just... what happened, hey?"

  
  


"I can't.... Chester it doesn't matter."

  
  


"Yes, it does."

  
  


"No," I sighed, fiddling with the spoon that was in my mug, "You don't need to know my problems, you  _really_  don't want to know me anymore," I looked up at him, "I'm sorry."

  
  


"Mike, you're not making sense.... What's wrong?"

  
  


"I can't tell you," I sighed, taking a sip of my drink.

  
  


"Why?"

  
  


I placed my mug down, pulling my hand out from underneath his, "Because you'll hate me. I'm sure you already think I'm a complete freak after yesterday."

  
  


"What?" Chester frowned, "Mike, first of all, you're not a freak and secondly, I won't hate you. Whatever it is, will you just tell me? I want to help?"

  
  


I shook my head.

  
  


I couldn't tell him. It would change everything, he'd see me differently wouldn't he? He probably wouldn't even want to see me again.

  
  


"Is it about those scars on your body?"

  
  


But what if he could help? What if it didn't bother him? Chester had always been good to me, why should it change now?

  
  


"Mike? Is it?"

  
  


I slowly nodded my head, sniffing as I looked back at him.

  
  


"How did they happen?" his soft voice asked.

  
  


I had to tell him the truth someday, didn't I?

  
  


"Remember... Remember I told you that Dave was an... was an alcoholic?" I asked, my voice shaking a little.

  
  


He slowly nodded his head, still looking puzzled as I carried on.

  
  


"He used to," I paused, "He used to beat me."

  
  


Chester's eyes went wide in shock, "He? He... he hurt you?"

  
  


"Yes," I told him, "He... He did that to me... that's how I got the scars."

  
  


"Oh... my...."

  
  


I felt tears stinging the corners of my eyes.

  
  


Chester got up from his seat and wrapped his arms around me as I began to cry.

  
  


"Sssh," he whispered, "I'm sorry," he told me, rocking me against him.

  
  


I pulled away from him, wiping my eyes on the back of my hand.

  
  


"Is that why you got upset last night?" Chester asked as he crouched down beside me.

  
  


"Yeah," I nodded, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out," I sighed, "I just... I just kept seeing him there, hurting me. I couldn't get him out of my head," I whispered, trying to fight back the tears that were welling up in my eyes.

  
  


"Hey," Chester soothed, wrapping his arms around me, "You know I'd never hurt you, right?" he whispered.

  
  


I nodded my head, feeling safe and relieved as he held me against him.


	9. Talking

Whoever said that it's good to talk, was not wrong. It's comforting to know that you've got someone who you can turn to, who wants to help, to listen to you. It's better to talk, especially when you've been keeping things bottled up for so long. You have to let someone in at some point, otherwise things will just get worse.

_Tell me what you know, tell me how you feel, it doesn't matter when you're down...._

  
  


*

  
  


It was so hot outside that as I lay beside Chester, Brad, Rob and Joe in the back garden, I was sure I could see tiny waves of heat bouncing up from the concrete path that led to the kitchen.

  
  


It was probably my imagination though, I had been laid outside for the past four hours. There wasn't really that much else to do. It was one of those hot and sticky June afternoons where the air was close and the word 'breeze' seemed a world away.

  
  


After being woken up around half past ten by Joe who found it hilariously funny to throw a glass of cold water in my face, the five of us had acted like six year old kids and had a water fight.

  
  


But since none of us owned a water gun, it involved filling up saucepans with ice cold water and chasing one another throughout the house. Brad had eventually given up with the pots and pans and got the hose pipe out.

  
  


We ended up soaking the whole of the back yard and making a hell of a lot of noise. Our neighbours were not impressed. They gave us a lecture on how it was Sunday and Sunday was the day of rest.

  
  


And that was pretty much the reason why we were now laid on the grass, doing as little as possible.

  
  


"Hey."

  
  


I opened my eyes and tilted my head to my right where Chester was.

  
  


"You wanna drink?" he asked, shielding his eyes from the sun with his hand as he sat up.

  
  


"Sure," I nodded.

  
  


"You three?"

  
  


"Please," came the unanimous answer.

  
  


I watched Chester as he got to his feet and walked over to the back door. He looked divine; in just a pair of checked shorts and some black flip flops. Brad had said they were women's sandals and wound him up about it for most of the day, but I thought they looked pretty damn sweet.

  
  


I smiled and got to my feet, deciding one of us should give Chester a hand. I sneezed a few times and cursed myself for having hayfever as I padded across the grass onto the concrete path and followed it up to the back door.

  
  


I stepped into the cool kitchen, smiling as I saw Chester bent down with his head inside the freezer. I crept up behind him and poked him in the back, causing him to jump and let out one of the girliest screams.

  
  


"Hey Noda," he scowled, sticking his tongue out, "Don't creep up on me like that," he pouted grabbing the ice tray and shutting the freezer door.

  
  


"Aww did I make you jump?" I laughed as he opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of pepsi. I quickly grabbed the ice tray and knocked two of the cubes out, placing it back on the counter just as he turned around.

  
  


"Come here," I grinned, wrapping my arms around him.

  
  


He smiled at me and accepted the hug, snuggling against me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

  
  


I grinned and slid my arms down his back, as he pressed his lips against mine, kissing me gently. My hands slid lower until they were at the waist band of his shorts. A giggle escaped me as I shoved the pieces of ice down his shorts.

  
  


"OWW!"

  
  


He pulled away from me, quickly pulling the cold ice out of his shorts.

  
  


"You shouldn't have done that Mike," he hissed playfully, launching himself at me before I had chance to move.

  
  


He knocked me down to the floor, straddling me there as he smeared the now melting ice cubes into my face.

  
  


"Stop it," I squealed, trying to get him off me.

  
  


"Ha Ha," he laughed.

  
  


"I knew I shouldn't have trusted you two to get the drinks."

  
  


Chester sat up as Brad walked into the kitchen, yawning as he stepped over us to get to the counter.

  
  


I smiled as Chester got up off me, holding a hand out for me as he pulled me up to my feet.

  
  


"I'll get you back later," he whispered, narrowing his eyes at me playfully.

  
  


"Yeah?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at him.

  
  


"Yes," he nodded, pushing me back against the worktop.

  
  


He pushed himself against me, my eyes closing as our lips connected.

  
  


"Geez you two, that's unhygienic in the kitchen," I heard Brad chuckle, but we ignored him and continued to kiss.

  
  


I wrapped my arms around Chester's waist and slowly slid them up his warm back, gently kneading his shoulders as the kiss deepened.

  
  


"Oww," Chester pulled away, causing me to frown.

  
  


"Sunburn," he winced.

  
  


"Aww sorry," I smiled, removing my hands from his red shoulders, "Want me to rub some after sun in for you?" I asked with a cheeky smile upon my face.

  
  


"Sure," he nodded as I took his hand and led him out of the kitchen and into the bedroom.

  
  


He flopped down onto his bed and I left, crossing the hall into the bathroom as I searched for the bottle of lotion.

  
  


Things had become more relaxed between Chester and I after I'd broke down in tears yesterday and told him about Dave. We'd ended up cuddling up to one another for the rest of the day, not really talking that much more about it, but I knew Chester was there to listen to me. He told me that whenever I felt ready, I could tell him more.

  
  


Knowing that he was there for me meant a lot to me. It wasn't like I couldn't talk to Brad, but there were certain things that I didn't feel totally comfortable about sharing with him.

  
  


They were things that I didn't feel particularly comfortable about telling to anyone, but I knew I had to eventually and Chester was the one I felt least nervous about talking to.

  
  


I finally found the after sun lotion in the cabinet. It was wedged behind a strange smelling bar of soap and some old shampoo. I took the blue coloured bottle from the shelf, shutting the door before I padded out of the bathroom and into the bedroom.

  
  


I entered the room and closed the door, smiling as I saw Chester lying on his bed.

  
  


Stepping over to him, I placed the bottle down by his pillow and climbed onto the bed, lying down beside him as I pressed a kiss on the end of his nose.

  
  


"You're gonna have to sit up you know," I told him as I got up and took the bottle in my hand.

  
  


Chester yawned sleepily as he sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. I climbed back on to the bed, sitting behind him and pulling him in between my legs as I opened the cap and squeezed some of the white lotion into the palm of my hand.

  
  


Placing the bottle down, I began to gently rub the cream into the red hot skin on his back and shoulders.

  
  


"Fuck," he gasped as my hands made contact with him, "That shit's fucking cold!"

  
  


"Well you should have worn a shirt," I told him in a motherly tone.

  
  


He twisted his head round and stuck his tongue out at me.

  
  


"That feel better?" I asked as I continued to rub the lotion in.

  
  


"Mhmmm," he murmured, leaning back against me as I moved my hands round to his chest.

  
  


"I have a confession to make," he smiled as I removed my hands and squeezed more of the cold lotion out into them.

  
  


"Yeah?" I asked as I started to massage my hands into his shoulders.

  
  


"I am really getting off on this," he murmured, causing my hands to stop.

  
  


He tilted his head back, looking me in the eyes.

  
  


"I was joking," he grinned.

  
  


"Oh," I frowned as my hands began to work the cream into his skin, "That's a shame," I mumbled, so he could only just hear my words.

  
  


"Yeah?" he asked, leaning his head back against my chest as my hands began to slide around to the front of his shoulders.

  
  


"Yeah," I whispered, running my fingers down his chest.

  
  


My hands traveled further down Chester's smooth torso. He tilted his head back, letting a low moan of pleasure escape his lips as his eyes began to close. His hands moved from where they rested in his lap and latched onto mine, pushing them further down his warm body.

  
  


I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his neck, watching him intently as I gently sucked at the smooth skin, my hands gliding lower and lower.

  
  


"Oh..."

  
  


I smiled slightly as Chester started to moan when I trailed my tongue over his neck. His hands tightened around mine as they rested just above the waistband of his shorts.

  
  


I pulled away from his neck, resting my chin on his shoulder as I waited for him to open his eyes. They slowly fluttered open and stared right into mine as I freed my hands from his.

  
  


He continued to stare into my eyes as I slowly slid my hands down under the waistband of his shorts. I rested my left hand on the inside of his warm thigh as the fingers of my other hand wrapped themselves around Chester's erection.

  
  


His eyes snapped shut, a throaty moan escaping his parted lips as I began to stroke him.

  
  


"Oh..."

  
  


"Does that feel good?" I whispered into his ear.

  
  


He moaned again, nodding his head lightly as I began to tease him, slowing down my actions.

  
  


"Mmmm..."

  
  


Chester bit down on his lower lip as I quickened my pace again, sliding my thumb over the tip of his cock.

  
  


"Mike..." he uttered, bucking his hips; urging me to go faster.

  
  


I smiled deviously and suddenly stopped my actions, pulling my hands out of his shorts. He stared up at me, panting slightly as his lust filled eyes questioned me. Smiling again, I moved from behind him and gently pulled him down with me.

  
  


As soon as his body hit the mattress, I pulled him close, pressing my lips against his. We kissed hungrily, my hands wondering down his body, slowly sliding inside his shorts as I felt his tongue slip inside my mouth.

  
  


I sucked on it, causing him to moan. My hands slowly eased his shorts down to his legs, and he kicked them off. They fell to the floor with a soft thump and I pulled away, breaking the kiss as I looked down at his naked body.

  
  


His breathing was ragged as he lay beside me, eyes staring up at me as I marveled in the sight before me. His lightly tanned skin shimmered slightly with sweat and I leaned down, trailing my tongue across his chest.

  
  


He seemed to like that as he let out a low moan and his hands crept round to the back of my head, pulling lightly on my hair as I continued to tease him.

  
  


I pulled my lips away from his hot skin and gently climbed on top of him, straddling him down to the bed as I began to kiss him once again. My hands trailed down between us, following the path of light hairs that ran down his stomach, lower and lower until my hands wrapped around his throbbing erection once more.

  
  


He let out a moan, his fingers tightening their grip on my hair as I began to pump my hand up and down his shaft, watching him intently as his eyes snapped shut and he began to moan my name.

  
  


"Mike... Fuck... That feels so good..."

  
  


I leant down and kissed him once more, pressing my lips against his as my hand began to work harder, sliding faster up and down his erection. I could tell he was close and pulled away from the kiss, my hand still working as I slowly moved down his body, finally stopping when my mouth hovered above his groin.

  
  


In one swift motion I moved my hand away and took his erection into my mouth.

  
  


"Holy fuck..."

  
  


I looked up as Chester let out a moan, his eyes snapping open in shock.

  
  


Our eyes locked as I placed my hands on the inside of his thighs, gently massaging at the sensitive skin. I slipped my tongue along the underside of his cock, watching him as I continued to bob my head up and down.

  
  


"Mike... I... I'm gonna... Fuck..."

  
  


Chester's words became incoherent as he came, our eyes not breaking contact once as he shot his warm seed inside my mouth.

  
  


Swallowing the hot liquid, I slowly made my way back up his body, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

  
  


"Wow... That felt so good," Chester murmured against my lips.

  
  


We continued to kiss until Chester's hand slid down my side and I was suddenly aware of his hand gently rubbing my erection through the material of my shorts.

  
  


"Chester," I murmured, moving my hand to his.

  
  


He frowned as I removed his hand from my groin.

  
  


"I just wanted to..."

  
  


I pressed my finger to his lips, "There's no need," I whispered.

  
  


He slowly nodded his head, "If you're sure..."

  
  


Yes, I was horny as fuck and I wanted nothing more than to have Chester Bennington getting me off.

  
  


Only I couldn't let him touch me.

  
  


Call me weird, call me a freak, whatever you like.

  
  


But I knew, I knew the moment he started to touch me I would freak out, I'd start seeing Dave again and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it. I'd start thinking about all the pain he caused me, I knew I would.

  
  


Slowly, I nodded my head, "I'm not ready," I admitted and kissed Chester gently on the cheek.

  
  


He smiled and wrapped his arms around me, allowing my head to rest in his chest. I closed my eyes, listening to the sound of his heartbeat as I drifted off to sleep.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


_"Hey? Mike? Are you in there?"_

  
  


_I opened my eyes as I heard Dave's voice hollering through the bathroom door._

  
  


_He was drunk. I didn't even have to see him to know. I could tell by the sound of his voice, the way his speech was slurred, the hints of anger in the words he spoke._

  
  


_"Mike?"_

  
  


_I closed my eyes once again, hugging myself as I lay in the bath, the warm water and bubbles acting like a blanket against my cold skin._

  
  


_"Mike? Lemme in," Dave's voice caused my eyes to snap open and I jumped slightly as he began to pound his fists on the door._

  
  


_I took a deep breath and forced myself to ignore him as he continued to shout at me, bang against the door. I started to drift away, pretend that I wasn't really here, that this wasn't really happening. It's how I'd learnt to cope._

  
  


_These past few days had been especially bad. Dave had come home from work each night via the pub. In other words by the time he'd arrived home, he was absolutely wasted._

  
  


_Another fist pounded against the door, another angry yell escaped from him and I began to wish I'd gone over to Brad's, to my mom’s, anywhere but here._

  
  


_Only I hadn't and I was here, a thin wooden door was the only thing that stood between me and the worst fear of my life._

  
  


_"MIKE."_

  
  


_My eyes snapped open and I jumped out of the bath, quickly drying myself off with a towel. I pulled on my boxers and stood in front of the door, my heart pounding as I reached for the key and slowly turned it._

  
  


_I knew damn well that the longer I hid from him and tried to ignore him, the more severe my punishment would be._

  
  


_Opening the door, my breath caught in my throat as I saw Dave before me. His eyes were wide, cheeks were red and as my eyes slowly traveled down his body I let out a gasp._

  
  


_Blood covered his shirt and hands, his jacket was slightly torn and a bruise was starting to form on his left hand._

  
  


_"Dave? What... What happened? Who did this to you?" I asked._

  
  


_He narrowed his eyes at me and before I had time to even register what was happening, he had launched himself at me, sending my body crashing to the floor._

  
  


_He pinned me down, eyes piercing into mine, "You fucking told him. Why the hell did you tell him, hey? I told you not to breathe a word, I told you to keep your fucking mouth SHUT."_

  
  


_"Dave?" I whispered, blinking back at him._

  
  


_"Well he got what he fucking deserved, believe me. And a little bit more. I warned you, I fucking warned you. Why'd you have to lie to him, huh? Why'd you have to tell him all those nasty things about me? HEY?" he shouted, slamming my body down against the tiled floor._

  
  


_"I... What... Dave what are you saying?"_

  
  


_"Brad. You fucking told him things, lies, about me."_

  
  


_"Brad? How did you? What have you done to h..."_

  
  


_"How did I find out? Because he came up to me after work, punched me in the face and told me that if I ever laid a finger on you again he'd make sure I never ever walked."_

  
  


_I stared back at him. How could Brad have told him? I'd begged him not to, I'd begged him, pleaded with him. He swore he wouldn't say a thing._

  
  


_"I can't believe you did that. I can't believe you'd tell him all these lies about me."_

  
  


_"They're not lies though," I fought back, "You're doing it to me now. You're hurting me now, just like you always do."_

  
  


_"You deserve it now, this is your punishment for telling that fuck up of a friend things about me. I made sure he fucking got what he deserved, and now I'm going to make sure you do too."_

  
  


_"No," I sniffed, "Please Dave, I'm sorry, I just..."_

  
  


_"You make me fucking sick," he spat, "All I do is love you, that's all I ever do and you repay me by telling your friends lies about me?"_

  
  


_"No... I didn't..."_

  
  


_"Shut up."_

  
  


_"Please Dave you're scaring me, just let me talk..."_

  
  


_"SHUT UP."_

  
  


_I closed my mouth, staring back at him in fear as he shook me by the shoulders. He got up and grabbed me by the hand, roughly pulling me to my feet._

  
  


_My eyes snapped down to the ground as I willed myself not to cry. I couldn't cry, I couldn't let him see how much he was frightening me, hurting me. It would just make things a whole lot worse._

  
  


_"Oh Mike."_

  
  


_Dave's voice sounded soft and caring and I slowly looked up to him as I felt his hand slide around my waist._

  
  


_"You know I love you, right?" he whispered, pulling me against him._

  
  


_A lone tear slipped from my eye and ran down my cold cheek as I slowly nodded my head, "Yes," I whispered as his hands began to run up and down my back._

  
  


_"So why do you hurt me? Why do you say these things about me?" he whispered, "Because I love you, I care for you so fucking much."_

  
  


_I shivered. His voice had changed, it dripped with anger, revulsion, as he pulled me closer, tightening his grip on me._

  
  


_I began to shake as he rocked me against him, whispering words that were incoherent to my ears._

  
  


_"You know I love you," he whispered._

  
  


_I slowly nodded my head._

  
  


_"But this is the only way," his voice drifted off as he pulled away, letting me go, "The only way to fucking show you," he hissed._

  
  


A scream escaped my lips as he slammed me into the wall, his hands balling up into tight fists as I began to cry.

  
  


_My eyes closed as his fists connected with my cheeks, my jaw, my chest, my stomach, pounding into me until I couldn't take anymore. I slid down the wall, collapsing on the cold floor._

  
  


_"Get up."_

  
  


_His voice sounded so far away, but it wasn't. He was right next to me, his breath upon my face as he hauled me to my feet._

  
  


_I opened my eyes, my breath catching in my throat as he snarled at me and delivered another punch to my face._

  
  


_I wanted to fight back, I wanted to push him so hard that he fell and slammed his head on the cold tiles that lined the floor._

  
  


_Only I couldn't._

  
  


_I couldn't move, I could barely breathe, barely take in what was happening._

  
  


_Before I knew it, I was being pinned down against the cold floor, trying to struggle against Dave as his hands savagely ripped away my boxers. He straddled me down, pinning my arms to the floor with his legs that sat either side of my hips._

  
  


_"Come on," he smiled, "Stop being such a bitch," he laughed as he slid his arms from his jacket and threw it across the floor._

  
  


_I was shivering as he stripped himself of his shirt and leant back down against me, grinding his groin into mine._

  
  


_My head automatically turned away as he tried to kiss me._

  
  


_"You're only making this harder on yourself," he whispered, leaning closer, "You know I always win," he smiled, tilting my head and forcing me to face him._

  
  


_A sickening feeling crept inside me as he pressed his alcohol tinged lips against mine and began to kiss me._

  
  


_"See?" he whispered, pulling away._

  
  


_He got to his feet and began to unfasten his pants, pulling the belt from it's loops before he unzipped them and slid them down his legs. He bent down with his back to me as he started to pull them off._

  
  


_This was my chance, this was my chance to get out._

  
  


_I pushed myself to my feet and dodged past Dave grabbing the door handle._

  
  


_"What the..." Dave's voice yelled as I pulled the door open._

  
  


_A hand on my arm sharply pulled me back and I let out a cry as the door slammed shut._

  
  


_"I don't think so Mike," he spat, slamming me against the door._

  
  


_My eyes closed as he pinned me there, rubbing his now naked body against mine, making me feel sick, dirty, used, all over again._

  
  


_"Look at me."_

  
  


_My eyes slowly opened and I stared at him as ran his hands down my chest before his face contorted into one of anger and he grabbed me by the wrists, pulling me harshly away from the door._

  
  


_I tried to push him off me, stop him as he forced me over to the bathtub, but I couldn't, he was just too strong._

  
  


_"Get in," he hissed._

  
  


_"No," I shook my head._

  
  


_"I said GET IN," he yelled._

  
  


_"No, please, just..."_

  
  


_My voice stopped as he pushed me roughly. I lost my balance and slipped, cracking my head on one of the taps as I crashed into the bath. The water splashed up around me and I tried to get up, get out, but my actions were in vain._

  
  


_Dave clambered on top of me, pinning me down._

  
  


_I heard an evil laugh escape him as he dunked my head under the water, his hand clamping over my mouth as I struggled beneath him._

  
  


_"Stop," I tried to yell, kicking at the water, trying to get out from underneath him but it was no use. He continued to hold me under the water, his hand tightening around my mouth._

  
  


_"Please... Stop..."_

  
  


_I couldn't breathe, I tried once more to push him off me but I couldn't._

  
  


_I was weak, just like he told me._

  
  


_Weak and pathetic._

  
  


_"Please... just... stop..."_

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


My eyes snapped open and I sat up with a shot.

  
  


"Fuck... Mike? Are you okay?"

  
  


I was shaking, my whole body covered in sweat, tears running down my face.

  
  


"I... I..." I gasped for breath as Chester moved beside me, pulling my hands away from my face.

  
  


"It was just a nightmare," he soothed, placing his arm around my back, "You're safe now."

  
  


I nodded, staring into the distance as I tried to catch my breath.

  
  


"Are you okay?" Chester asked me.

  
  


I turned to face him and slowly nodded my head.

  
  


"Do you want to... to talk about it?"

  
  


I shook my head, "It... It was nothing."

  
  


"It didn't sound like nothing."

  
  


I stared back at him, "What?"

  
  


"I heard... you were shouting and screaming about," he paused, "Dave... Telling him to stop touching you, to stop hurting you..."

  
  


"I need to get a drink," I told him hastily getting to my feet.

  
  


I scrambled over to the door and opened it, stepping out into the cool, dark hallway and padding into the kitchen. I stepped over to the sink and poured myself a glass of cold water, shaking as I brought the glass up to my lips and downed it all at once.

  
  


Placing the glass down I looked out of the window. It was raining, pouring from dark clouds that hung low in the sky. A bolt of lightening lit up my tired face shortly followed by a loud rumble of thunder, crackling through the sky.

  
  


I shivered and glanced down to my watch. It was a little after eight o'clock. I'd never meant to sleep for that long.

  
  


Now I was beginning to wish I'd never fallen asleep in the first place.

  
  


"Hey."

  
  


I heard Chester behind me, his footsteps nearing me until finally he stopped a little behind me.

  
  


"Hey," I replied.

  
  


"Are you okay?"

  
  


"Not really," I sighed, still staring out of the window. The sun loungers that had been out this afternoon were soaking wet, looking very out of place in the now stormy surroundings.

  
  


"You wanna talk?"

  
  


I shrugged.

  
  


"Okay... It's just that you were pretty fucking upset back then, was it a nightmare?"

  
  


"Sort of," I replied.

  
  


"Sort of?"

  
  


"More like a flashback."

  
  


"A flashback?"

  
  


"Yeah," I nodded, "I get them a lot and they freak me out. I can't seem to get out of them and I'm forced to re-live things that have happened to me over and over again."

  
  


"What things?"

  
  


"Things with," I paused as another streak of lightening lit up the kitchen, "Things with Dave."

  
  


"You, you mean when he used to beat you?"

  
  


I nodded my head.

  
  


"Is that what that was about?"

  
  


"Sort of."

  
  


"Sort of?"

  
  


I tore my gaze away from the window and slowly turned around to face him, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

  
  


"He raped me."

  
  


There.

  
  


I'd said it.

  
  


I'd told him the truth. I'd told him everything there was to know, save a few gory details, but he probably wouldn't want to know them now, would he?

  
  


"He... He what?" Chester asked, staring back at me.

  
  


"He raped me," I repeated, my voice turning into nothing more than a tiny whisper.

  
  


I turned away from him in shame, watching the rain as it poured down the window, washing away all memories of the sunny day right away.

  
  


I jumped as I felt Chester's hand upon my shoulder. Slowly, I turned to face him, dreading the look on his face.

  
  


It wasn't what I had expected though.

  
  


He wasn't looking at me in utter disgust, he wasn't looking at me in shock, in horror.

  
  


He just kept staring at me, almost sympathetically.

  
  


"Why?" he asked.

  
  


I shrugged my shoulders, "Maybe if I knew why then I wouldn't think about it all the time, I wouldn't beat myself up about it night after night."

  
  


Chester sighed and moved his hand from my shoulder down to my hand, squeezing it gently.

  
  


"I... I just don't understand why someone could even think about hurting you, you of all people," he shook his head.

  
  


"What do you mean?" I frowned.

  
  


"Mike you wouldn't harm a fly," he smiled slightly, "I... Why would he do a thing like that?"

  
  


"It wasn't him," I replied solemnly, "Yes, technically it was. But..."

  
  


"What?"

  
  


"It was the alcohol, it changed him into a completely different person. When he was sober he was so gentle, so loving but as soon as he started drinking he just seemed to disappear and was replaced by this monster. A monster that got a kick out of raping and beating me time and time ag..."

  
  


"He did it more than once?" Chester asked, his eyes wide in shock.

  
  


I slowly nodded my head.

  
  


"He fucking raped you more than once?"

  
  


My head nodded 'yes' once again.

  
  


Chester just stared at me, his mouth open, eyes wide as if he was trying to get his head around what I'd just told him.

  
  


"I think it's known as sexual abuse, nowadays," I told him gravely.

  
  


"Oh... My... Does anyone else know about this?" he asked.

  
  


"Yeah," I nodded, "Brad, Rob, Joe..."

  
  


"And they haven't fucking kicked his ass to death?" he shouted.

  
  


"They don't know the details," I shouted back, "They don't know about the amount of times that Dave tied me to the bed and forced himself on me. They don't know about the time that he tried to drown me in the bath tub. They don't know, I can't tell them, I....."

  
  


I was crying now, tears running down my cheeks as Chester wrapped his arms around me, rocked me gently against him.

  
  


"It's okay," he whispered, "He's not going to do it again."

  
  


I pulled away, sniffing as Chester wiped my tears away with his thumb.

  
  


"Sorry," he whispered, "I didn't mean to shout at you, it's, he's just made me so angry. I don't understand how he could do that to you."

  
  


I nodded and allowed him to wrap me up in his arms once again, sniffing as he rocked me gently against him. Relief washed over me though.

  
  


I'd told him, I'd finally told him everything.

  
  


Maybe things would get a little easier from now on?


	10. Fate

Why is it that whenever things start to go well and you finally start to see the light at the end of the tunnel that suddenly life just takes a turn for the worse? Is there some supreme being watching over us who controls our fate? For every wrong doing must we be rewarded with a punishment to last? Or do some of us just have extremely bad luck?

  
  


*

  
  


"Hey sleepy head."

  
  


I slowly opened my eyes and groaned as the morning light hit me right in the face. My eyes snapped shut and I rolled over onto my stomach, pulling my thick blanket tightly around me.

  
  


"Mike...."

  
  


"Go away," I groaned, swiping at the hand that was creeping inside my blankets.

  
  


"It's almost eight. You're going to be late for work."

  
  


"Ugh," I sighed, kicking off my sheets, "Who are you? My fucking Mother?" I snapped, jumping out of my warm bed. Chester stared back at me, his mouth open in shock as I barged past him and stormed into the bathroom.

  
  


I slammed the door behind me, leaning back against it as I caught my breath. I was not a morning person, especially not today.

  
  


It was Monday, it was still raining outside and I'd hardly slept a wink. I let out a sigh as I pulled off my boxers and shirt before stepping into the shower.

  
  


I felt like shit. Nothing more, nothing less. Just complete and utter crap. My sleep had, yet again, been plagued by the face belonging to Dave Farrell. Everytime I'd closed my eyes he'd been there, laughing at me, shouting at me.

  
  


It had been months since I'd left him, broken free from his evil ways. So why did it feel as if it was becoming an uphill struggle to get the pain he'd put me through out of my head?

  
  


It was bad enough that those things had actually happened in the first place, but it seemed that wasn't enough punishment. I was now being forced to re-live everything night after night.

  
  


Maybe I needed to see a Doctor.

  
  


Maybe I'd end up scaring the Doctor after they saw how fucked up I really was.

  
  


A loud banging coming from the other side of the bathroom door jolted me out of my deep thoughts.

  
  


"Hey Mike, get your ass out," Joe's voice hollered through the door.

  
  


I let out a sigh and turned the taps off, wrapping myself up in a large towel as I stepped out of the shower. Water dripped onto the floor beneath me as I walked across to the door, shooting a glare in Joe's direction as I stepped out into the hallway.

  
  


"What got up your ass?" he smirked as I huffed past him and into my room, slamming the door behind me.

  
  


I dressed in silence, pulling on a T-shirt and black pants before I shoved a cap over my head, pulled my trainers on and grabbed my bag. Slinging it over my shoulder, I headed out into the kitchen where Rob and Brad sat in there pyjamas staring into mugs of coffee.

  
  


"Where's Chaz?" I asked, opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water.

  
  


"He's gone to work," Brad replied sleepily.

  
  


"Oh," I sighed. He hadn't said goodbye. Probably because I'd snapped his head off before.

  
  


Closing the fridge door, I waved bye to Rob and Brad before leaving the apartment. I stepped out into the muggy air, locking the door behind me before setting off down the path.

  
  


The rain had turned to drizzle and the sun was trying to break through the thick, dark clouds.

  
  


It was going to be one of those days, I could just tell.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


I stared at the clock that hung from the wall in front of me, my eyes glued to the second hand as I wondered if it were possible for time to slow. It certainly felt like it.

  
  


The day, although quite eventful, had felt like it was dragging and dragging  _and_  dragging.

  
  


I'd been called into the bosses office, knowing instantly that something was wrong. He didn't just call anyone into his office for a nice, friendly chat. In fact, I don't think the words 'nice' and 'friendly' were even terms he was familiar with.

  
  


_I was right, something was wrong....._

  
  


_"Michael, take a seat."_

  
  


_I blinked back at him, letting the door shut softly behind me as I sat myself down in one of his plush, leather office chairs._

  
  


_"How do you think things are doing out there?" he asked, nodding his head to the door._

  
  


_"Erm, well, okay, I guess."_

  
  


_"You guess?"_

  
  


_"Yeah," I nodded, beginning to feel ever so slightly uncomfortable in his presence._

  
  


_"Either things are good, or they're not," he paused to look at me before continuing, "This game is a tough one to be in. You realize that in August your team, along with the other teams in this office will be competing with one another, the winning team getting a three year contract with my publishing company."_

  
  


_"Yes," I nodded, "You explained that."_

  
  


_"Well," he smiled, only a slight smile though, "I'm going to be brutal. I don't think you're going to make it."_

  
  


_"Oh," I frowned, "O... Okay... Can I ask why?"_

  
  


_"Well, I've been impressed with your work, you seem to be very capable at what you're doing, good ideas and design skills and the writer's have shown themselves to be very able too. You just don't seem to be getting on as a team, you don't seem to be working as well with one another than you could be. This isn't just any job, Michael, this is an opportunity waiting just around the corner, but if you want it, you've got to put in a hundred and ten percent."_

  
  


_I stared back at him as his mammoth speech came to an end._

  
  


_"Get back to work," he nodded, "And remember what I said."_

  
  


_"Sure," I smiled wryly, "Thanks," I told him, getting up from my seat._

  
  


Remember I said that I loved my job?

  
  


Well, now was the time that I really wanted to take back those words. Every single of of them.

  
  


I'd been conned at the interview - told that I'd be on a six month trial, working with a team of others - my job to design the layout for the magazine. I'd been told that it was a fun environment to work in. Yes, maybe it would have been fun if I'd taken a ton of prozac each morning.

  
  


Sighing, I finally tore my eyes away from the clock, realizing that the more I stared at it, the slower time began to tick away.

  
  


The shrill ring of my phone woke me up and I reached across my desk, picking the receiver up.

  
  


"Hello, Mike Shinoda speaking, how can I help?" I asked.

  
  


There was no answer.

  
  


"Hello?"

  
  


The sound of someone breathing down the phone indicated there was in fact someone there, they obviously had nothing better to do than make prank calls.

  
  


"Hello?"

  
  


Still no answer.

  
  


I shook my head and replaced the receiver, running a hand through my hair before glancing up at the clock yet again.

  
  


Three forty five... just five minutes had past.

  
  


The phone began to ring again.

  
  


Reaching for the receiver, I cleared my throat before answering, "Hello, Mike Shinoda speaking, how can I help?"

  
  


There was no answer again and I let out a sigh.

  
  


"Hello?" I asked.

  
  


A small laugh resounded at the other end of the phone.

  
  


"Is there anyone there?" I asked, starting to get a little aggravated.

  
  


The line went dead and I frowned, placing the receiver back down.

  
  


Switching on the computer that sat in front of me, I began to spin around in my chair as I waited for it to start up.

  
  


The shrill of the phone beside me began once again and I sighed, reaching out to pick the receiver up.

  
  


"Hello?" I asked, groaning as no answer came from the caller, "Hello?" I repeated, trying not to give them a piece of my mind. It would hardly impress my boss, would it?

  
  


"Look, is there any reason you keep...."

  
  


I stopped as a laugh came from the other end of the line and frowned as the line proceeded to go dead, beeping several times until I hung up.

  
  


Rubbing my eyes with my hand I shrugged and inserted a disc into the computer, leaning back as I waited for it to run.

  
  


It was now Three fifty eight. Was this day ever going to be over?

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


The day had finally ended and after getting home, I'd showered and dressed before crashing out in the lounge, half watching some documentary on the TV. I lay on the couch, my eyes starting to close until I heard the front door slam loudly and I was jolted wide awake.

  
  


Tilting my head back, I smiled as I saw Chester stood in the doorway.

  
  


"What's up?" I asked as I saw the glum look plastered across his face.

  
  


He let out a loud sigh and stepped in, plonking himself down beside me on the couch.

  
  


"I got fucking fired," he spat.

  
  


"What?" I asked, sitting up.

  
  


"They fired me," he repeated, resting his chin on his hands.

  
  


"Shit," I moved closer, wrapping my arm around his shoulder, "I'm sorry," I sighed, "Did they tell you why?"

  
  


"Yeah. They fed me some bullshit story about how they couldn't afford to keep everyone on. Me being there only two weeks gets kicked out first," he sulked, leaning his head against my shoulder, "Today has been the fucking shittiest day of my life," he muttered.

  
  


"Oh," I frowned, placing a small kiss upon his cheek, "I'm sure I can make it better," I whispered, causing him to break out into a contagious smile.

  
  


I grinned back at him as he moved in my arms, sliding his arms around my neck. He pushed his lips against mine and we kissed softly before he pulled away, "I'm sure you can," he whispered.

  
  


My hands slipped up to his shoulders and I squeezed them gently as he pressed his warm lips to mine once again.

  
  


"Someone seems pleased to see me," he murmured, his tongue lazily trailing along my bottom lip as one of his hands slid down to my waist, resting on my hip.

  
  


"Well, I didn't see you this morning," I sighed as he broke this kiss, "Sorry about that," I told him.

  
  


"Huh?" he asked, looking up at me.

  
  


"I was in a bit of a fowl mood, I didn't mean to snap at you."

  
  


"Oh," he smiled, "It's okay, I mean I did get ten dollars out of it."

  
  


"Hey?"

  
  


"Joe bet me that I wouldn't dare disturb you whilst you were sleeping," he grinned, "But I did," he chuckled, "And Joe still owes me my money," he called across to Joe who was fast asleep in the chair nearest to the TV.

  
  


"Huh?" Joe mumbled sleepily as he opened his eyes, "Ugh," he yawned, sitting up and looking over at us, "What time is it?"

  
  


"Just after seven," I told him.

  
  


"And you owe me ten," Chester grinned.

  
  


"Yes, I haven't forgotten."

  
  


"I should have more bets with you," Chester sighed, "I'm gonna need all the money I can get."

  
  


"How come?" Joe asked, yawning again.

  
  


"I lost my job."

  
  


"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

  
  


"It's okay," Chester smiled, "I spoke to Brad this afternoon, he's fixed me up with a job in the cafe he works in."

  
  


"That's a bit of a come down isn't it? From computer programmer to a waiter?" Joe smirked.

  
  


"Hey," A voice came from the door.

  
  


I turned around just in time to see Brad snatch a pillow off the couch and hurl it in Joe's direction. Joe ducked and it missed, crashing into the window with nothing more than a soft thud.

  
  


Joe leaned back in his chair, grabbing the pillow in his clutch before it went flying back across the room, whacking Brad square in the stomach.

  
  


"That's it Hahn," Brad hissed, picking the pillow up.

  
  


I looked across at Chester, nodding my head toward the door. He smiled and we got to our feet just as Brad threw the pillow in Joe's direction, obviously missing yet again as a large crash was heard.

  
  


Turning around, I saw that Joe was on the floor in laughter, Brad on the other hand stood in shock, his eyes glued to the mess on the floor.

  
  


"Oh fuck, that was Rob's birthday present for his mom," he uttered, staring at the vase that now lay in several pieces by the window.

  
  


I grabbed Chester's hand and pulled him out of the room and across the small hallway into our bedroom.

  
  


"If we stayed much longer we'd be playing glue the vase back together," I smiled as I followed Chester in and shut the door behind me, "And I can think of some better things that we could be doing," I grinned, wrapping my arms around Chester's slender waist.

  
  


"Oh yeah?" he asked, raising his eyebrows as he slipped his arms around me, pulling me closer against him.

  
  


"Mmm," I mumbled, closing my eyes as I pressed my lips against his.

  
  


He kissed me back slowly, his warm lips gently moving against mine.

  
  


A small moan escaped from me and I slid my hands lower, running them underneath Chester's shirt.

  
  


"Mike..."

  
  


I slowly pulled away as Chester broke the kiss. He stared into my eyes as he rested his hands on my hips.

  
  


"Yeah?"

  
  


"I need to ask you something," he told me, leading me over to his bed.

  
  


I sat down on the mattress, watching him as he kicked off his trainers and jumped up beside me, crossing his legs as he turned to face me.

  
  


"You know yesterday...." he paused, as I slowly nodded my head, "And what you told me...."

  
  


"Yeah?"

  
  


"I just wanted to know, I mean, how do you feel about," he paused again, blushing slightly, "You know... doing stuff....?"

  
  


"Oh," I smiled slightly, "I... I'm okay, I guess...."

  
  


"Are you sure?" he frowned, looking up at me, "I just want you to know that, if you're scared or nervous, it's okay, I understand."

  
  


I felt myself smiling again, "Thanks Ches," I nodded, grateful that he was thinking like this. I started to feel extremely lucky that I had him.

  
  


"I just don't want to rush things, okay? So whenever you're ready," he smiled, taking my hand and giving it a light squeeze.

  
  


I smiled back and leaned toward him, placing a gentle kiss against his soft lips, "Thanks for understanding," I murmured.

  
  


Within minutes we were laid on his bed, our legs and arms wrapped around one another, nothing but small moans and pants escaping from our mouths as we kissed.

  
  


Another moan escaped me as Chester bit down on my bottom lip, his warm tongue flicking inside my mouth as the kiss turned hungrier.

  
  


"Ches," I moaned, sliding my hands underneath his thin T-shirt. He arched his back, as my hands slipped higher, my fingertips tracing themselves up his spine, causing a low moan of pleasure to escape his lips.

  
  


My hands slid up, pushing his T-shirt off, the kiss breaking as I pulled it away over his head, dropping it down onto the floor below us.

  
  


Chester sat up a little, straddling my body down to the bed as he placed a warm hand upon my cheek.

  
  


"If you want me to stop, then just say," he told me in a whisper.

  
  


I smiled, nodding my head as his hand slowly trailed down my face, my neck, finally resting on my chest. His fingers deftly undid the top button of my shirt before he paused, glancing at me.

  
  


I removed my arms from around him, placing my hand on top of his. He smiled lightly as I pushed his hand down underneath my shirt, reassuring him that I was fine.

  
  


Moving my hands, they slid back around his waist as he proceeded to slowly undo my shirt. I sat up a little, allowing him to slide it off my arms before it fell to the floor and Chester pushed me flat against the bed once again, allowing our kisses to resume.

  
  


My hands slid up and down Chester's back, finally resting just inside the waistband of his trousers.

  
  


"Chester," I murmured, pulling away from his lips.

  
  


His eyes slowly fluttered open and he stared down at me, small pants escaping from his mouth.

  
  


"Fuck," I moaned as he continued to grind his hips into mine.

  
  


My hand continued to slide further underneath his pants, rubbing his ass, pulling him closer to me. If that were possible, I wasn't sure.

  
  


Chester got the hint and began to push his groin harder against mine causing me to moan even louder. My fingers dug into his skin, my eyes snapping shut as I felt myself getting harder and harder.

  
  


Suddenly, he stopped, his lips breaking away from mine. He stared down at me, his mouth slightly open as small pants escaped from him. His eyes locked with mine as my hands slid around to his stomach. Our eyes didn't break contact once as my fingers reached for the buttons on his pants, making skillful work of undoing them.

  
  


I paused as I reached inside his boxers, watching in fascination as Chester's eyes shut, a small moan escaping his lips.

  
  


"Fuck...."

  
  


I smiled and slowly trailed my hand down Chester's erection, a gasp escaping him as I wrapped my fingers around it and slowly began to trail them up and down. Chester's lips covered mine and we began to kiss once again, my hand quickening it's pace as he began to grind his hips into mine.

  
  


"Mike...." he murmured against my lips as I slowly pulled my hand away from his erection and pushed his pants down. He pulled away from me, getting off the bed for only a mere second as he stripped himself free from his pants and boxers. Seconds later he lay naked on top of me, pressing his body against mine as his hands slid down to the fastening of my pants.

  
  


I let out a low moan as Chester swiftly unzipped my trousers and his warm hand slid inside the opening of my boxers, gently rubbing up and down my throbbing erection.

  
  


My eyes snapped shut and I tipped my head back, my breathing starting to become more and more uneven the harder Chester began to stroke me.

  
  


"Chaz...."

  
  


His name escaped my lips as more of a whimper than a word. I was getting closer and closer and this felt just too good for words.

  
  


"You like that don't you?"

  
  


My eyes fluttered open as Chester's hot breath hit my ear.

  
  


"Yeah...." I nodded, a shiver running down my spine as Chester flicked his tongue over my earlobe.

  
  


I closed my eyes and leant my head back against the pillows, moaning slightly as Chester's hand began to slow down. His warm tongue trailed a pattern along my jaw bone until finally it was on my lips again, parting them skillfully as his mouth encompassed my own.

  
  


I kissed him back, my tongue rubbing against his as his hand finally stopped it's movements and in one swift motion my pants and boxers were pushed down to my ankles.

  
  


I shifted a little as I kicked them off, before wrapping my arms around Chester's waist, pulling him as close as possible. Hands glided over hot skin, moans filling the silent air of the room as Chester and I rolled around on his bed, finally stopping as I pushed him onto his back and straddled him down against the mattress.

  
  


I leant down, my lips meeting his as I began to grind my hips against him, the feel of our erections rubbing together caused me to let out a low moan. I wasn't going to last much longer.

  
  


Chester's hands slid up and down my back, his stubby fingernails gently clawing at my skin.

  
  


Our kiss was turning more and more heated by the second, tongues lapping over one another's, teeth biting into lips.

  
  


I was getting closer and closer.

  
  


Chester wrapped his legs around my waist, his hips now rocking back and forth in time with mine. His hands slid down, resting in the small of my back as he pulled me closer to him.

  
  


"Chester...." I moaned, finally breaking the kiss.

  
  


I rested my sweat soaked forehead against his, "I think... I'm gonna...."

  
  


His hands slid up my back once again, moving around to cup my face.

  
  


"Fuck," he uttered as I thrust myself against him one last time.

  
  


I came hard, crying out Chester's name as my hot seed spilled onto the covers beneath me. Chester came seconds later and we both collapsed against the bed, shaking in the aftermath of our orgasms.

  
  


"Oh My God."

  
  


I jumped as a female voice sounded in the room. My head snapped round, all the blood from my face draining as I saw the woman that stood in the doorway to our room.

  
  


"Shit!" I gasped, "Mom!" I felt myself burning up as she turned and ran, the sound of the front door slamming shut quickly following.

  
  


I scrambled from the bed and grabbed my boxers and T-shirt from the floor. Pulling them on, I raced out of the room, not bothered that I was barely dressed as I ran out of the house.

  
  


"Lena!" I yelled as I saw my step mom racing away down the path.

  
  


"Lena!" I called again, my pace quickening as she reached her car.

  
  


I raced down the path, stumbling once or twice as my bare feet slipped on the hot concrete. I finally reached her where she stood, her hand resting on the roof of her car.

  
  


"Lena...."

  
  


She turned round to face me, a look of disappointment in her eyes.

  
  


"I... I can explain," I told her, slightly out of breath.

  
  


"I don't wanna hear Mike," she whispered, unlocking the car door.

  
  


"Please...."

  
  


"You... I..." she stopped as she opened the door, "I can't speak to you right this minute," she told me coldly as she got into the car.

  
  


"Please, let me explain... it wasn't what it looked like... I... was...."

  
  


"Save it Mike," she hissed, "You... God your father will be turning in his grave if he just saw what I did," she spat.

  
  


My face fell as soon as the words left her mouth.

  
  


"I have to go," she spoke solemnly, not even saying goodbye as she pulled the door shut and started up the engine.

  
  


I gulped, tears beginning to sting the corners of my eyes as she drove off. I turned away, frozen in the middle of the road as tears filled my eyes, blurring my vision, her hurtful words resounding in my head.

  
  


_'Your father will be turning in his grave if he just saw what I did.'_

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


I looked down the path, my eyes meeting with Chester where he stood in the doorway, dressed only in shorts.

  
  


My eyes snapped away as more tears escaped my eyes and I turned into the road, taking a deep breath as I tried to calm down.

  
  


Only I couldn't. Her words were spinning around inside my mind.

  
  


_'Your father will be turning in his grave if he just saw what I did.'_

  
  


"Mike!!"

  
  


This time Chester's voice was louder and my head snapped up, my hand wiping my tears away.

  
  


Then everything happened so quickly.

  
  


The sound of brakes screeching filled my ears. My body spun round, my mind seeming to freeze as my eyes met the car that raced towards me. I stood glued to the spot as everything started to slow down again, tears still blurring my vision, my instincts refusing to react.

  
  


I heard Chester yelling my name, then I felt my body being thrown up into the air, a scream escaping my lungs as I landed on the ground with a loud thud.

  
  


Then everything went black.


	11. Luck

Some people seem to have all the luck in the world, things always seem to go the way they want them to, almost as if they have good fortune on their side. Other people, however, can be prone to having the worst luck in the world. Things seem to repeatedly go wrong, no matter how hard they try, things just don't seem to work out quite how they have wished. Once something goes wrong, so do a hell of a lot of other things.... what's that saying about bad things happening in threes?

  
  


*

  
  


_"Three days ago on Monday evening at around seven forty five, a twenty one year old Japanese-Caucasian male was badly injured in a hit and run incident. The man, who wishes to remain unnamed was knocked down in the Birchhill Wood area of town. He is now in hospital, suffering with a severe concussion, several fractured ribs and a broken arm. Police are asking any witnesses to come forward. If anyone has any information, please call Detective Walker on......"_

  
  


I slowly reached for the TV remote and pressed the red button, causing the small screen to go blank.

  
  


"You okay?"

  
  


I looked up at the door to see Chester standing against it, a Styrofoam cup of coffee in one hand, a magazine in the other. I smiled and nodded as he let the door close softly behind him and walked over to me, sitting himself down in the chair beside my bed.

  
  


"When did you wake up?" he asked me, placing the magazine down on the night stand and taking the lid from his cup.

  
  


"About an hour ago," I murmured, shutting my eyes.

  
  


I had been unconscious since I was knocked down on Monday evening and woken up yesterday, feeling groggy and confused as Chester's worried face had smiled back at me, telling me I was going to be fine. My left arm had been put in a cast and I now adorned a thick, white bandage across my forehead, along with a few stitches just above my right eye.

  
  


Chester and Brad had been beside me since I came around, finally leaving late last night when I'd persuaded them that I really was okay. Although I'd really felt far from okay.

  
  


I felt like I'd been hit by a truck, okay it wasn't quite a truck, more like a family estate car, but it still hurt like a fucker. I'd barely been able to keep my eyes open for more than a minute and felt as if someone was hammering inside my mind.

  
  


My step-mom had also been there when I woke, but not mentioned one thing about the whole argument. She had pretty much acted as if it hadn't happened. She'd left with Rob and Joe a few hours before Brad and Chester had gone, telling me she'd be back in the morning.

  
  


It was just after two pm and she still hadn't called in.

  
  


I sighed, letting out a groan as my head began to pound again.

  
  


"You okay?" Chester asked softly.

  
  


I nodded, "I'm fine," I whispered, my eyes still closed.

  
  


My head felt like someone was repeatedly banging it against a brick wall, probably because I was thinking too much. I just hoped that Lena would come back. She was, after all, pretty much the only family I had left.

  
  


My mom had died minutes after I was born, there had been complications during my birth and my dad had been left holding the baby, literally. My dad had been like a best friend to me at times. His parents had passed away when he was just twenty, a few weeks after I was born. Any other person could well have fallen apart, losing their parents and their wife in the space of a month. But not my dad, no, it seemed to make him even stronger.

  
  


He inherited his parent's farm and with the help from a few family friends and relatives was able to raise me and run the farm.

  
  


My father had met Lena when I was nine years old. By the time I'd reached ten, they were married and Lena was living with us. We were like one big happy family, my dad loved Lena and so did I. She was such a lively, happy woman, and not being able to have children herself, treasured spending time with me.

  
  


I'd finally got used to having someone to call 'mom' around me, I thought that life was going to be one peachy ride.

  
  


But it wasn't.

  
  


I was fourteen when I received the phone call that changed my life forever.

  
  


It was Christmas Eve and my dad had gone out in the car to fetch a Christmas tree. He'd seen some that a guy had been selling at the roadside a few blocks away, meaning driving in the snow, he'd probably be about an hour at the most.

  
  


An hour, then two hours had passed. Lena and I had started to get worried, then the phone had rung. It had been the police. My father had been involved in an accident, his car skidding in some black ice had hit a truck. He'd been pronounced dead at the scene.

  
  


I very nearly fell apart, if it weren't for Brad, Chester and Lena I would never had made it through and probably wouldn't be here right now. That's why I wanted so badly to straighten things out with her. If I lost her, then it was like losing all connections to my father, my childhood. Something that I never wanted to happen.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


Chester's soft voice brought me out of my worries and I slowly opened my eyes, smiling as he placed his empty coffee cup down and brushed his warm hand across my forehead.

  
  


"You're cold," he told me.

  
  


"Yeah," I shivered.

  
  


He smiled weakly and pulled the white blankets further up around me, squeezing my hand lightly as he began to speak.

  
  


"I feel so bad," he sighed.

  
  


"Bad?" I frowned, "About what?"

  
  


"All of this," he paused, "If we hadn't had been, y'know...."

  
  


"What? Naked and humping one another?" I smirked.

  
  


He blushed and nodded, "Well, then your mom wouldn't have come in, she wouldn't have upset you and you wouldn't have been hit by that car....."

  
  


"And...."

  
  


"Well, it's my fault, I mean if I...."

  
  


"Chester," I closed my eyes, "Stop being an idiot," I murmured, starting to feel extremely tired once again.

  
  


"Sorry," he whispered, his fingers intertwining with mine, "I just. Mike I thought you were dead."

  
  


My eyes snapped open as I heard him sniff and when I looked up, tears were rolling down his cheeks.

  
  


"Chester?"

  
  


"I'm sorry," he whispered, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, "I... I just saw it all happen. One minute you were walking along, the next minute you were being flung into the air. I didn't know what to do. I've only been with you for, what? A week? I thought you were gonna die...."

  
  


I stared back at him, shakily reaching my hand up to caress his tearstained cheek, "I don't go that easily," I smiled lightly.

  
  


Chester sniffed again, "I'm sorry," he sighed, "I just thought that I wasn't gonna be able to have sex with you," he said seriously, before bursting out into laughter.

  
  


"Hey!" I laughed, pulling my hand away, "So if you had fucked me, it wouldn't have mattered?"

  
  


"Nah," he smiled, causing me to join him in laughing.

  
  


"No, seriously Mike," he smiled when our laughter had finally died down, "I'm fucking relieved that you're okay," he told me.

  
  


I smiled and curled up on my side so that I was facing him. A yawn escaped my mouth and I snuggled against the warm pillows, feeling my eyes start to close.

  
  


"You get some sleep," Chester whispered, gently stroking his fingers through my hair.

  
  


My eyes closed and I slowly drifted off to sleep, purring contentedly as Chester continued to comfort me.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


When I opened my eyes again, the room was dark and the chair that Chester had once occupied was now empty. I rolled onto my back, letting out a groan as I stretched my legs out.

  
  


Looking up at the door, I smiled as I spotted Lena talking to a nurse outside the room. She smiled at me and said something to the nurse before opening the door and stepping in.

  
  


"You," she smiled, walking over to me and wrapping me up in her arms, "You always used to be getting into scrapes when you were younger," she told me, sitting down in the seat, "How are you feeling?"

  
  


"Better," I told her, my voice cracking a little.

  
  


"That's good," she nodded, "The doctors say you'll be out of here in a few days."

  
  


I smiled and paused before looking back up at her, "Lena?"

  
  


"Yes?"

  
  


"About what happened...."

  
  


"Mike, I'm so sorry," she sighed, "I shouldn't have said those things. I certainly didn't mean to," she paused, "It just took me by surprise. I really did  _not_  expect to walk in on you and Chester, well, y'know," she chuckled.

  
  


I let out a sigh of relief as I realized she had seen the funny side too.

  
  


"I'm sorry I yelled. I was in the area, on my way to the airport so I thought I'd pop in.... I just wasn't bargaining on seeing what I did...."

  
  


I felt myself beginning to blush, wondering just how long she had been stood there for? On second thoughts, I really  _didn't_  want to know.

  
  


"I mean, wouldn't you be a little shocked if you walked in on me kissing another woman?"

  
  


I laughed and nodded my head, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before.... that I was gay, I mean.... I didn't know how you'd take it."

  
  


"It's fine," she smiled, "You know I don't have a thing against homosexual people, and nor did your Father. I didn't mean what I said. Like I said, I was just shocked."

  
  


I smiled, "Thanks Lena."

  
  


"How long have you known?" she asked.

  
  


"That I was gay?" I asked, looking down at my hand.

  
  


"Yes."

  
  


"Since I was fifteen...."

  
  


"Fifteen?" she sounded surprised.

  
  


"Yeah," I smiled, "A while ago."

  
  


"So you've had other boyfriends beside Chester?"

  
  


"Yeah," I nodded, "Chester's only been back in the country about a month... we started dating just over a week ago. Before that I was with a guy called Dave, but that didn't work out," I forced a smile.

  
  


"And there was me thinking that you were still a virgin, too scared to ask girls out on dates..."

  
  


"Really?" I frowned.

  
  


"No Mike," she chuckled, "I do know you a little better than that," she smiled.

  
  


"You said you were going to the Airport. Where were you going?"

  
  


"New York, to see your Aunt. My flight was this evening but I rescheduled it for next week, if you're better."

  
  


"You don't have to wait y'know. Go tonight, I'll be fine. I'm sure the others will keep me company."

  
  


"I'd rather wait until I know you're okay."

  
  


"I'm fine, you should go."

  
  


"Are you sure?"

  
  


"Yes," I nodded, "Go," I told her.

  
  


"Anyone would think you were trying to get rid of me," she smiled, "Are you sure you'll be okay?"

  
  


I nodded sleepily as she got up.

  
  


"I'll call you as soon as I get there," she smiled, hugging me gently, "You take care and I'll come and see you when I'm back. I'll phone before I visit next time," she laughed.

  
  


I smiled and waved as she left the room, shutting the door quietly behind her.

  
  


Snuggling under the covers, I was just drifting off to sleep when the door opened. I slowly opened my eyes, my heart stopping as I saw the figure that stood in the doorway.

  
  


Dave.

  
  


"Hello Mike," he smiled, stepping in and walking over to me.

  
  


"D... Dave?" I stuttered, "What are you doing here?"

  
  


"I saw what happened. It was on the local news on TV, I was worried," he answered, sitting down beside me on the edge of the bed, "You poor thing," he whispered, taking my hand, "How are you feeling?" he asked, trailing his other hand across my cheek.

  
  


I flinched a little, beginning to feel uncomfortable as he leaned closer.

  
  


"I'm okay," I whispered.

  
  


"That's good," he smiled, squeezing my hand, "I was so worried," he continued, "I thought you were really hurt."

  
  


"I was actually," I spoke, my brain trying to figure out why, exactly, Dave was here. It had been months since he'd been in contact, we weren't even on speaking terms, so why was he so bothered about me?

  
  


"Is it broken?" he asked, nodding his head to my arm.

  
  


"Yes," I sighed, "Listen, I hate to be anti social, but I'm feeling really, really tired. Maybe you could come back some other time?" I told him, hoping to God that he wouldn't even consider coming near me again. I was only just starting to confront what had just happened, it was going to take forever to forget him if he kept showing his face.

  
  


"It's okay," he smiled, running his hand down to my chin, "I can stay while you sleep," he whispered, his fingers gently trailing across my lips, "You get some rest. I'll be here when you wake up."

  
  


"Dave...."

  
  


"Ssh," his fingers pressed against my lips, hushing me, "It's okay," he smiled, "I used to love watching you sleep, all peaceful and innocent. It'll be just like old times."

  
  


I pulled my head back, shakily retrieving my hand from his clutch, "I want you to go," I told him boldly.

  
  


"Hey," he frowned, "What's wrong Mike?" he whispered, ignoring me as he leant closer.

  
  


My breath caught in my throat as I felt his lips on my forehead, "Relax," he whispered, suddenly pulling away as the door opened.

  
  


I looked up in relief as a nurse entered the room, smiling at me as she picked up the charts that hung from the end of the bed.

  
  


"I'll come by some other time," he whispered, stroking his fingers across my cheek, his eyes burning into mine, "Take care Mike," he smiled getting up.

  
  


I watched nervously as he walked to the door, stopping to look back and smile before he opened it and stepped out of the room, the door quietly falling shut behind him.

  
  


"Are you okay?"

  
  


I glanced up at the nurse as she placed a cool hand upon my forehead.

  
  


"You look like you've seen a ghost," she smiled.

  
  


"Something like that," I whispered.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


"Owwwww...."

  
  


"Alright Mike, we're nearly done."

  
  


"It really hurts," I whispered, my grip on Chester's hand tightening even more as the nurse continued to press her hands against my ribs, asking every so often if it was painful.

  
  


Of course it was fucking painful. They were fractured and covered in black bruises, what was she expecting?

  
  


"Alright, all done," she smiled, pulling the covers back over me, "It appears that the bruising is a lot more severe than we first thought," she told me as she clicked her pen on and began scribbling something down on the charts in her hand, "We'll increase your meds and see how things go," she smiled, "Make sure you get plenty of sleep, it will help in the long run."

  
  


I smiled, nodding my thanks as she left the room and Chester sat himself down on the edge of my bed, his hand still wrapped around mine.

  
  


"Chester?" I whispered, sure I was going to start crying any minute now. I couldn't help it. I hated crying, but I hated hospitals even more. I felt like I had an army marching over my chest and Dave, well Dave had scared the hell out of me.

  
  


"Yeah?" he asked as I looked up into his deep brown eyes.

  
  


"Dave came to see me," I told him, fiddling nervously with my fingers.

  
  


"He what?" Chester asked, his eyes wide.

  
  


"He said he heard about what happened to me so he came to see if I was okay...."

  
  


"Did he fucking touch you?"

  
  


"No," I answered, "He didn't do anything."

  
  


"But he shook you up?" Chester asked, calming a little.

  
  


"A bit," I sighed.

  
  


"Maybe," Chester paused, "I don't even know the guy, but maybe he was just genuinely concerned and just came to say hi?"

  
  


"I dunno," I shrugged.

  
  


"But you'd rather he didn't come by again?"

  
  


I nodded my head.

  
  


"Don't worry about it," he smiled, squeezing my hand, "I'll ask the nurses to only let me, the others and your mom stop by, yeah?"

  
  


"Thanks Chester," I smiled.

  
  


"Is anything else wrong?" he asked, "I mean I know being stuck in hospital isn't exactly peachy, but you looked really sad when I came in before."

  
  


"I just don't like being in here," I whispered, "Brings back some bad memories," I sighed, glancing around the small room.

  
  


"You mean when your dad," he paused not finishing his sentence.

  
  


I slowly nodded my head, "And other stuff..... I ended up in here a few times after," I paused, "After Dave...." I sniffed.

  
  


"Oh Mike," Chester sighed, leaning closer as he gently slid his arms around my waist.

  
  


I leaned my head on his shoulder, a few tears slipping down my cheek as Chester gently rubbed my back.

  
  


He finally pulled away a good few minutes later, gently wiping away my tears with his thumb, "I'm going to look after you when you get out of here," he whispered, "I'll make you feel better in no time," he grinned.

  
  


"Really?" I smiled.

  
  


"Yup," he nodded, "I'm going to make hot passionate love to you," he whispered, causing me to chuckle.

  
  


"I like the sound of that," I smiled.

  
  


"Good. Now, get some kip," he ordered me, "I have to go, but Brad and the others will be back here with me tomorrow."

  
  


"Okay," I nodded sleepily as he got up from the bed.

  
  


"I'll see you tomorrow morning," he whispered, kissing me gently on the lips.

  
  


I smiled as he pulled away and tucked the covers around me as I snuggled beneath them, curling up into a tiny ball. He walked over to the door, quietly shutting it behind him as he left the room.

  
  


Only then did my tears start to fall as something that had been playing on my mind all afternoon started up again.

  
  


Dave told me he had heard about what had happened to me on the news on TV.

  
  


Well how was that so, when they'd never even mentioned my name?


	12. Surprises

There's two different types of surprises. The ones that make you smile, make you think 'wow' and want to dance around the room or the unexpected, unwelcome ones. Ones that make your day dip further down than it already was, ones that you just don't even want to think about happening.

  
  


*

  
  


Three weeks. Three whole fucking weeks. That's how long I ended up staying in the dreaded hospital. The nurses had been concerned with my condition at the end of the first week so they'd kept me in a while longer only to find that I'd just got worse.

  
  


I'd ended up having head scans, x-rays and been poked about with many a sterile instrument only to have them tell me that my brain was fine, my ribs were slowly mending but the accident had obviously caused me to become somewhat sluggish and to stay on the safe side, they didn't discharge me until yesterday morning.

  
  


It had been entertaining in some ways. The others had come round practically everyday after work, or in Joe's case, after he'd finished watching the back to back run of The Sopranos that was on TV every afternoon throughout the summer. Rob had talked non stop about Justine, his other half. Telling me in some cases, more than I really cared to know. I swore that now I could recite her full name, date of birth, shoe size and weight on cue if I were asked. Joe had talked non stop about The Sopranos and brought a few sketchpads in, insisting on drawing portraits of me, telling me that I was the best person he'd ever drawn as I didn't fidget.

  
  


It wasn't like I could have moved anyway.

  
  


Brad had been, well Brad. Talking for hours on end about the two girls he was now dating. At the same time. And also showing his mothering side every five minutes, asking if I wanted more pillows, a drink, or needed the toilet. It had begun to irk me in the last few days, but then I'd realized that I'd more than likely be behaving in the same way if it had been Brad who was sick.

  
  


Chester had been by my side most of the time as well, and I felt like I know knew him better than the back of my hand. Hospitals are very boring places, and to keep me from going insane we seemed to have talked and talked, night after night about every topic imaginable.

  
  


He'd told me how much he'd regretted going over to England with his Mother and how he'd been pretty much an outcast at his school and college. We'd joked about things, recalled the night of passion we'd encountered when we went camping and laughed at Rob's really bad jokes.

  
  


But best of all, I'd learnt to trust Chester with everything I had. I'd told him about some of the things that Dave had done to me, some of the things I'd been through in the last few years. He'd told me that he was always there to listen and even though he couldn't change the things that had happened, that he'd always be there to hold me, talk to me when I got upset.

  
  


Those words had brought one king sized cheshire cat grin upon my face and I'd begun to realize that these four friends of mine really did mean the world to me.

  
  


Dave hadn't turned up again, for which I was very thankful for. I hadn't even had nightmares about him, so maybe a few good things had come about from being stuck in a hospital bed for three weeks.

  
  


But now, I was out, I was free.

  
  


It was Monday afternoon and I lay on the couch in my shorts and T-shirt, laughing as Joe kicked Chester's ass on the playstation yet again. It was unbearably hot outside again in the thick, late July sunshine. I could hear one of our neighbours yelling at someone to  _'Keep the fucking noise down, I'm trying to study'_  and from the window I could see across the road, watching as a group of college kids lazed the day away.

  
  


"Fuck! Joe you are such a fucking cheat!" Chester exclaimed, throwing his controller to the floor in mock anger.

  
  


I chuckled as he got to his feet, straightening out his shorts before he headed into the kitchen.

  
  


"You two want anything to eat or drink?"

  
  


"I'll have a cheese sandwich and a coke," Joe hollered, his eyes not leaving the screen as he began to battle out against the computer.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


I slowly got up from the couch, stretching my arm out before I walked into the kitchen.

  
  


"Hey," Chester smiled, "You were supposed to let me get you something," he told me as he opened the fridge door and started to rummage around inside it.

  
  


"I'm okay," I told him, "I can get myself a drink," I smiled as I stepped over to the cupboard and opened it, grabbing a glass before I placed it down on the table, "Do you want a drink?" I asked him.

  
  


"Please," he called, his head still inside the fridge.

  
  


I smiled and got out two more glasses, placing them beside mine as I headed over to Chester and grabbed a bottle of coke from the fridge.

  
  


"You want me to open that?" he asked, shutting the fridge door.

  
  


"I can do it," I insisted, though just how I planned on opening it with my left arm in a sling, I did not know.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


"Please," I nodded, passing him it.

  
  


"Why don't you go and sit down? You're supposed to be resting...."

  
  


"Getting a drink isn't exactly strenuous," I quipped.

  
  


"You are so stubborn," he smiled, shaking his head, "Are you still okay about going out tonight? We can always go later on in the week if you...."

  
  


"Chester! I'm fine. I'm looking forward to it after being held hostage in a hospital for the past few weeks."

  
  


Chester laughed as he unscrewed the cap off the bottle, "Good, but I wanted you rested for tonight," he winked, "You're going to need to preserve your energy."

  
  


"I am?" I asked.

  
  


"Yes," he smiled, passing me a glass of coke, "Now scram."

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


Chester and the others had decided to take me out to celebrate me being better again, something which I was now looking forward to even more, after my boyfriend's earlier comments.

  
  


It was a little after seven when we started to get ready. Brad had finally gone to pick up his chosen date for the night. After an hour or so, he had finally chose to bring Selina along. Rob had gone along with him as well, picking up Justine on the way. We were set to meet them in the bar at around eight, but at the rate things were going, we were never going to get there.

  
  


I hadn't washed since my embarrassing experience of the sponge bath I'd been given the day before in hospital. Having my arm in a cast which wasn't allowed to get wet meant that showering was going to be near impossible, unless I wanted to end up on my ass with soap in my eyes.

  
  


As stubborn as I was, I was going to have to ask Chester for a little help.

  
  


I got up from my bed and headed into the lounge where Chester was busy ironing a shirt, whistling along to himself as I stepped through the doorway.

  
  


"Chester?" I asked.

  
  


"Hey," he smiled, looking up, "What's up?"

  
  


"This is really embarrassing," I started, "But I need to take a shower."

  
  


"Oh," Chester frowned as he bent down and unplugged the iron, "Ohhh," he smiled, the penny finally dropping.

  
  


"Would you mind? It's just that I can't bend down much and I'm not supposed to get this cast wet...."

  
  


"'Course I don't," he grinned broadly, "Is the bathroom free?"

  
  


"Yeah, Joe's already gone, he's DJ-ing tonight."

  
  


"I'll just hang this shirt up, I'll be through in a minute," he smiled, picking his shirt up.

  
  


I stepped back out into the hall and walked past Rob's room, turning into the bathroom. I pulled on the light, lighting up the small dark room as I stepped inside. I sat down on the edge of the bath, wiping the sweat from my forehead. It was a little over ninety five degrees and I felt like doing nothing more than curling up in a tiny ball inside the cool, porcelain bathtub but then I remembered that the reason we could no longer use the bath was because of the large crack that sat in the bottom of it. If I got in it would more than likely send me and the bathtub through to the basement of the house, which probably wouldn't please the people that lived down there too much.

  
  


"Hey."

  
  


I smiled as Chester walked in and shut the door behind him before reaching into the small shower cubicle and turning the taps on.

  
  


"Do you want me to help you get undressed?" Chester asked, causing me to blush.

  
  


He smiled at me as I coyly nodded my head and knelt down before me as he started to undo the knot on my sling.

  
  


"How'd you get dressed this morning?" he asked me.

  
  


"With difficulty," I chuckled.

  
  


"You should have asked me for some help," he grinned, "I really  _don't_  mind...."

  
  


"I hope you're not implying that you'd take advantage of me in my wounded state?" I asked as he carefully slid the white sling off and placed it beside the sink.

  
  


"Would I?" he asked, smiling innocently.

  
  


"I won't answer that," I told him.

  
  


"Right. Lift your arm up," he told me and I slowly raised my right arm, wincing a little as he carefully pulled my T-shirt over off, slowly sliding it down my left arm, "Mmm," he smirked, placing my T-shirt over the edge of the bath, "I could so get used to this," he grinned.

  
  


"Do you want a smack?" I joked, raising my eyebrows.

  
  


"Ooh dirty talk, I like it!" Chester quipped, reaching his hands to the zipper on my pants.

  
  


"Hey," I scowled, "Behave."

  
  


He smiled and undid my pants, motioning for me to stand up as he slid them off my hips and down to my ankles.

  
  


"This isn't funny, y'know," I told him as I shakily stepped out of my trousers, "I'm twenty one and I can't even get undressed myself."

  
  


"Hey," Chester's smile faltered, "You'll be right as rain in no time," he told me before he removed his T-shirt and pants, "Shorts," he pointed to my boxers.

  
  


"I can't even bend... you're gonna have to..." I blushed.

  
  


Chester smiled and swiftly pulled down my shorts, a smile playing upon his lips before he removed his own shorts and stepped under the shower.

  
  


"I'm gonna get you back for this Chester," I joked, playfully narrowing my eyes at him as I stepped into the cubicle beside him, leaning against the tiled wall, my left arm held out so as not to get it wet.

  
  


"This kills," I sighed as a pins and needles sensation shot up my outstretched arm.

  
  


"I'll be quick," Chester smiled, grabbing a bottle of shampoo.

  
  


He squeezed a small blob of the scented liquid into his hand and I closed my eyes as he began to massage the soapy mass into my hair.

  
  


"Right, lean forward a bit," he told me and I did so, leaning my head under the stream of refreshingly cool water. Chester's soft hands ran through my hair, rinsing away the shampoo. Once he had finished, I cracked open my eyes, watching him as he began to wash his hair, soap dripping down his face.

  
  


I leaned back against the wall, closing my eyes again. I wasn't sure if it was me, or the hot weather that was causing me to feel as if I'd just run a marathon.

  
  


"Are you okay?" Chester's voice asked, "You look like you're about to faint."

  
  


"I'm fine," I smiled, "Just a little dizzy," I told him as the noise of soap suds and water slapping against the tiles told me Chester had almost finished. I opened my eyes as he ran a hand through his wet hair and grabbed a sponge and a bottle of green coloured shower gel from the shelf. He squeezed some of the soap out onto the sponge before placing the bottle back and telling me to hold my arm out. I obliged, allowing Chester to start washing my arm. He massaged the soapy sponge over my whole body, repeating the process with himself. Finally, he helped me back under the stream of water, his hands helping to rinse away the soapy suds.

  
  


Any other time and I would have been horny as hell - who wouldn't be when they had a completely naked Chester Bennington beside them? Water and bubbles were slowly dripping down his lithe body as he rinsed himself free of the soap but all I could do was lean back against the cold tiled wall, breathless and half watching him as he turned the taps off.

  
  


"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, stepping out and grabbing some towels.

  
  


I slowly nodded my head, watching him as he wrapped one of the stupidly big bath towels around his slender waist.

  
  


"You really don't look too good," he told me, unfolding the other towel.

  
  


I didn't feel that great either. I really did feel as if my knees were about to buckle beneath me if I stood up for much longer.

  
  


"Here," Chester smiled, taking my hand and helping me out of the shower. He wrapped the towel around me and opened the door, leading me to our bedroom where he gently pushed me down on the bed.

  
  


"You know we can always do tonight some other time Mike," he smiled as he began to dry himself off.

  
  


I leaned back so I was lying on the bed, my eyes half closing as I spoke, "No I want to go out tonight. I  _need_  to," I laughed, "Any longer shut up inside and I'll go insane!"

  
  


"As long as you're sure," he smiled, suddenly dropping the towel to the ground. I found myself blushing as he turned around, giving me an eyeful of his ass as he pulled on some clean boxers.

  
  


"What are you smirking at?" he grinned as he turned round and stepped over to his closet.

  
  


"You! Giving me a flash," I laughed.

  
  


"Well," he smiled, grabbing some pants off a hanger, "You are my boyfriend, you've seen it all before. Besides, I'm Mr. Flamboyant," he winked, pulling the dark coloured jeans he'd picked up over his hips.

  
  


I chuckled and leant back, grimacing as I bent my elbow. Sighing, I placed my left arm across my chest, absently tapping my fingers on my stomach as Chester dressed.

  
  


A good ten minutes later Chester was fully clothed; a white t-shirt to go with his jeans, a pair of army boots and a smirk upon his face.

  
  


"Are you going like that Shinoda?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

  
  


"No," I scowled, "I... Could you maybe help me?" I asked, giving him the best wounded puppy look I could master.

  
  


He smiled and nodded, holding out his hand which I took as he pulled me to my feet. He whipped the towel from around my waist and began to pat me dry, causing me to smile like the cat who got more than just the cream.

  
  


"I hope you're not getting a kick out of this," Chester whispered from behind me as he reached my shoulders and began to gently rub them with the soft towel.

  
  


"Me?" I smiled, turning slightly to face him. He smiled, and moved forward, his lips gently crashing into mine and before I knew it he'd gently spun me around. His arms slipped around my waist, pulling me against him as the kiss intensified.

  
  


"Mmm," I murmured as the kiss slowly ended, all my energy seeming to drain from my body as I leaned my head into Chester's chest. He trailed his hands up my back, resting them on the back of my head, his fingers lazily scrunching at my wet spikes of hair.

  
  


I smiled contentedly, my eyes closing as Chester placed a small kiss atop of my head. It didn't feel right though. How could anyone treat me like this? How could anyone be so gentle and loving towards me? I didn't deserve Chester, did I? Not after all I'd been through, not after the ways that Dave had used me and violated me.

  
  


I let out a sigh, slowly opening my eyes as I pulled away from Chester's clutch. Why did I keep doing this? Why did I keep thinking about Dave? About the things he'd done? It had been over for months now, so why couldn't I seem to let go? Forget about it?

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


My gaze snapped upto Chester, "Yeah?"

  
  


"You were spacing out then," he smiled, "I asked what clothes you were wearing."

  
  


"Oh sorry. Anything," I told him.

  
  


"What? I get to choose?" Chester beamed, his eyes glowing excitedly.

  
  


"Sure," I smiled as he bounced over to my wardrobe. I leant back against the wall, smiling at Chester as I wondered how a grown man could get excited about clothes, but then again that was all a part of Chester. He could go from the most serious, caring person to a childlike form of himself in a matter of seconds. He never ceased to amaze me.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


It was a little after eight thirty when Chester and I arrived at the bar. After what seemed like hours of deliberation, he had finally dressed me in black pants and a black T-shirt, finishing it off by spending at least ten minutes on my hair, spiking it up until he'd proclaimed that I looked like 'A fine piece of ass.'

  
  


My sling had been left off, much to Chester's annoyance but I just couldn't go another second without being able to move my arm. That was, more than likely, the point of the nasty white piece of cloth, but to hell with it.

  
  


We'd walked to the bar, or rather, strolled as the air was still muggy and I couldn't manage more than five steps without starting to feel slightly out of breath.

  
  


"There they are," Chester smiled, his hand linked with mine as we headed over to the booth that normally housed Brad and the others.

  
  


"Hey," Brad grinned as we reached the table, "We thought you'd gotten held up," he smirked, giving me a wink as I sat down beside Joe.

  
  


"No," I smiled, "We did not get  _held up_  Bradford," I told him as Chester sat down beside me.

  
  


"Oh, this is Selina," Brad smiled, holding his hand out to the extremely large cleavaged girl that sat beside him.

  
  


"Hey," I smiled, nodding at her.

  
  


"Nice to meet you," she smiled, "Brad's being telling me all about you two," she grinned, causing me to raise an eyebrow at him.

  
  


"Yeah?" I asked, a little bemused.

  
  


"Yes," she smiled, "You sound like the cutest couple," she gushed, "We so have to get together one day."

  
  


"Yeah," Joe enthused, nudging me, "Maybe you could like, exchange make up tips and obsess over Brad Pitt?"

  
  


"Sure," she enthused, either too dumb to get Joe's sarcasm, or showing her sarcastic side.... which, I wasn't quite sure.

  
  


"What do you want to drink sweetie?" Chester asked, in his campest voice.

  
  


"Oh I'll have a coke," I replied, batting my eyelids at him.

  
  


"You guys?"

  
  


"We're fine," Brad smiled, "I just got a round in, here," he smiled, passing Chester a note.

  
  


"Thanks bro," Chester smiled, getting to his feet.

  
  


I laughed as he let out a giggle and headed to the bar, swaying his hips as he walked. He turned round and flashed me a smile, winking at me before he turned back to the bartender.

  
  


"We didn't miss your set, did we?" I asked Joe.

  
  


"Nope, I'm not on till eleven."

  
  


"Cool," I smiled, "Where's Rob?" I asked, noting that neither him or his girlfriend were around.

  
  


"Domestic," Brad explained, rolling his eyes.

  
  


"Oh," I nodded, smiling as Chester came back.

  
  


"Here you go my sugar plum fairy," he smiled, passing me my drink as he sat down.

  
  


"You two are so cool," Selina smiled, "I'm so excited, I've never known any camp people before," she grinned.

  
  


I looked across at Brad, my eyebrows raised and he smiled back, giving me a look that more than likely meant he'd be bringing Emma along next time.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


The night had been fun, Rob had turned up on his own around nine o'clock, swiftly downing three bottles of beers as he mumbled something about Justine being a stuck up bitch.

  
  


Talking of stuck up bitches, Selina had really got on my nerves. The gay jokes that had probably meant to be completely harmless had really started to piss myself and Chester off. We weren't the only ones, Rob, who by the time it was ten o'clock was completely wasted, began an argument with her, asking her if she was last in queue when brains were given out. It had been very amusing, even more so when she'd thrown her drink over Rob.

  
  


Needless to say, Brad had decided not to see her again.

  
  


It was almost midnight and Joe had just finished his set. Chester and I had said our goodbyes and we were walking home in the cool night air.

  
  


"Tonight was fun Chester," I told him as we turned into our street.

  
  


"Yeah," he smiled, "Are you feeling better now?"

  
  


"Yeah, much, thanks," I nodded as we headed up the pathway towards the apartment, "I'm a little tired though," I yawned.

  
  


"Aww well I'll have you tucked up safe in bed in a few," Chester smiled as we reached the front door. I leaned against the wall as he dug his hand into his back pocket.

  
  


"Oh shit," he sighed, "I've left my fucking keys at the bar. I took them out when I went to get my money out. I must have left them on the table," he sighed, patting his hands over the rest of his pockets, "You left yours inside, didn't you?" he frowned.

  
  


"Yeah," I sighed, trying the handle on the off chance that it had magically unlocked itself whilst we were out.

  
  


"Argh," Chester growled.

  
  


"It's okay, the others were going to be leaving soon," I smiled, sliding down the wall. I sat down, crossing my legs as Chester sat down with a thud beside me.

  
  


"At least it's cooled down," he nodded, "I'm such an ass. I always forget things," he sighed, leaning his head back against the wall.

  
  


A comfortable silence settled between us as I leant my head against Chester's shoulder and within seconds he had shifted, slipping his arm around my waist. I looked up to the clear night sky, sighing contentedly. I was a sucker for moments like this. Just being able to enjoy the simple things in life, such as sitting here with my boyfriend in peace, watching the stars above us.

  
  


Maybe my recent brush with death had made me a little more grateful that I was still breathing, still alive. The doctors had repeatedly told me that I had been extremely lucky, most people wouldn't have even come round after being hit by a car that had been driving at full speed.

  
  


I wondered if the driver had realized what they had done. Had they continued driving out of shock, because they were too scared to face up to what they'd done? Or had they simply not cared that they'd almost killed me?

  
  


I shuddered at the thought and closed my eyes momentarily, reveling in the cool breeze that swept across my face.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


I slowly opened my eyes, looking up to Chester as he spoke.

  
  


"Have you ever wondered what you'd do if you were told you only had four minutes to live?" he asked, apropos of nothing.

  
  


I frowned and shifted a little, "No," I smiled, "I haven't. Why'd do you ask?"

  
  


"I was just thinking," Chester murmured, "What  _would_  you do though?"

  
  


I lifted my head from Chester's shoulder and leant it back against the wall as I thought his question through, "Well, I'd want to be with you and the others," I smiled, "Because the last few months have shown me just how important my friends are to me. I guess I'd cuddle you forever," I paused, "And there'd be lots of kissing," I grinned, "But... I'd want to be around you and the guys, that's for sure."

  
  


Chester smiled, "That's exactly what I would say. Some people would want to do something extreme, or get laid or smoke a ton of weed but I'd just want to be with the people I cared about," he paused, "There was this documentary on TV today, it was filming these people who were sick. They filmed them in the last moments of their life, it was weird, I mean, watching someone die. One of the people had cancer. She was only seven. She'd been diagnosed with it just six months before she died. The day before she died they filmed her at this amusement park. She was going on all the rides, eating all the junk food man could make then, then the next day, she passed away. It made me think. I mean how things can just change so suddenly. One minute she was smiling and happy, living her life like normal. The next minute, she'd gone. Just like that," he stopped, swallowing.

  
  


"Scary, isn't it?"

  
  


"Yeah," he nodded, "It... It reminded me of when you got knocked down by that car. I mean, one minute everything was perfect. You and I together, without a care in the world and then the next minute you were lying unconscious...." he stopped.

  
  


"Chester," I whispered, wrapping my hand around his, "I'm okay now though...."

  
  


"I know," he sighed, "I'm being stupid...."

  
  


"No. You're not," I told him, "You're being philosophical," I smiled, "I bet you never thought you'd have that word associated with you," I grinned.

  
  


He scowled at me and stuck his tongue out. In one swift motion, I leant forward and captured his soft tongue between my lips. He moaned in surprise and shifted his hand up my back, pulling me closer as we kissed.

  
  


Our tongues battled inside his mouth until finally I gave in and leaned against him, giving him full control of the kiss. He slowly pulled away, cupping my face with his hands.

  
  


"You're something special, you know Mike," he whispered, "Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise."

  
  


I smiled, my mind wondering what had prompted him to tell me that but I stayed quiet, not wanting to spoil the moment that was lingering between us.

  
  


The sound of a car's engine and a flash of lights finally broke our gaze and we looked up the road, smiling as we saw Brad's car driving towards us.

  
  


Chester got to his feet, holding his hand out for me as Brad parked at the roadside. I took his hand and slowly stood up, leaning against him in a tired state. His arms wrapped around me, hands gently stroking my hair. I watched sleepily as Joe and Brad got out of the car, followed by a slightly drunk Rob who stumbled up the path behind them.

  
  


"Forget something bro?" Brad smiled, tossing Chester his keys.

  
  


Chester released his arms from around me just in time to catch the keys. I yawned and followed him upto the door as he unlocked it, my eyes starting to shut as soon as I stepped inside.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


My eyes snapped open and I sat up with a start, my heart thumping furiously in my chest. I tried to take in air, but my mind and body weren't working as nature had intended.

  
  


A light was switched on and I jumped as someone moved over to me.

  
  


"Mike? Fuck. Mike? Are you okay?"

  
  


I looked up, my body calming as I saw Chester beside me, concern etched all over his face. He sat down beside me, his arm slipping around my shoulder, hand placing itself on top of mine.

  
  


"Sorry," I mumbled, "Did I wake you?" I asked.

  
  


"It's okay. I could here someone crying," Chester whispered and it wasn't until I felt his warm thumb wipe against my cheek that I realized it was me that had been crying.

  
  


"Was it a nightmare?" he asked softly.

  
  


"I... Yes," I nodded, "I can't remember it though."

  
  


"That's probably for the best," Chester whispered, giving me a squeeze.

  
  


"Yeah," I murmured, "What's the time?"

  
  


"Just after five thirty. Do you want me to get you a drink?" he asked.

  
  


"Thanks," I smiled as Chester pressed a quick kiss to the top of my head before heading out into the kitchen. I quickly got to my feet, sleepily following him as I headed towards the bathroom.

  
  


A thud from the front door startled me and as I looked down the hallway, I saw that something had been pushed through the letter box. I frowned and walked over to the door, picking the brown envelope up off the mat. I headed back along the hall, flipping the letter over to see my name written on it in big, bold, capital letters.

  
  


Yawning slightly, I undid it, wondering what had caused the mail man to come so fricking early in the morning.

  
  


My hands reached into the envelope and I pulled out it's contents, my heart stopping as my eyes met with three glossy photographs.

  
  


Photographs of Chester and I sat outside the apartment.

  
  


Photographs capturing Chester and I as we'd waited for Brad to come home just hours ago.

  
  


I frowned, my hands shaking slightly as I looked at them. The first was of the pair of us, my head resting on Chester's shoulder, the next of Chester sticking his tongue out at me and the third of us kissing one another passionately.

  
  


My heart skipped a beat as something on the back of the first one caught my eye. I slowly turned it over, my eyes meeting with the same print that had been used on the envelope. Scrawled on the back of the photo read the word  _ **'You.'**_

  
  


My hands shook as I turned the other two photos over, a word on each one. I slowly read them, my breath catching in my throat as I saw the thick, black letters.

  
  


_**'You. Betrayed. Me.'** _

  
  


Tears threatened to spill from my eyes as I hastily shoved the photos inside the envelope, racing into my bedroom where the envelope was thrown into the top drawer of my desk. I slammed the drawer shut, my heart racing as I sat down on the edge of my bed, a million and one questions running through my mind.

  
  


"Sorry I took so long, I had to wash a glass, I don't think Brad or Rob actually know how to wash dishes... are you okay?"

  
  


I looked up as Chester walked over to me, passing me a glass of water as he sat down beside me, his hand comfortingly running up and down my back as I took a sip from the glass.

  
  


I slowly nodded my head, leaning forward to place the glass upon my night stand.

  
  


"Chester?"

  
  


"Yeah?"

  
  


"Could I sleep with you tonight?" I asked, not meaning for my voice to sound so scared and weak.

  
  


He smiled and nodded, getting to his feet. I followed him over to his bed and stood as he got in, patting the mattress beside him. I climbed in, curling up against him. He pressed a kiss to my forehead and pulled the light cord above his bed, plummeting the room into darkness. I felt him wrap his arm around me and my eyes closed, even though I knew I wasn't going to sleep tonight.

  
  


All I could see were those photos, those words, their bold letters screaming back at me, and all I could do was ask myself why this was happening, why was he doing this to me?

  
  


Because I knew who they were from, I knew it.


	13. Silence

Sometimes it's hard to speak out, hard to tell anybody those deep, dark secrets that haunt your mind. Even though you know that you should tell them, confide in them, you can't and the only thing to do is stay quiet, keep it locked up inside.

  
  


*

  
  


Another week had slowly passed. Another week of sleepless nights, unshed tears and fears building up inside my mind. I hadn't spoken to anyone about the photos on the off chance that they weren't even from Dave and had just been a stupid prank. Even if something inside me did tell me otherwise.

  
  


It was Tuesday afternoon and I lay alone on the couch aimlessly flicking through the TV channels, scoffing as I saw how bad daytime TV really was. Brad and Chester were both working at the coffee house, Rob had gone to his parents for the week and Joe was still asleep, nursing a hangover from the night before.

  
  


The high pitched ring of the telephone startled me and I dropped the TV remote from my hand as I got up and headed out into the hall to pick it up.

  
  


"Hello?" I spoke, nodding to Joe as he appeared from Brad's room, looking half asleep.

  
  


"Hello?" I repeated, having received no answer.

  
  


I sighed as no one replied and put the phone down in annoyance.

  
  


"Who was it?" Joe asked.

  
  


"They didn't speak. Probably some kid making prank calls," I sighed.

  
  


"Yeah. We used to do it all the time," he recalled, smiling, "I guess it's our comeuppance for annoying old people when we were younger."

  
  


"Yeah," I mused, "What are you doing today?"

  
  


"I have to go home. We've got some relatives over and my mom wants me to make an appearance."

  
  


"Sounds like fun."

  
  


"Yeah," he yawned, "I'm gonna wake myself up," he told me, nodding towards the bathroom.

  
  


"Okay," I nodded, turning into the lounge. I was stopped though as the phone began to ring once again. Sighing, I turned around and picked the receiver up, "Hello?" I asked, half expecting no one to answer.

  
  


"Hello, could I speak to Mr. Shinoda please?"

  
  


"That's me."

  
  


"Oh good. It's Detective Walker, I've been investigating on your case."

  
  


"Oh, hey," I smiled.

  
  


"We have some news for you, but I'm afraid we're no closer to figuring out who was driving the car and why they didn't stop," he paused, taking a breath, "From your friends description of the vehicle and the few letters of it's registration that he got, we finally managed to find the car late last night."

  
  


"That's good, right?"

  
  


"In a way," he stopped, "The car was a blue, Ford estate and it was registered as belonging to a Mr. Morales. Mr. Morales reported the car missing just a few hours before you were knocked down. The car was found a few miles away from the city, it was burnt out, so I'm afraid any forensic evidence may have been destroyed."

  
  


"Oh," I sighed.

  
  


"We're doing everything we can. It's more than likely that the car was stolen by some kids who were joy riding when you were involved in the accident. They probably fled the scene and let the car burn out. We're not ruling anything out though and we've got a few leads to work on. I'll be in touch in a few days."

  
  


"Thanks for keeping me informed."

  
  


"No problem son, goodbye."

  
  


"Bye," I replied, placing the phone down.

  
  


I sighed and made my way back into the lounge, flopping down onto the couch.

  
  


It wasn't until I felt Joe shaking me that I realized I had fallen asleep. I slowly opened my eyes and sat up, groaning as I realized I had slept on my left arm. Not a good thing to do.

  
  


"Are you okay?" Joe asked, crouching down in front of me.

  
  


"Yeah," I smiled, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

  
  


"I've got to get going," he rolled his eyes, "I'll see you later on," he smiled, pausing briefly, "Do you need anything before I go?"

  
  


"Joe," I smiled, "I'm fine."

  
  


"Okay, I'll catch you tonight," he grinned, patting me on the shoulder as he picked his bags up.

  
  


"Bye," I smiled, watching as he left the room, the front door slamming shut as he went out.

  
  


I crossed my legs and curled up on the couch, running over what Detective Walker had told me in my mind. They were probably never going to catch whoever had been driving the car, were they? The name of the car owner had been bugging me though.  _'Mr. Morales.'_  I was sure I had heard it before, and it wasn't like it was a very common surname, was it?

  
  


The telephone began to ring yet again and I sighed, unfolding my legs before I stood up and walked out into the hall.

  
  


"Hey," I spoke, pressing the receiver to my ear.

  
  


No answer came yet again and I let out a sigh, ready to give whoever it was a piece of my mind.

  
  


"Hello?" I repeated.

  
  


Still no answer came.

  
  


"Look whoever this is, try someone else's number okay? Cos you're really starting to piss me off."

  
  


I heard a faint laugh from the other end of the line and let out a sigh.

  
  


"Okay," I sighed, rolling my eyes.

  
  


"Aww I'm sorry Mike."

  
  


I froze, almost dropping the phone as a voice came from the other end of the line.

  
  


Dave.

  
  


It was Dave.

  
  


I quickly slammed the phone down, closing my eyes as I leant back against the wall, my heart hammering away inside my chest.

  
  


The phone began to ring again, startling me as it's shrill tone sounded in my ears. Taking a breath, I picked up the receiver, trying to remain calm.

  
  


"Mike," Dave's voice spoke before I had chance to say a thing.

  
  


"What do you want?" I asked.

  
  


"I just want to talk," he replied.

  
  


"Dave.... why?"

  
  


"Do I have to have a reason?"

  
  


"Well.... yes."

  
  


"Okay. Well I miss you, is that a good enough reason?"

  
  


"Dave.... What were the photos all about? These prank calls, have they been you too?"

  
  


I heard a faint laugh, my anger starting to boil up inside.

  
  


"Dave?"

  
  


"I just want to see you. Please, just let me come in...."

  
  


"You're here?" I asked, frowning.

  
  


"Outside."

  
  


"Dave, I, Joe's here, you know that he won't be pleased to see you...."

  
  


"That's funny. I could have sworn I just saw him walking out of the house."

  
  


"You've been watching?"

  
  


"Come on Mike, just let me in, I won't take no for an answer."

  
  


"No."

  
  


"Mike! Come on, let me in, we can talk. Just like old times, hey?"

  
  


"I can't. Brad's here...."

  
  


"Don't lie. I saw him leave, with that weedy kid, Chester I believe?"

  
  


I gritted my teeth, he'd been watching the house. Why? Why was he doing this? Why wouldn't he leave me the hell alone?

  
  


The line went dead and I slammed the phone down, my eyes darting to the door as I heard a knock come from the other side. I quickly raced to it, swiftly pulling my keys out of my back pocket and locking it.

  
  


I felt so stupid, just like the chick in the stereotypical high school horror flick who was running from the scary man in the scream mask.

  
  


Dave's knocks became louder and I quickly made my way into my room, shutting the door behind me. I slid down the door, sinking into the floor as tears began to slide down my face.

  
  


Why was he doing this? What had I done to him that was so bad? All the times I'd gone back to him after he hurt me, was this my punishment for leaving him for good?

  
  


I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand, suddenly realizing that the banging had stopped. Shakily, I got to my feet and tiptoed over to the window, my heart racing as I peeked through the blinds, trying to see if he had gone yet.

  
  


The sound of my bedroom door opening caused me to swing around. My heart almost leapt from my chest as I saw Dave in the doorway, a smile upon his face.

My eyes snapped to his fingers where he swung a set of keys from side to side; a pink teddy bear hanging from one of the chains.

  
  


"When you gave me these back," he started, shutting the door behind him, "I didn't expect to be given the key to your mom's place  _and_  this place," he smiled, looking around the room, "Nice room," he scoffed.

  
  


"Dave, will you get out," I hissed, finding myself backing against the wall as he stepped closer to me, "What do you want?"

  
  


"What do I want?" he asked, laughing slightly as he stopped right before me, "I've come to take you home," he told me simply, placing his hand upon my cheek.

  
  


I flinched as his cold skin came into contact with mine, my eyes snapping down to the floor as he moved his face closer. I winced as a strong smell of Brandy filled my senses, telling me what I'd been fearing.

  
  


He'd been drinking.

  
  


"So," he spoke, his hands cupping my face and forcing me to look at him, "Are you coming?"

  
  


"Coming where?" I frowned.

  
  


"Like I said, I've come to take you back home, so, are you ready?"

  
  


"No," I shook my head, "You've got to stop this. Whatever sick, fucked up game you're playing, it ends now," I hissed.

  
  


His lips turned into a sickening smile, "We can do this the hard way, or the easy way," he grinned, his hot alcohol tinged breath hitting my lips, "Why don't you come home? Where you belong with me?"

  
  


I shook my head, trying to stay calm, "I don't belong anywhere with you," I told him, "Will you just please go...."

  
  


"Like I said, the easy thing is to come home with me, or if you want the hard way you can stay," he paused, his eyes burning into mine, "But you know, if you do that, I'll make your life hell," he smiled.

  
  


"Why are you doing this?" My voice came out barely above a whisper.

  
  


"Why? Because Mike, you left me without a word, then you betrayed me by kissing that skinny excuse of a fagot..."

  
  


"Do  _not_  call him...."

  
  


"Or what? What are you going to do, huh Mike?" he asked, slamming my head against the wall, "Are you going to curl up in a ball and cry? Are you going to slit your wrists because you can't take things? Do you know how pathetic you are?" he hissed, his hands moving down to my shoulders, sharp fingertips digging into them, "Do you? You're weak, pathetic, worthless," he spat, shaking me roughly by the shoulders with each word.

  
  


I looked away from him, tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

  
  


Why was this happening?

  
  


Why?

  
  


"Aww, am I scaring you Mike?" he chuckled, his hand suddenly moving up to caress my cheek, "It doesn't have to be like this you know," he whispered, "If you just come home with me, I promise no one will ever hurt you again. I'll take care of you, it'll just be me and you, forever," he smiled, "Mike?"

  
  


"No," I whispered, "Just let go of me."

  
  


He frowned, his hand stopping it's movements, "Maybe I didn't make myself clear enough for you?" he hissed and before I knew it his hand came crashing down against my cheek, a stinging sensation burning through my face, "Now do you understand?"

  
  


"Get off me," I hissed, attempting to shrug myself free from the death grip he had on my shoulder, "GET OFF ME," I yelled, shoving him as hard as I could.

  
  


He stumbled back but not enough, as his hands were soon on my shoulders, slamming me back against the wall once again.

  
  


"That's a nasty injury that happened to your arm, you better be careful," he sniggered, his body pressing against mine as he pinned me to the wall, "You know I love you, don't you Mike?"

  
  


I stared back at him, begging myself not to cry. I wasn't going to let him do this to me, not again.

  
  


"Mike?" he hissed.

  
  


"Just go, please just leave me alone...."

  
  


"No Mike, you betrayed me...."

  
  


"How?" I asked.

  
  


"How? Didn't those photos spell it out?"

  
  


"So it was  _you_  then?"

  
  


"No shit Sherlock," he spat, "You left me without a word, do you know how much that hurt me? Do you know how upset and alone I've been feeling?"

  
  


"Dave... I told you why...."

  
  


"I even sent you cards, flowers," he continued, ignoring me, "You didn't even say thanks for...."

  
  


"When?"

  
  


"I sent them here, passed them onto Brad...."

  
  


Brad hadn't told me.... he'd kept this from me  _again_?

  
  


"I love you Mike, so fucking much," he whispered, one of his hands slipping from my shoulder and up to my cheek. He ran it across my face, staring me right in the eyes, "Come back with me Mike? Please? I love you so much," he murmured, his face getting closer and closer to mine.

  
  


I tried to force him off me as his warm lips connected with mine, but he was much stronger than me and kept me pinned against the wall as his lips forced themselves upon mine.

  
  


"Dave," I whispered, "Stop it," I told him.

  
  


He didn't listen though and continued to kiss me, no matter how hard I tried to twist myself out of his hold, I just couldn't do it.

  
  


"Dave," I was on the verge of crying now, my tears quickly welling up inside my eyes, "Stop it," I hissed and with one hard shove, I managed to push his face away from mine.

  
  


"I'm sorry," Dave whispered, a cold look in his eyes, "I am so sorry," he repeated, sliding his hand around the back of my neck, "I really didn't want it to end like this," he sighed as the hand that had been gripping onto my shoulder moved down my left arm, "Sorry," he whispered, and before I could react, he grabbed my hand, bending my arm above my neck.

  
  


I screamed in pain as he twisted my arm back, no expression whatsoever upon his face as he pulled me away from the wall and slung my body to the ground.

  
  


I fell against the carpeted floor with a loud thud, landing on my arm, wincing as Dave pinned me down, straddling my body to the floor.

  
  


"Dave," I was crying now, tears running down my face, "Please leave me...."

  
  


"What? Like you left me?" he spat, his hands balling up into fists.

  
  


"Please stop... You're hurting me," I sobbed, feeling so worthless, just like I was.

  
  


"And you hurt me Mike, so much. If you come back, there'll be no need for this," he whispered.

  
  


"No. You can't do this to me," I was cut off as Dave pounded his fist into my chest, knocking the air out of my lungs, "Stop it," I cried, "Please...."

  
  


My words weren't heard though and he continued to pummel his fists into my body. I tried so hard to struggle free, only I couldn't, I couldn't move.

  
  


_You're weak, pathetic, worthless._

  
  


His words repeated over and over again in my mind, screaming out at me, taunting me until finally Dave stopped. As he got up on his feet, I heard the sound of a car's engine running outside.

  
  


"You can come with me, now," he told me, holding his hand out to me.

  
  


I didn't answer, just stared at him in fear through the tears that blurred my vision.

  
  


"You're going to regret this," he hissed "If you tell anyone about this, I swear I will fucking kill that faggot of a boyfriend of yours," he stopped, looking me dead in the eyes, "Then I'll fucking kill you," were his last words before he raced out of the room, the sound of the back door slamming closely followed by the sound of him scrambling over the back wall.

  
  


I took a deep breath and slowly got to my feet, my heart hammering in my chest as the sound of a key turning in the lock of the front door resounded in my ears.

  
  


As quickly as I could, I managed to stumble across the hall and into the bathroom, hastily locking the door behind me as the sound of Brad and Chester entering the apartment filled my ears.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


I flinched as I heard Chester's voice calling out my name.

  
  


I cleared my throat, trying to speak as normal as possible, "I'm in the bathroom Chaz," I called out, slowly sliding down the door as tears filled my eyes.

  
  


"Hey," I heard Chester speaking from the other side of the door.

  
  


I leaned my head back, holding my arm across my chest, praying that the pain would go away.

  
  


"We have to be at the hospital in about an hour, remember?" Chester asked.

  
  


"Yeah," I replied, "I'll be out in a minute," I told him, letting a shaky sigh escape my lips as I heard his footsteps fading away.

  
  


I slowly stood up, wincing as a pain shot through my ribs. I was shaking as I walked over to the sink, my eyes slowly looking up to meet my reflection in the silvery mirror that hung above the basin.

  
  


I let out a quiet sob as my eyes met with my bloodshot eyes. Only a single red mark marred my face but I dreaded to even think about the bruises that would soon be showing on the rest of my body.

  
  


Taking a deep breath, I turned the cold tap on, shakily splashing water over my face as best I could with my right hand. I turned the tap off and grabbed a towel from the shelf, patting my face dry before I looked back into the mirror.

  
  


I looked a mess.

  
  


My hair was disheveled, sticking out at all angles. My eyes were red and puffy, making it painfully obvious that I'd just been crying. My T-shirt was crumpled, my hand shaking as I tried to straighten it out.

  
  


What had just happened rang through my mind, the harsh scenes playing to me over and over again, like a bad dream. A bad dream that had turned into reality.

  
  


Sniffing, I ran my hand through my hair, in an attempt to make it a little tidier. I failed miserably and turned away from my reflection, my mind spinning as I slowly made my way to the door.

  
  


What was I supposed to do?

  
  


Dave had been the one making all those prank calls. He'd been the one who had sent me those photographs. He'd threatened me and scared me and all I wanted to do was scream out loud, tell someone what was going on.

  
  


But how could I?

  
  


_If you tell anyone about this, I swear I will fucking kill that faggot of a boyfriend of yours. Then I'll fucking kill you._

  
  


I could remember a time when I wouldn't let Dave have his wicked way with me. He'd laughed and told me that if I didn't lie down on my stomach he would slit my wrists then fuck me raw until I was begging him to stop.

  
  


I shakily raised my right hand, my eyes staring at my pale wrist.

  
  


I still had the faint scars. The cuts hadn't gone deep enough to harm, but deep enough to leave silvery lines, lines that would remind me of his capabilities everytime they caught my eyes.

  
  


Dave meant what he said.

  
  


I was scared, so unbelievably scared.

  
  


I shakily opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. The sound of the radio and smell of coffee coming from the kitchen told me that Chester and Brad were in there.

  
  


I'd fallen, that's what I would tell them. I'd tried to take a shower and fallen as I'd got out. It would all make sense; why I was covered in bruises, why I couldn't stop shaking, why I'd been crying.

  
  


"Hey, you want a coffee Mike?" Brad's voice called over the sound of the song playing on the radio.

  
  


"Sure," I mumbled as I stepped into the kitchen. Chester stood at the back door smoking, Brad had his back to me as I shuffled in and pulled up one of the chairs, letting out a sigh as I sat down.

  
  


"Hey," Chester smiled, stubbing his cigarette out on the wall before he stepped back inside, "How are you?" he asked, walking over to me and wrapping his arms around me.

  
  


"I'm okay," I answered, trying to smile as Chester kissed the top of my head, "How was your day?" I asked as he sat down beside me.

  
  


"Tiring," he rolled his eyes, "I hope I find something better soon," he smiled as Brad placed three mugs of coffee down in front of us, "Hey? Are you okay?"

  
  


"Huh?"

  
  


"You look like you've been crying," he told me, pausing as Brad sat down, "Mike?"

  
  


I lowered my head, my gaze fixing on the table , not flickering once until Chester's hand came into my vision, gently wrapping around my own hand. I slowly looked up, a sob escaping me as my eyes met with his.

  
  


"What's wrong?" he asked urgently.

  
  


"Mike?" Brad's voice spoke and I slowly looked across at him, remembering all the times I'd sworn to tell him if Dave even laid a finger on me. And all the times I'd lied to him, over and over again. Only this time, I wasn't lying because I was scared that Dave would hit me, or beat me, I was scared that his words were more of a promise than a threat.

  
  


I was scared, scared to death that Dave would do something beyond terrible if I even uttered a word about what had happened.

  
  


I gulped and took a breath, "I fell...." I smiled lightly, "In the, erm, shower."

  
  


A look of relief seemed to wash across Brad's face, "Are you okay?" he asked.

  
  


"Yeah," I nodded.

  
  


"I told you I'd help you," Chester sighed, causing Brad to smirk as my cheeks turned a lovely shade of red, "Did you hurt yourself bad?"

  
  


"No, I'm fine, it just shook me up," I sighed, taking a sip of my coffee.

  
  


Chester squeezed my hand, smiling as I smiled back at him.

  
  


"Oh, Detective Walker called today," I spoke, quickly changing the subject.

  
  


"Yeah?" Brad asked, "Any good news?"

  
  


"Not really. They found the car that hit me, it's owner reported it stolen a few hours before the accident. They found it burnt out just out of town though," I sighed.

  
  


"Well, it's a start, hey?" Chester smiled.

  
  


"Yeah," I nodded.

  
  


"We should get going," he told me, finishing his drink off, "Is it still okay if I take your car?" Chester asked Brad as he got to his feet.

  
  


"Yes, as long as you don't do a Rob?"

  
  


Chester frowned, "A 'Rob'?"

  
  


"God! He hasn't told you?" I asked in mock horror, "Brad tells everyone about what Rob did to his precious car," I grinned, Chester still looking at us in confusement, "Rob borrowed it once and smashed it up. He'll even check for scratches when we get back."

  
  


"Oh," Chester nodded, "What's so good about it though?"

  
  


"That's what I keep asking," I grinned, glancing in Brad's direction. He gave me the finger and I chuckled as I slowly got to my feet, though the last thing I really felt like doing was laughing.

  
  
  


****

  
  


"Nice guys finish last, you're running out of gas, your sympathy will get you left behind, shoop doop dooby whop....."

  
  


I burst out laughing as Chester lost the words and began to hum along to the radio, his fingers tapping restlessly on the steering wheel as we found ourselves stuck in a queue of traffic.

  
  


He looked across at me, flashing me a grin before he turned back to look ahead out of the window.

  
  


"Are you okay?" he suddenly asked, glancing back at me.

  
  


"Yeah," I smiled, "Why?"

  
  


He stared at me for a good few seconds before answering, "You just seem a little down, that's all," he told me, "Is everything okay?"

  
  


"I'm just tired," I told him truthfully.

  
  


"Anything else?" he asked.

  
  


"No," I shook my head, slowly turning to look back out of the window, sighing in relief as the car in front of us began to move.

  
  


I closed my eyes as Chester began to speed up and rested my head back against the headrest.

  
  


Thoughts of Dave sped through my mind, his words screaming out at me over and over again as I tried to block them out. Only it seemed impossible to do so. All I could hear were his taunting words, his evil laughter. All I could see was his face, laughing at me, mocking me as I struggled underneath his grasp.

  
  


I felt the car suddenly jerk and my eyes snapped open as Chester switched the engine off, pulling the key out of the ignition. Rubbing my eyes, I yawned as I pulled off my seatbelt and slowly got out of the car, looking around the hospital parking lot.

  
  


Chills ran down my spine as I looked up at the tall blue painted building, remembering all the times I'd ended up there before. They weren't the prettiest of memories.

  
  


"Hey."

  
  


I snapped back out of my thoughts as Chester stood beside me, shoving Brad's car keys into his back pocket.

  
  


"Ready?" he asked.

  
  


I nodded and we began to stroll across the parking lot in silence.

  
  


I really wasn't looking forward to this. It was a check up, to see if I was doing okay, and hopefully the awful cast I was wearing would be coming off. But then again, after Dave's visit, I wouldn't be surprised if I would still be wearing it by the time I came back out again.

  
  


I shuddered at the thought and looked up at the main entrance as we reached it. I pushed the door open, holding it for Chester as he stood behind me.

  
  


"Wait a minute Mike," he told me, motioning me back.

  
  


I frowned and let the door go, stepping back outside.

  
  


"Mike, are you sure there's nothing wrong?" he asked.

  
  


"I'm fine," I smiled.

  
  


"Sure?" he asked, "It's just that you completely spaced out on me back in the car..."

  
  


"I just don't like hospitals," I told him, "They make me feel a little queasy," I sighed, glancing nervously at the door.

  
  


"Oh," Chester sighed, taking my hand and giving it a squeeze, "Well, we won't be in there for long," he smiled, "Come on, the sooner we get in, the sooner we can get out," he grinned, leaning forward and pecking me on the cheek.

  
  


I smiled and followed him through the door.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


"How's that feel?"

  
  


"A lot better thanks," I smiled as I stretched my now cast free left arm out in front of me.

  
  


The nurse smiled, "I'll just get you your prescription," she told me before leaving the room.

  
  


"Those bruises look pretty nasty," Chester spoke from where he sat beside me on the white sheeted hospital bed, "You must have had a bad fall," he sighed, running his hands over my back and shoulders.

  
  


"Yeah," I winced, looking up at the door as the nurse returned, clutching a small piece of paper in her hand.

  
  


"Here you go," she smiled, passing me the paper, "If you take this to your chemists they should have it processed in a few hours, they're slightly stronger than before," she told me as I took the slip, "Now, I just want to have another look at these bruises," she said, placing her cold hands upon my chest, "You said you fell?"

  
  


"Yes," I nodded, looking down at my hands.

  
  


"Anything else? I mean, these are very nasty bruises," she paused, glancing at Chester, "I mean, to me it looks like you've just gone ten rounds with a heavyweight boxer," she laughed, "You must have taken a pretty bad fall."

  
  


"Yeah," I nodded, my eyes still staring at my hands as her words spun around my head.

  
  


_It looks like you've just gone ten rounds with a heavyweight boxer._

  
  


"Well," she started, glancing at Chester once again with a concerned expression, "You'd better take it easy for the next couple of weeks. This accident has obviously knocked all your energy away. Get plenty of sleep and don't overdo things, okay?"

  
  


I slowly nodded my head, smiling at her as she passed me my T-shirt.

  
  


"Your Doctor will ring you in a couple of weeks to see how you're doing," she smiled.

  
  


"Thanks," I nodded.

  
  


She smiled and left the small room as I began to put on my top.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


"Yeah?" my response was muffled as I pulled my T-shirt over my head.

  
  


"Is everything," he paused as I got to my feet.

  
  


"Yeah?"

  
  


"Nothing," he smiled, wrapping his arm around my shoulder, "Come on, let's get home. You look shattered."

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


It was late evening and the four of us, being Brad, Joe, Chester and I, were sat in the lounge absently talking as we waited for the pizzas we'd ordered to arrive. I was stretched out across the couch, my head resting in Chester's lap as I half listened to Joe ramble on about how awful some of his relatives were.

  
  


Only my mind was on other things.

  
  


I couldn't get the afternoons events out of my head. I couldn't stop seeing Dave as he hit me over and over again. I felt his words stinging my mind as they repeated themselves once more.

  
  


_If you tell anyone about this, I swear I will fucking kill that faggot of a boyfriend of yours. Then I'll fucking kill you._

  
  


My eyes snapped shut and I rolled on to my stomach, fighting to keep my tears from falling. I began to relax a little as I felt Chester's fingers gently running through my hair and I snuggled closer to him, trying to rid the images that were racing through my mind.

  
  


"You okay Mike?" Chester's voice filled my ears. I slowly opened my eyes, turning my head a little as I looked up at him.

  
  


"Yeah," I nodded, "Why?"

  
  


"You're just quiet," he shrugged.

  
  


"Hey, don't complain. It's peaceful like this," Brad chuckled as a knock came from the front door.

  
  


I rolled my eyes and buried my head back into Chester's lap, smiling a little as I felt his hands gently rubbing my shoulders.

  
  


"No witty comeback? You must be ill bro," I heard Brad remark as he went to answer the door.

  
  


I sighed, wondering if I was making it really obvious that I was fucking miserable.

  
  


_Must smile and put on a brave face_ , I told myself.

  
  


I shifted again, turning to look up at Chester. He grinned at me and I smiled back before closing my eyes momentarily, a rush of hope flowing through me.

  
  


What if Dave hadn't meant those words? What if he'd been drunker than I had realized? What if he'd had no intention of doing those things to me? Maybe my imagination had over reacted, maybe I was fearing the worst.

  
  


"Hey you've got some mail Mike."

  
  


Brad's voice broke into my thoughts and I lifted my head, my eyes meeting with Brad as he stood before me balancing a stack of pizza boxes in one hand and a small, brown envelope in the other.

  
  


"This was on the doormat," he told me as I sat up and took it from his grasp.

  
  


I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, folding my legs beneath me as I turned the envelope over. My heart skipped a beat as I was greeted with an overly familiar looking black print.

  
  


_**Michael Shinoda.** _

  
  


The words stood out, adopting a sinister glint and I gulped, shakily getting to my feet.

  
  


"I'll just be a minute," I murmured, not waiting for an answer as I walked over to the door and out into the hall.

  
  


It wasn't until I stepped into my room that I realized I was shaking. Taking a breath, I tore the envelope open, my heart pounding as I unfolded it it's contents; a crisp, white letter.

  
  


My eyes took in the bold words that spoke out at me.

  
  


_**Have you ever loved someone so much that you would kill to have them by your side every second of every single day?** _

_**I have.** _

  
  


The letter fell from my grasp, a sickening feeling kicking me in the stomach as I hastily crouched down and picked the small piece of paper up.

  
  


My heart raced as I shoved it back into the envelope. The words although only read once seemed to have burned themselves in my mind, repeating over and over again.

  
  


The letter was buried deep inside the top drawer of my desk, hidden beneath cds and old notebooks.

  
  


"Dirty porno book, was it?"

  
  


I jumped, spinning around as I heard Chester's voice.

  
  


"Hey... are you okay?" he asked from where he stood in the doorway. He frowned and stepped inside, pushing the door to behind him.

  
  


"Y... Yeah," I nodded, "You don't have to keep asking me," I chuckled, running a hand through my hair as I wondered how long he'd been stood there for, "I'm just feeling a little under the weather," I told him, "I might hit the sack."

  
  


"Oh," he sounded disappointed, "You're not hungry?"

  
  


"Nah," I shook my head.

  
  


He frowned and moved closer, sliding his arms around my waist, "What's wrong?" he whispered, resting his forehead against mine.

  
  


I shrugged myself away from him, avoiding his eyes as I spoke, "I'm just tired," I yawned, "Tell Joe there's all the more pizza for him," I smiled half-heartedly.

  
  


Chester smiled weakly and pulled me closer to him, "If anything's wrong, you'd tell me, right?" he murmured as I pulled away.

  
  


"Yes," I nodded, inwardly screaming at myself for lying to him. But what else was I supposed to do?

  
  


He brushed past me, over to my bed and pulled the covers back. I smiled and pulled my hoodie over my head before unzipping my pants and stepping out of them.

  
  


Sleepily, I made my way over to the bed, flopping down on it with a sigh. Chester pulled the covers over me and leant over, brushing his lips against mine, "Sleep well," he murmured before gently kissing me.

  
  


Within minutes he was gone, the room plummeting into darkness as the door softly closed behind him.

  
  


I rolled over onto my stomach, clutching the warm sheets around me. Tears began to fall down my cheeks as I fell into a restless sleep.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


_"Hey Mike," Dave smiled, "You found it okay then?" he beamed taking my heavy bag off me before pulling me into a hug._

  
  


_"Yeah," I replied, looking up at the red bricked house that stood proudly before us._

  
  


_Dave smiled once again before pulling me closer. His warm lips gently pushed themselves against mine and there we stood, arms around each other as we kissed._

  
  


_Dave finally pulled away, "Love you."_


	14. Denial

There are times when the truth can be hard to accept. Maybe you just don't want to believe it, or maybe you don't even think it's the truth. Just don't turn your back on it for too long though, because that's when you'll end up getting burnt.

  
  


*

  
  


"Just so cold, so cold and alone, I want to go home, I want to be free, to breathe again, breathe without fear, won't you set me free?" I quietly sang to myself, clutching my covers around me as the words escaped from my lips, "Dancing in the shadows, you're holding too tight, I want to be alone, sleep alone tonight, dancing in the shadows, your touch is too near, I long to be alone, sleep without any fear."

  
  


I closed my eyes, still softly murmuring the words to myself as I tried to fall asleep. Only I couldn't, I couldn't fall asleep. Too many thoughts plagued my mind, too many images ran riot across my eyes. I wanted to curl up into a tiny ball and never wake up again, but that was impossible.

  
  


I wanted answers, I needed so badly to know why all of this was happening.

  
  


Why had Dave started to harass me in this way? Why had he sent those letters, made those phone calls? Why had he'd tried to kill me?

  
  


It all added up, didn't it?

  
  


He'd stolen his step-fathers car, he'd been the one that had hit me and driven off without a care in the world. That was the reason he had known I'd been in hospital.

  
  


But why?

  
  


Why had he done it?

  
  


I couldn't get my head around it. I wanted to pretend that it wasn't true, I had been trying to convince myself all night that I'd just put two and two together and come up with fifty. I had been trying to force myself to believe that everything that had happened was just merely coincidental.

  
  


Only I couldn't.

  
  


Because deep down inside, I knew that my mind was right.

  
  


Dave had been the one driving.

  
  


Dave had tried to kill me.

  
  


But why?

  
  


And so the circle of thoughts started again. This is how it had been for the past eight hours, ever since Joe had found me in the bathroom, my heart hadn't stopped pounding, my hands hadn't stopped shaking.

  
  


And here I lay in Chester's arms, his hands gently rubbing small circles on my bare stomach, like they had for the past eight hours. We seemed to have been locked in the same position ever since Chester had carried my aching form back into our room and gently set me on my bed, wrapping me up in his arms as he had laid behind me.

  
  


The sound of the clock ticking seconds away hammered into my head and I sleepily opened my eyes, seeing that it was now eleven o'clock. Barely a minute had passed since I'd last looked and my eyes slowly closed as I rolled onto my stomach, moving closer to Chester. His arms slipped further around my waist, warm hands resting on my back as he gently pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

  
  


"How are you feeling?" Chester's voice was soft and caring as he ran his hands up and down my back.

  
  


"Tired," I murmured.

  
  


"Look at me a minute Mike," Chester whispered.

  
  


Slowly, I opened my eyes and lifted my head from his chest, tilting it as I looked up to him.

  
  


No words were spoken as he stared into my eyes, almost as if he were trying to read my thoughts, until finally, he gave up.

  
  


"What happened?" he asked, his voice quiet.

  
  


I dropped my head back down against his chest, staring vacantly ahead as I answered him, my voice barely audible, "Just a bad dream," I told him.

  
  


"Mike," he paused as his hands rested in the small of my back, "Talk to me," he pleaded, "I know it was a bad dream... but  _what_?" he asked, his hands moving once again, comforting me as I slowly raised my head once more.

  
  


His eyes shone back at me, full of concern, making me feel so guilty for not telling the truth. But what other way was there?

  
  


None.

  
  


"Was it about Dave?" he spoke softly, his gaze never flickering as I slowly nodded my head.

  
  


He let out a sigh, "What.... What happened?" he asked hesitantly.

  
  


"I don't remember," I whispered, my eyes looking away from his.

  
  


"Okay," he nodded, realizing that I didn't want to talk about if, even though it was for different reasons than he was probably thinking.

  
  


I rested my head back down and closed my eyes, gripping the covers around me tightly. A few minutes of silence passed before Chester's voice filled the room once again.

  
  


"Are you up to getting up?" he asked, "I'm not working today, I was thinking that we could do something? You seem like you could do with some cheering up," he said, his hands slowly traveling up my back.

  
  


"Yeah," I smiled, even though the last thing I felt like doing was getting out of bed. I could have stayed like this forever in Chester's arms, but instead, I agreed and slowly sat up, rubbing the sleep and tears from my eyes.

  
  


"They'll go," Chester spoke as he sat up beside me, sliding his arm around my shoulder, "I promise," he told me, gently pressing a kiss to my cheek.

  
  


I nodded, but deep down I knew they wouldn't go. These nightmares, they were only just beginning, weren't they?

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


"He really scared me though Brad."

  
  


"You and me both."

  
  


"What's wrong with him? I'm so worried. I mean, he was shaking and crying, he couldn't stop throwing up.... and then this morning he was still crying and humming to himself.... that's not normal, is it?"

  
  


"No...."

  
  


"I don't know what to do though. I mean, maybe we should get him help? He won't talk to me, he thinks I haven't realized how much he's hurting...."

  
  


"If I could get hold of that Dave, I would fucking kill him.... He's really fucked up Mike's mind, hasn't he?"

  
  


I clutched my towel tighter around my waist and slowly tiptoed away from where I'd been stood in the bathroom doorway, listening to the conversation that had been going on between Chester and Brad.

  
  


Stepping into my bedroom, I quietly closed the door behind me before walking over to my bed where I sat down on the soft covers.

  
  


So my best friend  _and_  my boyfriend thought I was nuts?

  
  


I flopped back against the bed, maybe I was nuts? Maybe I was a complete and utter insane mess of a guy?

  
  


What other twenty-one year old cried himself to sleep or woke up night after night after terrible dreams? What other fuck up got it into their heads that their ex-boyfriend was some crazy stalker?

  
  


Face it Mike, I told myself, it's all in your head.

  
  


I was too wrapped up in chastising myself that I hadn't heard the door open and so I jumped slightly when I realized that Chester was stood before me, his hands on his hips.

  
  


"Feeling better now?" he asked as he stepped forward and stood in between my legs, catching my hands in his.

  
  


"Yeah," I nodded as he gave my hands a squeeze.

  
  


"Good," he smiled, "I thought we could go to the beach," he paused, looking at my half naked state, "You might want to get dressed first though," he smirked, "I mean, I wouldn't complain if you went like that...."

  
  


"Hey," I slowly sat up, my body still aching as I got to my feet.

  
  


Chester smiled and wrapped his arms around me, his eyes locking with mine as our heads slowly moved to within inches of one another's. Our lips met and we kissed, tenderly at first, until I felt Chester's warm tongue gently slip along my bottom lip, begging for entrance. My lips parted and the kiss deepened, my hands sliding up Chester's neck, fingers tangling in his short spikes of hair.

  
  


A few minutes later we pulled away, resting out foreheads together as we caught our breath.

  
  


"I'll wait for you in the lounge," Chester whispered, kissing me one last time on the lips before he pulled away, leaving the room in near silence, the only sound being of my ragged breath.

  
  


In those few moments everything had been wiped from my memory, as Chester had kissed me nothing else had crossed my mind.

  
  


But as I turned away and began to get dressed, everything came flooding back to me.

  
  


Every last detail.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


"Brad and I were talking about you this morning," Chester spoke.

  
  


"You were?" I asked, trying to sound surprised as I swallowed a mouthful of my coffee.

  
  


"Yeah," Chester nodded, stirring the spoon around in his mug.

  
  


I placed my cup down and glanced out across the sea. From where we sat in the coffee shop that was housed on the cliffside, you could see for miles across the perfect, blue ocean. It had been one of our favourite places to frequent as kids, and as I looked back at Chester, I smiled, remembering the long summer nights the two of us had spent here in our early teens.

  
  


It was strange how some things had changed, yet some things remained just the same.

  
  


The coffee shop still held the same strong smell of bacon, the furniture, although faded, still remained as it had done all those years ago. Pictures hung lopsidedly from the walls, I even swore that we were drinking out of the same set of cups. Chester and I were older and maybe wiser, but the chemistry that flowed between us was still as strong as ever.

  
  


Maybe the only thing that had change between us was the circumstances. We were no longer school kids, lazing our summers away. We were both grown men, in a relationship together. Things had happened that had made both of us stronger, we'd seen life through another set of eyes, we'd seen that things weren't always as peachy as you'd imagine.

  
  


"Hey."

  
  


I snapped out of my thoughts and glanced across at Chester who was smiling goofily at me.

  
  


"You still space out," he shook his head.

  
  


"Huh?" I asked.

  
  


"Remember when we used to come here as kids?"

  
  


I smiled and nodded.

  
  


"You always used to space out," he told me, "We'd come up here and you'd just sit daydreaming to yourself. You never  _did_  tell me what you were thinking about, you still don't," he paused, taking a sip of his coffee.

  
  


"It's not that I don't want to," I sighed, looking down at my hands, "I just don't like to burden people with my problems...."

  
  


"You wouldn't be doing that, y'know. Something's wrong Mike and I want to help you. I want you to know that you can talk to me okay? Don't feel like I don't have the time for you, because that's not true."

  
  


"I'm sorry," I smiled bashfully, "I've not been myself lately," I sighed, "It's just that...." I stopped, trying to find the words I wanted to say.

  
  


"Dave?" Chester asked.

  
  


"Yeah," I slowly nodded my head, "He royally screwed me up and I guess I'm still trying to pick up the pieces."

  
  


"You know you don't have to do it on your own though?"

  
  


"Thanks Chester," I smiled, placing my hand over his, "That means a lot."

  
  


He smiled back at me, "Shall we go for a walk?" he asked.

  
  


"Yeah," I nodded my head, "That sounds good."

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


We'd been walking for over an hour, following the beach as it turned around into the next town. The sun sat in the deep blue sky as we padded along the soft sand, hand in hand.

  
  


We came to a small gathering of rocks and sat down, Chester's arms sliding around my waist as I sat in between his legs and leant my body back against his. I looked up to the sky, closing my eyes momentarily as they were hit by the sun's strong rays.

  
  


"Talk to me," Chester whispered, his voice soft.

  
  


I relaxed against him as his warm hands ran up and down my sides for a few moments before resting on my stomach once again.

  
  


"What about?" I murmured.

  
  


"Anything."

  
  


"Anything?"

  
  


"Yup."

  
  


"Mmmm," I thought, "When do you think the doctors will let me go back to work?" I asked, placing my hands over Chester's.

  
  


"When you're better?" he chuckled.

  
  


"Very funny. I hope they let me back soon," I sighed, "I'm starting to get sick of sitting on my ass all day."

  
  


"I thought you hated the place!"

  
  


"I do! See that's how desperately bored I'm getting," I smiled.

  
  


"Well, you are supposed to be taking things easy," Chester told me in a motherly tone, "You should be relaxing, not worrying about things and certainly not attempting to take showers...."

  
  


"Hey, I'm okay now, I have the use of both my hands."

  
  


"Yeah but those bruises on your body are still pretty bad, don't go straining yourself, okay?"

  
  


"I'm quite capable of doing things though," I protested.

  
  


"You're so stubborn Mike," he chuckled,

  
  


"Anyway, you're only saying that 'cos you want to help me in the shower," I chuckled.

  
  


"Damn. My plan's have been spoiled," Chester laughed and I shook my head, leaning it against his shoulder, "Can I ask you something?"

  
  


"Sure," I murmured, glancing out across the sea.

  
  


"You know these nightmares?"

  
  


Chester must have felt my body tense up at the mere mention of the word and he paused for a minute, his eyes on me before he slowly continued.

  
  


"What are they about?" he asked hesitantly.

  
  


I continued to gaze out at the sea, watching the waves as they lazily lapped across one another before I closed my eyes, opening them once again as I tried to answer.

  
  


"Sometimes," I started, "Sometimes they're like flashbacks. Things that he did to me play out in my mind and it feels like they're happening. Then other times, they're just nightmares, y'know things that never happened.... but," I stopped, feeling uneasy at the awkward silence that hung between us.

  
  


"Things that happened?" Chester spoke quietly and from his question I knew he was wanting me to elaborate.

  
  


"Yeah," I paused, shifting a little in his arms.

  
  


"You don't have to tell me, if it makes you feel uncomfortable...."

  
  


"No," I interrupted him, "I just don't want to make  _you_  feel uncomfortable," I admitted, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

  
  


"You won't."

  
  


Another awkward silence drifted between us as I opened the door in the back of my mind where all these things that Dave had put me through were kept locked away and slowly, I began to speak.

  
  


"One thing that seems to re-occur in my sleep is one of the flashbacks," I paused, swallowing, "I told you a little about what he did to me?" I asked, uncertain of how much of my memories I was willing to let myself bare to Chester.

  
  


"Yeah," he whispered, "You told me about his mood swings, about the times he hit you.... but nothing else."

  
  


"There was this one time, where, where he came back from the pub and as usual, he was out of his head. I'd done the stupidest thing and told Brad that Dave had hit me.... Only Brad went and confronted Dave. They ended up in a fight and when Dave came home.... I was so scared," I shivered, taking a breath, "I was taking a bath at the time, planning on curling up in bed when I'd finished.... Only Dave stormed in," I stopped at that point, unfolding my arms and raking my shaking hands through my hair.

  
  


I was shaking? Why? He wasn't here, he wasn't about to do it all over again. That nagging feeling in the back of my mind grew stronger, flashing images of the night before came back to me, and it wasn't until I felt Chester shaking me that I realized I'd completely spaced out.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


"S.... Sorry," I stuttered.

  
  


"You don't have to tell me, not if it's going to do this to...."

  
  


"He was so angry," I carried on, ignoring Chester, "So damn angry. I tried to ignore him as he banged on the bathroom door, but eventually it got too much. So I got up and opened it. Big mistake. He hit me, he yelled at me, believe me, I tried so fucking hard to fight back.... Only I couldn't. He stripped me, I tried to get away but he hit me even harder. I was terrified you know, as he took of all his clothes, because I knew what was going to happen, yet I couldn't fight against him. I'm pathetic, I know," I sniffed, shivering as I realized I was crying.

  
  


Chester's arms tightened around me and I continued.

  
  


"He pushed me into the bath," I swallowed, "He held my head under the water whilst he raped me," I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, "I thought I was going to die."

  
  


"Oh my God," Chester whispered and I didn't even have to look at him to tell he was totally stunned. I could tell from his voice that he was in complete and utter shock and for a split second, I wondered if I'd done the right thing in telling him. My doubts were quashed though, as he wrapped his arms further around me, hugging me against him as more tears began to roll down my cheeks.

  
  


I curled up against him, trying to stop myself from crying, I was stronger than this, was I not? Then why the hell was I breaking down over a few shattered memories?

  
  


Chester's hands soothed themselves up and down my back as my sobs began to subside.

  
  


I knew why I was breaking down, didn't I? It was because Dave was still out there, he was still out to get me and I couldn't do a thing about it. I was too scared that his threat would be made into a promise and he'd end up hurting Chester.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


I sniffed and pulled away from Chester's clutch, wiping my cheeks with the back of my hand.

  
  


"Sorry," I mumbled.

  
  


"Don't be," he told me, tugging my hands away from my face so he could see me, "It's okay to cry, y'know," he told me, offering me a small smile, "I only wish you weren't though," his hands slipped around mine and he gave them a gentle squeeze, "I don't think I've ever hated someone as much as I hate Dave and I haven't even met the bloody guy," he paused, "I'm glad you left him though Mike, he won't hurt you anymore and if he tries to even come near you, he'll have me to deal with," he smiled.

  
  


I nodded.

  
  


"Come on, let's get home, yeah?" He got to his feet, gently pulling me up beside him, "Are you okay?" he sighed, sliding his arm around my waist.

  
  


"Yeah," I smiled, leaning my head against his shoulder.

  
  


He smiled back at me as we began to walk back along the soft sand, his small hand gently clasped around my waist and I could tell I'd made him feel uneasy, hadn't I? I should've just kept quiet, kept it locked away, because it was bad enough having to relive those memories myself, let alone burden them with others, wasn't it?

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


"And Joe wins yet again! Woo-haa!"

  
  


"More like 'Joe cheated yet again'."

  
  


"Cheat? Me? Dude I don't think so."

  
  


"Ha. Bro you are  _always_  cheating."

  
  


"You're just a bad loser. Come on, let's have another game."

  
  


"With you? You must be kidding."

  
  


"Fine. Mike? You fancy a game?"

  
  


I looked up from where I was sat on the couch, half listening to the noise Brad and Joe had been making, half thinking things over in my head.

  
  


"Game?" Joe repeated, waving the playstation controller in the air.

  
  


I shook my head and looked back down at my lap, my fingers tracing idle patterns across the fabric of the couch.

  
  


See, I had many explanations in my head.

  
  


Dave had nothing whatsoever to do with the hit and run. It just so happened that the car that had hit me had belonged to someone with the same name as his step father. Purely coincidental. Indeed, I was going mad.

  
  


But then, how did that explain the things Dave had said to me? The letters, the photos?

  
  


I let out a sigh and leant back against the couch, scrunching my eyes up as I tried to come up with some plausible explanation.

  
  


Only I couldn't.

  
  


"Phone!" Joe's voice hollered above the noise of the racing game and the sound of the radio as the phone began to ring.

  
  


"I've got it," Chester's voice yelled back from outside the lounge.

  
  


A few seconds later, his footsteps padded inside the room and I cracked my eyes open as he prodded me in the shoulder.

  
  


"For you," he told me.

  
  


"Oh. Who is it?" I asked, unfolding my legs from beneath me before I got up.

  
  


"Someone from work," he replied as I followed him out into the hall. He passed me the receiver, before carrying on into the kitchen, not a word passing his lips. I sighed and placed the phone to my ear, thinking about how distant he'd been with me all afternoon before I spoke.

  
  


"Hello?"

  
  


"Hey Mike."

  
  


I let out a gasp, almost dropping the phone to the floor as Dave's voice sounded from the other end of the line.

  
  


"Have you changed your mind yet?" he asked, a small chuckling following his words.

  
  


"What do you want?" I asked, trying to stay calm.

  
  


"You," he replied simply, "And believe me, that's what I'm going to get," he whispered, before a click sounded and the line went dead.

  
  


I shakily placed the receiver down, my heart racing as his words echoed around my head.

  
  


"So did they say when they want you back?"

  
  


I jumped and spun around as Chester's voice sounded from beside me.

  
  


"Sorry?" I frowned.

  
  


"When do they want you to go back to work?" he asked.

  
  


"Oh. I erm, they don't know yet."

  
  


"Oh," Chester frowned, "Are you okay? You look like you're about to faint...."

  
  


"I just need to," I stopped, pushing past Chester and making my way into the bathroom. Slamming the door behind me, I slid the lock across before slumping to the floor.

  
  


This wasn't happening.


	15. Mind Games

t's all in your mind...

  
  


*

  
  


Three weeks and six days.

  
  


That's how long it had been since I'd seen his face. That's how long it had been since I'd broken down after his voice had haunted my mind and that's how long it had been since I'd promised myself that this was all in my head.

  
  


Nightmares, tears, dread everytime the phone had rang but it was getting over three weeks and I'd heard nothing. Slowly I was starting to realize I'd been a fool. I'd been too quick to panic over Dave's petty games, well now I was the one that was laughing, I wasn't gonna let him get to me anymore.....

  
  


And so I got to my feet, brushing my trousers down out of habit as I stubbed my cigarette out on the door frame of the back door and slowly stretched before walking into the kitchen.

  
  


Life had become some what mundane the past couple of weeks. After finally getting the okay from my Doctor to go back to work, the crappiest thing had happened. A phone call from work to say I was no longer needed and without further explanation, my final paycheck had been sent out to me.

  
  


I'd been pissed off to say the least, growling and yelling about the piece of shit boss, slamming doors and crying until Chester had grabbed me mid dramatic ranting session and slid his arms around my waist, pulling me into a tight hug that had instantly calmed me down.

  
  


So now, now I was working in a coffee shop in town. I say working, it felt more like slave labor, but hey, I was broke as it was and needed something to keep me going. I couldn't help but feel utterly bitter towards Dave; he'd persuaded me to quit college, if it weren't for him, maybe I'd still be there....

  
  


I stopped and shook my head, that had to stop. I had to stop blaming him, even thinking about him had to come to an end.

  
  


Shoving my hands into my pockets I made my way into the lounge where Brad, Chester and Rob were chilling out, the TV on in the corner as they chatted amongst themselves. I hopped over the back of the couch, plonking myself down beside Chester who offered me a wide grin as he slid his arm around my waist, allowing me to snuggle up against me, blushing as I saw the look that passed between Rob and Brad.

  
  


"What?" I smiled.

  
  


"Nothing," Brad replied, a smug grin across his face.

  
  


I shook my head, knowing damn well that the pair of them were passing a look of 'Aww, aren't they sweet together', a look which I'd come accustomed to over the past few days. It seemed like Chester and I had grown pretty close of late, spending most evenings together talking or going out, or cuddling up like this. And you know what?

  
  


It felt right.

  
  


Looking up at the TV screen, I began to watch the old movie that was playing before me, half listening to Brad and Chester as they spoke, my mind drifting off as I closed my eyes.

  
  


"Hey, sleeping beauty. Do you fancy going out tonight?"

  
  


I smiled and opened my eyes, nodding my head as I looked up to Chester, "Yeah, that'd be good. Where did you have in mind?" I asked, absently running my fingers along the hem of his hoody.

  
  


"The beach," he smiled, "A couple of people at work told me there's some party going on down there, it sounds like it could be good fun," he enthused.

  
  


"Sure," I nodded, "What time's it start?"

  
  


"In about an hour," he told me, "Come on, I think we should go and get ready now," he grinned.

  
  


"Yeah?" I asked raising my eyebrows as I got up from his lap.

  
  


"Hey, aren't we invited to this party?" Brad asked, mock pouting as we got to our feet.

  
  


"Sure," Chester nodded, grabbing my hand, "Just as long as you don't expect me to pay any attention to you whatsoever, I'm saving all of that for Mikey here," he grinned, ducking as Brad swiped at him with a cushion.

  
  


"Doofus," he muttered.

  
  


"Bigger doofus," Chester mocked.

  
  


I smiled at just how childlike the two of them could be with one another at times, yet they still had the ability to remain as two people I would always look up to, no matter what.

  
  


Chester's hand tugged at mine and I followed him out, across the hall and into our bedroom where the door was promptly shut behind us.

  
  


"You seem happier," Chester smiled as I sat myself down on his bed.

  
  


"Yeah," I nodded, pausing as the phone rang. I started to get up, when Chester's arm reached out to mine, "Leave it," he nodded.

  
  


I sat back down, "I am," I felt myself smiling as he stepped over to me, flopping down beside me on the springy mattress.

  
  


"Good. You were really down after that accident, it got to you didn't it?" he asked.

  
  


"Mmm," I nodded, lying down next to him.

  
  


"You should had said, y'know. Instead of trying to act as if it hadn't bothered you."

  
  


"I didn't."

  
  


"Sorry," he sighed, "I just wish that you'd open up a bit more to me, y'know?"

  
  


I smiled and rolled over on top of him, "I will," I promised, wanting to quickly change the subject, "Anyway, I thought we were supposed to be getting ready?" I asked as I started to get up.

  
  


"Hold on," Chester spoke, gently pulling me back down again.

  
  


"Hmm?" I asked.

  
  


"That can wait," he murmured, a smile upon his face as he slipped his arm around my waist. I found myself returning his smile, and slowly leant down against him, tentatively brushing my tongue across his lips. His hands slid up my back, resting on my head, his fingers tangling in my hair when he pulled me down to kiss me. I felt my eyes slowly closing, a moan escaping me as his warm lips moved against my own.

  
  


Breaking away from his mouth, I felt a smile spreading across my face and in that moment when Chester leant his forehead against mine and my eyes slowly fluttered open to meet his, I felt like the luckiest person alive.

  
  


"You're beautiful, you know," he voice was sugarcoated, sending tingles down my spine and I smiled softly as his hands moved from the back of my head, fingers tracing themselves across my cheeks. Not once did I wonder how he could say that, or why he even liked  _me_ , of all people. I just let my whims go, losing myself in those deep brown eyes of his.

  
  


Our lips were soon meeting once again, soft kisses turning into more passionate ones as Chester held my face in his hands. That is until the door swung open and the pair of us pulled apart, slightly flustered as Brad stood in the doorway, the phone in his hand.

  
  


"Why the  _fuck_  didn't you tell anyone?" he shouted, waving the phone at me.

  
  


"What?" I asked, frowning.

  
  


"Why Mike? Why didn't you tell us?"

  
  


I opened my mouth to speak, but no words seemed to want to come out. My heart began to race, because somehow, some way, Brad knew about Dave and his little threats.... didn't he?

  
  


"Okay," Chester moved from beside me and got to his feet, "Brad? What the hell are you on about?" he asked, clearly bemused.

  
  


"He," he pointed his finger in my direction, "He has been lying to us."

  
  


"Wait a minute... About?" Chester asked, prizing the phone receiver from Brad's clutch.

  
  


"Why don't we get him to tell us, hey?" he spat, narrowing his eyes at me. I flinched, completely surprised by Brad's outburst and found myself shaking my head.

  
  


"Okay," Chester cleared his throat, "I'm a little lost here. Is there something I should know?"

  
  


Brad let out a sigh, "I just got a phone call," he stopped, looking me dead in the eye, "It was Dave."

  
  


"Oh," was about all that Chester could manage, "And?"

  
  


"And he asked me how Mike was, he asked me if he'd been feeling okay since his last visit."

  
  


I closed my eyes and ran a hand through my hair.

  
  


"Do you remember what you promised me Mike? DO YOU?"

  
  


My eyes remained shut as I nodded my head. What, exactly, Dave had said remained unknown to me, probably some twisted form of the truth, yet why was Brad being like this with me?

  
  


"You promised Mike. You swore that if he so much as called you, you'd tell me."

  
  


"I'm still lost."

  
  


I opened my eyes, glancing up at Chester who stood beside Brad, arms folded across his chest as he toyed with the ariel on the cordless phone, "I take it Dave's been to see you?"

  
  


I lowered my head once again, "What did he say Brad?" I asked.

  
  


"Like I told you. He asked how you'd been since his last visit."

  
  


"Mike?" Chester spoke, "What's going on?"

  
  


"Nothing," I let out a sigh, "He came around. We argued. He left. End of, okay? And you, Brad," I spat, as I got to my feet, "You're one fucking hypocrite you know? Because he told me about how many times he's been around here and you kept that from me  _again_?"

  
  


Brad looked gob smacked as I pushed past him, violently slamming the door as I stormed into the kitchen. I was surprised that the back door stayed on it's hinges as I more or less kicked it open. I felt the need to hurl something, anything across the back yard and was about to pick up one of the many rusty sun loungers and give it a good seeing to, when I felt someone's arm slip around my waist.

  
  


"Mike...." It was Chester, good old Chester and as I turned around and leaned into his warm embrace, I caught sight of Brad, standing in the doorway, his face still like thunder.

  
  


"I'm sorry Brad," I sighed, pulling away from Chester, "I..." I stopped, unable to think of a plausible excuse.  _'I'm sorry, but he told me if I uttered a word about his visit, that he'd kill Chester and I was, and still am a little scared of that happening.'_  It didn't quite sound right, did it?

  
  


"When was it?" Chester spoke from beside me.

  
  


I looked down to the ground, absently kicking at a patch of gravel, "Just after I got out of hospital," I paused knowing damn well that Brad and Chester were doing some quick maths in there head.

  
  


"Did he hurt you?" Chester asked.

  
  


I didn't answer, not because I wasn't going to, but because Brad got there before I even had chance to open my mouth.

  
  


"Of course he hurt him Chaz," he sighed, stepping outside, "You mean a week after you came out, right? When you  _fell_ in the shower?"

  
  


"Oh God," Chester whispered, his hand suddenly clutching onto mine, "You didn't fall, did you?"

  
  


I shook my head.

  
  


"Then what?" he asked, "What did that fucking scumbag do to you? Because I saw those bruises Mike, I saw them at the hospital and they were black and blue and.. Mike..." Chester's voice faded away as I sniffed back my tears.

  
  


"I couldn't tell you," I whispered, "I'm so sorry I lied. I just... I was so scared and ashamed. You saw what he'd done to me Chester, you saw how much it hurt... I couldn't tell you," I whispered.

  
  


Chester and Brad exchanged a glance before looking back at me.

  
  


"You should report it Mike," Brad told me.

  
  


"No."

  
  


"Mike, he can't do this to you, it's not fair, it's not right...."

  
  


"No."

  
  


"What? So you're willing to let that man play along with your mind and hurt you over and over again? Because he will Mike, for as long as you keep quiet and pretend that these things haven't happened, he's going to keep on doing it," Chester told me.

  
  


"Not if I get to him first," Brad muttered.

  
  


"Just leave it," I whispered, "It's over. Okay?"

  
  


I received withering looks from the pair of them and let out a sigh, "I'm going out. I won't be back till late."

  
  


Neither of them called after me as I walked back into the house, grabbing my coat from the back of the door. I pulled it on, glancing over my shoulder to see Chester and Brad in the kitchen, quietly arguing.

  
  


"Leave him," Brad spoke in a hushed tone.

  
  


I sighed and opened the door, shutting it quietly behind me.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


I found myself at the beach party and after making my way through crowds of intoxicated people, I'd hauled myself upon to one of the wooden decking walkways and was sat with my legs dangling over the edge, half watching the sun as it began to set.

  
  


What Chester had said had been true. The longer I kept quiet, the more Dave was going to hassle me. But it was easier said than done. Chester and Brad didn't know the whole story, and still, the reason to why Dave had rung up was baffling me. It was like he'd invited Brad to question me about Dave, almost as if he'd wanted to brag about his little argument with me. I'd put it down to him more than likely being drunk out of his tiny mind. He'd either wanted to wind Brad up, or wanted to see if I'd dare tell about what had really happened.

  
  


Either way, it was playing on my mind and yet again, I was starting to question just what the hell he was trying to do to me. Nothing seemed to make any sense though.

  
  


I found myself lighting up my forth cigarette and I took a drag from it, nervously fiddling with the lighter as I let the smoke fill my lungs. I hadn't been that much of a smoker up until the past few months. Some say that nerves can drive you to crave the taste of nicotine. That seemed like the perfect excuse for me. I smiled, wondering what Lena would say if she could see me. She'd brought me up on a strict don't smoke or drink teaching. She'd kill me, to say the least. And that said, I really did have to remember to call her. My mind had been somewhat preoccupied though.

  
  


I shook my head and took another hit off of my cigarette, flicking the ash onto the ground below me when I heard someone calling my name. Glancing behind me, I began to smile a little as I saw Brad, Chester, Rob and Joe heading towards me. I smiled slightly in Chester's direction, feeling somewhat relieved that they'd decided to come after me. They reached me, Joe being the first to sit beside me as someone, more than likely Rob, snatched the cigarette from my fingers.

  
  


"What's up?" Joe asked.

  
  


"Nothing," I smiled.

  
  


"Then why are you sat here, alone?"

  
  


"I was just thinking."

  
  


"Thinking?" Joe smiled, "What's there to think about when you've got that going on down there?" he asked, nodding his head towards the masses of people gathered on the beach, "Free beer, birds and," he lowered his voice, "The odd little pill here and there."

  
  


I smiled, "I was waiting for you guys," I lied, glancing up at Rob as he passed me back my cigarette, "I thought you'd quit?"

  
  


"No. Justine said I'd quit," he corrected me, "But what she doesn't know won't hurt her."

  
  


"Honestly," Joe grinned, "You and Justine are like a married couple. Let me guess, you had to have her permission to come out with us tonight?"

  
  


Rob scowled and muttered something unrepeatable before taking off and heading towards the beach, "Are you lot coming?" he hollered.

  
  


Joe got to his feet and headed after him and it was just Brad, Chester and I. The pair of them watching me as if I was about to jump over the edge of where I was sat.

  
  


"About before," Brad spoke, "I didn't mean to react that way. I just worry, I've got a lot on my plate..." he stopped, "See you two down there," he smiled, patting Chester on his shoulder before he turned and walked away, catching up with the other two.

  
  


"What was that about?" I asked Chester as he sat down beside me.

  
  


"What?"

  
  


"Brad? What's up with him?"

  
  


Chester looked down at his hands, fiddling nervously with his fingernails before he raised his head, "You can keep secrets Mike," he smiled, "So when I tell you this, it won't go any further, right?"

  
  


I frowned and nodded my head.

  
  


"Justine's pregnant."

  
  


My eyes went wide, "What? Rob's Justine?" I asked.

  
  


"Yeah...."

  
  


"So that's why Rob looks so pissed?"

  
  


"Yeah. But there's more. Brad wanted to talk to you about it before, that's partly why he snapped at you.... It's Brad's."

  
  


I looked at Chester, not quite picking up on what he was saying, "Sorry?"

  
  


"The baby. Brad's the father."

  
  


Cue my eyes almost popping out of my head.

  
  


"Shit. How did that happen?"

  
  


Chester smiled back at me.

  
  


"Oh ha ha," I rolled my eyes, "I mean," I paused, " _Brad_?"

  
  


"Yeah," Chester nodded, fiddling awkwardly with the bracelets that lined his thin wrists, "The short story that I got was that they were drunk and one thing led to another and, well, you know the rest."

  
  


I shook my head, "But he wouldn't do that to Rob..."

  
  


"That's why he feels so fucking bad," Chester insisted, "I'm not making any excuses for the guy. I gave him an earful when he told me but you know Brad, he wouldn't intentionally set out to do anything like that. He's the good guy remember? He's the one my parent's constantly ask me to be more like," he raised his eyebrows, "He fucked up, made a mistake."

  
  


I frowned. That wasn't like Brad and as mean as it sounded, Brad was Mr. Perfect. Not in a bad way though, it wasn't like anyone snarled at him or felt lesser than him; it was just the way Brad was.

  
  


"What was he doing with Justine anyway?" I asked, trying to figure out how this happened.

  
  


"She'd had a fall out with Rob, he was the shoulder to cry on," he sighed.

  
  


"Oh."

  
  


"So Brad's feeling pretty bad. He's like the big guy isn't he?" Chester smiled, looking down to where Brad and the others were, "The one that everyone goes to when they need advice, the one that knows the answers to every question, the kind one, the one everyone looks up to. And now," he paused, "Now he feels like he's let everyone down."

  
  


"What?" I smiled, slightly bemused, "How's he let everyone down?"

  
  


"Well," Chester paused, "He feels really bad about it and all. I mean, here's Rob who so isn't ready for the perils of fatherhood and trying to figure out how Justine's pregnant, when they haven't slept together in months...."

  
  


"What?"

  
  


"Yeah, Rob and Justine haven't been getting on too well lately. Rob's done the maths and realized that there's no way that kid is his. So, he turns to Brad and what the heck is Brad supposed to say?"

  
  


"He shouldn't have done it in the first place," I stated simply.

  
  


Chester stared at me, "Yes, he knows that."

  
  


"Sorry," I sighed, "What's he going to do?"

  
  


"He doesn't know," Chester sighed, staring off out across the sea. I followed his gaze, watching the waves silently lap against one another, "He was crying this morning," Chester spoke, breaking the silence.

  
  


"What?" I asked, my eyes snapping back to him, "Brad?"

  
  


"Yeah," he nodded my head, "I don't think I've ever see him cry."

  
  


"Me neither..."

  
  


"He's always been like the big brother of us all, hasn't he?" Chester smiled.

  
  


I nodded in agreement, "Always looking out for us, always there to sort out our problems."

  
  


"I'm worried about him Mike. He's not been himself ever since I got back," Chester paused, "He's falling apart, and I don't know what to do."

  
  


I frowned, paling as the past few months swept past my eyes. Chester was right as well. Brad hadn't been himself lately, "Shit, I feel so bad, I've been so wrapped up in my own problems that I didn't notice.... I should go and talk to him."

  
  


"Later," Chester told me, "I want to talk to you first."

  
  


"Yeah?" I asked quietly as I glanced out over the beach. I caught sight of Joe with his arm around some girls waist, Brad and Rob close behind him as they headed away from us. As I watched, I could see a far off look in Brad's eyes, as if he was wanting to be anywhere but there and I felt so fucking bad. Brad, my best friend was obviously upset about something, and I'd only just realized. What kind of friend did that make me?

  
  


"Hey."

  
  


"Hmm?" I asked, turning back to Chester.

  
  


He smiled back at me, "Never have I known someone who spaces out as much as you do," he grinned.

  
  


"Sorry," I felt myself blushing, "You said you wanted to talk?"

  
  


"Yeah," Chester cleared his throat, "Has he bothered you since?"

  
  


"Who?"

  
  


"You know very well who."

  
  


"No."

  
  


"You sure?"

  
  


"Yes."

  
  


Chester fidgeted a little, shuffling closer to me, "I just don't want you to get hurt again Mike," he told me, his warm hand gently covering mine, "And it scares me, even, to think that he's still pestering you."

  
  


"He's not."

  
  


"Okay. That's all I wanted to ask, well, except," he paused, "What happened on that day Mike?"

  
  


I shivered, "What day?" I asked, although I knew, I knew very well what he was talking about.

  
  


"The day he came to the house."

  
  


"He just shouted at me," I answered quickly.

  
  


Chester glanced at me, a knowing glance.

  
  


"Okay. He wanted me to go back to him. I told him where to go and he hit me," I gulped, "Then he kept on hitting me. I think he had me pinned down to the ground at one point, I don't know though. I don't want to remember."

  
  


"I can't believe he did that," Chester whispered, his hand rubbing mine, "You know when I took you to that checkup at the hospital? You were so distant on the way there, I knew something was up, even more so when I saw those bruises on you. I can't believe I didn't figure it all out," he smiled wryly, "Mike. I saw how much pain you were in. I thought you'd fallen and all along he'd done that to you?"

  
  


I slowly nodded my head, not wanting to look at Chester's face anymore as it contorted into one of anger.

  
  


"Please don't be mad at me," I whispered, lowering my eyes.

  
  


"What?" Chester's voice softened, "I'm not mad with you," he whispered, squeezing my hand, "Look at me," he told me.

  
  


I couldn't though, I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I didn't know whether it was the guilt of lying to him, or the fact that I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.

  
  


"Mike?" Chester whispered, his other hand gently tilting my chin, until finally I was forced to look at him, "I'm mad at him," he told me, "Not you. Okay?"

  
  


I slowly nodded my head.

  
  


"You've got to promise me one thing though. If he so much as comes near you, you tell someone okay?"

  
  


"I will."

  
  


"Okay," Chester smiled, "Come here," he whispered, his voice soft and I found myself wrapped up in his arms, feeling much like a lost child as Chester rocked me against his chest.

  
  


"I wish life wasn't so hard for you," he sighed, "Have you heard anything about the accident?" he asked, his hands stroking my hair.

  
  


"Nothing more," I gulped, "Apparently they're still 'looking into things' but I haven't been told anything in weeks," I sighed, closing my eyes.

  
  


"You should ring that Detective, ask him what the hell's going on. Those guys are useless, huh? I bet they couldn't even organize a piss up in a brewery," he chuckled, "Seriously though Mike, they've got to be a little close to finding out who was driving that car and why they didn't stop. I wish they'd figure out who did this," he sighed, "I wish you could remember more."

  
  


"I do remember," I whispered, "I remember everything and as much as I pretend that it doesn't bother me, it does. I can't forget Ches..." I paused, shifting slightly, "I keep... I..." I stopped, my breath catching in my throat.

  
  


"What?" Chester frowned, and I found myself frowning too, wondering what, exactly, I'd just been about to say.  _I keep seeing him? I keep picturing him? Because I know who did it?_

  
  


"Nothing," I sighed, pulling away from Chester, "I'm just tired," I took a deep breath, "I don't know about you, but I could really do with a beer," I smiled, getting to my feet.

  
  


"But you don't drink," Chester frowned, taking my hand as I pulled him to my feet.

  
  


"That's how much I need one," I nodded.

  
  
  


****

  
  


The party was in full swing. Joe was all over some girl he'd met, and to my other side was Chester, then Brad as we sat on the sand, chatting and listening to the music that floated across the air.

  
  


My drinking ban had completely gone out of the window, and I was now on my fifth beer. Somehow it was helping to calm my nerves, helping me to forget about everything that had been going on.

  
  


"I think Joe's finally going to get it on with someone," Chester sniggered from beside me, his arm loosely draped around my waist, "Maybe a certain person might be getting some later too, if they're good," he chuckled, his lips brushing against mine.

  
  


I grinned back at him, my smile slipping as I saw the distant look in Brad's eyes.

  
  


"He okay?" I murmured, watching as he gazed out across into the sea, his mind obviously on other things.

  
  


Rob had not long gone home, saying something about needing to speak to Justine before it got late. I couldn't help but notice the look of fear in Brad's eyes as we'd said our goodbyes to Rob. He was feeling so bad, I could tell that much.

  
  


Chester shrugged and nudged him a little, "Chin up," he smiled, but Brad just offered the weakest of smiles before going back to sipping his beer.

  
  


I sighed and shook my head, knowing I had to talk with him later, "I gotta use the bathroom," I told Chester, "I'll be back in a minute," I smiled, kissing him gently on the cheek as I got to my feet. The walk to the beach cafe seemed to take forever, and as I milled my way through the crowds of people that had gathered on the sands I couldn't help but smile to myself, wondering what later on would bring? Happiness? Yeah, it sure felt like it would.

  
  


Hopping up the wooden steps that lead to the cafe, I glanced back over my shoulder, picking out Chester as he sat beside Joe; a huge smile upon his face. He looked like a complete dork. My dork. I shook my head, a stupid grin spreading across my features as I pushed the cafe door open, entering the dimly lit room and walking over to the toilet door, the soft music and smell of burning incense fading away as I stepped inside.

  
  


I walked over to one of the empty stalls, pushing the faded blue door open and locking it behind me. Whistling away, I relieved myself, the faint sound of someone entering the room filling my ears as I pulled the chain. I zipped myself up, sliding the lock free and stepping out of the stall, suddenly jumping as the room plummeted into darkness.

  
  


"Shit!", my eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness as I sought out the main door. I swiftly made my way over, flicking the light switch on as I reached for the door handle.

  
  


Only then did I feel someone behind me, so close that their breath hit the back of my neck, sending a wave of uneasiness down my spine. I froze as a hand clamped onto my shoulder, another one onto my waist and I could have thought or hoped, even, that it was one of the others messing about. Only I knew. I knew it wasn't. Don't ask me how or why, but at that moment when I was pulled away from the door and slammed back against the cold tiled wall, my eyes coming face to face with Dave's, I wasn't at all surprised, just scared, scared beyond belief.

  
  


"Hello you," he smiled, eyeing me up and down, "Long time, no see, huh?" he asked.

  
  


My eyes stared back at his, a lump forming in my throat, "Let go," I told him calmly.

  
  


And still he smiled, his hands tightening their grip on me.

  
  


I gulped, shoving him away as hard as I could.

  
  


"Ah-ah," Dave smirked, pushing me roughly.

  
  


"Just let me go," I hissed.

  
  


"Or?" he raised his eyebrows.

  
  


"Or I'll scream, I'll scream the whole fucking place down," I raised my voice, attempting once more to push him away.

  
  


"Oh you really wouldn't want to do that," he hissed, his grip on me loosening, "You know it's amazing how careless people can be with things," he smile, letting go of me as he stepped back, his hand waving a bunch of keys before my eyes.

  
  


I stared back at him in disbelief before my body spun round, hands tugging at the door. The door the fucker had locked.

  
  


"You could bang," he laughed from behind me, suddenly closer to me, his hot breath blowing against my neck once again, "Only, I wouldn't if I were you," he chuckled, his arm slipping around my waist.

  
  


I seemed to freeze as a small click resounded in my ears and as I slowly looked down, I was sure all the blood was draining from my face, my heart almost stopping as my eyes met with the shiny knife that was pressed against my stomach.

  
  


I shuddered, my heart beginning to pound at an unhealthy speed as he spoke.

  
  


"Go on, bang on that door," he whispered, "I  _dare_  you."

  
  


The room dropped into silence as the words left his mouth and finally he moved away from me, stepping beside me, his eyes burning into my face.

  
  


"What are you doing?" I whispered, hesitantly turning to face him.

  
  


"Sorry?" he asked, his innocent smile not fooling me for one minute.

  
  


"I said what are you doing?"

  
  


He blinked back at me, his smile starting to grow broader until finally, a small laugh escaped his lips, "How do you mean?"

  
  


"I mean this. What's this gonna achieve, huh? Just let me go and I'll pretend I never saw you, no one will ever know...."

  
  


"Just like no one knows about what really happened the other week?"

  
  


I frowned.

  
  


"The phone call this morning, let's say it was a test," he smirked, leaning closer, "And boy you did me proud. I knew you wouldn't spill, I knew you wouldn't let me down," he smiled, turning away from me.

  
  


"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked, my voice shaking as his footsteps stopped. Slowly I turned around to see him leaning against one of the sinks, his fingertips trailing up and down the blade of the silver knife.

  
  


"Like I said, the phone call was a test, and now I know you're not going to stop me because you're way to scared of what I'll do to your precious boyfriend," he smiled, "I guess now things can really get going."

  
  


I stared back at him, "W.. What things?"

  
  


"Come here," he smiled softly, and for one spilt second, his smile seemed so genuine, so friendly, so much like the first time he'd ever smiled at me all those years ago, "I said come here," he ordered, his eyes flicking to the knife.

  
  


"No."

  
  


"No?"

  
  


"That's right," I nodded, "Get those keys, unlock the door and stop whatever the fuck you're about to do," I hissed, surprised at the anger in my voice.

  
  


"Get the fuck over here," he snarled, his eyes narrowing at me and slowly, I found myself walking over to him, too scared to make him angrier, too scared to even think what would happen if I didn't do as he said.

  
  


"That's better," he smiled as I came to a halt in front of him. My eyes immediately snapped down to the tiled floor, not wanting to face this person that was standing before me.

  
  


"Look at me," he whispered, inching closer to me. His hands tilted my chin up, forcing me to face him as he spoke.

  
  


"I've always had this thing for pretty boys," his lips twisted into a malicious smile, one of his arms snaking around my waist, his hand holding onto me tightly, "I like to play with their minds. It's fun," he whispered, "And my, you are the prettiest boy I ever laid my eyes on," he leaned closer, his hot breath upon my lips and all I could do was stand there, trying so hard not to flinch as he turned the knife over in his hand.

  
  


"Why?" I managed to whisper, "Why are you doing this?"

  
  


He smiled, moving away a little, his arm still secure around my waist, "Why?" he asked, "It depends how you look at it," he shrugged, "Some might say it's revenge, some might see it as a game," his eyes glistened, "Whatever way, you're going to do exactly what I tell you."

  
  


And with that he grabbed me by the shirt, the knife shoved into his back pocket somewhere along the line as I was dragged into one of the damp toilet stalls, the door slamming, locked firmly behind us.

  
  


"Please," I whispered, as fear which up until now I'd been hiding so well, began to build up inside me, "Just let me..."

  
  


I was stopped as Dave slammed me back, violently against the door, one of his hands dropping from my shoulder as he reached into his back pocket. The knife shimmered in the dim light as he smiled at me.

  
  


"I've had a lot of practice, remember?" he whispered, "And believe me, I am  _not_  afraid to use this," he laughed, "Are you gonna be good and do what I say?"

  
  


I stared back at him, back at this monster that towered before me, asking myself how I could have ever loved someone like this?

  
  


How could he begin to hurt me this much?

  
  


"Well?" he spat, and slowly, I nodded my head. There was no way out. Nowhere to run.

  
  


"Good," he smiled, lowering the knife, "Turn around."

  
  


"N... No," I whispered, tears beginning to sting the corners of my eyes, "Please... Dave... No...."

  
  


"Maybe I didn't make myself clear," he spat, "Now turn the  _fuck_  around," he yelled.

  
  


My body shook as I slowly turned round, shuddering as I was grabbed by the shoulders and roughly pinned against the cold door. I guess the knife being held so close to my head as Dave's other hand slid around my body was there to remind me of what would happen if I even  _thought_  about moving.

  
  


I felt his hand struggling with my belt and that's about the time my eyes snapped shut and I began to tell myself that this was  _not_  happening. Not again.

  
  


Only it didn't work for long. The feel of cold air hitting me as my pants and shorts were yanked down, falling to my ankles, Dave's grunts and groans as he undid his trousers; they burned through the barriers in my mind and I couldn't block it out. I couldn't stop it.

  
  


My fists clenched tightly, my whole body pressing against the cold surface of the door, a sickening cry escaping me as Dave rammed himself deep inside me. From then on, my cries, my tears, they didn't stop.

  
  


I tried so hard to pretend it wasn't real, I tried to believe it was all a dream, but as Dave began to thrust deeper inside me, the pain burned up as he tore me apart, and I couldn't pretend. All I could feel was my insides being ripped to shreds, Dave's hot breath as he moaned into my ear, the sharp point of his knife grazing against me ever so lightly as his thrusts became harder and harder and all I could do was cry.

  
  


Whispering, begging him to stop through my tears, right up until the point where his grip around my waist tightened, his whole body shaking against mine as he came inside me.

  
  


I felt so disgusting.

  
  


I felt so fucking dirty, so ashamed as he roughly pulled out of me, the sound of him dressing filling my ears as I slowly dared myself to open my eyes. I stood, frozen against the door, barely able to breathe as I felt Dave's hands upon my body. Roughly, I was spun around and he pulled up my pants, swiftly fastening them. He glared at me, his eyes void of any emotion other than that of pure hatred, "I'm in control sweetness," he whispered, "It's round two and we're playing by my rules. Break them and Chester, well, let's just say he won't know what's hit him."

  
  


I was shoved aside, the door swinging back as he stepped out of the cubicle. I couldn't breathe as I heard his footsteps fading away, the jingle of keys, the sound of the door being unlocked. The room plummeted into darkness, the sound of the door opening then slamming shut echoing in my mind as I collapsed to the cold floor, the contents of my stomach emptying themselves into the toilet basin.


	16. Sickness

_I'm a whore and I'm feeling sorry for myself. In your arms I am drowning like the child I was. I need more, can you help me? Feed my sin, come and kill me. It's calling, calling, calling, calling me......_

  
  


*

  
  


I don't know how I did it, but somehow I managed to pick myself up off the floor, wash my tears away and walk back outside, over to Chester and Brad as if nothing had happened.

  
  


Maybe I was too scared to even think about what had happened. Maybe I was still in shock, the pain only just starting to really kick in as I sat down beside Chester, staring coldly into the distance.

  
  


"You okay?"

  
  


It wasn't until Chester nudged me, causing me to jump and flinch away that I realized he'd been talking to me.

  
  


"Sorry?" I mumbled.

  
  


"I asked if you were okay. You were a long time."

  
  


"Yeah," I paused, "I really don't feel too good, do you mind if we go home?"

  
  


"Sure," Chester nodded, "What's wrong?"

  
  


I gulped, "I just feel really sick," I whispered.

  
  


"We better get you home then," Chester smiled softly, rubbing my back. I found myself flinching away again, quickly getting to my feet and staring off into the distance as Chester spoke with Brad.

  
  


"Come on bro, you've had enough and I'm not leaving you here on your own. Not when you're in this state."

  
  


I shuddered, tuning myself out of their argument as I turned to look out across the sea. A breeze picked up around me and I shivered, wrapping my arms around my body.

  
  


_'I've always had this thing for pretty boys. I like to play with their minds. It's fun.'_

  
  


I closed my eyes as his voice ran through my mind. Haunting images flashed before me, images of him groping me, touching me the way he did. I could feel him on me, feel his fingers clawing at my skin, feel his breath upon my neck.

  
  


Until finally, my eyes snapped open, my breathing heavy as I came face to face with Chester.

  
  


"Woah, you really don't look too good," he spoke softly, bringing his hand up to my face. This time though, I didn't flinch away, I let him touch me and as soon as he did I relaxed, leaned into his embrace as his arms tightened around me and I told myself that this had all been a bad dream.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


It was late by the time we got back. I couldn't even tell you which way we took to get home. All I knew was that I was cold and tired and I wanted to be on my own, just for the time being.

  
  


Maybe what had happened still hadn't sunk in and maybe I didn't want it to ever sink in, because I didn't want it to be true. I didn't want to face up to things and that's why as Chester helped a slightly drunk Brad inside, I slipped off into the bathroom, sliding the lock across the door after I softly closed it.

  
  


My head was spinning as I stepped over to the mirror, shocked at my own reflection, almost as if someone else was staring back at me. Some person who looked so tired, so weary.

  
  


I sighed and raked my hand through my hair, willing myself not to cry. Only I couldn't and as I turned away and peeled my clothes from my body, there I was, stepping under the shower; tears streaming down my face.

  
  


I slammed my fist against the wall, unable to take it any longer. My hands shook as I turned the taps on, wincing as the boiling hot water sprang out, stinging my body as I began to wash  _him_  away from me.

  
  


Sobs racked my body, a mixture of anger and fear burning up inside me. I grabbed my washcloth, loading it with as much soap as I could before I began to scrub at my body, my fingers clawing at my skin, almost as if peeling it from my body would take all the pain away.

  
  


By the time I'd finished and finally stepped out from underneath the scolding streams of water, my skin was bright red. Grabbing one of the large, white towels, I quickly dried, securing the towel around my waist as I picked up my clothes. Bunching them into a small ball, I unlocked the door and stepped outside. Padding down the hallway and into the kitchen, my clothes were hastily piled into the washing machine. Slamming the door, I think I ended up emptying half the packet of wash powder in before turning the machine on. Walking away, I flicked the kitchen lights off as I headed into my room.

  
  


Chester was laid across his bed on his stomach, his legs crossed as he flicked through a magazine. I studied him for a minute, smiling at the faded Snoopy boxers and crumpled Afro Ken shirt he wore as pyjamas. He closed the magazine, running a hand through his tousled locks as he slowly turned onto his back.

  
  


"Oh hey," he smiled, sitting up, "You feeling better?" he asked as I moved from the doorway over to my bed.

  
  


"Yeah," I nodded, clutching the towel that hung around my waist as I grabbed a clean pair of shorts.

  
  


"Good," Chester replied, "Brad's out of it. He's gonna be hell tomorrow. I'd avoid him at all costs," he continued as I carefully slid my boxers on underneath my towel, "Hey you're not going all prudish on me? Are you?" Chester chuckled as I dropped my towel to the floor, turning around to face him.

  
  


"What?" I frowned, tiredly running a hand through my hair.

  
  


"You," Chester got up, "Were supposed to flash me then," he grinned, causing me to blush as he walked over to me, sliding his arms around my waist. I shivered slightly, not able to look in his eyes as he ran his hands up and down my sides. He moved closer, locking his arms around me, his fingertips dancing up and down my spine and no matter how much I knew that he would never,  _ever_  hurt me, I still couldn't help but freeze up as he touched me.

  
  


"Sleep with me tonight," Chester murmured in my ear, "I know it's cramped, but I like it when you're close to me."

  
  


I pulled back from him, slowly nodding my head as his hand slipped around mine and he pulled me over to his bed. He lay me down, sliding beside me, his hands resting on my stomach as I closed my eyes.

  
  


I felt him moving a little and heard the click of the light being switched off before he settled down beside me once again. His hands slid up and down my stomach and I held my breath, not wanting him to touch me anymore. Everytime his fingertips trailed over the deep scars on my stomach, I could feel Dave laughing at me as he dug the broken shards of glass deep into my flesh. I shuddered and rolled away, wrapping my arms around myself as I heard Chester let out a heavy sigh.

  
  


"What's wrong Mike?"

  
  


I opened my eyes and turned to face him as he sat up and flicked the light on, staring at me with tired eyes, waiting for me to answer.

  
  


"N.. Nothing," I sighed.

  
  


"Nothing?" he asked skeptically.

  
  


"I'm just really tired."

  
  


He smiled and shook his head, "How come whenever it is that I ask you what's wrong, or how you are, you give me the same lie of an answer, huh?"

  
  


I stared back at him, gulping as he continued.

  
  


"It's obvious something's wrong Mike.... and if you can't even tell me then how do you think that makes me feel?" he asked.

  
  


"Ches," I sighed, sitting up, "I really don't feel well! That's it..."

  
  


"So why did you do that just then?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

  
  


"Do what?"

  
  


"Turn away when I was showing you some affection..."

  
  


"I didn't."

  
  


"Yes. You did."

  
  


"Well I'm sorry. I'm tired and I have to get up in four hours. I want some sleep, okay? And if you're going to be all fucking pissy with me then I'll go and sleep elsewhere, okay?" I yelled, surprising not only Chester, but myself at the anger in my voice.

  
  


Then, without a word I got to my feet, scrambled out of the bed and stormed off, slamming the bedroom door loudly behind me.

  
  


"Mike," the door opened as Chester raced after me.

  
  


"Leave it," I sighed, leaning against the wall, my fingers absently running along the faded wall paper.

  
  


"No. What's going on?"

  
  


"Nothing!"

  
  


"So you're just tired? You're just feeling run down..."

  
  


I slowly nodded my head.

  
  


"Well maybe you should see someone? I mean, maybe it's me but it seems like that's how you've been feeling ever since we got together," he spat, catching me unaware.

  
  


"What?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

  
  


"You heard. I don't get you anymore Mike. No matter how hard I try. I want you to talk to me, to open up because you really need to... Dave put you through some fucking shit and all I want to do is help. So why is it so hard for you to let me?"

  
  


I stared back at Chester, not believing that he was saying those things to me. It felt like someone was beating me all over again, taking away my ability to speak as the words he'd spoken sunk into my mind.

  
  


"Well?"

  
  


I shook my head, tears brimming in the corners of my eyes.

  
  


"I don't want to do this Mike.. but I feel like you can't talk to me anymore. Like you don't trust me... it's like you think I'm gonna hurt you and I would never do that to you..."

  
  


"I know..."

  
  


"Then why can't you talk to me? You've talked to Brad in the past, told him things that I'm never going to hear from your lips..."

  
  


"You've been talking about me?"

  
  


"No... He just told me a few things, nothing much. He says if I want answers to my questions then it's you I should be speaking to, not him. Only everytime I try and ask you things, you freeze up, you shut me out."

  
  


"Then what do you want to know?" I spat, "Go on?"

  
  


"Fine," he replied, grabbing me roughly by my wrists. He turned my arms and ran his fingers along the inside, tracing over the thin scars, "How did you get them?" he asked, "Did you try to end it all?"

  
  


I stared back at him, roughly pulling my arms away from his grasp as my tears began to slide down my cheeks. I just wanted to hit him, push him so hard and watch him fall to the floor along with that look that was plastered across his face.

  
  


"Just leave me," I hissed, "Leave me the  _fuck_  alone."

  
  


And with that I spun around, my feet quickly carrying me into the kitchen where the door was forcefully slammed shut behind me.

  
  


"Mike... Mike wait, I didn't mean to upset you..."

  
  


Chester's yells were drowned out by the sound of me storming outside through the back door, it rattling and slamming shut for the second time that day. I leant against the back wall, tears spilling down my cheeks.

  
  


_That's it. Cry Mike. Cry like the baby you are. Weak. Pathetic. Cry baby. Cry baby. Cry baby. Cry baby. Cry baby. Cry baby....._

  
  


"STOP IT" I yelled, turning around and slamming my fist into the cold wall.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


I leant my head against the wall, my breathing heavy as Chester slowly stepped out beside me, placing his hand upon my shoulder.

  
  


"I'm sorry," I sobbed, scrunching my eyes up tightly in an effort to make Dave's taunts go away.

  
  


"No, I'm sorry," Chester whispered, his warm hand running up and down my back and it was only then that I realized I was still only in a pair of tattered shorts. I sniffed and turned around, wiping my tears away with the back of my hand.

  
  


"What is it?" Chester asked, his warm hand pulling me closer.

  
  


I stared back at him, tears still continuing to run down my cheeks.

  
  


"Is it Dave?"

  
  


I slowly nodded my head.

  
  


Chester eyed me carefully before he spoke, "The nightmares... are they getting worse?"

  
  


I paused before slowly nodding my head once again.

  
  


"Do you.. do you want to tell me about them?"

  
  


"I.. I can't," I whispered.

  
  


"Why not?" Chester frowned.

  
  


"Because I'm scared."

  
  


"Scared? Scared of the nightmares or scared of Dave?"

  
  


I swallowed, leaning my head back against the wall, "Both."

  
  


"But you mustn't be," Chester whispered, "The nightmares aren't going to happen, not again and Dave, I'm not going to let him get near you. Ever."

  
  


I smiled weakly, wishing so badly that it was as easy as Chester had put it only I knew, I knew that it was no where near that easy. In fact, easy didn't even come into it.

  
  


"You don't believe me do you?"

  
  


I didn't answer.

  
  


"I swear Mike - if he comes near you again..." he drifted off, his eyes meeting mine, "I'll kill him. I mean it. I'll fucking kill him."

  
  


I stared back, shocked by the sincerity in Chester's voice.

  
  


"You have to tell us. If he so much as calls you, you have to let me know. Okay?"

  
  


_If you tell anyone about this, I swear I will fucking kill that faggot of a boyfriend of yours._

  
  


I shuddered, my eyes closing momentarily as Dave's voice began to spin around my mind and slowly I nodded my head, my eyes fluttering open once again.

  
  


"I'm sorry I yelled at you before," Chester sighed, his body moving closer against mine, "I know it's hard and I just want you to know that I'll always be here, ready when you want to speak about it..."

  
  


"It's not that I don't want you to know these things," my voice was quiet, "I trust you so much you know," I smiled softly, "But telling you is like opening the wounds and sometimes I don't know if I  _can_  even begin to speak of some of the things that happened," I gulped, "The only reason Brad knows so much is because he was here when it was happening. It's not that I trust him more than you or anything like that..."

  
  


"I know," Chester softly whispered, his hands sliding down my arms, hands resting tentatively around my wrists.

  
  


"I'll talk.. later," I spoke, "I'll try and tell you, I promise. Right now," I paused, "Right now all I want to do is forget about everything."

  
  


"And do you think you can let me help you?" he whispered, leaning closer still, his warm lips hovering against mine.

  
  


Slowly, I nodded my head.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


Chester's arms enveloped my body, his fingers slowly sliding up and down me, exploring every inch of my skin as I lay beneath him; my eyes slightly shut as his lips pressed against mine.

  
  


Soft moans filled our room, the gentleness of Chester's tongue sliding against mine causing me to groan in pleasure, my breathing ragged as his lips left mine, trailing their way down to my neck.

  
  


"Chester..." I whispered, my eyes fluttering open. Our bodies were slick with sweat, his forehead glistening in the moonlight as he slowly looked up at me, hands sliding back up to my shoulders.

  
  


"Are you... are you sure?" he murmured, lust filled eyes boring into mine.

  
  


And I nodded my head, because at that moment in time nothing else seemed to exist. Chester was making me feel wanted, loved and I didn't want it to ever end.

  
  


"Please..." I moaned as his hands dipped down, massaging against my chest, my stomach, my thighs.

  
  


"Okay," he murmured, his head moving up, lips pressing against mine.

  
  


My eyes seemed to close once again as I felt Chester's hands slowly parting my legs, his kisses so soft and delicate as his fingers slipped inside me, gently pushing further until they brushed against something deep inside me. A moan escaped me and my eyes snapped open, meeting with Chester's once again as he continued to kiss me, his fingers slowly sliding back and forth.

  
  


"Ohhh," was all I could managed to murmur, before slowly, his fingers slid out of me. His eyes watched me for a few minutes, his kisses stopping as he pushed my legs further apart.

  
  


"Are you..."

  
  


I didn't allow him to finish his sentence, found myself nodding vehemently, my hands sliding up to his head, pulling him closer, our lips merging together as I felt him slowly push inside me.

  
  


I didn't feel it as he entered me, a shaky sigh escaping the back of his throat; I didn't feel any pain whatsoever as he began to thrust in and out, his hands holding tightly onto my shoulders, eyes shut tight, lips lapping against mine.

  
  


All I felt was warmth, pleasure as he grazed over that something inside me, pleasure as his tongue gracefully parted my lips and slid inside, massaging over mine.

  
  


My nails dug into his head, fingers curling around chunks of his black hair as I willed him to go harder, faster. My hips thrust in time with his, hands freeing themselves from his hair and running down his body, resting in the small of his back where I pulled him harder against me, murmuring something about wanting him to go deeper and deeper...

  
  


"Please Ches..." I moaned, his eyes fluttering open as my pleads got louder. A soft smile was exchanged as his lips slid away from mine, one of the hands that had been digging into my shoulder quickly sliding up to my face, pressing against my cheek, the other sliding down my body, fingers wrapping around my erection.

  
  


He trailed his hand up and down it, "You want me to go deeper?" he panted, pushing further inside, "I'll... Go... Deeper..." he uttered, my arms tightening around him as he shifted a little, his thrusts becoming harder and harder, moans along with mine, becoming louder and louder.

  
  


"Oh fuck," I groaned, "Chester it feels so..." I didn't finish what I was trying to say as I felt my whole body tense up underneath Chester. I shivered, a plethora of pleasure escaping me as I came, coating Chester's fingers in my warm seed.

  
  


Chester's pace seemed to increase some more, his hands sliding down to my hips, gripping me tightly as he thrust into me, calling my name over and over as he came inside me, his body shaking as he collapsed against me.

  
  


We seemed to lie like that for a while, until finally Chester gently pulled out of me, resting on his side as he watched me. His hand laced in mine, the other one gently brushing my hair away from my forehead as he leaned down and kissed my lips.

  
  


"You're amazing," he murmured, "Thank you."

  
  


"No, thank  _you_ ," I whispered, as I nuzzled my nose against his. I smiled softly returning his kiss as he rolled onto his back, arms wrapping around my body, allowing me to rest against him.

  
  


A good few minutes later Chester's breathing steadied and as I lifted my head from his chest I realized he'd fallen asleep. He looked so angelic, so innocent and as I traced my fingers across his cheeks, I wondered what I'd done to deserve someone as good as Chester.

  
  


Only then did my tears start to fall, because that's when everything flooded back to me. The previous night and what Dave had done seemed to flash before me and I asked myself how could I have let this just happen? How could I have let Chester in me, let him that close to me? But worst of all, how could I have let us go that far?

  
  


Chester so pure, so innocent.

  
  


Mike so dirty, so broken.

  
  


I slowly rolled away, turning my back on Chester as I wrapped my arms around my body.

  
  


_How could you Mike? How could you do this? How could you ever let anyone this close, not after what Dave has done to you. Not after the things he's done to you. You're dirty Mike, you're beyond redemption. Did you think this would make things better? Did you think this would make it all go away? Well it won't Mike. Whore. Dirty, dirty Whore. You're disgusting......_

  
  


Tears slid down my cheeks because that voice inside me was right.

  
  


It wasn't ever going to go away. I couldn't forget what had happened, I'd never be allowed to forget.

  
  


****


	17. Alone

_I'm here, just like I said, though it's breaking every rule I ever made. My racing heart, is just the same, why make it strong to break it once again? And I'd love to say I do give everything to you, but I can never not be true......_

 

*

 

Waking up the morning after sharing something that 'special' you should feel happy, safe, needed?

  
  


Only three hours after I'd drifted off to sleep in Chester's arms, I was awake, carefully sliding free from his grasp, only one feeling engulfing me as I quietly slipped out of the room. An indescribable feeling, an empty and numb feeling growing in the pit of my stomach.

  
  


I found myself in the bathroom or more pacifically under the shower, hot beads of water pouring down onto my body because I was still convinced that I could feel  _him_  on me. Only I was just being stupid, wasn't I? At least that's what I tried to tell myself when I finally finished my shower and stepped out of the bathroom.

  
  


Softly padding across to my bedroom I was careful not to wake Chester as I quickly dressed. I hastily grabbed my bag, yawning, then inwardly groaning as I caught sight of the time on the clock. Definitely no time to grab something to eat, I thought nonchalantly as I hovered beside Chester's bed, my mind wondering as I watched him sleep.

  
  


All I felt was guilt as my eyes took in his slight form, watching the way he moaned and curled up into a tiny ball, whispering something in his sleep. Letting out a sigh, I leant down and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead before leaving the room without a word.

  
  


The sun was high as I stepped out into the early september morning, softly shutting the door behind me as I began to walk down the path, past Brad's clapped out car which was parked behind another car that seemed to have been abandoned there a few weeks ago. It was so quiet, hardly a person about and as I turned into the next street I began to find it almost calming. The road led down to the beach and from where I was walking I could see the sea, waves lazily lapping over one another, shimmering gently in the sun. The place was almost idilic. Maybe it could have been, only to me, this place held too many bad memories for it to seem perfect in any sense.

  
  


I shivered, not realizing that I'd come to a stop and was stood in the middle of the sandy road, my head cocked to one side as I stared dreamily over the ocean. Growing up in this place had always made me feel lucky. It was a nice town, pleasant people, always something to keep you entertained. But now my memories of this place were a little less rosy. It seemed that there wasn't a single place that remained untainted by Dave. And now to add to that endless list of places I feared, the beach was one of them, for every time I thought of it, my mind was swallowed whole by last nights events.

  
  


You're losing it Mike, I told myself, raking a hand through my hair. It was only then that I realized my compulsory 'Coffee-Twenty-Four' cap was missing from my head and glancing at my watch I let a few curses pass my lips. Two minutes past seven. I was late already, and no sooner had I realized this, I felt my mobile phone in my back pocket begin to vibrate.

  
  


Grabbing it out of my trousers, I rolled my eyes as the caller i.d began to flash back at me. My boss. Great, I was in trouble yet again. I'd barely been working there a month and had already managed to irk the guy on several occasions. The option of not answering his call and not bothering to go into work at all seemed like a very nice one, though one that would also land me with no job at all. My sensible side seemed to take charge and I found myself pressing the answer button, placing the small phone up to my ear as I began to walk.

  
  


"Hello?"

  
  


"Mike. You're late..."

  
  


"... By two minutes..."

  
  


"Pardon?"

  
  


"I said I'm sorry," I replied cooly, maybe a little too cooly, even, "I'll be there in, like, five minutes."

  
  


"You'd better be," Came the curt reply before the line went dead.

  
  


I let out a loud sigh and rammed my phone into my back pocket, my pace quickening as I headed into town. It looked like it was going to be a bad day. Hadn't I had a bad enough one the day before...?

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


Four hours into my shift and I felt like I'd been working non stop since the night before, when in actual fact we'd not been busy at all and after checking the rota on my way in, I'd found myself on washing up duty. That had meant I'd been on my own, joined every so often by the stern Jada who was working out in the front. Though beside her coming in to stack dirty pots on the draining board every half hour, it had just been me and the sink, my hands drowning in soapy water as I tried to concentrate on washing up and not let my mind wonder to other matters.

  
  


Only that had seemed like it was going to be unattainable, as all I could think of were these 'other matters', notably being last night. I just wanted to push it to the back of my mind, not even think about what he'd done to me. It didn't matter that he'd forced me to have sex with him, did it? Because right now, I honestly felt like somehow I'd deserved his vile act. I'd deserved everything he'd put me through, hadn't I?

  
  


"Jesus, do you want to slam the plates down any harder?"

  
  


I'm sure I jumped a good couple of feet into the air as Jada appeared beside me, fiddling with her waitress pad as she spoke.

  
  


"Some guy outside wants to speak to you," she nodded, "It's not so busy out there, so I'll take over here if you want."

  
  


"Sure," I nodded, drying my hands on my apron, "Who is it?" I asked her as I headed toward the door.

  
  


"He didn't say, cute though," she winked, turning back to the sink.

  
  


I smiled as I reached the door, glancing through the glass panel as I was about to push it open. Only I stopped. My hands left the door and I quickly shrank away from the window.

  
  


Dave.

  
  


I backed away from the door, my eyes wide as saucers, trying to comprehend just why the hell he was out there.

  
  


"Jada," I spoke quickly, "I, erm, can you tell that guy that I'm not here today, or something?" I asked, my worried expression meeting her frown as she turned around.

  
  


She watched me for a minute or so as she dried her hands on a towel, "The red head?" she asked, raising an eyebrow as I nodded, "Sure," she shrugged, chucking me the towel as she headed out.

  
  


I caught it, following her to the door where I stopped, my ears straining over the sound of the radio and cups clattering against saucers to hear what she was telling him.

  
  


"Sorry man, my mistake. Mike's not in today. I'm new, must learn these peoples names!" she laughed a little.

  
  


"Okay then, I'll just have a large black coffee then..."

  
  


I let the door shut before I leant back against the wall, screwing the damp towel up into a ball, my hands shaking as I slid down to the floor, not able to stop the tears that were falling down my cheeks.

  
  


What was I supposed to do? The man who had raped me less than twelve hours ago was sitting the other side of the door, a smug grin on his face as he enjoyed his coffee.

  
  


I felt so fucking pathetic. All I had to do was scream out what he'd done - get the cops to take his sorry ass away, yet what would the consequences be?

  
  


There'd be no evidence, he'd never get charged, never get cautioned and then, then his fun would really begin wouldn't it? Because if I so much as breathed a word about what he'd done - he'd hurt Chester and I knew I could never ever live with myself if it were to come to that.

  
  


I was trapped, just where he wanted me with no other option than to let him do this to me, maybe it was my punishment for leaving him, for breaking his heart?

  
  


Then what was his punishment for breaking  _my_  heart?

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


It was a little after seven pm when I finally threw my apron into the store cupboard and grabbed my bag, yelling goodbye to Jada as I made my way through the coffee shop, passing groups of students who chatted away, books open at their tables. I stepped through the door, out into the dusty parking lot that stretched in front of the building until somewhere along the line it merged into the main highway that stretched out of town and headed to the next city.

  
  


My hand rummaged through my pockets searching for my cellphone as I began my walk home, the sweltering evening heat and dust from the road an oh-so-lovely combination filling up my lungs.

  
  


Finally finding my phone in my back pocket, I pulled it out and switched it on, my cheeks puffing up into a smile as a new message from Chester flashed up.

  
  


_"You didn't wake me before you went. Meanie. Just got back from work, gimme a call if you want me to come pick you up. Brad's out and he left his car keys ;) Catch you later pet."_

  
  


I smiled and busied myself by replying his message as I walked along the road.

  
  


_"You were asleep, you looked sweet, what more can I say? I'm on my way home, it's okay, I'm walking. See ya in a bit..."_

  
  


I sent the message and pocketed my phone, about to turn the corner when something in the corner of my eye caught my attention. Glancing back, my feet seemed to freeze against the ground as I saw the figure that was fast approaching me.

  
  


Eyes almost as red as his hair, his footsteps quickened and soon enough I found myself launching into a run, my feet racing down the street, praying that Dave wasn't there, praying that he hadn't just been following me.

  
  


He was still there though, as I sneaked a glance over my left shoulder, trying to catch my breath as I turned across the road, whatever the hell was in my backpack clanking away with every thud of my feet hitting the ground beneath.

  
  


I could still hear him behind me as I turned into the next street, the sound of my harsh breathing resounding in my ears, the sound of his footsteps getting louder and louder as I tried so hard to quicken my pace.

  
  


This was not happening, is all I could keep telling myself as I ran along the streets, scared for my life, begging the next road I turned into to just switch itself into my street and let me be home already.

  
  


"Oh come on! What are you running from?"

  
  


His voice was yelling at me as I sped up even more, my heart beginning to pound faster and faster.

  
  


_This is not happening, it's all in your head...._

  
  


Finally my street came into view and I raced across the road, cutting over the grassy lawns that filled the space between the path and the houses, sneaking one last glance back as my feet thundered down towards the front door of our apartment.

  
  


Dave stood beside Brad's car, a smirk on his face before he waved and jumped into the rusty blue Ford Cortina that was parked behind it.

  
  


Without a second thought, I crashed through the front door, my heart hammering away as I slammed it behind me. My head throbbed as I dropped my bag to the floor, shakily stepping further into the unusually quiet house.

  
  


"Chaz?" I called, my voice echoing off the walls. I got no reply and padded down the hall, stopping as a white note shone out from where it was stuck to my bedroom door. I pulled it down, my eyes scanning across Chester's scrawled hand writing.

  
  


_Gone with Joe to get Chinese Takeaway... be back soon :)_

  
  


I folded it up, shoving it into my pocket as I made my way into my room, somewhat dazed as I flopped down on Chester's bed, fiddling nervously with my fingers as I tried in vain to calm down.

  
  


Then something shouted out at me in my mind and I sat up quickly... The car that Dave had got into. It was the car that had been parked there for days, weeks even....

  
  


I froze, trying to piece things together before quickly rising to my feet, racing over to the window. I peeked through the curtains to see the car had now gone and as I let the blinds snap shut, I slowly backed away, only one conclusion left in my mind.

  
  


Dave had been watching me, hadn't he?

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


It was late, maybe around eleven o'clock and I sat in the lounge with Chester and Brad, trying my best to act normal, act as if nothing whatsoever was wrong. It was funny just how easy it was, but maybe that was due to the fact that I'd just smoked two joints and being under the influence of marijuana did somehow wash everything else away.

  
  


"What am I supposed to do though? Cos either way I'm going to upset him, aren't I?"

  
  


"Maybe talking to him would be better to him, rather than him finding out from someone else..."

  
  


"Like who?"

  
  


"Well we're certainly not going to tell him," Chester glanced at me and I smiled at him sleepily, linking my hand with his as he continued, "But what about Justine?"

  
  


Brad let out a sigh and ran his hands over the short curls of hair that had began to grow from his head before he reached over and took the joint I'd been smoking, taking a long hit from it before he spoke.

  
  


"I dunno," his speech seemed slurred, or maybe I was hearing everything as if it were being dragged out. My head certainly seemed to be spinning around as Brad passed the joint back and I took another generous drag from it.

  
  


"Well just think about it."

  
  


"Bro it's all I am doing. If I tell Rob that I'm the Father of his girlfriend's baby he's going to fucking beat the shit out of me, best friend or not. And if I don't... then I..." Brad stopped, "Gimme that joint back Mike," he sighed, reaching back over Chester for it.

  
  


Chester glanced at me and shook his head.

  
  


"What?" Brad groaned.

  
  


"You two..."

  
  


Brad rolled his eyes, "You can talk Chester... Anyway, this is some good shit. Where'd you get it from Spike?" he asked.

  
  


"Huh? Oh some girl at work," I smiled, "Try it Chaz," I yawned, waving my hand to Brad.

  
  


"Nah-ah," he shook his head, "I've sworn off the stuff," he smiled.

  
  


"Hmm? Oh right," I nodded, closing my eyes as I leant against him.

  
  


"You get some more, right bro?" Brad was telling me as Chester wrapped his arm around me.

  
  


"Hmm hmm," I nodded.

  
  


"It will be useful for when I tell Rob. I can kind of drown my sorrows with it afterwards. That's if I'm still alive..."

  
  


"Bro, you've gotta stop thinking that!" Chester exclaimed, "Come on, he's not going to react that bad, is he?"

  
  


I opened my eyes, sharing a knowing look with Brad.

  
  


"Oh," Chester spoke.

  
  


"Yeah, he will," Brad nodded, "There was this one time when Dave left Mike black and blue. Rob went right round to Dave's and almost killed him. He went ballistic," he paused, a smile creeping across his face, "He was kicking and punching him, he almost fucking strangled the bastard!" Brad broke out into a giggle and I found myself glaring at him.

  
  


"It wasn't funny," I stated.

  
  


"No," Brad's laughter stopped, "It wasn't. And it won't be when he does the same to me...."

  
  


I found myself laughing, "Maybe it will teach you to think with your brain and not with your cock..."

  
  


"That's not funny either," Brad glared at me.

  
  


My giggles stopped, "No. It's not."

  
  


"Then what do I do?" Brad whined.

  
  


"Tell him," Chester said simply.

  
  


"You think?" Brad asked.

  
  


"Yeah. Be honest, tell the truth, it's the easiest thing in the long run..."

  
  


"Not always," I interrupted, "Sometimes it's best to keep quiet. Sometimes it's best to keep your mouth shut."


	18. Bad day

_I want to be in another place, I hate when you say you don't understand. I want to be in the energy not with the enemy... A place for my head...._

  
  


*

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


I groaned and pulled my covers up over my head. All I wanted to do was sleep all day, protected in my warm sheets. I really did  _not_  feel like working a twelve hour shift.

  
  


"Baby...."

  
  


I closed my eyes as I felt the bed dip beside me, a cold hand creeping underneath the sheets.

  
  


"What's wrong?"

  
  


Stifling a yawn, I sleepily opened my eyes, turning my head to face Chester. He frowned at me, his hand gently rubbing my shoulder.

  
  


"I don't feel well," I mumbled.

  
  


"Aww," he pouted, causing me to smile a little, "You don't look too good either. Again," he told me as he pressed his other hand to my forehead, "That should teach you not to stay up late smoking pot," he smirked.

  
  


"It wasn't that...."

  
  


"I know," he offered me a small smile, "You didn't sleep well, did you?" he asked me, concern in his eyes.

  
  


"No."

  
  


"I heard you get up a couple of times," he told me, his fingers absently stroking the bridge of my nose, "You should ring work. Do you have the number?"

  
  


"Could you.... Could you phone for me?" I asked, pleading him with my eyes, "He'll only try and talk me into going...."

  
  


"Okay," Chester nodded.

  
  


I smiled, "Thank you. The number's on my phone, it's in the lounge."

  
  


"Alright, I'll go see to it," he told me, squeezing my hand before he got to his feet and left the room.

  
  


I rolled onto my back, letting out a sigh of relief. Okay, so I didn't feel  _that_  sick, but my head was throbbing and my mind kept slipping back to Dave in the coffee shop yesterday. I really couldn't face work, not if there was any chance of him showing up again.

  
  


A day in the company of my boyfriend seemed like a very good idea and I smiled to myself, snuggling against my soft pillows. It seemed like Chester could unknowingly erase all that had been going on in my life with just his touch, or a simple kiss. I shook my head, wondering what he'd say if he realized how sappy I'd started to become over him. Maybe he'd blush and tell me he wasn't  _that_  special, or maybe he'd laugh at the deep romantic in me that had been unleashed.

  
  


"All sorted," Chester spoke as he entered the room.

  
  


"Thanks," I smiled, watching him as he shut the door behind him.

  
  


"That's okay. I told him that you had a really bad fever and hadn't stopped throwing up since three this morning," he grinned, "He says he'll see you tomorrow at seven sharp. Clearly a man of compassion," he chuckled, walking over to me, "Now  _what_  am I going to do with you, hey?"

  
  


I grinned back at him as he pulled my sheets off me and slipped into the bed beside me, the covers quickly draped back over us as he snuggled down, resting on his side.

  
  


"Want to tell me what's wrong?" he asked as I shifted a little, turning on my side to face him.

  
  


"It's nothing," I sighed, and if that wasn't an invitation into further questioning, I don't know what was.

  
  


"Nothing? Nothing doesn't make you look like death warmed up or stop you sleeping at nights," he told me as he brushed his hand across my cheek, "Come on, spill."

  
  


"I don't know," I sighed, wishing there was someway of telling him that Dave was the cause of all of this. Only I couldn't because everytime I even thought of telling Chester, or  _anyone_  a thing, a fresh reminder of Dave's word seemed to flash across my eyes.

  
  


"I just," I paused. I hated lying to him this way, I hated keeping this from him when I knew damn well that Chester wouldn't even dream of keeping secrets from me. So, I could tell him half the story, that was a start, wasn't it?

  
  


"What?" Chester asked me.

  
  


"It's everything," I sighed, "This crappy job I'm stuck in, just everything," I stopped, looking at him, "And... I'm afraid of losing you Ches. You're the only good thing in my life, the only thing beside Brad and the others that keeps me going. I don't want to become all clingy... I just... I hate to think that I'm going to lose you," I almost whispered.

  
  


Chester's eyes held compassion as he spoke, his hand soothing over my cheek, "What makes you think you're gonna lose me, hey?" he asked.

  
  


"I don't know," I shrugged.

  
  


"Well you're not, y'know," he told me sincerely, "You're what's keeping me going," he whispered, "I love you so much and as far as I'm concerned you're gonna be stuck with me for the rest of your life," he smiled, bringing some light into the conversation.

  
  


"Really?" I smiled, thankful that I'd not been the only one that was thinking about it.

  
  


He nodded, "I love you Mike," he whispered, causing me to smile and in that moment, nothing mattered, nothing whatsoever.

  
  


"I love you too Chester," I told him, tilting my head forward and pressing a kiss to his lips.

  
  


"Is that all that's been bothering you?" he murmured against my lips.

  
  


"Mmm," I nodded in reply.

  
  


He smiled, sliding his arms around my waist as he rolled onto his back, pulling me on top of him, "Silly," he told me, "I'm sure you'll find a better job soon, we both will," he assured me, "And maybe one day we'll have enough money to move out of this place, get somewhere together?"

  
  


I felt a cheshire cat grin covering my face and nodded, "I'd like that."

  
  


"We'd have to bring Joe with us though," he smiled, "He's like our own personal alarm clock, singing in the shower at six  _every_  morning."

  
  


I chuckled and leant my head against his chest, closing my eyes as his fingers wove in my hair, gently massaging my head, all the while my mind telling me to stop lying to him, stop keeping all this from him.

  
  


Only I couldn't stop.

  
  


What other way was there?

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


"Okay, if you press the 'X' and the 'O' button together, right? Then that makes it...."

  
  


"It makes it  _what_?" Chester asked skeptically as he rammed his fingers on the two buttons.

  
  


"It should make it jump  _and_  throw flames," Joe replied, snatching the controller from him and pressing the command, "There," he nodded in satisfaction.

  
  


"Wait a minute," Chester sighed, snatching the controller back and pressing the buttons, "Look, I'm doing exactly the same and it doesn't fucking move..."

  
  


"That's because you're being to impatient with it. Give it here, I'll show you how."

  
  


Chester let out an exasperated sigh, causing me to chuckle from where I was standing in the doorway. He turned around, smiling at me and shaking his head.

  
  


"Get me outta here Mike, Joe's really annoying me now. Stupid King of video games," he laughed, shoving our Korean friend playfully as he got to his feet.

  
  


"Aren't you supposed to be at college or something?" I asked, flopping down on the couch.

  
  


"Aren't you two supposed to be at work or something?" Joe mimicked, not turning away from the TV screen as he continued with his game. Chester flopped down beside me, throwing his legs across me and giving the finger to Joe.

  
  


"I have a day off," he replied, "And I'm taking care of my boyfriend here who is sick, okay?"

  
  


"Alright, keep your panties on," Joe sniggered, "What's wrong with you Spike?"

  
  


"Nothing. I'm feeling better now," I answered, receiving a look of 'are you sure' from Chester.

  
  


I nodded my head, grateful for his concern. I had spent the whole morning throwing up, but after a good two hours sleep I had not long woken up and showered and now felt somewhat refreshed.

  
  


"Hey. Remember that Job at the bank I applied for the other week?" Chester asked.

  
  


I frowned, feeling bad that no, I didn't remember... my head seemed to have been up in the black clouds lately though, "Erm, I think I remember..."

  
  


"Oh, well, I got a phone call this morning. They've invited me for an interview next week," he smiled.

  
  


"Really? That's great," I grinned.

  
  


"Yeah," he nodded, "I'm a little nervous though. I'm not exactly brilliant at interviews and I don't have much office experience."

  
  


"Yeah, but they've asked you for an interview. Something in your application must have caught there attention, right?"

  
  


"I guess," he nodded, "I just really want this job though. I don't know if I go on with waiting on tables for much longer," he rolled his eyes.

  
  


"Me neither."

  
  


He smiled and a moments silence passed between us as we both watched Joe battle his robot against another, the look of concentration upon his face emphatic. Chester let out a chuckle as Joe continued to play his game, eyes glued to the screen as if it were the best thing on Earth.

  
  


"You wanna go out and get some fresh air?" he asked, finally tearing his eyes away from Joe.

  
  


I let out a sigh, fidgeting nervously with the hem of my T-shirt, "I'm up for going and sitting in the yard," I smiled, "I just don't feel like going out though," I admitted.

  
  


"You still feeling a bit run down?" he asked, leaning in and brushing his hand across my forehead.

  
  


"Yeah," I nodded. Only to be truthful, I couldn't face going out. Even with Chester with me, I didn't feel like I would be safe. I felt like somehow Dave might be around, anywhere, just watching us. The thought alone made my skin crawl.

  
  


"Alright," he nodded, taking his hand away.

  
  


The shrill sound of the phone ringing made me jump and I suddenly became nervous, my heart beating as Chester got to his feet and walked into the hallway to answer it. What if it was Dave? What if he was calling me again?

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


"Y.. Yeah?"

  
  


"It's your mom," he called out from the door.

  
  


A wave of relief washed over me and I got to my feet, taking the receiver from Chester as I stepped through the door.

  
  


"Hey," I spoke.

  
  


"Hey sweetie. How are you?"

  
  


"Okay thanks. You?" I asked, sitting down on the floor, watching Chester as he walked down into the kitchen.

  
  


"I'm alright," she replied, "I have something to tell you though."

  
  


"Yeah?" I asked her.

  
  


"I've, I've decided to go and live in New York. I'll be nearer my sister and the rest of the family that way," she paused, obviously waiting on my reaction.

  
  


"Oh," Was about all I could muster up.

  
  


"I've thought long and hard about it Mike," she paused again.

  
  


"That means you'll be selling the farm, doesn't it?" I asked hesitantly.

  
  


"I've... yes, I've sold it already...."

  
  


"You've... already?" I asked, feeling quite shocked.

  
  


"Yes. I know it may sound like I've been plotting away here," she laughed lightly, "But that's not true. There was some guy in town a couple of months back that I met. He was really interested in buying this place and the more I thought about it the more it made sense. I accepted his offer and there's a check for half the money I got here for you...."

  
  


"Me?"

  
  


"Yes," I could tell she was smiling now, "For you. It's what your Father would have wanted," she told me sincerely, "I know this has come as a bit of a shock to you but I've found somewhere to live and I'll be moving over there within the next month..."

  
  


"So soon?" I asked.

  
  


"Yeah," she answered quietly.

  
  


"Okay...."

  
  


"So you need to come down and sort out your things and let me see you before I go. I'm not leaving without you coming to visit," she chuckled, "I'll er, let it all sink in, yeah? You come whenever you like?"

  
  


"Sure," I nodded, "I'll er, see you soon," I spoke quietly.

  
  


"Okay sweetie, bye."

  
  


"Yeah, bye," I replied, slowly placing the receiver down.

  
  


"Everything okay?" Chester asked, returning from the kitchen with a glass of water in his hand.

  
  


"Lena's sold the farm," I told him, "She's moving to New York..."

  
  


"When?" Chester asked, sitting down beside me.

  
  


"Within the next few weeks," I replied, not able to quite take in what she'd said. Lena was the only family I had. With her going to live the other side of the country I suddenly began to feel very alone.

  
  


"Mike?" Chester whispered, placing his glass down on the floor, "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked.

  
  


I shook my head, feeling tears beginning to creep from the corner of my eyes.

  
  


"Hey!" he soothed, sliding his arms around me, "Why are you crying?" he asked, pulling me against him.

  
  


"She's all I've got left," I sniffed, allowing myself to nestle against him, "She's the only thing left to remind me of my dad... if she goes then it's like everything to do with my dad is going," I whispered.

  
  


"Hey don't think like that," Chester told me, "She'll still keep in touch. She'll still come and see you. Don't fret about it."

  
  


I sighed and closed my eyes. Chester was right. Only as soon as I'd started crying, all I could think about was Dave and how much he was hurting me. The news my Mom had just told me added onto that was too much and now I couldn't seem to stop the tears.

  
  


I was a wreck.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


"Where's Joe?" Brad asked, pushing his plate into the middle of the kitchen table. I glanced across at Chester's noting that it was almost empty too, compared to the plate full in front of me that seemed to be getting pushed around by my fork rather than consumed.

  
  


"He's gone home," Chester replied, taking a sip from his drink, "I think he said he needed some laundry doing," he laughed, "That and he has a bunch of schoolwork to catch up on and if he stayed here he said he'd only get distracted."

  
  


I smiled, thinking how it took very little to distract our friend Joe.

  
  


"What about Rob?"

  
  


"I have no idea..."

  
  


"... He's at Justine's," I interrupted Chester, glancing at Brad as I continued, "They've been trying to sort things out the past few days."

  
  


"Oh," Brad replied, looking ever more uneasy.

  
  


I let out a sigh. I was worried about Brad. Ever since he'd found out the consequences of his actions with Justine, he'd not been his usual self. He'd barely spoken to me or the others and I felt myself worrying that he was bottling everything up. What a hypocrite I was.

  
  


I finally dropped my fork and pushed my plate toward Brad and Chester, "I'm not hungry tonight," I sighed, picking up my glass of water and taking a gulp of it.

  
  


Chester cast me a worried glance and I sighed, wishing that I could pretend. I wished that I could act normal, force myself to eat even though I'd completely lost my appetite only it was getting harder and harder to cover things up.

  
  


The sound of the front door loudly opening broke me out of my thoughts and I looked up to see Rob stepping inside, slamming the door shut behind him. His face was like thunder. Things obviously hadn't gone too well with Justine then.

  
  


"Hey," Chester smiled as Rob stood in the hall, dropping his bag to the floor. He didn't reply though and I frowned as he marched down toward us, the expression on his face growing blacker and blacker as he stopped in the doorway.

  
  


"You," Rob started, nodding his head toward Brad.

  
  


"Oh shit," I thought I heard Chester mutter as he quickly got to his feet, "Have a good evening Rob?" he asked, stepping in front of him.

  
  


I glanced at Brad who was quickly paling, slowly getting up from his seat.

  
  


"You all know, don't you?" Rob spoke, shoving Chester out of his way as he pointed his finger at Brad, "She told me. She just fucking told me Brad," he spat.

  
  


I quickly got to my feet as Rob crept forward, obvious that he was about to swing for Brad.

  
  


"Rob, just sit down, yeah? Maybe you can talk about this?" I asked, stepping before him.

  
  


"Mike leave it," Brad spoke quietly, "Let him hit me. I deserve it after all."

  
  


"Too right you do," Rob spat, launching forward.

  
  


I grabbed his arms, Chester grabbing him by the waist to hold him back.

  
  


"No. You need to calm down Rob," Chester told him, "I'm sure you two can talk about this...."

  
  


"TALK?" Rob yelled, struggling against our grasp, "He fucking slept with MY girlfriend. What is there to talk about? HEY?"

  
  


"Rob, seriously, just calm down," Chester told him again, glancing worriedly at me.

  
  


"NO," Rob yelled, shoving Chester away.

  
  


"Fine!" Chester exclaimed, "You go beat the shit out of him if that's how you think you're going to solve things," he snapped.

  
  


"Solve things?" he laughed, "You must be kidding! That's the last thing I intend on doing. This is more of my revenge so get the fuck out of my way Mike before I fucking knock you to the ground."

  
  


"I'm not moving."

  
  


He glared at me, his arms struggling against mine as I continued to grasp them.

  
  


"Oh FUCK YOU MIKE," he yelled, his strength getting the better of me as he pushed me back, his fist connecting with my jaw as I fell to the floor, my head smacking against the cold tiles.

  
  


"Rob you fucking idiot," I heard Chester yell.

  
  


"Oh come on, I didn't hit him that hard. Get up Mike," he sighed, "Then let me show Brad exactly what I think of him."

  
  


"Mike? Mike...." I felt Chester crouching down beside me, "Fuck Rob, he's bleeding...."

  
  


"You fucking bastard what did you do that for?" I heard Brad speak up, the sound of his chair scraping on the floor as he got up.

  
  


"You're calling  _me_  that?" Rob hissed.

  
  


"Guys will one of you help me get Mike up?" Chester sighed, shaking me by the arm, "Are you okay?" he asked.

  
  


I slowly nodded my head.

  
  


"Oh come on he's fine. Jesus get up Mike," Rob spoke loudly, shoving me.

  
  


I opened my eyes, fright filling me slightly as Rob's anger filled face came into view and I couldn't help but panic because all I could see was Dave slowly taking his face, his menacing eyes piercing through mine.

  
  


_"You freak, get up. You're nothing more than a baby. Can't you fight back? What's the matter are you too scared?"_

  
  


I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the sickening voice that spun around my mind, playing over and over again.

  
  


"Mike?" Chester was shaking me again.

  
  


"Oh for fuck's sake. What is it with you Mike, huh? Going to go all mental on us just because I punched you? You need fucking help you...."

  
  


Rob was cut off and the sound of him falling to the floor slowly followed.

  
  


"Mike..." I felt Chester's arms underneath me and slowly opened my eyes, allowing him to help me to my feet as Brad pinned Rob down to the floor. I quickly looked away, shaking slightly as Chester guided me from the room, slamming the kitchen door loudly behind us.

  
  


"Let's leave the fucking idiots to it," he sighed, leading me into the bathroom. He sat me down on the floor, softly closing the door behind him before he crouched down in front of me, "What happened just then?" he asked, frowning.

  
  


"I don't know," I murmured.

  
  


He ran his hand across my cheek, his fingertips gingerly tracing across my swollen jaw. I winced and he smiled apologetically.

  
  


"Let me clean this up," he sighed, getting up and heading over to the sink. I watched him as he wet a wash cloth in the sink, the sound of Brad and Rob's shouts getting louder and louder.

  
  


Chester knelt back down before me and pressed the cool cloth to my jaw.

  
  


"You were right. He's not one to be messed with when he's angry and drunk," he sighed, "I thought he'd fucking knocked you out."

  
  


"I think he did for a second," I winced as Chester tilted my head back, dabbing away the blood from the nasty cut Rob had also managed to give me when his fist had connected with my jaw.

  
  


We were silent for a while, the only sound that of Rob and Brad obviously shoving one another around the kitchen.

  
  


Finally I broke the silence, "Why did Rob say that to me?" I asked.

  
  


"What?" Chester asked, removing the cloth and getting up to throw it in the sink.

  
  


"That I went mental on him when he punched me... that I need help... Is that what everyone thinks?" I asked as Chester sat down beside me.

  
  


"No! He said that because he's off his head on God knows what and he was angry at Brad not you, okay?"

  
  


"But it's true..." I mumbled.

  
  


"What is?"

  
  


"Any normal person would have got up and punched him right back... but I couldn't because all I could see for those split seconds was Dave and I didn't know what to do..."

  
  


"Oh God," Chester sighed, "How do you mean you saw him?"

  
  


"I don't know," I shrugged, "I just panicked and I kept thinking that it was Dave doing it to me...." I stopped, realizing just how stupid I sounded, "I'm pathetic, aren't I?" I sighed, glancing at Chester.

  
  


"No," he told me, "You just... Maybe you just need some help?" he asked hesitantly.

  
  


I slowly nodded my head, only just noticing that the noise had stopped. Either Rob and Brad had killed one another or they'd finally managed to calm down and talk.

  
  


"How's your head?" Chester suddenly asked, "You took a bit of a fall. You're not concussed or anything, are you?"

  
  


"He's not that good a fighter," I smiled.

  
  


Chester returned my smile, wrapping his arms around me as he placed a kiss to my cheek, "I think they've stopped arguing," he pointed out, "You reckon it's safe for us to go out yet?"

  
  
  
  


****

  
  
  


"You really upset Mike y'know."

  
  


"I know."

  
  


"Not to mention he's got two massive bruises on him thanks to your fists, I hope you're going to apologize."

  
  


"I am, okay Chester?" Rob snapped.

  
  


I crossed my legs leaning against the wall where I sat in the hallway, just outside Rob's bedroom door. I knew I shouldn't really be listening to the conversation Chester and Rob were having in there, but as I'd walked past and heard my name mentioned I'd somehow found myself crouching on the floor to get a better listen.

  
  


It had been over four hours since their shouts had stopped and Brad had been nowhere to be found. After watching a film and cuddling up on the couch, Chester had gone to see if Rob was okay and here I was earwigging on their conversation.

  
  


"Sorry," Chester sighed, "I just... what you said to him. Why'd you say it?"

  
  


"I was drunk.. I never meant it. God did it really get to him?"

  
  


"Just a little."

  
  


"Fuck. I wasn't thinking... my brain and mouth don't seem to work together that well when I'm trashed," he sighed, "Is he okay?"

  
  


"I think..."

  
  


"You think?"

  
  


"He's... Mike's a fragile person Rob, even more so of late. What Dave did to him, it's really fucked him up," he paused, "You've got to be gentle with him and not say stuff like that to him, especially when it's not even true...."

  
  


"He's still really hurting after what Dave put him through, isn't he?"

  
  


"Yeah..."

  
  


"Man, I could kill that fucker."

  
  


"I thought you almost did."

  
  


"Yeah, I sometimes wish I had as well. Maybe that way there wouldn't be this thought in the back of Mike's mind that he's still out there somewhere, y'know? Brad told me that he'd paid Mike a visit not long ago. Bastard."

  
  


"I know."

  
  


"I didn't realize it was affecting him this badly though... I feel like a shitty friend. I've been too busy tied up with Justine of late, which has been a waste of my fucking time... Has he ever talked to someone professional about it all?"

  
  


"I don't think he's too keen on that... but I want him to, there's only so much I feel I can do. I maybe shouldn't be telling you this, but...." he paused.

  
  


"What?"

  
  


"He gets these really bad nightmares, they seem to happen every night and I'm so scared," he stopped and my ears perked up, I was sure he'd started to cry.

  
  


"Chaz," Rob's voice was quiet, "Hey don't cry..."

  
  


I gulped as Chester's sobs became louder.

  
  


"Chester, it's alright..."

  
  


"It's not though. It's so hard watching him go through this. There's only so much he'll tell me, only so much I can do to help and sometimes I feel like he's shutting me out. I've loved him to pieces ever since we were kids and it kills me to think that I wasn't there to protect him when all of this happened... I'm sorry," Chester sniffed.

  
  


"Hey don't be," Rob told him, "You know what?"

  
  


"What?"

  
  


"You and Mike are so good for each other. You've just got to keep on being there for him like you are and when he's ready, I'm sure that he'll ask you for your help, okay?"

  
  


"Thanks Rob. I'm sorry, here I am crying like a baby... sorry," he mumbled, "I erm, did you sort things out with Brad?"

  
  


"There's nothing to sort out Chaz, I stand by that I'm afraid...."

  
  


"So what then? You're just going to let this come between your friendship?"

  
  


"What friendship? As far as I'm concerned our friendship ended when Brad slept with my girlfriend...."

  
  


"Rob, it's been so hard for him..."

  
  


"Yeah? Well cry me a river."

  
  


"Rob you can't just never speak to him again."

  
  


"I can. He no longer even exists...."

  
  


"You can't say that."

  
  


"I can and I did."

  
  


"Rob... Brad never meant for it to happen. He was so upset when he told me..."

  
  


"That's another thing. Thanks for keeping it from me..."

  
  


"Don't Rob. What was I supposed to do? If I told you I was betraying my cousins trust, if I didn't tell you, I was betraying you. It was a very hard situation to be put in..."

  
  


"I know Ches... Look I'm tired and I'm not exactly the best company right now. Maybe we can talk in the morning?"

  
  


I quickly got to my feet, careful not to make too much noise as I crept into the kitchen, grabbing my packet of cigarettes from the table and stepping outside into the backyard.

  
  


The moon was high up in the sky as I sat down on one of the old sun loungers that scattered themselves across the lawn which was in much need of a good mow. I sat cross-legged as I pulled a cigarette out and lit it up, taking a long drag as I thought about what Chester had said to Rob.

  
  


I felt so lousy that I was upsetting him in this way. I felt so bad for being responsible for the tears that Chester had just shed. Maybe getting out of this place, leaving everyone for good would be a good idea. That way I wouldn't hurt anyone else.

  
  


"Thought you'd be out here."

  
  


I glanced back to see Chester stepping outside and slowly walking over to me.

  
  


"Hey," I smiled as he sat down beside me.

  
  


"Jesus, he doesn't half pack a punch," he sighed, gently tracing his hand across my cheek as he returned my smile, "I just spoke with Rob..."

  
  


"I know, I heard you," I confessed.

  
  


"Oh?"

  
  


"Yeah," I smiled a little, "Sorry... I just heard you mention my name and..."

  
  


Chester looked down at his hands. I took one of them in mine, squeezing it gently, "It's been a long day, huh?"


	19. Change

_Everything is open, nothing is set in stone, rivers turn to ocean, oceans tide you home, home is where the heart is but your heart had to roam, drifting over bridges never to return, watching bridges burn...._

  
  


*

  
  


A whole week had passed, it was Friday once again and we'd not heard a word from Brad. To say Chester, Joe and I were getting a little worried was an understatement. We'd called his parents, his friends, everyone we could think of and no one had seen him.

  
  


"He'll show up today. I bet you. He'll come walking through that door without even knowing how worried we've been," Chester spoke from where he lay beside me, his fingers gently tracing up and down my arm.

  
  


"You think?" I asked.

  
  


"I hope so... Remember that time when the pair of you fell out when you were younger? You know, he took your toy boat, you got upset, he got told off and then ran off...."

  
  


"Ches. We were, like, four at the time!" I smiled.

  
  


"Yeah," he sighed, "But he came back, didn't he?"

  
  


"He was in the garden shed...."

  
  


He rolled his eyes, "Well what about the time he took off when we were about eleven?"

  
  


"That was even pettier," I commented.

  
  


"Yeah," Chester mused, "He smashed my bike up, his parents got pissed at him and he went and hid in the neighbours garden for two whole days. Eejit..."

  
  


I chuckled and shook my head, "You're right. It's just Brad being Brad... he'll show his face when he feels up to it, right?"

  
  


"Exactly," Chester nodded, "And if he doesn't I'm not lying to his parents anymore... it's bad enough that they don't exactly approve of me in the first place," he rolled his eyes. It was a long story, but Chester's mom happened to be the younger sister of Brad's mom.... Brad's mother was somewhat of a 'high society figure', whatever the hell that meant. She'd never seen eye to eye with Chester's mom after she'd given birth to him without being married. And then when she'd found out that Chester was gay... all hell had broken lose... it was all some stupid family row, one that Brad and Chester just rolled their eyes at everytime it was mentioned.

  
  


"I hope he's okay though," Chester sighed.

  
  


"You know Brad. He'll be fine," I nodded.

  
  


"Yeah," Chester's voice was distant as he answered me, his fingertips still absently stroking the inside of my arm, "What time did you tell Lena you'd be over then?"

  
  


"I didn't," I shrugged, "Anytime will be good," I murmured. After groveling to my boss for hours on end, he'd finally agreed to give me the day off. Chester and I had decided to go and pick my things up from the farm. For some reason I wasn't exactly looking forward to it though.

  
  


The week seemed to have gone from bad to worse. Brad had gone off on one, Rob was acting like nothing whatsoever had happened. Then there was something else... I'd switched my phone on around eight on Sunday evening only to have about four new messages flash out at me. I'd thought they were from Brad.

  
  


They'd been from Dave.

  
  


_"What's that saying? You can run but you can't hide......?"_

  
  


_"You can't ignore me forever either......"_

  
  


_"And you can't hide from me......"_

  
  


_"I'm watching you. Still feel safe?"_

  
  


And they hadn't stopped. One after the other, they'd slowly flowed into my phone, some voice messages, some text messages, all shouting out at me, taunting me. I'd wanted so badly to resort to switching off my phone, but just in case Brad had been trying to contact me, I'd kept it on.

  
  


The only good things about the past seven days were that Chester, having saved up enough money, had bought a car. He'd not gotten the job at the bank, but another interview had come up and he'd been given the job, was due to start working on the reception of a hotel in town on Monday. The only thing keeping a smile from his face was the fact that Brad hadn't so much as called to let us know where the hell he was. But like we'd said, this was Brad we were talking about. He'd be fine, wouldn't he?

  
  


"Hey."

  
  


I blinked back at Chester, a small smile playing on his lips.

  
  


"What?"

  
  


"You were spacing out again," he murmured, "You look tired. How about we go back to sleep for a while, then we can go over to Lena's later on?" he suggested, running his hand down over my torso.

  
  


I smiled, nodding as I caught the glint in his eyes, "Sounds like a good idea," I told him, rolling slightly against him. I leant my head against his chest, lazily tracing patterns across it with my fingertips as his hands rested against the back of my head, lightly smoothing over my hair. I felt my eyes closing and was sure I was about to drift off to sleep when our bedroom door swung open and someone crashed inside, causing my eyes to snap open.

  
  


"Someone has  _got_  to talk to him...."

  
  


"Hey Joe, come on in. Don't mind us," Chester interrupted as our Korean friend continued further into the room, flying his arms about as he spoke, either ignoring Chester's comment or oblivious to the fact he'd even spoken.

  
  


"He's doing my head in!" he exclaimed, flopping down on the end of my bed.

  
  


I could only assume here, that he was referring to Rob.

  
  


"Everywhere I go he's there, suggesting something for us to do together, it's like '50 ways to ensure we do fun things together every fucking second of the day because Rob wants to forget about Brad'. It's taking the piss. I mean I love Rob to pieces, but can't he see that what he's doing isn't right? I know Brad hurt him and did a pretty shitty thing but he can't just cut Brad out of his life and pretend he no longer exists. Jesus, he's going to end up really hurting himself," he sighed, finally pausing for breath as he glanced up at us.

  
  


Obviously the fact that Chester and were both naked under the sheets that were just about covering our bodies up hadn't occurred to Joe....

  
  


"Can't you talk to him Chaz? I mean, you're like, the wise one here. Aren't you supposed to have some ideas?"

  
  


"Actually I've spent most of the week trying. I don't see what else I can do."

  
  


"What about you Mike?"

  
  


"No."

  
  


"No? What kind of attitude is that?"

  
  


"I don't see what I can say will make any difference Joe. I'm sorry."

  
  


Joe rolled his eyes, "So you're not bothered about it then?"

  
  


"Pardon?" I asked, getting slightly infuriated with him. It wasn't even eight in the morning and here he was, barging into our room, ranting and raving like some lunatic.

  
  


"Well don't you care about Rob? About what he's doing?"

  
  


"YES!"

  
  


"Well then speak to him...."

  
  


"He won't listen," I hissed back, "And beside we've done all we can. This is between Brad and Rob now and when Brad decides to show his face they'll sort it out, okay?" I snapped.

  
  


Joe stared back at me before resting his head back down on the pile of blankets that lay crumpled up at the end of my bed. I watched him for a while before turing back to Chester who rolled his eyes.

  
  


"How about we go to Lena's early?" he asked.

  
  


"Sounds like a plan," I nodded, glancing back to Joe, "We're going to go out soon."

  
  


"Sure," Joe answered, staring up at the ceiling.

  
  


"So budge then, we need to get up...."

  
  


"Hey!"

  
  


We glanced up to see Rob stick his head around the door, a smile upon his face.

  
  


"I'm off to college, you ready Joe?" he asked, the cheerful tone in his voice slightly unnerving.

  
  


"Yeah," Joe mumbled, finally getting up from my bed.

  
  


"Right," Rob grinned, "I'm fetching pizza for dinner tonight. I'll get enough for all of us," he nodded toward Chester and I, "Then maybe we can hit the bar later on?"

  
  


"Sure," Joe answered wryly, casting a glance our way before he followed Rob out of the room, the sound of the front door slamming shut shortly following.

  
  


"Joe's right," Chester commented as he carefully untwisted the sheets from us.

  
  


"I know," I sighed, snuggling back against the warm sheets as Chester got out of the bed, "I guess it's just Rob's way of dealing with it all. He'll come round eventually, won't he?" I asked yawning as Chester perched himself back on the edge of the bed, his warm hand tracing up and down my back.

  
  


"I hope so," he sighed.

  
  


"You know... Joe's gone now," I smiled sleepily, "We don't  _have_  to get up yet...." I was stopped as Chester leant down and pressed his lips against mine, his warm hand running lower and lower down my back.

  
  


"No," he murmured against my lips, "No we don't...."

  
  
  


****

  
  


It was late morning by the time we pulled up at the farm, Chester's new car coming to a stop at the end of the dusty driveway. I sighed and undid my seat belt, letting it snap away before I slowly got out of the car, gently closing the door behind me.

  
  


The sun's rays pelted down against me as I leant back against the car door, my eyes scanning across the old building that stood before me. I couldn't quite believe that this would be the last time I ever saw the place.

  
  


I stared up at the sky, momentarily watching the clouds dip over the sun as Chester locked up the car.

  
  


"Ready?" he asked, walking round to me as he shoved his keys into his pocket.

  
  


I nodded my head as Chester slipped his arm around my waist, his cool fingertips gently brushing underneath my shirt. He flashed me a small smile as we began to walk up to the house, passing the rows of plant pots that scattered themselves besides the front door.

  
  


I felt nervous for some reason. It was stupid, I knew that. I just felt like things were slowly starting to change. I hated change. For good or for bad, it always seemed to unnerve me.

  
  


We reached the dark wooden door and I lightly rapped my hand against it, patiently waiting for Lena to come answer it. A few minutes later the door slowly creaked open and I jumped back a bit, my eyes wide as I saw the familiar figure behind it.

  
  


"Brad!" Chester and exclaimed in unison as he stood before us, a sheepish smile upon his face.

  
  


"What are you doing here?" I asked him not waiting for his answer as I flung my arms around him, "We were worried sick about you..."

  
  


"I'm sorry," Brad sighed, tightening his arms around me, "I just needed to get out of everyone's way for a while. I kinda ended up here and Lena let me stay... don't be mad at her for not telling you," he stopped as I pulled away and Chester flung his arms around him, "I begged her not to," his voice was muffled as Chester continued to smother him in his clutch.

  
  


"Don't you ever do that to us again bro," he warned, the tone of his voice serious as he finally let Brad go.

  
  


"I promise," he nodded, looking down at his feet, "Oh, come in," he smiled, opening the door and stepping aside, "Your mom's around here somewhere," he told me as we stepped inside the cool hallway, Brad shutting the door behind us.

  
  


Sure enough Lena was making her way from the kitchen, a cardboard box in her arms. She smiled broadly as she settled the box down next to a pile of suitcases.

  
  


"Don't yell," she smiled walking over to me , "You of all people should know how stubborn he is," she chuckled, pecking me on the cheek, "How's my little boy?" she asked.

  
  


"Don't call me that," I scowled at her, "I'm good thanks... you?" I asked, looking around the hall to see that it was practically full with boxes and black bin liners full of her belongings.

  
  


"Tired! Moving house is a pain in the ass," she smiled, "How's things Chester?"

  
  


"Good thanks," he nodded.

  
  


"Well, there's boxes up stairs in your room. I'll let you go and get on," she smiled, "I've almost finished thank God."

  
  


"So soon?" I asked.

  
  


"Yeah... I'm moving on Tuesday."

  
  


"Tuesday?" I asked somewhat surprised.

  
  


She slowly nodded her head, "I'll go and get on with making you lot something to eat," and with that she turned around, headed back into the kitchen.

  
  


I let out a sigh before heading up the wide staircase, Brad and Chester following behind me. I tried to push the thoughts aside but I couldn't stop thinking about how fast everything was happening. In a matter of days my childhood home would no longer be a place I could visit when I needed some time alone. I'd no longer be able come here and sit in outside thinking about my Father, wondering if he'd ever magically come back again....

  
  


I reached the top of the stairs and walked over to my bedroom, pushing the creaking door open. The room remained just like it always had. My bed made, just in case I ever needed a place to stay. Considering I hadn't lived there for a few years now you wouldn't know that from looking at it. Everything remained in its place, books on the shelves, toys that I'd never managed to give away lined the floor and as I stepped further inside, my eyes saw a plush giraffe toy sitting in the middle of the bed. I smiled as I picked it up, not able to help but let a chuckle escape my lips...

  
  


My father had bought it for me as a small child. I was about five and we'd been to the zoo for the day. I'd created this obsession for giraffes and as I looked around the room my smile got bigger as under the posters of bands and gigs I'd been to you could just about see the giraffe print wallpaper that I'd begged my father for ages and ages to decorate my room with. I'd never been able to tear that paper down... I'd never been able to let the stupid giraffe go... that's why I found myself placing it in one of the large boxes as I tried to figure out where to start.

  
  


Chester and Brad were still outside the door and from what I could hear they were obviously talking about Rob. I sighed and sat down in the middle of the floor beside the pile of toys that I was sure hadn't been put away since I was about nine or ten. I picked up a toy elephant. Another thing my Father had bought me. I knew it was so stupid, I'd never look at the thing, let alone use it! Yet I couldn't bring myself to throw it out. For some reason it made me feel mean, it made me feel like I was slowly cutting him out of my life... something I still wasn't ready to do.

  
  


I was so deep in thought that I hadn't heard anyone come in and it wasn't until I felt someone behind me and saw Chester's arms slide around my waist that I realized he had been watching me.

 

"I don't know what to do with half of this stuff," I sighed as Chester rested his chin against my shoulder.

  
  


"Maybe you could give them to some kid's charity?" he suggested.

  
  


"I guess..."

  
  


"What's up?" he asked.

  
  


"Nothing," I sighed, pulling out of his arms as I got to my feet and grabbed a black bin bag from the floor, "Guess I better get started then," I told him as I began to pile the toys inside it, doing it quickly so as not to start remembering when my father had bought me them and why. I was just being stupid, I told myself. I wouldn't miss them, I didn't need them...

  
  


"Right," I placed the now full bag down onto the floor and looked around, catching Chester's eyes as he watched me from where he sat on the floor.

  
  


"Want me to do anything?" he asked.

  
  


"Not really," I shrugged walking over to the closet in the far corner. It was empty give or take a few old shirts of mine that I'd kept there just in case. I pulled them off the hangers and threw them in the direction of one of the boxes before closing the door once again. It wasn't long before I'd piled the books and old cds into one of the boxes and I stood in the middle of the almost empty room once again, contemplating whether or not to take down the posters.

  
  


Chester flopped down onto my bed, staring up at the ceiling.

  
  


"I have good memories of this bed," he grinned mischievously.

  
  


"Yeah I know. I always let you sleep in it when you stopped over."

  
  


"Oh but I was thinking of one time in particular..." he smirked, "Your fifteenth birthday?" he asked raising his eyebrows.

  
  


I felt myself blushing, a grin spreading across my face as I recalled that day. I'd been sick for what had seemed like months with the flu. Chester had stayed over on that particular day and had somewhat comforted me....

  
  


"Are you guys done?"

  
  


I jumped as Brad stuck his head around the door, "Lunch is almost ready. I hope you two are hungry," he chuckled, "Lena's done enough food to feed an army! So Chester," he let the door swing shut as he stepped inside, "I see you're busy helping out Mike here. Anything I can do bro?" he asked.

  
  


"Nah I'm all done," I nodded, "Just better take these posters down I guess."

  
  


"Okay," Brad nodded, flopping down on the end of the bed, "Man this thing is so comfy," he commented.

  
  


"Yeah? Mike and I were just saying the same thing," Chester chuckled, raising his eyebrows.

  
  


"Is that all you pair think about?" he scoffed as Chester whacked him across the head with a pillow. I smiled and shook my head as I turned to the first poster and began to peel it away from the wall.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


It was late by the time we started to pack my boxes into the back of Chester's car. I passed Brad the final bag and turned to Lena who held out an old shoe box toward me.

  
  


"Some things I thought you might like," she smiled, passing the box to me.

  
  


"Thanks," I nodded, taking it into my arms. I turned and placed it along with the rest of my things on the back seat and shut the door, gazing back at the house as Brad and Chester said their goodbyes.

  
  


I closed my eyes, the warm autumnal scent filling my senses and for that moment everything around me seemed so still and serene. That's how I wanted to remember the place, not all the hard times, the tears, the sorrow, just how it felt now; calm.

  
  


I felt a hand upon my shoulder and slowly opened my eyes, looking up to see Lena. She pulled me into a warm embrace and I squeezed my eyes shut again as she held me against her.

  
  


"You take care sweetheart," she told me, "And you come and visit me whenever you want, okay?"

  
  


I silently nodded my head, letting out a sigh as I opened my eyes.

  
  


"Don't you dare cry," she chuckled, ruffling my hair up. Though I could tell that she was holding back tears as I pulled away from her arms.

  
  


"Take care too," I whispered, sniffing back my tears.

  
  


I wasn't one for goodbyes, I never seemed to find the words to say. It had been the same when Chester had left for England all those years ago; me going into my silent self, twiddling nervously with my fingers as I almost silently wished him all the best.

  
  


Lena squeezed my hand before letting it go and I turned away, making my way to Chester's car where Brad and him were sat waiting for me. I got into the back seat and pulled the door shut, catching Chester's eyes in the mirror for a split second but I was quick to look away, pulling on my seat belt as he started up the engine.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


"So would you be here again if Mike and I hadn't had dragged your sorry ass back?" Chester asked Brad as he took a bite out of the apple he was eating.

  
  


"I guess," Brad sighed, "Gotta come back sometime."

  
  


"Did you even think how worried we were?"

  
  


"Bro we've been through this already. I'm back, I'm going to try and talk with Rob. What more do you want me to do?"

  
  


I let out a sigh and glanced up from the book I'd been reading as Chester and Brad continued to bicker about things, just like they had done for the past hour since we'd got home. I folded the corner of the page I was reading and closed the book, quietly dropping it onto the floor as I snuggled further down against the couch.

  
  


"Just don't bugger off again like that..."

  
  


"I've told you why I did that."

  
  


"You did?" Chester asked, raising his eyebrows as he threw the apple core into the waste paper basket beside the TV.

  
  


"Yes!" Brad exclaimed, "I just needed to think about things and not get my ass beaten to a pulp by a drunken Rob again."

  
  


"Oh never mind," Chester shrugged, "It doesn't matter that we hadn't got a clue as to your whereabouts, does it?" he asked, his voice raising a bit, "Anyway. This has nothing to do with me..."

  
  


"Oh you've figured that out have you?" Brad spat.

  
  


"I was saying," Chester hissed, "That this has nothing to do with me. So you and Rob can both fuck off if you want to talk to me about what's happened," he told Brad frankly as he got to his feet, "I'm not getting involved anymore."

  
  


I watched as he stormed out of the room, slamming the door forcefully behind him.

  
  


"What is wrong with him?" Brad asked me, rolling his eyes.

  
  


I shrugged and unfolded my legs slowly getting to my feet.

  
  


"Hey," Brad spoke as I walked past him, towards the door, "Don't tell me you're pissed at me for being this stupid, irresponsible prick too?"

  
  


I smiled lightly and shook my head, "No Brad," I sighed, "It's just that Chester's had to put up with Rob being a complete ass all week... and like he said, it's nothing to do with him, or anyone else as a matter of fact. This is between you and Rob and I really think you need to sort it out before you start dragging everyone else into this argument," I told him.

  
  


He sighed and looked away, ignoring me as I opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. Obviously he hadn't liked what I'd told him. But what was I supposed to do? Wrap him up in my arms and tell him it didn't matter that he'd really hurt one of his best friends? No matter how much I loved Brad, I really couldn't bring myself to lie to him even more than I already had been....

  
  


I found Chester in the back yard, smoking a cigarette and decided to leave him alone for a while. I headed back to my room, deciding to take a look at what was in the box Lena had given me.

  
  


Sitting down on my bed, I grabbed the box from the floor and placed it on my knees. Taking the lid off, I placed it beside me and started to look through the contents. It was full of photos, mainly of me and friends and family. I felt a smile stretching across my face as I picked out the first picture. It was one of Chester, Brad and I when we were around fifteen. There was another of the three of us beneath it, followed by several of Chester and I sat together on the veranda of his house. I smiled as I looked through the stack of photos, my heart stopping as my eyes rested on the last one.

  
  


I almost dropped the box as the printed image stared back at me.

  
  


It was of Dave and I, not long after we'd met. Lena had taken it when we'd gone round there one night after college. She'd not known that we were together, just thought that we'd been good friends, though from the photo that I was holding, I wondered how the hell we'd managed to fool her.

  
  


Dave sat beside me, his arm loosely slung around my shoulder as I rested my head against his. I hated having my photo taken, yet in this picture I looked so happy, so at ease. Indeed, I had been. I'd been so happy....

  
  


I let out a sigh and placed the lid on the box, getting up and putting it on my desk, the picture of Dave and I still clutched in my hand. I sat back down again, staring at the photo.

  
  


"What happened, hey?" I muttered to myself as I took in the broad smiles that were upon our faces; those happy glints in our eyes, "Why?" I whispered, feeling a lone tear slip down my face, as I wondered what had happened. How had he changed into that monster? How could he change like that?

  
  


I sniffed back my tears, furiously wiping them from my cheeks before I screwed the picture up into a tiny ball. I found myself flattening it out again, feeling everything around me shattering as I slowly ripped the picture in half; a shaky tear separating Dave and I.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


I looked up just as the door opened and quickly got to my feet, shoving the torn pieces into my desk drawer. I turned away as Chester stepped inside and softly shut the door behind him, shakily wiping my eyes in hopes to mask all evidence of my tears.

  
  


"Rob's just got home..." he stated as the front door opened and shut again, the sound of Rob and Joe's cheery voices filling up the silent house.

  
  


"So I hear," I sighed, turning back to Chester, "You okay?" I asked.

  
  


"Yeah. Just a little stressed," he sighed as I stepped over to him.

  
  


"How come?" I asked, sliding my arms around his waist.

  
  


"You'll laugh," he warned.

  
  


"I will?"

  
  


"I just hate all this between Rob and Brad. I sound like some soppy girl but I just wish that we could all get along again. I hate it when things change," he spoke quietly, resting his cheek against mine.

  
  


"Me too," I murmured as his arms slid around my waist. I closed my eyes as a comforting silence settled between us. Chester's hands soothed up and down my back and I rested my chin against his shoulder. I felt so calm, so safe when Chester held me like this, when he was strong and here with me and only me.

  
  


Our peaceful moment was soon shattered as Rob's voice exploded through the house.

  
  


"What the  _fuck_  is he doing here?"

  
  


"The shit has hit the fan," Chester murmured, tightening his hold on me.


	20. Empty (part one)

_I don't know what's worth fighting for, or why I have to scream, I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean, I don't know how I got this way, I know it's not alright so I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit tonight._

  
  


*

  
  


"Mike are you even listening?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Well go and clean that floor again and this time do it properly. No half assed job. You get me?"

 

I nodded my head, biting my lip as I tried to refrain myself from swearing at my boss or shoving the handle of the mop I was holding right up his ass. He turned away and headed into the back, muttering something about 'incompetent workers' under his breath as I shoved the mop into the bucket of hot water and slapped it on to the floor, not bothered at the amount of mess I proceeded to make. This was, after all, at least the tenth time I'd cleaned the floor. Okay, it was the second. My boss was clearly in slave driving mode and not content that I'd just worked two twelve hour shifts in a row after Jada had called in sick, he was now making sure I cleaned every nook and cranny of the godforsaken building before the early morning rush came.

 

I let out a rather exasperated sigh and stopped my mopping for a minute to stretch my back in the hope to elevate the aching sensation that was slowly creeping up my spine. It didn't work much and I shoved the mop back into the water, roughly slopping it around before I placed it back down on the next patch of floor, stopping yet again as I fiddled to look at my watch.

 

It was six forty five in the morning. I had been here since seven am the previous morning and was sure that somewhere along the lines my boss was committing a crime by making me work twenty four hours with less than an hours rest. I was past caring though, at least I would have the rest of the day off to sleep then I could catch up with Chester later on.

 

He'd started his new job the day before, sending me a quick message to say that it had gone well and he liked it. His mood seemed to have somewhat lifted since Friday. After Rob had shouted and yelled at walking in on Brad, nothing more had been said... Rob had acted like he'd been acting all week; pretending that Brad didn't exist. So the weekend had been fun. Chester and I had escaped sometime on Saturday evening, spent the night in a club in town and not got back until the late hours of Sunday night. Still the tension around the house when I'd left for work yesterday morning could have been cut with a knife and I couldn't help but wonder if what Chester had said was right; maybe things between the five of us weren't going to be the same again.

 

"I don't pay you to stand around all day in some stupid daze Shinoda."

 

The sound of my boss growling got me back to mopping the floor, muttering obscenities under my breath about him as he moved over to the counter and started to criticize another one of his workers, a young girl who I suspected was no older than seventeen. She didn't say much as he started to growl at her, accusing her of folding the napkins incorrectly. I caught her eyes as she glanced up and mouthed the words 'Total Bastard' toward her, causing her to smile a little.

 

"Right have you finished the floor?" Frank growled from behind me.

 

I dropped the mop into the bucket and nodded.

 

"Okay, go and help Lucy over there," he ordered.

 

I sighed and headed over to where Lucy stood, fiddling with the stack of paper serviettes. I took a handful and began to fold them, not bothered whether or not they met his 'regulations' as I wondered if that guy had some kind of vendetta against people under twenty five. It was quite possible as everyone that worked here was that age; he paid us all under the minimum wage and didn't seem to believe in dinner breaks either.

 

"Is he on some kind of slave labor mission?" Lucy asked me.

 

"Probably," I smiled, "Don't tell me he's got you working all day today as well as this shift?" I asked rolling my eyes.

 

"Indeed," she scowled, "I'm telling you as soon as I get a new job I will take great pleasure in telling him what a total wank...."

 

"Mike. It's almost seven. Go home," Frank called out across the coffee shop, "I'll see you tomorrow. Seven o'clock. Try not to be late."

 

I was already out in the back, tearing off my apron and grabbing my bag and jacket before he'd finished his sentence, just in case he were to change his mind.

 

"See you tomorrow Lucy," I smiled, waving at the small girl. She smiled and returned my wave.

 

"Later Frank," I called, quickly making my way out of the place. I was too busy thinking about how desperate I was to get back, to take a nice warm shower and to sleep for the rest of the day that as I made my way through the door, I didn't notice the figure standing outside. It wasn't until I turned to walk across the parking lot that I sensed someone's presence but as I turned around I was stopped in my tracks, a fist in my face sending me crashing to the floor.

 

I felt hands on my body, pulling me to my feet. Everything was happening so quickly and when my brain decided to work once again and my eyes snapped open I was left breathless as Dave stood before me, a smile upon his face as he grabbed me roughly by the wrists.

 

"Get off me," I hissed but quicker than I'd ran out of the coffee shop I was being dragged to a blue car that was parked a few steps away, roughly pushed into the passenger seat as Dave raced around to the drivers door and quickly scrambled in, his hands flicking on the lock before I even had chance to register what was happening.

 

"What are you doing?" I gasped, my hands franticly pulling at the door handle, "Dave let me out," I hissed, "LET ME OUT."

 

"Oh shut up you baby," came his reply as he pushed me back into my seat, "Don't forget to put your seat belt on," he sniggered, his fingers turning the keys in the ignition.

 

"Dave," I whispered, "Please... just let me go...." I begged, barely able to form my words as the engine started and he reversed the car, the sound of the tyres screeching against the gravel beneath us resounding in my ears as the car jerked forward and he raced onto the empty highway.

 

My heart pounded in my chest as he started to speed down the derelict road, heading out of town, toward the next city.

 

"Dave," I was panicking now, even more so when he took his eyes off the road and glanced at me.

 

"Don't. Speak."

 

"But you're...."

 

"I told you not to speak!" he yelled, his eyes narrowing at me. I held my breath, my eyes staring back into his, wondering why,  _how_  he became this. His eyes slowly flickered back to the road and he reached over to the glove compartment, eyes flicking between the road and what he was searching for.

 

Eagle-eyed, I watched him carefully, trying to see what he was searching for as I tried to figure out where we were going,  _why_  he was doing this.

 

I felt the car slow down and stop and as I looked out the window I saw we had pulled on to the side of the road. He was letting me go? He was letting me out....

 

The glove compartment snapped shut and Dave smiled back at me, waving what he'd obviously been looking for in my direction.

 

My face fell as he continued to wave the syringe at me, his laughter staring up as I began to physically shake.

 

"No... Dave... What is this?" I yelled, "Just let me out. Please let me out," I begged, my eyes widening as he raised his hand. It came crashing down against my cheek, burning the skin he had smacked. I winced and brought my hand up to my cheek, "Please stop it," I whispered as tears began to slowly trickle down my cheeks.

 

"That's it," his voice was soft, "You cry for me Mike, you know I love it when you cry," he hissed, moving closer to me, his hand pulling mine away from where it was pressed against my cheek.

 

"Please," I sniffed, "Let me go," I hissed, finding my strength as I pushed him away. His head hit the window and I leaned back, quickly fumbling across to unlock the drivers door. I was soon stopped though as Dave grabbed me roughly by the hand and shoved me back into the seat.

 

"Don't you dare move," he hissed, pinning his body against mine. I tried to struggle against him as he grabbed my arm, shoving my sleeve up.

 

"DAVE!" I yelled in horror as I felt him sliding the needle into my vein, his laughter echoing in my ears as he pushed the contents into my arm.

 

"That's it," he laughed as my eyes began to sting, "You go to sleep," he whispered, my eyes involuntarily closing as he smoothed his hands over my body, "You go to sleep," I heard his voice whisper as my senses began to slowly numb.

  
  


****

  
  


My eyes lazily fluttered open, a stinging sensation flowing through my left arm as my surroundings came into view. Where was I? What was I doing in this strange room? It smelt of damp, a mixture of dust and burning incense and was strangely quiet. I could hear something moving about but the noises were nothing more than small echoes in my ears.

 

I slowly lifted my head, trying to look around the dank room I'd found myself in, but my neck began to ache and that dull throbbing in my arm continued to get more intense. I flopped my head back down and managed to lift my lower arm. A frown spread across my face as I saw a reddish bruise was starting to from on the inside of my wrist.

 

"So you're awake. How are you feeling my princess?"

 

My head slowly turned to the right where the sing-song voice had come from and my eyes met with Dave who was sat in a chair beside me where I... I looked down, only just figuring out that I was laid across a bed; the deep red and brown pattern of the bed sheets swirling back into my eyes.

 

"Where are we?" My voice was hoarse as I spoke and I tried to move my body a bit more so I could sit up. It was only then that I saw I was tied to the bed, my upper arms and ankles bound in chains, making it impossible for me to move.

 

"Dave," I whispered, "What is this?" I asked franticly, trying to figure out how and why the hell I was here, in this strange smelling room.

 

"Oh sweetie," Dave smiled, bringing his hand up to caress my cheek, "Don't you remember?" he asked, a grin upon his face.

 

I frowned and shook my head.

 

"Oh isn't that a shame?"

 

"Dave..." I was starting to panic now, even more so when his hand began to slowly slide down my body, "What are you doing?" I asked franticly.

 

My eyes widened as I felt his fingers on the zipper to my trousers.

 

"Dave..."

 

"Ssh," he whispered, watching me intently as his hand slid inside my trousers, rubbing through the thin material of my boxers. A low moan escaped my throat as his hand pressed harder against my groin, his eyes still locked on mine.

 

I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of pleasure that Dave was giving me, until the pain in my wrist started to increase, along with my fears that something wasn't quite right here. I couldn't put my finger on it but something was wrong....

 

"Does that feel good?"

 

I was aware of Dave's soft voice whispering close to my ear and I nodded my head in reply as his hand began to move faster, but I couldn't feel it anymore, I could just see fuzzy images in my head, starting to come closer and closer to my eyes.....

 

_My face fell as he continued to wave the syringe at me, his laughter staring up as I began to physically shake._

 

_"No... Dave... What is this?" I yelled, "Just let me out. Please let me out," I begged, my eyes widening as he raised his hand. It came crashing down against my cheek, burning the skin he had smacked. I winced and brought my hand up to my cheek, "Please stop it," I whispered as tears began to slowly trickle down my cheeks._

 

_"That's it," his voice was soft, "You cry for me Mike, you know I love it when you cry," he hissed, moving closer to me, his hand pulling mine away from where it was pressed against my cheek._

 

My eyes snapped open and I tried to flinch away from Dave's touch, feeling sick to the stomach as my mind snapped into action.

 

"GET OFF ME," I hissed, causing Dave's eyes to narrow at me.

 

"Oh you remember now," he smiled, "That's a shame," he sighed, removing his hand from my pants, "Oh well, it was good while it lasted," he smirked.

 

"Where the  _fuck_  are we?" I asked, anger seething through my voice.

 

Dave got up from his seat and moved over to a chest of drawers, grabbing what looked like a bottle of beer from it. He took a swig and slammed it back down onto the wooden surface before picking up a leaflet.

 

"Some hotel out of town," he shrugged, reading from the piece of paper. He scrunched it up into a ball and glanced around the small room, "Anyway, it doesn't matter where we are. What matters is what we're going to do," he smiled, walking back over to me, "Any suggestions?" he smirked.

 

I glared back at him, trying my best to stay calm. He was drunk, that was for certain. The swagger in his walk and the stink of alcohol on his breath was kind of giving him away.

 

"How about you untie me and let me go home," I whispered.

 

He burst out laughing, his eyes scrunching up as if it were the funniest thing anyone had ever said to him, "Oh very funny," his laughter stopped abruptly and he sat down on the edge of the bed, "I was thinking more along the lines of you and me have a little fun, huh? Why don't  _you_  teach me some of the new tricks the lovely Chester has taught you, huh?" he smirked, waiting for my reaction.

 

I simply turned my head away, blinking back the tears that I'd stupidly allowed to run down my cheeks. I felt sick. I felt so sick and he'd barely started on me, had he? I knew all too well what I was in for. It would only be a matter of minutes before he was forcing himself in me and this time, this time there was nowhere to run, not when I was fucking chained down to the...

 

I snapped my head back, forcing a smile upon my face.

 

"Okay," I whispered, my heart beginning to race, "I'll show you."

 

His smile began to grow wider, "That's my boy," he grinned, moving closer, "Play along nicely, I see you're finally learning the rules. Now," he mused, getting to his feet. He padded back over to the chest of drawers and grabbed the bottle of beer, pressing it to his mouth as he took a long swig of it, "What does my little princess have in mind?" he asked, walking back over to me.

 

"How about you take these chains off then I can show you?"

 

I cringed as the words left my mouth and prayed that Dave was so wasted that he wouldn't see right through my words.

 

"Oh no," Dave shook his head, "The chains stay on," he nodded his head firmly as he sat back down beside me.

 

I took a deep breath, "Then how am I supposed to show you anything?" I whispered, trying to hide the fear in my eyes.

 

He stared back at me, almost as he was thinking the idea over in his mind, "Show me what?"

 

"Here," I whispered, shakily lifting my arm as far as I could. I pointed towards my lips and a smiled spread across his face once again.

 

I felt sick as he leant his head forward and pressed his warm lips against mine. He tasted of a mixture of brandy and cheep beer, yet I kissed him back, trying to force the fact that I was actually doing this right out of my mind.

 

Dave moaned against my lips and soon enough I felt his thin tongue creep in between my lips. I gently sucked on it as our kiss became more and more intense until he slowly pulled away, his lips moving down to my neck, nibbling and sucking at the skin.

 

"Dave..." I whispered, "I can't enjoy this unless you untie the..."

 

He snapped his head up, "What? You actually think I'm  _that_  fucking stupid Mike? You think you're going to fool me?" he laughed in my face before his hand came crashing down across my cheek, "Then think again," he hissed, "I didn't bring you all the way here so you could pretend to enjoy yourself! Hell I don't give a fuck whether you enjoy yourself," his laughter continued, "You are such a fuck."

 

"Then why? Why are you doing this? What did you bring me here for? TO RAPE ME, HUH? TO FUCKING HURT ME? AGAIN?"

 

I stared dumbfounded at Dave as the words left my mouth. I'd never meant to shout, to make him even more angrier...

 

"Yes."

 

I continued to stare back at Dave as his answer left his mouth.

 

"Yes," he repeated, no expression whatsoever upon his face.

 

The next thing I knew his hands were on the waistband of my trousers, harshly yanking them, along with my boxers, down to my ankles. I tried to struggle against him, but I could barely move and the pain in my wrist was beginning to get even worse.

 

"Dave.. Please stop..."

 

"No Mike," his voice spoke as he got up and began to pull off his shirt, "You stop. Stop your whining and pleas, because it ain't going to make any difference," his voice deadpanned, "I'm going to have you whether you like it or not and if you so much as breathe a word to that so-called boyfriend of yours, then I might just end up doing the same to him," he sniggered and all I could do was watch him as he pulled down his pants, kicked them aside on the floor. All I could do was lie there, silently begging for him to hurry up and get it over with because there was no way I could stop this.

 

I didn't even try to struggle as his cold body climbed upon mine.

 

I didn't even flinch as he pressed his lips against mine and murmured softly against them, "You know why I'm doing this..."

 

"No," I shook my head, "No I don't," I whispered, biting down on my lip as he roughly pushed himself inside me.

 

My tears spilled out from my eyes and I let out a cry as the pain of him inside me began to shoot right through my body.

 

"SHUT UP," he hissed and his fist crashed down against my face, knocking me out cold.

  
  


****

  
  


My body ached, a pain rushed through my chest as I opened my eyes to find myself cold and alone, lying God knows where. I could hear the sound of traffic nearby, along with the sound of some children playing. Their singsong voices spinning around my mind. I blinked and shakily brought my arm up to rub my eyes, hoping that my surroundings would become a little clearer.

 

Only they didn't and as I slowly managed to sit up all I could conclude is that I was somewhere outside, in an alleyway even, I thought as I looked down and realized I had passed out on the ground. Gravel sat beneath me, muddy puddles to my sides and my hands grappled for the wooden fence I'd found myself beside, gripping onto it as I managed to pull myself to my feet.

 

I looked up at the sky, the grey clouds glared back at me and looking down I realized I was soaking wet. It had been raining. Leaning back against the fence I slowly rolled my right sleeve up to look at my watch. It was almost five o'clock.

 

I shivered and felt a pain rip through my stomach. In a matter of minutes I was on the floor again, clutching my body as I threw up onto the ground. My throat stung and once I thought the bile was gone from my stomach, I slowly got to my feet again, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

 

Glancing up the alleyway, I realized where I was. Just a block away from home, down one of the many passageways that ran between the houses in my area. I started to walk toward the end of the musty passageway, wincing at the pain that shot through my back everytime I took a step.

 

How I got there was a mystery though my mind was set on the idea that after Dave had finished he'd drugged me up again and driven me here, flung me out of the car like I was some kind of rag doll for him to play with.

 

From the point that Dave had knocked me out in that hotel room, to the point just now where I'd woken up, was a complete blank and I found my pace quickening as much as it could, just wanting to go home and forget about everything that had happened.

 

By the time I reached the street our house was on, I had already convinced myself that nothing had happened. The past several hours were now a blank canvas;  **nothing had happened.**

 

I prayed that no one was home as I made my way up the path that lead to the front door. No one should be home. Chester would be at work and the others would still be at school. No one was ever normally home before six, so why should it be any different today? Still, as I reached the door my anxiety was taking over me as it suddenly dawned on me that I didn't have my bag with me.

 

Shit. Shit. Shit.

 

My hands rummaged through my pockets, begging for my keys to be in one of them and as my fingers connected with the cool metal of my key chain a sweep of relief ran through my body as I pulled it out. I pushed the key into the lock, my mind racing as the door slowly creaked open. All I had to do was get from here to the bathroom as quickly as I could, just in case anyone were home.

 

I pushed the door shut behind me as I stepped into the dark house and within seconds of locking it once again I was in the bathroom, hastily slamming the door behind me.

 

My heart was pounding as I leant back against the door, slowly sinking to the carpet. I didn't know when my tears had started to fall, nor did I know when my sobs became so hysterical that I could barely breathe.

 

I pulled my knees up to my chest, raked my hands through my hair as I tried to stop my tears. It was impossible though. I just couldn't stop them from pouring. It felt like I was crying a lifetime of tears, my chest was hurting, my throat was stinging and I choked on my sobs, trying to remember when things got this bad,  _why_  things got this bad.

 

My fingers grabbed onto chunks of my hair, pulling at them as hard as I could.

 

"Just shut up," I sobbed, "Why can't you just shut up?" I hissed to myself, pulling harder and harder at my hair.

 

When my tears finally died down, I couldn't tell you but through hazy vision I found myself getting to my feet and managing to strip out of my bloodstained clothes. I soon found myself in the shower, trying so badly to wash all of him away.

 

I could still feel him upon me, still smell the alcohol that had retched from his breath. The room he'd assaulted me in was spinning around my mind, it's tasteless red and brown decor filling my vision. Brandy, beer, the smell of those incense sticks choking me, smothering my lungs.

 

I fell to my knees and curled up into a tiny ball, the warm stream of water splashing down onto my body as I cried.


	21. Empty (part two)

"Mike? Joe? Anyone?"

 

My eyes hazily opened and I jumped as something wet splashed down onto my face.

 

"Hello?"

 

"Shit," I cursed to myself. I must have passed out under the shower. How long I'd been there, I dreaded to think. Chester was now home and the water above me had long run cold.

 

I shakily got to my feet, spinning the taps off and grabbing a towel as I got out.

 

"I'm in the bathroom," I managed to shout at a reasonable level, hoping that Chester would hear me through the door.

 

"Okay!" he replied cheerfully.

 

I wrapped the towel tightly around me, not daring to look down at my body. It hurt enough and seeing the bruises  _he'd_  made would make me hurt even more. My clothes were in a pile on the floor and how I was going to get them into the washing machine without Chester not seeing that they were covered in mud and blood seemed impossible.

 

"You eaten?" Chester's voice echoed through the door.

 

"Erm, no," I replied as I slowly began to dry my body.

 

"Want me to order a pizza or something?"

 

"Sure."

 

Though why I gave him that answer, I didn't really know. I'd somehow managed to lose my appetite.

 

"Alright."

 

I heard his footsteps fading down the hallway and wrapped the towel around my body once again before I leant down and balled my clothes up into my arms, trying to wrap them as small as I could so that none of the torn parts were visible. Sliding the bolt from the door, I quietly opened it, pausing as I heard Chester in the kitchen. I quickly scrambled across the hallway and into our room, pushing the door shut behind me. I dropped the bunch of clothes to the floor beside my closet as I rummaged around it for clean clothes. Quickly finding some I wasted no time in dressing, finally pulling on a baggy black hoody before I wrapped the dirty clothes up inside my towel.

 

"Hey..."

 

Shit.

 

I almost dropped the towel as Chester pushed the door open, his smile warming my heart as he stepped inside the dimly lit room. Without even thinking, I shoved the ball of clothes into the back of my closet, concealing them underneath one of my old school bags.

 

"Hey," I replied, pushing the door shut before I turned around.

 

Chester smiled back at me, instantly erasing some of my fears.

 

"Good day?" I asked, sitting down on my bed.

 

"Yeah," he smiled as he walked over to the set of drawers beside his bed and started to pull out some clothes.

 

I laid down on my bed, watching Chester with sleepy eyes as he changed out of his work clothes. My eyes scanned over his lithe body, engrossed in the way he moved, in the creaminess of his skin; the flawless being that he was. Why he wanted anyone like me, anyone as broken and scarred as I were was beyond me. He deserved so much better and I, I deserved not one inch of his body. I rolled away and tucked my hand underneath my head, idly listening to the sound of someone's car pulling up outside.

 

"That'll be Brad," Chester commented as he sat down beside me, "You had a good day?" he asked, absently stroking his fingers through my hair.

 

I almost choked on the thought of today being a 'good day' but inwardly told myself that it had been perfectly okay.

 

"So so," I replied.

 

"I bet you've been asleep all day. Hell, I'd probably have to sleep all week to get over working that many hours," he chuckled, "But then again I'm a lazy ass."

 

I smiled and yawned a little, the sound of the front door opening providing me an excuse not to answer as Brad's voice hollered through the apartment.

 

"Only me!"

 

"We're in here," Chester called back as he slid down the bed, laying behind me. He slipped his arm around my waist, the other gently taking my hand in his.

 

I winced as his fingers caught my wrist.

 

"You okay?" he murmured in my ear.

 

"Yeah, just tired."

 

"Sure?"

 

"Just stomach ache," I told him, not lying because it was starting to hurt again, feeling very much like someone were still punching me repeatedly.

 

Chester let go of my hand and slid his warm hand over my stomach, gently rubbing it through the material of my jumper. He pressed a kiss to my neck, murmuring in my ear, "That better?"

 

It was and I nodded, closing my eyes as Chester began to ease the pain. I began to feel calmer and our moment of serenity was only broken when Brad knocked on the door. I opened my eyes just as he walked in.

 

"Hey," he smiled at us, "Not disturbing you am I?" he grinned, raising an eyebrow.

 

"Nope," Chester answered.

 

"Good. Can I borrow your computer Mike?" he asked, still hovering in the doorway.

 

I nodded and he proceeded to walk in, pushing the door shut behind him.

 

"So how's the new job?"

 

"Fine."

 

"You still pissed with me?" Brad deadpanned as he sat down at the desk and switched the computer on.

 

Chester let out a sigh and ignored him, "The pizza should be here in a few. You feeling hungry?"

 

"Not really," I sighed.

 

"Are you sure you've just got a stomach ache?" he asked, "Nothing more?"

 

"No," I shook my head, "That's all," I told him, squeezing my eyes shut tight.

 

I didn't know what to do anymore, I really didn't. I wanted to spill everything to Chester and have him hold me, never let me go as he told me things would be okay; he'd protect me and  _never_  let Dave near me again.

 

Only it wasn't so simple, was it?

 

Chester had already promised me that Dave would never touch me again. Why then was he still doing this? How the fuck was he getting to me like this?

 

I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to hide away in my room forever, never to see the light of day. I just wanted it all to end, only I was too scared to tell anyone what had been going on, I was too scared of what would happen if I did so.

 

I shivered and buried my head further into my soft pillow, the only sounds filling my ears that of Brad typing away on the keyboard. Chester remained silent as he laid behind me, and though I had my eyes shut I could tell he was watching me, I could feel his eyes burning into me.

 

Shifting a little so I was on my back, I opened my eyes. Sure enough he was staring back at me, confusion written all over his face. The sound of the front door opening and loudly banging shut crashed through the uneasy air between us and I looked up, just in time to see Rob crashing into our bedroom.

 

"Thought you'd hide out in here did you?" he seethed, throwing his bag to the floor.

 

My eyes shot to Brad as he bolted up in his seat, turning his attention away from the brightness of the computer screen.

 

"I take it by that tone you're speaking to me?" he asked, raising his eyebrows before he turned back to the monitor, his fingers resting on the keyboard once again.

 

"Yes fucker, I  _am_ ," Rob hissed, stepping nearer to him.

 

"What have I done wrong now?" Brad deadpanned, not looking up this time.

 

"What have you done?" Rob spat, grabbing him by the shoulders.

 

I glanced across at Chester, wondering if he was going to yell at them to cut it out. He shrugged at me, passing me a look that I interpreted as 'leave them be.' I sighed and rolled against him, allowing him to encompass me in his arms.

 

"You know what you've done," Rob continued, his voice beginning to raise even more, "Not content with knocking up my girlfriend, you now find it appropriate to stay over at her house, visit her everyday..."

 

"The fuck was it every day," Brad cut in, "Saturday night, okay Rob? I stopped over Saturday night..."

 

"Yeah, I know. I saw you..."

 

"Wait a minute. You tell me to stay out of your space, yet you find it perfectly okay to follow me about?"

 

"Whatever. What do you think you're doing?"

 

"We have to sort things out. There's this thing that most people do you see Robert. They talk to one another when they have problems that need fixing..."

 

"Don't you try and be fucking funny..."

 

"Who's laughing?"

 

"Do you think this is going to go on all night again?" I whispered against Chester's chest.

 

He responded with a small chuckled, "We can go sit in the lounge if you like..."

 

"No, this is our room," I smiled.

 

"Yeah.. Hey, how about I undress you and fuck you into the mattress? Think that would get them to shut the fuck up?" he laughed.

 

My eyes snapped shut and I nodded, trying to stop the trembles that suddenly rushed through my body.

 

"So what? You're moving in with her? Fucking her, huh?"

 

"No."

 

"Then what then?"

 

"It's really none of your business but we had things to talk about..."

 

"Yeah? What things?"

 

Brad let out a loud sigh and I opened my eyes, watching him as he slowly spun around in the chair to face Rob.

 

"Like what the hell is going to happen when this baby is born, okay?"

 

Rob grunted, his eyes narrowing in Brad's direction.

 

"LOOK," Brad suddenly yelled, swiftly getting to his feet, "I am SORRY for what happened. SO fucking sorry. It was a completely shitty thing to do and I never, ever meant to hurt you. We were drunk and our stupid mistakes have left us to face the consequences. I've got this girl that I barely know pregnant. I've lost one of my best friends and I am tired of being ignored and shouted at."

 

Rob stared back at Brad, his arms crossed over his chest.

 

"Well, maybe you should move out, huh? Because I'm tired of arguing too. I'm tired of seeing your face and being reminded that you stole the best thing that ever happened to me right from under my nose. So why don't you pack your things and go to Justine's?" he hissed.

 

"Fine. If that's what you want."

 

"Yes."

 

I looked up at Chester, my frown probably matching the size of his. Chester cleared his throat and sure enough the pair of them suddenly tore their gaze away from each other, directed it in our direction.

 

"This is stupid," Chester spoke, "Why the hell can't you two just accept that what's done is done and Brad is really fucking sorry?"

 

"Because," Rob narrowed his eyes, "This fucker here has betrayed me and I am not up for forgiving him..."

 

"Well maybe I'm past caring..."

 

"Like you cared in the first place..."

 

"That's out of order..."

 

"NO," Rob's voice raised once again, "YOU are out of order. You stole my fucking girlfriend and I will NEVER EVER forgive you," he narrowed his eyes before stepping closer to Brad and punching him square in the jaw.

 

"You bastard..."

 

I flinched as Brad shoved Rob back, causing the lanky brunette to fall to a crumpled heap on the floor. No sooner was he down Brad was laying into him again, his balled up fists battling with Rob's kicking legs.

 

"Oh guys," Chester sighed, untangling himself from me. He got to his feet, striding over to the pair of them, "Just pack this in or at least get the fuck out of MY room," he growled but his angry tone was ignored by the pair of them who seemed intent on killing each other.

 

I squeezed my eyes shut as a sharp pain suddenly ripped through my chest.

 

"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT."

 

Chester's scream jolted my eyes open and I sat up, staring in shock that such a loud yell had come from such a scrawny guy. It had worked though, Rob and Brad stood staring at Chester with open mouths.

 

"Yes, I'm gay and I can scream like a motherfucker. Now get out," he hissed, pointing to the door.

 

I sighed and rolled away as they left the room, their shouts starting up just as Chester shoot the door behind him.

 

Another pain soared through my chest and I winced, shifting to get comfortable as Chester sat back down beside me. He wrapped his arms around me, "Pair of jerks," he muttered, running his hands up and down my chest.

 

"Yeah," I sighed in agreement.

 

"Your breathing's all funny," he suddenly stated, "Are you okay..."

 

I nodded at him, "Stop worrying. I'm just feeling a little under the weather, okay?" my voice came out more irked than I had intended and I was quick to apologize, "Sorry," I whispered.

 

"Me too. I just worry about you y'know," he sighed.

 

All I wanted was to lie there with him, be with him, yet I was already hurting him, wasn't I? I was fucking lying to him - I had no choice. I couldn't stand the guilt though, that's why I found myself unwrapping myself from his arms and carefully getting to my feet, muttering something about needing to be alone as I escaped from the room. I caught his look as I slipped through the door, only my sight started to blur, I didn't quite catch his expression as I felt my knees buckling beneath me. I heard a scream, someone calling my name but who was shouting out, I did not know.

 

I just wanted to sleep, to block everything that was happening out of my mind.

  
  


****

  
  


"Sweetie? Are you okay?"

 

I felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to my head, bashed it with it repeatedly for a good ten minutes then struck me in the stomach for good measure. Groaning I slowly opened my eyes to be met with a worried pair of brown eyes belonging to Chester.

 

"Ches?" I whispered.

 

"Hey," he smiled, smoothing his soft hand against my forehead.

 

"What happened?" I asked, my voice croaking as I spoke.

 

"You passed out," he told me, "Scared the crap out of Brad and I," he smiled softly.

 

"Ugh.. Where are we?"

 

"In your bed," he smiled, "You've only been out for about ten minutes."

 

He stopped and I heard someone's footsteps nearing the bed. Looking up I saw Brad carrying what looked like a wet washcloth in one hand, a blanket in the other.

 

"Hey," he whispered upon reaching us , "How are you feeling?"

 

I shrugged and rolled onto my side, letting out a painful groan as I caught one of the many bruises on my stomach against the mattress. I shifted a little, looking up at Brad again as he pressed the cool cloth to my forehead.

 

"You've probably got a bug or something," he told me as Chester placed his hand on the washcloth to stop it from slipping, "One minute you're boiling hot, the next you're shivering. How long have you felt like this?" he asked, resting at the end of my bed.

 

I shrugged once again and closed my eyes.  _Ever since that bastard drugged me up_ , I thought bitterly to myself as a wave of dizziness spread through my head.

 

"Is he okay?"

 

Another voice sounded and I lazily opened my eyes, resting them upon Rob who was hovering behind Chester, a bruise on his cheek to match the one that I suddenly saw on Brad's jaw.

 

"Yeah," Chester sighed, "No thanks to you two."

 

"Sorry," I heard someone mutter.

 

"Listen," Brad sighed, squeezing my hand, "Rob was right. I should get out of here for a while."

 

I frowned, "No, please..."

 

"I'm sorry for screwing things up around here," he sighed, "I'll probably see you around later in the week. Hope you feel better, yeah?"

 

He got up, glancing at Rob as he left the room.

 

"I'll just be a minute," Chester smiled softly, "Rob, can you hold this cloth?"

 

Rob nodded, taking Chester's seat as my boyfriend got up and headed out the door.

 

"Sorry," Rob sighed, "I didn't know you weren't feeling too good," he told me, pressing the cool cloth against my head.

 

"It's okay," I sighed, yawning a little. I felt my eyes closing, felt a wave of nausea washing over me and I buried my head into my pillow, aware of the sound of the front door slamming as I drifted off to sleep, longing for all this drama to end.


	22. Frozen

_Oh no, it doesn't work no more no, it doesn't hurt no more no, I feel nothing and it's so cold here. It's like I'm waiting, waiting and in my mind I'm still debating what must we do? What must we do? I'm frozen, brittle, broken, I'm frozen, brittle, broken..._

  
  


*

  
  


Two long, cold, tiring weeks had passed and in those fourteen days I'd not stepped a foot outside of the house, faked an illness that I'd been lying about for so long now that I felt as if I were really starting to gain it's symptoms. I wasn't  _completely_  lying, more like bending the truth a little, but I brushed that thought away, not wanting to feel any more guilty for fibbing to my best friends about... everything?

  
  


With Brad gone again and reportedly stopping with Justine, much to Rob's distaste, and the others at work or college, most of my days had been spent lying across the couch in the lounge, wallowing in self pity, self hate.

  
  


I wanted so badly to just close my eyes, never to wake up again. Falling asleep in Chester's arms night after night was about the only comforting part of my life. Never would I fall asleep for long though - because as soon as I did reach some state of unconsciousness,  _he'd_  be there - his eyes as fiery as the colour of his hair, piercing into me as he told me he was watching me, waiting for me....

  
  


"Home!"

  
  


I jumped, somewhat startled at the voice that rang out through the house. Shifting a little, I untangled the blankets that were folded around me, cocking my head back to read the luminous digits that flashed from the VCR. It was seven pm already.

  
  


I rubbed my eyes and forced myself to sit up as the owner of the voice, Joe, poked his head around the door, chucking his art folder to the floor as he walked inside the warm room.

  
  


"Hey," he smiled cheerfully, "Feeling any better?"

  
  


"A little," I murmured.

  
  


"Good," he nodded, flopping down onto the other couch, "Feeling better enough to go back to work?" he asked, his words followed by a yawn as he reached over for the TV remote.

  
  


Work.

  
  


I shuddered and tightened my grasp on the thick blankets. I didn't want to go back there anymore. Not only was there the fact that my boss had become even more of a slave driver, I just literally didn't have any energy left. Then there was the fact that I still couldn't bring myself to step outside. Not even the tempting offer that Chester had given me of him doing a strip tease for me on the beach could get me to go out. I'd told him I really didn't feel well. He'd bought it at first, of course, with my mammoth passing out and throwing up everywhere ordeal, how couldn't he? But now, now he was starting to figure me out, I knew that much for sure. Slowly his caring patience was starting to slide a little.

  
  


"Hey?"

  
  


"Oh, I dunno, maybe next week," I nodded, though in reality, I had no intentions of going back. Even if it was nearing the end of the three weeks Frank had bizarrely given me off after Chester had rang him up and told him that if he didn't allow me time off to rest, he'd put his big mouth to use and tell those interested what a fucking slave driver he was.

  
  


Thinking of what Chester had done for me started to make me feel even worse. Even guiltier. I was feeling sick and tired - but making it out to be ten times worse, just because....

  
  


I stopped and frowned.

  
  


Just because my ex boyfriend had abducted me, drugged me, beat me, raped me and dumped me outside with nothing more than an explanation of  _'You deserve it fucker.'_

  
  


My chest became tight and suddenly I was finding it difficult to breathe. I let out a strangled cough and sat up on the couch, spluttering as I tried to catch my breath.

  
  


"You okay man?" Joe was quickly on his feet, dashing over to me and helping me sit up. I nodded as I continued to struggle, that smell of  _him_  upon my body, his alcohol tinged breath smothering my lungs as I gasped for breath.

  
  


"Mike. Just calm down, okay? Take deep, slow breaths."

  
  


Joe's panicked eyes stared back at me as he squeezed my hand. I shut my eyes, trying to block out all the visions that were starting to play themselves across my mind.

  
  


Deep breaths, I told myself, trying to suppress the tight feeling in my chest. Deep, slow breaths.

  
  


I opened my eyes as the panicky feeling slowly flowed away from my lungs and my breathing became a little more normal. Joe squeezed my hand once more, kneeling down in front of me.

  
  


"Sorry," I muttered.

  
  


"Sorry?" he raised his eyebrows, "What for?"

  
  


I shrugged as he got to his feet and sat beside me.

  
  


"You won't tell Chester?"

  
  


"Mike, come on. This is the forth time I've seen this happen in as many days and God knows how many of these panic attacks you're having when you're on your own all day," he stopped, letting out a sigh, "Why don't you want him to know?"

  
  


"Because I'm pissing him off."

  
  


"What?" Joe laughed, "How?"

  
  


I shrugged again, "By being me," I guess.

  
  


"Fuck Mike, stop it with the drama works. You're sick, Chester's worried and in no way pissed off with you. He just wants you to stop being so stubborn and get down to the Doctors so they can figure out what's wrong with you."

  
  


"I've told you already, I ain't going..."

  
  


"Yeah. We know," he sighed, "Listen, Chester just, okay, Mike you've got to be feeling better by now? Chester just thinks there's something else bothering you, hell, we all do. You can't sleep at night, so you feel crap in the morning, don't want to go to work and so you sleep all day."

  
  


"I can't help it," I sighed, my barriers suddenly dropping and as soon as I realised this, I literally jumped, quick to build them back up again, "It doesn't matter."

  
  


"What?" Joe rolled his eyes, "Of course it matters. That's the real problem, isn't it?"

  
  


Slowly, I nodded my head.

  
  


"See, that's what we figured out..."

  
  


"What? You've all being talking about me?" I asked, raising my voice.

  
  


"No," Joe shot back, "Chester and I were speaking. We think that it's the fact that you can't sleep that's bringing you down and Chester thinks there's something else."

  
  


"Like what?" I huffed, folding my arms across my chest.

  
  


Joe shrugged, "That's probably up to you to talk to him about, hey?"

  
  


I sighed, "For someone who spends most of his time playing video games, you are annoyingly right," I looked at him, "Joe, I just.. I don't know what's happening anymore, okay?" I felt my bottom lip begin to tremble and before I knew it, I was safe in his arms, my tears trickling down my cheeks as he held me.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


"He had another one."

  
  


"Again?"

  
  


"Yeah."

  
  


"Was it bad?"

  
  


"No."

  
  


"What are we gunna do?"

  
  


"I don't know... I think we were right though. He's just tired, worn out for some reason or another."

  
  


"He said so?"

  
  


"Pretty much."

  
  


I was quick to jab Joe in the ribs from where I lay, pretending to be asleep after being woken by him and Chester discussing  _my_  problems. So he  _had_  been telling Chester about the panic attacks. Not that I could blame him.

  
  


Their conversation stopping, I slowly cracked my eyes open, pleasantly surprised by the fact that Chester had obviously swapped seats with Joe and I was now lying in his arms, not Joe's. Suddenly my guilt toward Chester felt even worse for the fact that I'd just mistakenly elbowed  _him_  in the ribs, what were my thoughts coming to?

  
  


"Hello you."

  
  


I smiled up at Chester, shifting a little until I was sitting up beside him. He gently pressed his lips against mine, a warm and friendly kiss ensuing as Joe cleared his throat from where he sat beside us.

  
  


Our kiss soon broke and I rested my head against Chester's shoulder, purring slightly when he smoothed his hands through my spikes of hair.

  
  


"Feeling better?" he asked.

  
  


"Yeah," I nodded.

  
  


"I'm going to make something to eat," Joe suddenly spoke, "Can I get you two anything?" he asked, glancing in particular at Chester.

  
  


"I'm alright thanks."

  
  


"Me too," I smiled.

  
  


"Okay," he glanced at Chester once again as he got to his feet and left the room.

  
  


"What was that all about?" I asked.

  
  


"What?" Chester replied, badly faking his innocence.

  
  


I raised my eyebrows at him.

  
  


"Okay. I think there's something you need to tell me," he stated.

  
  


"Yeah?"

  
  


He nodded.

  
  


I shrugged.

  
  


"Mike...."

  
  


"I don't know what you're talking about Ches," I sighed, tugging myself free from his arms, "I'm gunna go take a shower," I told him, getting to my feet.

  
  


"Mike, just...."

  
  


I pushed past him as he rose to his feet, quickly scrambling out of the door and into the hallway.

  
  


"Mike!" Chester yelled behind me as I strode into the bathroom, all ready to turn around and slam the door, only to be stopped by Chester as he swiftly placed himself against the door frame.

  
  


My hand dropped from the doorknob and reluctantly, I stepped aside, allowing Chester to step in. He pushed the door shut behind him, leaning against it for a good few minutes, his eyes glued on me.

  
  


"Talk," he finally spoke, pushing himself away from the door. He strode over to me, placing his hands upon my shoulders as he awaited the sound of my voice.

  
  


"I don't have anything to say," I whispered.

  
  


"Mike... Stop lying..."

  
  


"I'm NOT!" I shot back.

  
  


He sighed, "I know you. You seem to forget that I can read you like a book. What's bothering you?"

  
  


"Nothing."

  
  


He seemed to ignore me though, "Is it still the nightmares?" he asked, "Are they what are making you so down, so miserable?"

  
  


"Yes," I almost spat, "I already told Joe all this. Why have I got to justify everything to you?"

  
  


"I'm not asking much Mike," his hands were gone from my shoulders, "I just want you to tell me how you feel, okay?" his eyes held sadness as he looked back at me.

  
  


"Okay," I whispered, moving away from him and resting on the edge of the bathtub, "I feel tired, exhausted, hurt, upset, angry, betrayed, numb," I stopped as he sat beside me, "I hate going to sleep because all I see is  _him_. Night after night and there's  _no_  escaping."

  
  


I sniffed as Chester slid his arm around my shoulder, "But that's it? There's nothing else?"

  
  


I shook my head and felt him take my hand into his. He lifted it up to his chest, pressing against his warm T-shirt.

  
  


"Then swear to me," he whispered, "Swear on my whole life that you're not keeping anything from me."

  
  


I stared back at him, my hand still pressed firmly against his heart.

  
  


"Chaz... I don't swear on people's lives," I told him, gulping as he looked back at me.

  
  


"Then make this an exception," came his reply, his innocent brown eyes pleading with me.

  
  


"I don't...."

  
  


"Mike...."

  
  


I sighed and he let go of my hand allowing it to drop back to my side.

  
  


"At least promise me?" he asked.

  
  


"Okay," I closed my eyes, "I promise you Chester," I whispered, slowly reopening my eyes.

  
  


For a moment nothing was said. An awkward silence drifted between us until Chester inched closer, pressing his warm hand against my cheek. The smile that he gave me was a forced one, a pained one, that much I could tell and as he dropped his hand and turned away, silently walking out of the room, I truly hated myself for lying to him.

  
  


Again.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


I stared at my reflection in the mirror, glaring at the image that looked back at me. Nothing more than a fucked up person, a person who was going to ruin the lives of others if he didn't open his mouth and let someone know about all the terrible things that had been going on.

  
  


Closing my eyes I let myself turn away from the silvery mirror and sat back down on the bathroom floor, chewing nervously on my bottom lip.

  
  


I had two choices. Tell Chester and risk him getting hurt or keep everything to myself. Either way, I was going to hurt him, wasn't I? And who knew how long this game of Dave's was going to last. It could be months, years, and maybe Chester would deservedly get pissed off with my lack of communication. He'd leave me and I'd be alone again, I'd be trapped with Dave.

  
  


I held back a sob as the thoughts raced around my mind, just like they had done for the past half hour. Ever since Chester had stormed off and left me feeling like I was hurting him even more than Dave was hurting me.

  
  


Just to think that was killing me. To think that I was upsetting Chester so much made me want to scream at myself and the only way to stop it was to tell him what was wrong.

  
  


Only he'd cry, he'd get upset. He'd be angry with me for not telling him sooner. He'd probably be disgusted at me for letting him be near me so many times after Dave had abused me.

  
  


I let out a cry and smacked my head back against the wall, my eyes opening as tears began to roll down my cheeks.

  
  


I couldn't lose him. I had to tell him.

  
  


That's why I got to my feet, quickly wiping away my tears as I stormed over to the bathroom door. I grabbed the handle and pulled the door open, my heart racing as I stepped into the hall only to crash into a worried looking Joe. I fell flat on my face and cursed under my breath, wincing as Joe took my hand.

  
  


"What's going on?" he sighed, helping me to my feet.

  
  


"Nothing," I insisted as I wiped away the remaining tears from my cheeks.

  
  


"Nothing, huh?" he nodded, raising his eyebrow at me, "Very convincing. Now, your boyfriend's just stormed off after telling me that he thinks you don't trust him anymore and you've been locked away in the bathroom crying your eyes out. I'm all for minding my own business Mike, but this has gone too far...."

  
  


"Chester's stormed off?" I asked.

  
  


"Yeah."

  
  


"Where?"

  
  


Joe shrugged, "I've no idea."

  
  


"I should go and find him. It's my fault that he's upset, after all..."

  
  


"No," Joe stopped me, "Stay here. Just give him some time to himself," he told me, "What's happened?"

  
  


"Huh?"

  
  


"What's happened between you and Chester?"

  
  


I shrugged, "It's complicated," I told him, looking up as he shook his head.

  
  


"Mike, listen, we need to talk," he sighed before walking across the hall into my bedroom and for some reason or other, I found myself following him.

  
  


I sat down beside him on my bed, watching him as I waited for the words to flow from his mouth. Part of me felt like telling him not to even bother. What, after all, was he going to say that could possibly fix the mess I'd created?

  
  


"What are you keeping from us?" he suddenly blurted out, causing my eyes to widen as he looked back at me, awaiting my answer.

  
  


"What... What makes you think that?" I asked, starting to feel increasingly edgy.

  
  


"What makes me think that?" he repeated, "Well, everything," he sighed, "I noticed it a while back, noticed that you weren't yourself. It's like you've been pretending that things were okay and now you can't keep the pretending up for one reason or another," he shrugged and I stared back at him wondering when exactly Joe grew up and became so wise. I wouldn't have noticed though, would I? Too busy hiding away from everyone and their help.

  
  


"It's nothing," I sighed, "Nothing I can't handle anyway," I added bitterly as Joe continued to frown at me.

  
  


"Bullshit," came his stern response, "Now speak," he ordered me, his brown eyes staring directly into mine.

  
  


I let out a nervous sigh, my gaze flicking away as I tried to form the words I wanted to say in my mind.

  
  


"O.. Okay," I breathed, "I need," I stopped and looked down at my hands in my lap. They were shaking, I was fucking shaking.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


I glanced up and saw concern in Joe's eyes. I wanted to tell him not to bother, not to push me into answering this.

  
  


I closed my eyes, "I need to tell him something only I can't," came my short reply.

  
  


"Need to tell him what, exactly?"

  
  


"Right now, that's not the point," I opened my eyes, "The point is, if I tell him... Jesus Joe if I tell him he's going to get fucking hurt."

  
  


Joe stared back at me, his mouth slightly open as if this somehow helped him to process the words I'd just spoken, "O.. Okay... and if you don't tell him?"

  
  


"Then he's protected... until he finds out..."

  
  


Joe continued to stare at me, "Let me get this straight. You're keeping something from Chester because you're afraid of what will happen if you tell him?"

  
  


I nodded.

  
  


"And if you don't tell him? Won't he end up getting hurt even more?"

  
  


I paused before nodding, "Yeah."

  
  


"So why don't you just tell him?"

  
  


"Because.. Joe," I shook my head, "You don't understand. I.. If I tell him then..."

  
  


"Then what?"

  
  


I closed my eyes and shook my head, trying to keep my tears inside, "I need to be alone for a few Joe," I whispered.

  
  


"Mike you're starting to scare me."

  
  


Opening my eyes I found Joe still staring at me, a look of confusement dashed over his face.

  
  


"You need to think about this bro. Whatever the fuck is going on I don't know. I do however know that if you don't speak to Chester soon someone is going to end up getting hurt and you're going to end up on your own Mike," he told me harshly, getting to his feet, "If it's any help Mike, Chester fucking adores you, he worships the ground you walk on. I doubt very much that whatever you've got to tell him can change that. I'm going to go find him. He can't have gotten far."

  
  


And then he was gone, the sound of the front door slamming echoing around my head as I sat frozen still, not able to move. I stared ahead of me, stared at Chester's bed and for a split second there he was lying across it, smiling at me lovingly.

  
  


I felt a tear slide down my cheek, a knot tying itself in my stomach as I watched him smiling back at me. He sat up and held his arms out to me, his smile slowly fading into a look of utter sadness.

  
  


I found myself getting to my feet and slowly walking over to him, sniffing as I sat down beside him and then he was gone, his image fading from my eyes.

  
  


That's when I broke down in tears on his bed, clutching his pillow tightly to my chest as I begged everything to stop.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


It was almost ten o'clock when I woke up, a pins and needles sensation spreading through my left arm as I slowly sat up, the bed beneath me creaking.

  
  


"You're awake."

  
  


The words startled me and as I squinted through the dark, I made out the shadowy figure of Chester sitting at the end of his bed. Grabbing the light cord, I tugged it on causing light to cascade into the cold room.

  
  


My eyes looked over to Chester again, to where he sat cross legged at the end of the bed, eyes cast down to his hands as he fiddled with one of the many silver rings he wore.

  
  


"Where did you go?" I asked.

  
  


He shrugged and continued to fiddle with the ring, sliding it on and off his finger. I watched him for a good few seconds before letting out a shaky sigh.

  
  


He stopped what he had been doing and placed the ring back onto his middle finger before he slowly looked up, his gaze meeting mine.

  
  


I bit my lip. His eyes were red, cheeks stained with blotchy tear tracks.

  
  


"So what is it?" he asked.

  
  


"What?" I frowned.

  
  


He let out a sigh, "This big secret you're keeping from me. What is it?"

  
  


I gulped and found myself looking away from him, all of a sudden fascinating by the moon and star patterned curtains that draped themselves in front of the window.

  
  


"Oh, I see," Chester sighed causing me to look back at him, "I've got to play twenty questions again, haven't I?" he asked, getting off the bed, "Well, where shall I start?" he asked, not giving me chance to answer as he got to his feet and stood beside the bed, his arms crossed over his chest, "Is there someone else?" he blurted out.

  
  


"What?" I asked, shocked as the words left his mouth.

  
  


"Well? Is there? Are you fucking someone else?"

  
  


I stared back at him, dumbfounded by his accusations. Any other time and I may well have laughed at what he was saying, but my laughter, my sense of humor seemed to have stopped working a while ago.

  
  


"No," I replied.

  
  


"Okay," he shrugged, "Drugs then. Are you on drugs?"

  
  


"What?" I hissed.

  
  


"You heard."

  
  


"Chester how can you fucking think that?"

  
  


He raised his eyebrows at me, "Well you're acting like it half the time..."

  
  


I got to my feet and glared at him, "You have no right to say that to me," I whispered, pushing him lightly as I passed him. His hand grabbed onto my shoulder though, spinning me around on the spot so I was forced to face him.

  
  


"Then what is it, huh? Or do I have to keep on guessing, hey? Cos that's what it feels like sometimes, being with you, it feels like a fucking game," he spat, narrowing his eyes at me.

  
  


I shuddered, my heart beginning to pound, "Please let me go," my voice came out as a whisper and as if he suddenly clicked at how much he was scaring me, his face softened, his hand loosened it's grip. It stayed on my shoulder though, gently rubbing through my jumper as he spoke.

  
  


"I want to help you. I want to be there for you when things are wrong but if you can't even tell me what's wrong in the first place..."

  
  


"I want to," I whispered, "But it's hard..."

  
  


Chester sighed, "Please Mike, just try. Try and tell me what's wrong, yeah?"

  
  


I closed my eyes, shaking my head, "I can't Chaz," I told him, biting my lip as a tear slowly escaped from my eye and trickled down my cheek.

  
  


"You can't tell me? And that's it? You're not even going to  _try_  and talk?" he asked.

  
  


I opened my eyes, averting my gaze down to the floor, watching in fascination as another one of my tears slid down my face and dropped onto the floor beneath us, leaving a tiny mark on the light carpet that soon faded away.

  
  


"Mike," Chester's voice was soft and I shivered as I felt his fingertips graze my chin, tilting it until I was forced to look at him once again, "I can't do this for much longer," he whispered, "I can't keep trying if you're not going to give me a chance."

  
  


He sniffed and I realised he was crying too; tiny droplets of water slipping from his eyes.

  
  


"I love you so much, but you don't seem to see that. You don't seem to realise how much you mean to me and lately it's felt like you don't even believe how much I care about you. Something's wrong and you won't let me in, you won't let me help you and I'm out of ideas of what I'm supposed to be doing here. You want to keep on pretending that things are okay but you can't Mike, I certainly can't. Things haven't been right for ages... in fact it sometimes feels like you've not been happy since I came back..."

  
  


"I..."

  
  


"Ssh," he whispered, pressing his cold finger against my lips, "I've given you chance after chance to let me help but if you don't want it then I can't force you, can I? I'm... I'm going to go and stay with my dad for a while, I think it will probably be for the best," he told me, his eyes glistening with tears as I took in what he'd just said.

  
  


"Ches," I whispered urgently, "No.. You can't go. You can't leave me..."

  
  


"Then tell me what's wrong!" he exclaimed, "Please Mike."

  
  


"I ca..."

  
  


"No, you can't, can you?" he muttered, his hand gone from my face. He stepped back from me and I found myself staring back down at the ground once again, squeezing my eyes shut tightly as I began to sob.

  
  


"Don't cry Mike," I heard him sigh, "Don't make things harder than they already are..."

  
  


I bit my lip, sniffing as tears began to slide down my cheeks. I heard him moving around me, the clatter of drawers opening and closing sounding in my ears and slowly I took a deep breath, forcing back the sobs as I opened my eyes.

  
  


Chester stood by the desk, grabbing cds and books into his hands and I watched him, frozen to the spot as he dumped them on his bed. He looked down at the pile then back at me.

  
  


"Do you have a bag or something?" he voice was more of a mumble but still I heard him and nodded numbly toward my closet.

  
  


He walked past me and opened the door. I leant my head back against the wall, my arms wrapped around me, half watching as he rummaged through the pile of rucksacks that littered the floor of the wardrobe.

  
  


He finally pulled one out and chucked it onto the floor behind him. I jumped as he slammed the door and bent down to pick the bag up, suddenly looking rather pale as he lifted it from the floor.

  
  


I looked down to where his eyes were fixed, my heart almost jumping right out of my mouth as my eyes met with the balled up pile of clothes.

  
  


"No.. Chester.." I stammered, quickly rushing over to him.

  
  


It was too late though as the bag dropped from his clutch and he shakily lifted the pile into his arms.

  
  


"What the hell is this?" he whispered as the pair of khaki pants dropped from his hands; ripped and bloodstained.

  
  


They seemed to fall to the floor in slow motion, landing in a crumpled heap on the soft carpet.

  
  


"Mike..." Chester slowly whispered, gulping as I nervously looked up to him.

  
  


"What the hell are these..."

  
  


I felt myself backing away, shaking my head, "They're just old..."

  
  


"Old? You were wearing these the other week," he spoke quietly, unfolding the torn T-shirt. Dried blood and mud stains clung to it like cigarette smoke to the lungs and my mind raced, body shook as I tried to tell him something,  _anything._

  
  


"Mike, what the hell happened?" The clothes were still clutched in his hands as he edged closer, his mind trying to figure it out, expression confused as I continued to back away until I my legs felt the edge of his bed against them and I fell onto it.

  
  


"He.. He said... He said he'd kill us if I told anyone..."

  
  


My words seemed to echo around the room for ages, Chester's expression changing in a matter of minutes; realization hitting him.

  
  


"No," he whispered, "No Mike..." his voice faded and he turned away, pacing back across the room, the pile of clothes falling from his grasp and landing with a soft thud beside the pair of torn trousers.

  
  


My chest tightened as he stood with his back to me. I could barely breathe, just kept closing and opening my eyes begging for this to be a bad dream.

  
  


He turned around, "Did.. Did.. He?" he asked, "Dave?"

  
  


My eyes snapped down to the floor, my head throbbing as his words spun around inside.

  
  


_Don't you breathe a word, don't you fucking dare._

  
  


"Mike."

  
  


I felt Chester crouch down in front of me as I squeezed my eyes shut.

  
  


_I'll kill him. I swear it. I will kill both of you._

  
  


I was shaking, I couldn't stop. I could barely breathe, it was almost as someone was smothering me; tight hands closing around my neck, choking me and stopping me from living. And that someone, that was Dave. He was stopping me from living my life, stopping me from breathing, from being alive. There was only one way to stop it for good.

  
  


_If you don't speak to Chester soon someone is going to end up getting hurt and you're going to end up on your own Mike_. Joe's words flashed through my mind and I took a deep breath.

  
  


"It was Dave," I whispered, a tear slipping down my cheek.

  
  


Silence seemed to sweep over us but in front of me Chester let out a sob. I didn't need to look to know that he was crying again.

  
  


"Mike," his voice was shaky, "Open your eyes."

  
  


His voice felt so far away from me, I couldn't breathe, the pain in my chest was getting worse as he gently placed his hand upon my knee. I jumped, freezing for a split second as he touched me, my shakes increasing as I dared to open my eyes and look at him.

  
  


He stared back at me, not blinking, just staring as tears slid down his cheeks.

  
  


"What did he do to you?" his voice was soft, barely above a whisper and another sob escaped me.

  
  


"You don't need me to say," I found myself whispering back.

  
  


He closed his eyes for a second and nodded before he rose to his feet his breathing uneven as he clenched then unclenched his fists at his sides. Minutes seemed to pass until he finally looked at me again, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand as he sat down beside me.

  
  


"This.. This wasn't a one off, was it?" he asked me hesitantly.

  
  


Numb, that was all I felt, almost as if I was an outsider watching these scene all play out in slow motion before my eyes.

  
  


I shook my head though and that's when his tears really began to spill. A heart wrenching sob escaped him and he wrapped his arms around me, holding me against him. I broke down too, tears racing from my eyes as I gripped onto him for dear life.

  
  


"It's over now," he whispered through his sobs as I buried my head into his chest, his arms tightening their hold on me, "It's all over now..."


	23. Fault (part one)

_I can tell you right now that this pain that I feel is not just inside of my mind. I can tell you right now that it's physical and painful to be so vulnerable. I can tell you this pain is so unreal, can't help but feel left all alone. I can tell you to listen to me when I say to you, I know this is my fault._

  
  


*

 

 

Eternity.

 

 

That's how long it felt like I was wrapped up in Chester's arms for; safe beyond belief, but when he did slowly pull away it appeared only a few minutes had actually passed. He looked at me, tears still slipping down his cheeks as he brushed his hand across my forehead, pushing the hair from my eyes.

 

 

"Why didn't you tell me?" he whispered.

  
  


"I couldn't," I shook my head, "He said he'd kill you Ches and when he makes a statement like that you do  _not_  take it lightly. I was so scared, I am so scared."

 

 

"I could've stopped it though Mike," he told me, "I would've stopped him, I promise you I would."

 

 

I closed my eyes and sniffed, feeling his hands running up and down my back, rubbing much needed warmth and comfort into me. I rested my head against his chest, my fingers curling around the soft material of his jumper and for the next few minutes he said nothing, realising that now wasn't the time; seeing that I just needed to get everything straight in my mind.

 

 

I didn't feel any less scared. I didn't feel relieved or safe, just very, very empty. I felt like this wasn't happening, like it was some weird dream acting itself out and any minute I would awake, snap back to reality with a dull thud. All the times I'd imagined letting someone know this terrible secret spiraled around my mind and nothing,  _nothing_  felt familiar. Maybe that was because no matter how much I'd wished for it, I'd never really believed that this day would come.

 

 

One of Chester's hands moved up to my head, fingers gently combing through my hair as he rocked me against him.

 

 

_Chester fucking adores you, he worships the ground you walk on. I doubt very much that whatever you've got to tell him can change that._

 

 

My eyes slowly opened as I heard Joe's voice cutting through my thoughts and wiping my tears away, I pulled back a little from Chester's clutch, looking up at him through anxious eyes.

 

 

"I'm so sorry Chester," I whispered.

 

 

He frowned at me, "What? What for?"

 

 

I shrugged and averted my gaze, looking back up at him again as he spoke.

 

 

"It's not your fault, okay? Whatever's happened it is  _not_  your fault," his voice was stern, yet his eyes clouded over with sadness, "Mike. How long has this been going on for?" he asked and then I realised that everything was left, needing to be explained. An uncomfortable silence drifted between us and I chewed nervously on my lower lip.

 

 

Chester unwrapped his arms from around me and got to his feet, glancing at me as he turned to the door, "I'll just be a minute," he told me and I watched nervously as he left the room, my body curling up into a ball in the middle of his bed, eyeing up the door as I awaited his return.

 

 

Seconds later he reappeared carrying a glass of water and a box of tissues. He sat down beside me and ushered me to sit up. I did so and leant against the wall next to him as he passed me the glass of water and told me to drink it.

 

 

The icy liquid stung my throat as I swallowed it and Chester gave me a small smile as I passed him the empty glass, allowing him to place it down on the floor. He took a tissue from the box and dabbed at my cheeks until finally I took it from him, scrunching it nervously in my hands.

 

 

"You.. You need to tell me Mike," he sighed, "I know this is hard but you need to tell me what's being going on, okay?"

 

 

I nodded as he gave my hand a squeeze, rubbing warmth into it as he waited for me to start. A pang of sorrow rushed through me as his caring eyes looked into mine and I wished so badly that I'd told him when it had first started because he was right, he could have stopped this.

 

 

"Mike?"

 

 

"I don't know where to start."

  
  


He nodded, a few seconds passing before he continued, "Okay. What's been happening?"

 

 

I looked down at my hands; my fingers making fine art of tearing the tissue to pieces, tiny shreds of the soft, white paper scattering themselves onto the sheets below as I took a deep breath, "Dave's," I stopped, wincing as I spoke his name, "He's been.. abusing me.."

 

 

I had to stop again, I couldn't help it. The words felt like a slap in the face, a true reminder of what I'd been trying to hide from; trying so long to convince myself wasn't happening and now, now all my lies were tumbling down.

 

 

I remembered the first time I'd spoken to Brad about Dave's violent ways. The first time I'd broken down and told him that I'd just been raped by the man I loved. I'd been so frightened but now, that was nothing. I was absolutely petrified, shaking as I tried to get my words to form.

 

 

I looked up, having received not a whisper from Chester. He sat staring back at me, his eyes clouded over with tears.

 

 

"You know when Brad found out he'd visited you, we spoke about this," his voice was so soft, so quiet, "We were so scared that Dave had been hassling you but then you promised us things were okay.. and we believed you..."

  
  


"I'm sorry. I just, I..."

 

 

"You must have been so scared Mike. If you couldn't have told us when we were suspicious you must have been so scared. We should have known,  _I_  should have realised Mike."

 

 

"No," I shook my head, "You wouldn't have found out. I was even starting to convince myself that things were okay."

 

 

"I don't understand though. When did this all start?"

 

 

"Not long after I left him," I stopped and wiped my tears away before I carried on, "Maybe about three months after I left him, we met up. I told him it was over for good and you know what? I really thought that it had sunk into him, I thought he was gonna leave me alone. Then," I paused, "I guess it was around the time you came back and we got together, I started getting these prank calls. I thought nothing of them at first, but they were from him, I know that now and then," I stopped, realising the shock Chester was in for.

 

 

"What?" he asked hastily, obviously noting the weariness in my voice.

 

 

I looked down at my hands, still fiddling with the torn up tissue. Saying it; saying that Dave was the one driving the car that almost killed me would just make everything seem more real. He'd tried to fucking kill me...

  
  


"Mike?"

 

 

"It was Dave who was driving the car," I blurted out, glancing up in time to see Chester's face go very pale, almost as if he were about to pass out.

 

 

He sniffed, stared back at me as if his mind was slowly processing what I'd just told him, "Please tell me you're joking," he whispered, his voice barely audible, "When did you know this?" he asked urgently.

 

 

I looked down at my hands again, only to have Chester gently lean across and tilt my head back up to face him.

 

 

"I'm not mad at you, if that's what you think. I just need you to tell me as much as you can. Okay?"

 

 

Slowly, I nodded my head before clearing my throat, "Do you remember when he came to visit me in hospital?"

 

 

"Yeah."

 

 

"It wasn't until he'd gone that I started to wonder how he'd known I was in there. Then when I came out, I got more phone calls until finally one day, he spoke to me. That's when he came round and we argued."

 

 

"He beat you up," Chester corrected.

 

 

I nodded, an ashamed feeling running over me, "He'd sent me these," I closed my eyes and gulped, "He'd sent me these pictures of us together, almost like he'd been watching us," I let out a shaky breath, "When he came round I asked him about them. He was so drunk Chaz, just laughed it off and said I deserved it. He wanted to take me with him but I wouldn't let him. He just flipped, starting hitting me and I couldn't fight back. I'm so pathetic," I sniffed, "He said that if I told you then he'd kill you," I almost whispered, "I couldn't stop thinking about those words..."

  
  


"He was practically laughing at me," I burst out into tears again, my body shaking with every sob as Chester wrapped me up in his arms.

  
  


"Alright," he whispered, "It's all gonna be alright."

  
  


It wasn't though. He knew that as well as I did. The look on his face as I pulled away from his embrace proved it. He was badly shaken from what I'd told him so far, and I wasn't sure if I could bear to tell him anymore. Not only could I not get the words out, but I didn't want to hurt him with the details. I didn't have a choice though because he was waiting for me, his brown eyes staring back at me with such love and care that it hurt me to carry on looking back at him. He squeezed me gently.

  
  


"What happened then?" he asked.

  
  


I took a deep breath, "Before he came round that day, I got a phone call from the Police Officer who was dealing with the car accident. I told you they'd got the name of the person who the car was registered to?"

  
  


"Yeah.. some Spanish bloke," Chester seemed confused.

  
  


"Mr. Morales," I nodded solemnly, "It didn't click at first... then I had this nightmare later on that night. I suddenly realised why I'd recognized the name. It was Dave's step father."

  
  


Chester stared back at me, the things I'd told him clicking together. His eyes widened ad realisation hit him, "He stole the car from him and tried to fucking kill you," he whispered, an indescribable emotion splashed over his face, "Oh God, why didn't you tell me this?"

  
  


"I was so scared," I whispered, "I didn't know what to do... A few weeks passed and he rang a few times. Usually he'd not say anything, but I knew it was him, I could hear him breathing down the phone. Then," I paused, gulping a little, "Remember the beach party we went to?" My voice began to shake even more.

  
  


"Yeah..."

  
  


"And... And I went to the bathroom?"

  
  


Chester seemed to pause, his face full of confusement as he answered, "Yeah..."

  
  


I closed my eyes, my heart racing. I couldn't tell him this, it would break his heart, I couldn't tell him. Not now.

  
  


"Mike," Chester's voice sounded panicked and I opened my eyes, a lone tear slipping down my cheeks as I cleared my throat and tried my hardest not to break down again.

  
  


"He was there," my voice came out as a tiny whisper and I began to cry again, "He was waiting for me in the bathroom. He must have followed us there," A sob escaped me and I started to cry again, "He.. He raped me..."

  
  


All that filled the room were my tiny sobs and sniffs as I tried so hard to ignore the shattered look on Chester's face. His eyes closed for a second before opening as a tear dripped down his cheek.

  
  


"Oh Mike," he sobbed, pulling me closer once again, "Fuck it, why didn't you tell me Mike? I remember you coming back. You were so distant, told me you felt ill and all that while you'd been fucking raped," his words were cracking through his tears, "Oh God," he suddenly pulled away from me, his eyes staring directly into mine, "I made love to you that night," he whispered.

  
  


I looked away, ashamed and disgusted at myself, feeling cold as Chester's arms were gone from my body. I heard him let out a sob and looking back my heart crumbled as I saw him sitting beside me with his head in his hands, crying, crying because of me.

  
  


"Oh God," he cried, "You must have been hurting so much. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you make me stop?"

  
  


"I wanted to feel safe," I whispered, "Everytime you held me you helped me forget about what happened. I wanted you to love me, to erase all the pain and you did..."

  
  


"But you'd been raped," his voice was louder as he got to his feet and paced over to the window, "You'd been raped and you let me have sex with you? How could you Mike? How could you be so fucking stupid? You must have been in so much pain, you must have been so scared and upset. Why didn't you just tell me what had happened? Why did you let me do that to you?"

  
  


I sighed and sniffed as he stood at the window. He had his back to me, though I could tell that tears were streaming down his cheeks.

  
  


"I'm sorry," I spoke quietly, my voice tottering between the sobs that I was trying to suppress, "I'm sorry I let you do it," I whispered, "I wanted to forget what had happened. You helped me forget and that's all I wanted."

  
  


"But how could it had helped?" he asked, spinning around to face me, "Telling me would have helped..."

  
  


"You made me feel safe, loved, cared for. Everything you did blocked out all the pain."

  
  


He stared back at me, his angry expression softening but still he looked perplexed, completely confused by my actions.

  
  


"I felt awful afterwards. Not because it hurt, or because you did anything wrong. I felt disgusting for letting you inside me, for letting you of all people getting so close with my dirty body," I spat.

  
  


Chester's eyes saddened and he made his way back over to me, "Don't you think that," he whispered, kneeling down in front of me, "Don't you ever fucking think like that," he repeated, his pale arms sliding around my waist.

  
  


I sat stiffly, suddenly awkward with this level of contact. I felt open, bared for all the world to see. I didn't like it one bit.

  
  


"He was at work the next day," I found myself speaking again and Chester looked up at me, waiting for me to continue and drop the next bombshell onto his precious self.

  
  


"He came in and asked for me. I got Jada to tell him I wasn't there."

  
  


Chester it seemed was having trouble letting everything sink in, so I just continued while I could; whilst the tears weren't sliding down my cheeks so much.

  
  


"He followed me home that evening. He chased me actually. When I got back home he got into a car, the one we thought had been abandoned because it had been out there for days."

  
  


I heard Chester gulp, his grip tightening onto my waist as I continued.

  
  


"I've been lying to you for the past couple of weeks. I haven't been ill."

  
  


Chester's expression turned into a frown.

  
  


"The day I collapsed I had just finished work. It was early in the morning, still pretty dark. I wasn't paying attention, I just wanted to get home and sleep. Maybe if I had been watching where I was walking I wouldn't have been jumped on by him. Because that's what happened. He was there, he grabbed me and dragged me into his car and in that split second my mind hadn't caught up with what was happening and before I could do anything, he was in the car, locking the doors and driving off."

  
  


"Mike.. What..."

  
  


"He just drove off," I interrupted Chester, emptiness filling me as I spoke with no emotions whatsoever, "I was screaming and yelling at him. The next thing I knew we'd stopped, he hit me, he drugged me up. I don't know what it was but he pushed a needle into my arm and when I woke up I was in some seedy hotel room. I'll spare you the details," I gulped, my heart pounding as I raced to get to the end of this, "He raped me, he knocked me out and when I came round I was in one of the alleyways at the back of our street. The clothes you just found... they were what I was wearing that day."

  
  


Chester's face was just as void of any emotions as mine as I finished, my breathing ragged, my throat dry. He said nothing, just carried on blinking and staring back at me until he shakily got to his feet and sat back down beside me.

  
  


I couldn't bare to look at him and I closed my eyes, my whole emotions crumbling down as he wrapped me up so tight in his arms that I could barely breathe.

  
  


A thick, heavy silence hung around in the air, almost suffocating to me to the point that I felt like I was going to be smothered by it's overwhelming presence any minute now. My head felt as if someone was continuously banging it against a wall, not giving a damn about the fact that it was pounding so much that it was going to explode any second.

  
  


"I'm sorry," I finally whispered, my shaky voice cutting through the thick silence.

  
  


Chester slowly pulled away from me, his arms leaving my body cold as they retreated. He wiped his tear stained cheeks with the back of his hands, a frown spreading across his face as he looked back at me.

  
  


"Sorry?" he asked, his voice tinged with confusement, "Mike you've got nothing to be sorry for, okay?"

  
  


I slowly nodded my head, not believing his words though. How could I? I had everything to be sorry for, this was all my fault.

  
  


"Mike."

  
  


I looked back at him as he placed his hands firmly on my shoulders.

  
  


"Listen to me, okay?" His voice was firm as he stared deep into my eyes, "You have nothing to be sorry for, okay? Understand me?"

  
  


It was like he'd read my thoughts and I silently nodded my head not even bothered that I was lying to him again. For some reason it seemed insignificant right now; in fact everything seemed insignificant.

  
  


The world was still freely turning as usual, but here were Chester and I, trapped in a bubble of confusion and lies, hurt and despair. Time seem to stand still. We were going nowhere, just holding onto one another, our breathing heavy, our cries ceasing to come to an end.

  
  


When Chester did finally loosen his grip, his hand laced around mine and he pulled me back against him so we were lying down on his bed, the sheets crumpled beneath our tired bodies as he encircled me in his arms again.

  
  


That's when I began to cry and cry.

  
  


And I couldn't stop.


	24. Fault (part two)

An hour must have passed before my tears finally stopped. An hour of me lying in Chester's arms, the only sounds filling the room those of our cries, the comforting words Chester had whispered and the light sound of his hands gently rubbing my back.

  
  


"You're not alone now," Chester whispered as I rolled off his body and rested beside him on the bed.

  
  


My head lay on the pillow beside his, watching his bloodshot eyes as he continued to speak to me.

  
  


"We're going to sort everything out okay? Go to the Police and let them lock him up and throw away the..." Chester stopped, obviously catching sight of my expression.

  
  


My face had fallen, my skin was surely as white as a sheet.

  
  


"The.. The Police?" I stuttered, my heart hammering away inside my chest. God no, what good was that going to do? They wouldn't believe...

  
  


"Yes Mike. You want to tell them, right?"

  
  


I blinked back at him and slowly shook my head.

  
  


Chester's eyes widened, "Oh Mike, you've got to sweetie," he whispered, "You've got to put a stop to this, let him be punished for what he's done to you..."

  
  


"No," I cut him off, sitting up now and wrapping my arms around my body as if to protect myself from what Chester was telling me, "No," I repeated again.

  
  


"Mike," Chester sighed, sitting up beside me, "I know it seems so daunting but you've got to do this..."

  
  


"I can't," I whispered.

  
  


"Yes you can. I'll be right there with you, I won't leave your side..."

  
  


"You don't understand Chester. I can't go, I can't let Dave know that I've told anyone..."

  
  


"You have to baby..."

  
  


"I can't! He'll fucking kill you if he finds out I've blabbed," I was almost in hysterics, tears rolling down my face yet again, "He means it Chaz, he fucking means it. I could never, ever lose you, not again..."

  
  


"It won't happen..."

  
  


"How do you know Chaz? How can you be sure?"

  
  


"I can't, but Mike, you've got to face this. You can't run away anymore. Tell the Police what's happened, you'll be safe, I promise."

  
  


"You can't promise that," I hissed, "You don't. Know. What. He's. Like."

  
  


"Mike..."

  
  


I rose to my feet, the thud I made as I stepped onto the floor caused Chester to stop. Quickly, I rolled my sleeves up, shoving my out stretched arms into his face.

  
  


"These scars you asked me about," I spoke sternly, motioning to the thick, silvery lines that lined each of my wrists, "He did them. He wanted sex and I didn't. He got really nasty, told me that if I didn't lie down on my stomach like a good little boy that he'd slit my wrists and fuck me raw until I couldn't feel."

  
  


Chester let out a gasp.

  
  


"I wouldn't let him. He got a knife, pinned me down to the bed. I passed out from all the pain after he'd sliced into my wrists. I woke up the next day, blood all over the bed sheets below me, pains in my chest. He'd done it Chester, he'd carried out his threat, his promise."

  
  


"Then that's exactly why I want you to go to the Police. I don't want him to get away with anything like that again. I don't want the fucker to come near you," he choked out.

  
  


Silence again as he stood up and tugged at my hands, "Please Mike," he whispered, pleading with me as I sunk down onto the soft mattress.

  
  


Minutes seemed to pass before Chester's cries finally stopped. Tears stained his cheeks and all I felt was that guilt, tugging on my conscience over and over again. It felt so horrible to see him like this, upset, frantic, angry; all because of me and my lies.

  
  


"Please Mike," he whispered, crouching down in front of me, "Let's go down there and get it over and done with tomorrow. Put a stop to all of this. I know you're scared and tired and right now I want nothing more than to wrap you up in my arms and never let you go. I feel so bad, so fucking useless for not protecting you..."

  
  


"But you didn't know. I couldn't tell you because he means what he said..."

  
  


"I can protect you now though..."

  
  


"No," I shook my head, getting to my feet, "I can't do it. I can't go to the Police."

  
  


"Mike you listen to me, you've got to go."

  
  


"NO," I shouted, "NO! I can't do it," I began to shake as sobs racked through my body, "I can't Chester," I sobbed as he stepped over to me.

  
  


"Yes you can..."

  
  


"No," I cried, "I can't go to the police and you can't make me. We can get out of here, go and live somewhere else where he'll never find us. Please don't make me..."

  
  


"No Mike. We're not running away. Listen to me..."

  
  


"I CAN'T DO IT," I yelled, "I wish I hadn't told you..."

  
  


"Mike! Dave is dangerous, the sooner you tell someone, the sooner this will all stop. You cannot let Dave get away with the abuse he's been putting you through over the past months. Raping someone is illegal Mike, so is stalking them and beating them for kicks."

  
  


I turned away, I didn't want to hear it, I didn't want to feel the force that hit me as the truth came hurdling towards me. My hands were shaking as they opened the door. I jumped, almost falling back as I saw Joe standing the otherside, his face remarkably pale, his mouth slightly agape.

  
  


"Mike please just..." Chester stopped, his hand upon my shoulder as his eyes met with Joe as well.

  
  


"S.. Sorry," Joe stuttered, "You woke me. I was, er, going to the bathroom. I didn't mean to listen... I just heard you say Dave and the Police and I... What's happened?"

  
  


Silence. More strong, thick silence.

  
  


I closed my eyes, exhaling deeply as Chester gently squeezed my shoulder.

  
  


"Nothing," I breathed out, opening my eyes again.

  
  


Joe shot Chester a look.

  
  


"I think you heard Joe," Chester spoke quietly.

  
  


I shivered, gulping down the air in my throat.  _No, don't do this to me, please don't do this to me._

  
  


"I know I heard," Joe spoke solemnly, "I just wanted you to tell me. I thought maybe I was still half asleep..."

  
  


"No," I whispered.

  
  


Joe and Chester both looked at me; their eyes burning into me.

  
  


"You heard right," I continued, my voice beginning to waver a bit, "He raped me. He's been hurting me, stalking me, trying to kill me," My voice broke, as a sob escaped my throat, "You can laugh at me now for being weak. You can turn up your nose because I'm so dirty, so fucked up and broken. But you  _cannot_  make me go to the Police," I whispered.

  
  


And with that, I shrugged myself free from Chester's grasp and walked away, silently stepping into the bathroom and locking the door behind me. I let out a sob and slid down the door until I was on the floor, crying and shaking, not knowing quite what to do.

  
  


A wave of dizziness washed over me. Suddenly I was on the verge of passing out, my stomach felt tight, my throat constricted and my head felt like it was going to explode. My whole body was burning up and in a split second I was throwing up into the toilet basin, thankful that I'd launched myself in that direction in time.

  
  


"Mike."

  
  


I could hear Joe and Chester banging their fists on the door, rattling the handle and trying to force it open as I retched more of the contents of my stomach into the toilet.

  
  


I felt dizzy, I felt like I was spinning around, going faster and faster until I could see tiny white spots dancing back at me, blurring my vision as I tried to get to my feet.

  
  


"MIKE."

  
  


I failed though and fell to the ground, a dull thud sounding as my head hit the cold tiles that lined the edge of the shower cubicle. I tried to grip onto something, to pull myself to my feet and get the fuck up, only my hands were shaking, fingertips slipping against everything they managed to touch.

  
  


"For fucks sake Mike. Open the fucking door..."

  
  


I couldn't see anymore. Everything was black, I was trying to get to the door, trying to scramble across the floor as a loud crack and a bang resounded through my ears.

  
  


"Oh my God. Mike..."

  
  


Voices. I could hear their voices. They were nearer now and I could just about make out shadows above me, something touching me, shaking my arms. I couldn't hold on though, I could feel my body shaking as everything started to blacken out in my mind, the last words I heard coming from Joe's distinct voice.

  
  


"He's having a fit."

  
  


I kept slipping away, and then everything went blank.

  
  


Suddenly my eyes shot open, light piercing them, dazing me for a split second.

  
  


"Oh God Mike..."

  
  


It took a second for my vision to focus but that was definitely Chester staring back down at me, his skin a deathly white.

  
  


Something felt damp underneath me, my mouth felt wet almost as if I'd just thrown up. I could hear Joe and Chester speaking to me but everything felt like it was being dragged out; their words and actions blurring and slowing down as I tried to catch up with them.

  
  


"Mike. Can you hear me?"

  
  


Chester was speaking again. His voice didn't sound right though, it sounded like it were underwater, deep and far away.

  
  


"Baby, just nod your head if you can hear me."

  
  


Slowly, my brain connected with what he'd said and I nodded my head, quickly worn out by the simple action.

  
  


He looked relieved and said something to Joe which I didn't quite hear but soon I felt arms around me and was vaguely aware that I was being carried out of the bathroom, back into the bedroom where I was settled down on Chester's bed.

  
  


The blankets felt safe and warm around me, along with the comforting feel of Chester's hand as it gently stroked my forehead. I heard footsteps fading away then they became loud again a few moments later.

  
  


Chester's hand disappeared and was replaced with something cool and wet and as I began to feel a little less drowsy I realised he was holding a damp washcloth against it, his other hand now stroking through my matted hair.

  
  


Someone else was there; their hand wrapped around mine. I looked up through my bleary eyes to see that it was Joe. He settled down on the floor beside me, watching me with worried eyes.

  
  


Slowly, the fog that seemed to have covered my mind started to lift. My head was throbbing as I raised it, feeling like I'd just been hit with a wave of strength. I was confused, my body ached and I could feel a cold dampness between my legs.

  
  


"Chester... What happened?"

  
  


He glanced over at Joe before looking back at me as I tried to sit up.

  
  


"Hey take it easy," he murmured, still looking even paler than normal as he helped me into a sitting position.

  
  


I ran my free hand through my hair. The dizziness and faint feeling seemed to had passed. Shifting a little, I glanced down at the uncomfortableness of my lower body.

  
  


I froze as my eyes met with the wet patch in between my legs.

  
  


"What... Guys what happened?" I asked, utterly confused. I began to blush furiously. I'd wet myself. I'd fucking pissed myself.

  
  


"I... I don't know," Chester uttered, sounding as shocked and confused as I felt, "You were just... You passed out, I think. You were shaking and coughing up spit and you..." he paused nodding towards my crotch.

  
  


A sudden awkward silence settled in between the three of us, broken only by the sound of the front door opening then loudly shutting.

  
  


"Anyone up?" Rob's voice called, his footsteps echoing down the hallway shortly before he poked his head around the door frame, "Hey," he smiled, pausing to look between the three of us, "Is something wrong?" he asked, stepping into the room.

  
  


"I'm going to clean the bathroom up," Joe suddenly spoke up, squeezing my hand before he let go of it.

  
  


He murmured something to Chester as he walked past him, but what was said, I didn't quite hear. He patted Rob on the shoulder, motioning him to follow him. The door shut behind him and I stared back at Chester.

  
  


"Chaz?" I whispered.

  
  


"Let's get you out of these clothes," he whispered back, getting up from the bed.

  
  


I watched him as he walked over to my wardrobe, stopping to pick up the clothes that had fallen from his arms not so long ago. They were placed in the doorway of the closet, almost as if he were trying to hide them from the both of us. After rooting through the clothes hanging on the rail he finally pulled out a pair of faded pyjama pants and my favourite blue T-shirt. He shut the door before walking back over to me.

  
  


"Here," he smiled softly, "Are you alright to get these on?" he asked, passing me the items of clothing.

  
  


I nodded and shakily got to my feet, not saying a word as I quickly undressed and pulled on the clean clothes. Chester told me to lie back down again before he disappeared into the kitchen with the bundle of dirty laundry.

  
  


It was a few minutes before he returned again. I could hear him talking quietly to Joe and Rob before Rob suddenly raised his voice; his loud tone yelling through my ears.

  
  


"The fucking bastard. I'm going to go and fucking sort him out."

  
  


My ears perked up, my body tensing.

  
  


"Rob leave it..."

  
  


"Leave it? You have to be kidding me Joe. I am not letting him get away with that. The bastard."

  
  


"Yeah? And what are you going to do? Go around there and beat him to a pulp? What good's that going to do?"

  
  


"Apart from the fact it will make me feel a damn sight better, it'll make sure he never touches Mike again because I swear to God I'm going to kill th..."

  
  


"Rob please," Chester's voice quietly spoke.

  
  


"No! You've just told me all this Joe and you two expect me not to want to do something about it? I'm going to fucking kill him, I swear."

  
  


I struggled to get to my feet as Rob marched past the bedroom door, Joe and Chester quickly following behind him.

  
  


"Don't you even fucking thinking about it Rob."

  
  


"Shut the fuck up Joe. I'm going to finish that bastard off for good."

  
  


The front door slammed just as I reached the hallway, and Joe quickly opened it again, racing down the pathway in just his boxers and T-shirt after the tall brunette.

  
  


"Chaz?" I whispered meekly, "Please tell me Rob's not going to see Dave.. if he finds out.."

  
  


Chester shut the door and turned around, walking back to me and wrapping his arms around me. He led me back over to his bed and laid me down, smoothing his hands over my forehead.

  
  


I was shaking again and I couldn't stop.

  
  


My mind was racing. What if Rob went to Dave? What if he told him? What would Dave do? What would he do to Chester?

  
  


I began to cry again, tears fast forming in the corners of my eyes and sliding free, splashing onto the pillow beside me.

  
  


"Ssh," Chester whispered, leaning close to me and hugging me tightly, "Don't work yourself up again. Everything's going to be fine..."

  
  


His words weren't doing the trick. His lies weren't a comfort to me but eventually I stopped crying. He pulled away, his deep eyes so sad as he looked down at me from where he sat.

  
  


"How are you feeling? You gave me a fright before."

  
  


"I'm sorry," I felt confused again, "What happened to me Chaz?"

  
  


"I don't know," he whispered, shaking his head, "You were shaking and you wouldn't stop. It was like you were having some kind of fit."

  
  


"A fit?"

  
  


He slowly nodded his head, "You don't feel dizzy anymore do you? You don't feel like you're going to pass out?"

  
  


"No."

  
  


He swallowed and smiled gently, "Has that ever happened before?"

  
  


"No.. I mean.. I don't think so."

  
  


"Maybe it was because you got yourself so worked up."

  
  


I nodded, my heart skipping a beat as the front door opened and clicked shut once again. I couldn't hear any voices but I prayed that Joe had caught up with Rob and brought him to his senses.

  
  


It appeared not though as Joe appeared in the doorway looking rather pissed off.

  
  


"I couldn't catch him up. I got to the next street and he just raced off," he panted, pausing to catch his breath, "I'm sure he's not gone though. He went the wrong way for a start... Are you okay Mike?"

  
  


I nodded my head.

  
  


"I'm worried," Chester's voice sounded so small as he spoke, "Maybe you should go to the hospital. That shouldn't have happened before..."

  
  


"I'm fine Chaz," I sighed, squeezing his hand. I didn't feel one hundred percent but I wasn't about to go to the hospital because I'd passed out again. That and I was too scared to leave the house.

  
  


"Mike... What about in the morning? When we've talked things over about what we're going to do about all of... this."

  
  


Slowly, I nodded my head.

  
  


"Come on," Joe spoke, "It's two in the morning and I think tonight has just about knocked the wind out of us all. How about we all get some sleep then we can talk things through in the morning, like you said Chester, okay?"

  
  


"Okay," Chester nodded.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


"Yeah... You're not going to make me talk to the Police are you?"

  
  


"Mike you've..."

  
  


"Let's talk about it in the morning," Joe interrupted, walking over to us. He squeezed Chester's shoulder before offering me a small smile, "Get some sleep you two," he murmured sleepily before turning and walking back out of the door, softly shutting it behind him.

  
  


It was a few minutes before we were in Chester's bed, wrapped up in one another's arms. My head lay against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat as he cradled me in his strong arms.

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


I raised my head, squinting through the dark, "Yeah?"

  
  


"I love you, everything's going to be fine, I promise you. Sleep tight, okay?" he whispered.

  
  


I settled back down against him, tears welling up in my eyes once again. I tried so hard to keep them in, to stop them from falling but to no avail. Wet trails spiraled down my cheeks and I sniffed loudly, my eyes squeezing shut as I began to cry.

  
  


Chester's grip tightened around me, his hands rubbing soothing circles into my back.

  
  


"Please don't cry," his worry filled voice whispered, "What can I do hey? What can I do to make all of this go away?"

  
  


"Just hold me," I sniffed, "Just hold me and never let me go."


	25. Immortal (part one)

_Some things never end. Some things never die. They just keep on going forever and ever. They never cease to amaze, never cease to cause shock. You think they've reached the end, you think that they're over and then? Then the fact that they will never end just hits you right where it hurts. Just remember that. Remember that when you fight those who are immortal._

  
  


*

  
  


I never knew what the morning after would bring. I wasn't sure if I'd feel better or worse than the night before and as I slowly opened my eyes and stirred from my sleep I still felt undecided.

  
  


I thought I'd feel like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, only the force pushing down on them seemed ever present; if not a little stronger.

  
  


Yawning, I rubbed my eyes and rolled onto my side, jumping a little as my head knocked into Chester's. He blinked back at me, his hand moving to my cheek and gently caressing it. He didn't look like he'd slept much either.

  
  


"Hey," he whispered softly.

  
  


I managed to muster a smile in reply but I couldn't seem to find my voice. Not yet, anyway.

  
  


"How are you feeling?" he asked, his hand still gentle moving against my cheek, "Not good?"

  
  


I nodded, deciding to answer truthfully.

  
  


"Me neither," he told me quietly, "Did you sleep?"

  
  


"A little, did you?"

  
  


He shook his head, "I just stayed awake and watched you, I was too scared to fall asleep in case you had another one of those attacks."

  
  


"Oh."

  
  


He sighed and slid his other arm around me protectively.

  
  


"Did Rob come back?" I asked, hope in my voice.

  
  


"No," Chester shook his head.

  
  


I nodded and told myself that he'd just stayed over at a friends place or something. He wouldn't have gone to Dave, beside, Joe said he went the wrong way, didn't he?

  
  


"Where's Joe?"

  
  


"He's gone to his parents' place. I asked him to give us some space."

  
  


"That's good of him," I nodded, "What's the time?"

  
  


"Almost eleven."

  
  


A thick silence hung in the air and it seemed that neither of us knew what exactly to say or do. We just stayed in the same position, the only motion that of Chester's hand rubbing against my waist.

  
  


"Do you want something to eat?" Chester murmured.

  
  


"I'm not hungry."

  
  


"No, me neither," he sighed, "Do you feel like getting up yet? I called in sick at work so I've not got to go in."

  
  


"You didn't have to do that."

  
  


"I did. I want to be with you, help you sort things out, okay?"

  
  


I slowly nodded my head. Couldn't we forget about all of this? Couldn't we sweep it under the carpet and never mention it again?

  
  


"Mike?"

  
  


"Yeah?"

  
  


"Do you want to get up? Maybe having a shower will wake you up a bit?"

  
  


I sighed, "No." All I wanted to do was sleep, pull the thick blankets over my head never to see the light of day again. That sounded like the only bliss in this miserable hole I was trapped in.

  
  


"Come on," Chester sighed, "Let's get up, get on with the day and talk about all of this."

  
  


"I don't want to," came my muffled, child-like reply as I hid my head under the blankets, causing Chester to sigh in annoyance.

  
  


"Please Mike, don't do this. You can't hide away from all of this. It's not going to go away."

  
  


"Maybe if I shut my eyes, it will," I whispered back.

  
  


"Hey don't be like this," Chester sighed again, tugging away the blankets that had been hiding my face. I pulled the sheets back though, tighter around me and rolled away in an attempt to stop him getting to me. I just wanted to stay like this forever. Hiding away seemed like the best option there was.

  
  


"Mike," Chester sighed once again, giving up his attempt to move me as I buried myself further beneath the warm blankets. His hand moved to my hair and gently stroked through it.

  
  


We lay like that for a while, Chester's other arm sliding under the sheets at some point and wrapping around my waist as he pulled me against him, obviously realising there was no way he was going to get me to move.

  
  


I sighed against his chest, my breaths coming out as cold shots of air and I shuddered. Even under the thick blankets I felt cold, shivers proceeding to shoot down my spine.

  
  


I wanted to close my eyes and pretend that none of this was happening. I wanted Chester to take me by the hand and pull me out of this mess. I wanted everything I'd gone through over the past years to be all one big lie.

  
  


Only everything I wanted wasn't possible.

  
  


There was only one way to get through this.

  
  


I had to face what had happened.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


The bright mid afternoon sun shone through a crack in the curtains, waking me from my uncomfortable slumber and I groaned and rolled onto my side, clutching my covers tighter around my body.

  
  


It had to be about three o'clock but still I remained in Chester's bed, refusing to move, to talk or to eat the bowl of soup that he'd had made for me earlier. It sat behind me on the small set of drawers beside the bed, no doubt cold and inedible.

  
  


Just the thought of it made me want to hurl.

  
  


Chester had got up hours ago, showered and dressed before failing in another attempt to get me out of bed and talk to him.

  
  


Talk? What was there to say really? Maybe he wanted more details, more explanations, but I couldn't give them to him. Not just now, anyway. Everything felt like it was still sinking into my own mind. I'd only just started to grasp the fact that I'd told someone what had happened and that maybe, just maybe there was going to be an end to everything.

  
  


It just didn't feel like it though. In all reality I don't think I'd ever expected the end to come, or fathomed what it might feel like. No, I'd just smothered myself with the fact that I was spineless and a waste of space and that I deserved the things Dave put me through.

  
  


Only now the cycle had been broken, hadn't it?

  
  


I'd told Chester, and Joe and Rob knew too. They wouldn't let him hurt me, they wouldn't allow him to touch one single hair on my body, I knew that for sure. But how could they stop him?

  
  


They couldn't. Only I could do that. By going to the Police.

  
  


I gulped as I thought that word over, a mass of stern looking Police Officers flashing through my mind, standing in a menacing manner with their arms folded and guns sticking out from their belts.

  
  


So many thoughts crashed through my mind.

  
  


I'd have to give a statement, go through everything, every last detail of what had ever happened. They'd make me relive it all, wouldn't they?

  
  


Then I'd have to go to court, face the monster that had degraded me, pushed me down and made me the timid shadow I now was.

  
  


What if they didn't believe me?

  
  


What would happen then?

  
  


He'd be free, he'd be able to get to me and no matter how much they tried, none of the others would ever stop him, would they?

  
  


What would happen to Chester?

  
  


My heart stopped and I shot up into a sitting position in the middle of his bed. I began to shake, clutching the covers tighter and tighter around me as tears began to slide down my cheeks.

  
  


What if he carried out his threats? What if he killed Chester?

  
  


I felt sick to the stomach. I couldn't concentrate on breathing properly. Everything began to spin. My blurry eyes strained to look up to the ceiling but it spun around and around, the creamy colour swirling into a mass of yellow as I felt my body falling back against the soft mattress.

  
  


"Chester..." His name came out as a strangled cry and I began to sob even more, overwhelmed by the dizziness that had taken over my body and mind, "Please Chester," my weak voice called.

  
  


My head was throbbing, I couldn't keep my eyes open as I struggled to hard against the twisted feeling that was trying to take over me. I felt sick. I needed some water to cool me down, just anything, I needed something to make this stop...

  
  


"Mike? Shit. Mike, what's wrong?" Chester's panic stricken voice suddenly burst into my ears and I could feel his hand against my forehead, his arm drape around my body.

  
  


"Sweetie, open your eyes," he told me, his cool fingers gently rubbing across my damp forehead.

  
  


"I can't," I bit back a sob, "It hurts..."

  
  


"Okay. Where does it hurt?"

  
  


"Everywhere," I sniffed, "Please make it stop."

  
  


"Just open your eyes Mike, I promise you can do it."

  
  


I felt him squeezing my hand with his and slowly cracked open my eyes, suddenly aware that the smothering feeling against my lungs had disappeared and the pain in my head was fading away.

  
  


I managed to sit up, aided by Chester who propped me up against some pillows, his hand never letting go of mine as he pulled the blankets over me and sat down beside me.

  
  


"Are you okay now?" he asked, sweeping his other hand through the front of my hair.

  
  


Slowly, I nodded my head.

  
  


He gave me a weak smile and squeezed my hand once again.

  
  


"What's happening to me?" I asked, feeling another bout of tears slowly seeping out from behind my eyes.

  
  


My heart broke as he looked back at me, his brown eyes filled with so much worry. I should have told him before, I should have told him then none of this would be happening and he wouldn't be hurting like he was now.

  
  


"I don't know sweetie," he finally replied, "I'm just going to go and get you some water, okay?"

  
  


I silently nodded, a cold sensation rushing through me as his hand let go of mine and he quietly left the room. I could tell that he was crying in the kitchen as he turned the tap on, crying because of me.

  
  


I fell asleep before he came back, memories from the past whirling around my tired mind.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


_A skinny, mousey brown haired boy stood before me, brown eyes peering at me from behind round, wired framed glasses. Their blank expression quickly turned into a broad smile and they stretched their arm toward me, beaming as they spoke._

  
  


_"My name's Chester," the small boy grinned, his hand still outstretched in my direction._

  
  


_I eyed him up, hesitantly taking a step forward before I took the boy's hand and shook it, smiling as I did so._

  
  


_"I'm Mike," I told him boldly._

  
  


_He continued to grin back at me, his eyes suddenly taking on a mischievous glint._

  
  


_"Come on," he giggled, pulling me by the hand, "Let's go and hide from Brad before he gets back!!"_

  
  


_I laughed and nodded my head, soon following Chester out of the door and down the hallway. I liked this boy already, we were going to be good friends, I could tell._

  
  
  


*

  
  
  


_"Oh come on Mike, do you have to spend so much time doing your hair?"_

  
  


_I let out an exasperated sigh and grabbed the door handle, viciously pulling it open and shooting Chester the best death glare I could muster up as I stormed past him and into my bedroom._

  
  


_"Mike. Come on, I'm sorry..."_

  
  


_I slammed the bedroom door and sank down to the carpet, tears spilling from my eyes as I tried so hard to stop them._

  
  


_"Let me in. Come on bro."_

  
  


_"Leave me alone," I sniffed, "I just want everyone to leave me alone."_

  
  


_I picked myself up off the floor and crashed down against my bed, burying my head beneath the pillows._

  
  


_It must have been a good five minutes before I heard the door creaking as it was quietly opened. Soft footsteps followed and I felt someone gently sitting down beside me on the bed, their hand delicately placed against my back._

  
  


_"I'm sorry."_

  
  


_It was Chester. I slowly rolled over and smiled at him the best I could._

  
  


_"I was only trying to cheer you up. I just don't know how to act. Do I talk to you about this? Or do I play the jester and try to avoid the subject incase it hurts too much?" He shrugged his shoulders, "I'm sorry..."_

  
  


_"Stop apologizing," My voice sounded croaky and I cleared my throat, "Just be you Ches," I sighed, "Just be patient with me. Just hold me or something..." My voice cracked on my last word and I began to cry again._

  
  


_I felt Chester slide his thin body down beside me, warmth running through me as he wrapped his arms around me._

  
  


_"I miss him Chester," I sobbed, "Why do I miss him so much? Why can't I stop thinking about him?"_

  
  


_He squeezed me tighter, "Of course you miss him Mike, he was your dad. It's okay to feel like this," he whispered and I leant against him, wondering when this fourteen year old boy holding me got so wise._

  
  
  


*

  
  
  


_The world around me felt cold. It was the middle of the summer, the sun scorching down onto the thick concrete city beneath it but I was shivering, the tips of my fingers freezing as I stood in the middle of the airport, watching Chester say his goodbyes._

  
  


_His dad was patting him on the back as he hugged Brad, sharing a joke with his close cousin. I shifted nervously and felt Lena's hands on my back, pushing me forward a bit. I hadn't wanted to come today. I'd just wanted to pull the covers over me and never get out of bed, but she'd persuaded me otherwise._

  
  


_Chester smiled as he walked over to us, Lena quick to jump out from behind me and wrap her arms around the thin boy._

  
  


_"You be good and take care of your mom, okay?" she whispered, kissing him on the cheek._

  
  


_He chuckled a little, "You take care too," he told her as she pulled away._

  
  


_She smiled softly at him, giving him one final squeeze before she let him go and walked over to Chester's parents and Brad._

  
  


_"So.." Chester paused, "I'm going to really miss you," he whispered._

  
  


_"Me too," I managed to say, sniffing a little before he suddenly launched himself upon me, his bony arms wrapping tightly around me._

  
  


_My arms clamped around his waist, holding him close, not wanting him to go. There was so much I had to tell him, so many things we had to do, experiences we were meant to share._

  
  


_We were both in tears as we pulled away and I glanced over Chester's shoulders to see that everyone else was heading with his mom towards the check in desk, Chester's dad pushing the luggage trolly across the tiled floor._

  
  


_"I don't know what I'm going to do without you," I sniffed._

  
  


_"You'll be fine. You've got Brad."_

  
  


_"I know," I smiled, "I mean, don't get me wrong, Brad's special, but you, you're extra special Chester."_

  
  


_He grinned back at me, a lone tear sliding down his pale cheek, "We'll keep in touch," he nodded, "And one day, I swear to God that I'll be back here. I really don't want to go, I don't want to leave you, there's so much we have..." he paused, "I have to do this for my mom though."_

  
  


_I nodded my head, suddenly aware that we were standing in the middle of an airport, holding hands, with tears running down our cheeks._

  
  


_"Come on, you've got a flight to catch," I smiled, squeezing his hands._

  
  


_"Okay," he took a deep breath, "I'll see you sometime soon 'Noda, okay? I promise you."_

  
  


_I smiled back at him, still holding onto his hands and not really wanting to ever let go._

  
  


_He suddenly leant forward and placed a kiss to my forehead, "Be safe," he whispered, before his hands let go of mine and he turned away._

  
  


_I couldn't watch him leave, I had to get out of the building and I did so, my legs carrying my tired body to the entrance, tears sliding down my cheeks as I ran away._

  
  
  


*

  
  
  


_"Dave Farrell you are one lying piece of shit! How can you stand there and tell me that you love me when last night you were seen by my best friend, hitting on some other guy? Do I not mean anything to you? Does everything I've put into this relationship not mean a thing to you? I've thrown away my life at college just to please you. I've moved into here with you because I want to be with you as much as possible. I fucking love you and this is how you repay me?"_

  
  


_The auburn haired man in front of me didn't move. His face remained expressionless as he stared back at me, not flinching once as my words shouted out at him._

  
  


_"You don't care do you?" I spat, "You don't even fucking care! Well fine, I'll go shall I? I'll leave you because if you can't be bothered to treat me with any respect...."_

  
  


_I didn't finish what I was screaming at him. I didn't finish because suddenly his fist was in my face, hitting me with such force that I fell to the ground in pain._

  
  


_"Don't you ever shout at me again," he hissed, his eyes glazing over, becoming darker than I'd ever remembered them to be, "Because I swear to God, I'll make you regret it."_

  
  


_Another punch was delivered to my stomach, knocking the wind out of me, causing me to crouch over in pain._

  
  


_Little did I know that those punches were only just the beginning._

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


"Mike? Mike?"

  
  


I slowly opened my eyes, groaning as the daylight pouring through the curtains attacked me, blinding me momentarily as Chester shook me by the arm.

  
  


"Mmph.. What?" I mumbled, sleep coating my voice.

  
  


"You were crying," Chester whispered, his worried face now in full view as I rubbed my eyes and rested my gaze on him.

  
  


"Just a bad dream," I explained half heartily as I sat up and leant back against the pillows.

  
  


Chester nodded solemnly and knelt down on the floor beside me, leaning against the bed; his arms spread over my body.

  
  


"Are you okay now?" he asked.

  
  


"I think so."

  
  


"We have to sort this mess out," he stated, looking me dead in the eyes.

  
  


I shuddered at the sternness of his voice and he seemed to sense my actions, his face softening a little, "How about you take a shower? I'll fix us something to eat and we can just talk, yes?"

  
  


A loud sigh escaped me. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to eat or shower. I just wanted to lie here forever, fuck the consequences. I just wanted to turn my back on the whole fiasco.

  
  


Given half the chance, I probably would have done but Chester wasn't like that, instead he was already attempting to help me to my feet and try and sort this mess out, as he'd quite simply put it.

  
  


"Please Chester don't make me do this," I grumbled as his soft hands slid around my body and gently pulled me out of the bed.

  
  


"I'm not letting this get to you anymore, okay? You've kept things inside for far too long and if you carry on doing that..."

  
  


"What?" I asked stubbornly, an awkward silence rifting between us as I stood in front of him, my arms folded over my chest, waiting for his answer.

  
  


"Come on sweetie," he sighed, reaching his hand up to my cheek, "This isn't the way to do things, okay? You've got to face up to it all."

  
  


I slowly let out a low sigh, my folded arms falling to my sides, "And what if I don't want to?"

  
  


"That's not an option. You're feeling better, right?"

  
  


I nodded.

  
  


"Okay then. Take a shower, wash those tears away. Then we'll go sit down in the lounge and talk everything through."

  
  


It seemed so simple, the way Chester was putting it. Only the words inside my head, all that I wanted to say was a jumbled and incoherent mess. I didn't know what to say, where to start or how to confide in him.

  
  


"I'll try," I finally whispered, looking back up to his face.

  
  


He smiled a little, a pained smile at that. Then he leant forward and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead, the lightest of kisses sending shivers down my spine as if it were the last kiss shared between two lovers; the kind that could burn itself into your memory forever more.

  
  


I reluctantly followed Chester into the bathroom, my mind knowing though that this was for the best. Getting everything out, going to the Police was the only thing I could do to make it all stop.

  
  


Chester fiddled around with the shower whilst I slowly undressed, peeling my thin T-shirt from my torso and dropping it to the floor as he turned the hot tap on and stepped back, announcing that the water was nice and warm; just how I liked it.

  
  


I smiled as he stepped over to me, a look of understanding etched all over his face as he carefully wrapped his arms around me and held me against him. The sound of the water pattering down against the tiled walls all that filled the room.

  
  


"I'm glad you told me Mike," Chester's whispered voice broke the silence, "Before it went too far," he paused, pulling away and sliding his hands down my arms until his fingertips were dancing against my wrists, "This is the end of it all, okay? I promise you that I'm not going to let him harm you, ever. Understand?"

  
  


I nodded my head, my eyes closing as he slid his warm hands around my waist and pulled me tight against his body. My own arms clasped round his waist and all I could do was wish that this moment of serenity never be shattered.

  
  


The sound of someone's key turning in the lock of the front door broke us apart and Chester smiled at me softly.

  
  


"I expect that will be Rob," he sighed, "I'll leave you to your shower," he smiled a little before his arms left my body and he too left the room, shutting the door softly behind him.

  
  


I carried on pulling off my clothes, finally stepping into the warm shower a few seconds later. The jet of water poured down onto my tired body, drowning out the sound of Chester and what I could only assume as Rob's voice. I prayed he hadn't done anything stupid last night.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


I thought about a lot whilst I showered and by the time I stepped out into the chilly bathroom and wrapped a towel around my waist I was beginning to feel a little more assured that telling Chester  _had_  been the right thing.

  
  


I remembered the flashbacks that had whirled around my mind as I'd slept not long ago and all that they seemed to bring to surface was that Chester was going to help me through this.

  
  


I knew he was.

  
  


But like mood swings, like the swaying pendulum of manic to depressive, I knew that this feeling of positivity was bound to fade into that of uncertainty once again, most probably in a matter of minutes. I just had to hang onto it with all my might, be brave and pray that I could get through all of this.

  
  


The air was cold as I stepped out of the bathroom. I was slightly nervous about facing Chester let along Rob as well but it had to be done.

  
  


A panicky feeling settled in the pit of my stomach as I walked across the hallway, the house unusually silent and cold. Maybe it was just the after effects of last night that were making me feel eerie inside, or maybe I was just being paranoid, but things just didn't feel quite right.

  
  


I peered into the kitchen and seeing it was empty headed back down the hallway to the lounge. It was empty too and I turned back to my bedroom, wondering what I was so nervous about. They knew what had happened. The hardest part was over and done with, wasn't it?

  
  


I placed my hand upon the door handle, readying myself for Rob and Chester. Thoughts of what Rob might have done last night were starting to make my heart rate increase and I had to cross my fingers in the hope that in the end he just ended up going for a long walk to clear his head of my bad news.

  
  


Pushing the door open a little I was surprised that the curtains had been drawn once again and the room was enveloped in dim light. I frowned and pushed the door open, all air escaping from my lungs as I saw the figure before me sprawled out across Chester's bed.

  
  


"Chester..." My teeth chattered as I uttered out his name, the blood draining from my face, my knees threatening to buckle beneath me any second.

  
  


He lay on his back, a gag over his mouth, his hands bound together with a scarf, blood pouring from a deep gash on his left wrist. I could make out bruises forming on his stomach and the only piece of clothing that hung from his small frame; a pair of torn boxers, blood beneath him on the bed sheets.

  
  


"No," I whispered, not able to move for the shock that was running down my spine, "Please God no..."

  
  


An icy cold hand placed itself upon my shoulder and I didn't even have to turn around to see who it was.


	26. Immortal (part two)

_Some things never end. Some things never die. They just keep on going forever and ever. They never cease to amaze, never cease to cause shock. You think they've reached the end, you think that they're over and then? Then the fact that they will never end just hits you right where it hurts. Just remember that. Remember that when you fight those who are immortal._

  
  


*

  
  
  


"How nice of you to join us Michael."

  
  


I closed my eyes as Dave's sickening voice sounded in my ears. His hand was rubbing my shoulder, his breath hitting the back of my neck; a thick stench of alcohol all over it.

  
  


"Come on now, open your eyes Mikey. Take in the beautiful scene before you, I know you want to."

  
  


My eyes slowly opened. Chester stared back at me, tears sliding down his cheeks.

  
  


"What have you done?" I asked, shaking slightly as Dave's hands began to slide up and down my sides, "What the  _HELL_  have you done to him?" I hissed angrily, trying not to let him know just how scared I really was.

  
  


"Now come one Mikey, you know I'm not one to give my trade secrets away. We just had a little fun. I'm sorry we started without you. I just couldn't wait around for you, beside Chester here was insisting that I did him," he paused, his hands sliding around to my stomach, fingertips pushing themselves below my towel, "Now what was it you said Chester, when I asked where my darling Mikey was?"

  
  


Chester let out a sob, more tears pouring down his cheeks.

  
  


"Oh yes, I remember.  _'Don't hurt him, please don't hurt him.'_  How tragic," He let out a laugh, "He was begging me so much when I told him my plans, but you're here now, that's all that matters really."

  
  


I shuddered as his hands slid underneath my towel, stroking my stomach harder and more viciously.

  
  


"Let me go," I hissed, "Let Chester go and get the fuck out of here," I clenched my fists by my side, willing myself not to break down and cry.

  
  


Another laugh escaped his lips and he tore his hands away from me, turning me and shoving me roughly to the floor. I landed beside Chester's bed, a whimper escaping me as Dave turned and slammed the door shut, placing a chair in front of it which jammed the handle; trapped us in.

  
  


A pain ripped through my back from where it had connected with the end of the bed and I looked up at Dave, not recognizing the fiery eyed man who cowered above me.

  
  


"Please," I whispered, "Just let us go..."

  
  


"Shut the fuck up," he spat and for the first time in the few minutes I'd been in the room, I noticed that Dave was just wearing a pair of boxers shorts - but my eyes were drawn to something else - the blood on his stomach; the handle of the knife that was tucked into the waistband of his shorts.

  
  


I gulped. Please God no, please God...

  
  


"Get up," he hissed and I jumped to my feet immediately, too scared of what was going to happen to Chester and I. All the hope and front of being angry had been wiped right away and I was trapped; scared, just like he knew he'd reduce me to being.

  
  


"Sit," his voice was stern, commanding, and he waved his hand in the direction of Chester behind me.

  
  


Shakily I turned round, my whole world shattering as I took in my boyfriend's torn body once again.

  
  


What had he done to him? What had he  _done_?

  
  


"I told you to sit," Dave spoke again, "Next to  _that_ ," he spat, waving his hand at Chester once again.

  
  


I took a deep breath and walked to the other end of his bed, aware of Chester's brown eyes following my every footstep. My heart was racing as I sat down at the top of the bed, my hands instinctively grabbing onto Chester's shoulder, jumping as they caught something cold.

  
  


My eyes snapped down and I now saw what was preventing him from moving.

  
  


A thick, silver chain was tied several times around his neck, looped behind him and locked securely against the rails in the headboard.

  
  


A choked sob escaped me.

  
  


"Don't worry Mikey," Dave sniggered from where he still stood against the door, "I've another chain for you too. I wouldn't want you to miss out on the action. Now," he paused, his eyes searching around the room as if he were looking for something.

  
  


I followed his gaze as it wondered around the cold room, suppressing the tears that were welling up behind my eyes as I saw the clothes that Chester had previously been wearing were scattered across the floor, mostly ripped and torn.

  
  


Dave suddenly moved from the door and strode over to my bed where I noticed a pile of what must have been his clothes, laid beside a small, black rucksack.

  
  


I heard Chester whimper beside me as Dave bent down to the bag and I turned to him, suddenly getting a rush of hope within me. If only I could just loosen the chain a little and allow him to get free. I glanced back to Dave who was still crouching on the floor, his hands rummaging through the contents of the bag.

  
  


I reached my hand up to Chester's neck, motioning for him to sit up but he shook his head, his eyes diverting to the door and I swear beneath his gag I heard him tell me to go, but in reality it was nothing more than whimpers of pain that left his lips.

  
  


My fingertips reached for the chain, and slowly I began to loosen it, suddenly aware that Chester had gone very still; his eyes widening as he looked behind me.

  
  


My hand immediately left the chain and I closed my eyes, feeling Dave behind me, something cold pressing against my head.

  
  


"Get. Up," he hissed, not allowing me to move quick enough because his arm suddenly clamped around my neck and he was dragging me to my feet.

  
  


He pushed me against the wall, smashing my head against it and the cold object that had been pressed against my head came into view. I almost lost it right there and then as I saw the gun that he waved before my eyes.

  
  


"Yes," he smiled, "It's loaded. So you'll comply with whatever I say here, or else Chester will be splattered across the walls, understand?"

  
  


I nodded my head.

  
  


"Okay," he smiled, "Now, you're probably wondering what I'm doing here," he began, the gun gone from before my eyes and pushed into the waistband of his shorts, "Well," he continued, bending back down to reach into his bag, "I got a visit from your friend Robert. Don't like that guy too much you know Mike. He really has no manners whatsoever."

  
  


I eyed him up as he stood back up again, pulling out a chain from his bag. It made a clanking noise as it swung from his hands, the thick, silver metal loops clacking against one another as he stepped closer toward me.

  
  


"He barged into my house, started swearing at me, pushing me about. He really shouldn't have done that," he laughed, "Don't worry. I gave him a good hiding in return. Anyway, it seems that a certain olive skinned beauty couldn't keep their mouth shut, doesn't it Michael?"

  
  


I flinched as he spat my name out, moving closer to me and tainting the air with his alcohol tinged breath.

  
  


"Now what the  _fuck_  did I tell you, hey? I told you that if you were to tell anyone about our arrangement then I'd kill Chester," he began to laugh, "Only," he paused, "I've kind of rewritten that part."

  
  


I frowned as he stepped back, unaware of the way that he was wrapping the chain around his hand. I saw him doing it, I was just too busy trying to figure out what his words meant.

  
  


Maybe that's why I didn't have time to move when the chain he'd tightened around his fist came flying against my face. I felt the sound of bones breaking, the sound of my cries echoing around the room as I slid down the wall; the force of the balled up chain pushing me to the ground.

  
  


And then he just didn't seem to stop.

  
  


Punch after punch came crashing down against my body. He was on top of me, smothering me, pushing me against the rough carpet. I struggled against him, shouted at him to stop through my cries and spluttered coughs. Only he didn't stop. He just didn't stop. He kept punching me. Over and over again. My body ached, my chest stung, my throat felt dry and constricted. I felt blood in my mouth, it's metallic taste tingeing my tongue and with one final cry out Dave seemed to stop, suddenly no longer atop of me.

  
  


My eyes fluttered open and through the tears I saw him hovering above me, smiling at me, looking happy. He was pleased with the punishment he'd given me.

  
  


His hands were on my body again. This time softer, pulling me gently to my feet. I felt dizzy and breathless as he forced me to stand against the wall, his hands pinning me there as they pressed against my shoulders.

  
  


"That, my dear, was just the beginning," his words were followed by a cruel laugh that rung around my ears, repeating itself over and over again long after it had stopped.

  
  


"I don't like being betrayed Michael. I don't like it one bit. Not only did you go against my commands, you also ruined my plans."

  
  


I stared back at him, confusement washing over my brain. What plans?

  
  


"But don't worry your pretty head over that too much. I rearranged them. I had back up solutions. I had a feeling you'd be spouting off about all of this to  _him_  over there," he seemed to spit out his last words, his eyes glaring over toward Chester.

  
  


Chester.

  
  


I felt so helpless. He was hurt. He needed help, attention. I didn't even know what Dave had done to him and for all I knew it could be far more worse than I was imagining. I felt myself glancing to my side, biting my lip as my eyes connected with his. He looked so upset, so scared. He was innocent in all of this. Why had Dave hurt him?

  
  


"Anyway. We don't have much time."

  
  


Dave's voice snapped my eyes away from Chester and I looked back at the man, wondering how on Earth I could ever have loved him.

  
  


He stood in front of me, smiling back at me, his fingertips reaching forward and tracing across my bruised jaw line. I tried to flinch away, to move from his poison touch but there was nowhere to hide, nowhere to run. He had me exactly where he wanted me and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

  
  


His hand slid down my face, fingertips tracing a line down my neck and my chest as they descended down my body, leaving a burning sensation that went much further than just skin deep. His hand finally connected with mine and he tugged me away from the wall, leading me over to my bed where I was pushed down against the soft mattress.

  
  


I lay there quietly, my flame of will to fight slowly flickering out. Something caught my eye as Dave took my arms and pushed them harshly above my head. The chains he had used to beat me with before were now being unraveled and tightly woven around my wrists, restraining my arms above me as he intertwined the metal rope with the bedposts.

  
  


That something caught my eye again and I turned my head to the side, a whimper escaping me as my eyes connected with Chester's. He lay still, his head turned as much as he could, facing me; tears sliding down his cheeks.

  
  


I bit my lip.

  
  


I couldn't let Chester go through this. I couldn't let Dave get to him anymore than he had done and suddenly a rage inside me started to free itself and I began to struggle against Dave as his hands tightened the chains around me.

  
  


"Let me go," I hissed, "Let Chester go, please just don't do this," I begged.

  
  


He didn't listen. He just carried on what he'd been doing, pulling the chains tighter and tighter as I began to wriggle about even more.

  
  


"LET HIM GO," I yelled, "LET HIM GO YOU BASTARD. LET HIM GO."

  
  


Still he ignored me, a sharp click sounding as my chains were secured to the bedposts with padlocks. I tugged my arms against them, rattling the chains as hard as I could.

  
  


"Please," I began to cry, my arms desperately tugging at my restraints, "Let him go Dave. Let him go..."

  
  


A sharp coolness hit me as the towel that had hung from round my waist was ripped away, discarded as it was thrown to the floor.

  
  


I couldn't let him do this to me. I couldn't put Chester through this.

  
  


"WHY WON'T YOU LET HIM GO?" I began to yell once again, thrashing about as Dave got to his feet, his eyes burning right into mine as he slid the knife from the waistband of his shorts. My shouts immediately stopped and I froze against the mattress, my breathing ragged as he slid the gun out as well.

  
  


His face held no expression whatsoever as he toyed with the gun, sliding his fingers up and down the metal object.

  
  


Then without a word he abruptly tightened his grip on the gun, his arm outstretching in Chester's direction. My heart leapt from my chest and I began to panic, my breathing becoming even more uneven as his hand tightened around the pistol.

  
  


"You understand now?" his voice was quite as he spoke.

  
  


I stared back at him.

  
  


"I SAID DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

  
  


My head quickly nodded.

  
  


"Good," he smiled, dropping his arm, "Then we'll let the fun begin," he snickered, pacing over to the set of drawers beside my bed and placing down the knife and gun. They stared back at me menacingly as they sat atop the wooden surface in between my alarm clock and a box of tissues.

  
  


"Right, let's just clear some things up," Dave spoke as he stood between my bed and Chester's bed. His fingers slid into the waistband of his boxers shorts and I felt physically sick as he lowered them to his ankles and kicked them away.

  
  


"You do as I say Chester or I'll shoot Mike, okay?"

  
  


Chester's tired eyes stared back at me and he quickly nodded his head.

  
  


"And the same goes for you princess," he smirked, turning back to me, "One wrong move and it will be bye bye Chester. Understand?"

  
  


My heart pounded in my head as I nodded, watching him in disgust as a smile spread across his face and he stepped over to me. He wasted no time in clambering on top of my frozen body, his hands clawing and fondling every crook and crevice of me.

  
  


His eyes glanced over at Chester.

  
  


"Make sure you watch," he laughed, before turning back to me, "Kiss me."

  
  


I stared back at him, feeling sick to the stomach as he leant his head down to mine.

  
  


"Go on, kiss me."

  
  


I shook my head, trying to force myself further back against the mattress and away from his whiskey scented lips.

  
  


"Did I not make the rules clear?"

  
  


His hand was suddenly reaching toward the set of drawers, clasping onto the gun.

  
  


"Wait," I gasped, causing his hand to shoot back and place itself upon my cheek.

  
  


"That's better," he whispered, closing the gap between our faces and pressing his cold lips against mine.

  
  


I closed my eyes and tried to push what was happening to the back of my mind as I gingerly kissed him back, feeling revolted as his tongue pushed it's way between my lips and into my mouth.

  
  


He was moaning and groaning, his hands clawing my face before they slid down my body and began to roughly massage my chest. His fingernails savagely ripped into my skin and I could feel tiny droplets of blood trickling free as his hands roamed further downwards.

  
  


Then everything seemed to happen so quickly.

  
  


His lips pushed deeper against mine, his hands started to ball up into fists and slam against my stomach, over and over again until I bucked beneath him, squirming in pain. Tears slid down my cheeks as I lay motionless beneath him. He finally tore his lips away from mine, his hard kisses coming to an end along with his punches and he leaned over me, his breathing heavy and uneven.

  
  


He licked his lips and before I knew what was happening his hands were wrapped around my cock, trying to pump some life into it, only it wasn't working.

  
  


I began to cry even more, sobs escaping my throat as I thought about Chester watching the scene before him. I turned my head toward the window, not wanting to risk catching his eyes. I didn't think I could take seeing the shattered look that I envisaged to be etched upon his beautiful face.

  
  


I felt so disgusting.

  
  


Dave's hands continued to move. He seemed undeterred by the fact that I was still limp but finally he gave up, a frustrated growl leaving his lips before he sat up, and delivered a powerful slap across my cheek.

  
  


"You're looking the wrong way," he muttered, shaking his head as he reached over to the set of drawers again, causing my heartbeat to race even more.

  
  


Please no, not the gun, please...

  
  


He sat back down against my stomach and I flinched as I saw one of his hands was now wrapped around the silver knife, his index finger sliding up and down the blade.

  
  


"I want you and Chester to look at each other," he whispered, his free hand grabbing me roughly by the chin and forcing my head in Chester's direction, "Don't stop looking at each other," he whispered again, "Don't you dare stop."

  
  


Chester was crying too. Fat teardrops were slipping down his porcelain cheeks. He struggled every so often against his restraints but it was clear his attempts were in vain. He couldn't break free.

  
  


I stared back at him, ignoring the hiss of pain that shot through me as I felt the blade of the knife pressing against my stomach. I'd been here before. I knew not to break my gaze with Chester and so I kept on looking at him because despite Dave's twisted reasons, looking at Chester was helping me hurt less, taking some of the pain away. I ignored Chester's tears as they fell, I ignored the pained looks his face twisted into as he obviously saw what Dave was doing to me. I just concentrated on how much I loved him, how much Chester meant to me and how dear these last few minutes of seeing him were going to mean to me.

  
  


I'd given up any hope that may had once been within me. I'd completely given it all up.

  
  


Another wave of pain rushed through me and I could feel the blade being pressed through my skin, piercing it and burning it as my blood began to escape. Dave's moans sounded in my ears but I pushed them away, swore to myself I wouldn't let them get to me anymore.

  
  


It was too hard though. The pain was too much, his moans of pleasure contradicting my state of utter pain was too much. I let out a loud sob and began to shake as tears splashed down my cheeks.

  
  


"Ssh," Dave whispered, pushing the blade against my skin once again.

  
  


I sniffed, a cry escaping me as he pushed the blade deeper and deeper, dragging it at an agonizingly slow pace across my stomach.

  
  


"I said be quiet," he hissed as another sob escaped me, "Be quiet damit," he yelled, suddenly stabbing the knife right into my stomach. A scream escaped my lips as the knife was plummeted into my body. My breath caught up inside my throat. I felt sick. I felt dizzy. I felt tears rushing down my cheeks as I tugged at my restraints.

  
  


"Please," I cried, "Please.. don't.. don't do this..."

  
  


That was it. That was my final chance blown.

  
  


I kicked and struggled beneath Dave as he leant over to the set of drawers again, his hand grappling and clamping around the gun.

  
  


"No, no, no, don't.. Dave, please don't..."

  
  


My words came to an abrupt stop as the sound of the gun being fired echoed around my ears. My eyes went wide as I watched Chester cry out, relief hitting me as I saw the bullet had only hit the wall, just inches above my boyfriend's head.

  
  


The gun was slammed down against the drawers, the sound of the metal case hitting the wood loud and echoing across the room.

  
  


"Next time, I shoot him right between the eyes," Dave panted.

  
  


I didn't move. I didn't say a thing, just kept on staring back at Chester who now lay frozen in his spot, his eyes unblinking as they locked with mine.

  
  


The knife was gone from my skin, where I didn't know. Everything was starting to hurt more. The wounds on my stomach and chest stinging, that sickening feeling increasing even more so as I felt Dave roughly push my legs apart.

  
  


I hissed as I felt him rubbing my thighs, his moans and groans reverberating around my mind almost as if they were getting louder and louder whilst all my other senses were being pushed about.

  
  


Chester seemed to jump more than I did as Dave roughly pushed himself inside me. Maybe it was because Chester was watching me and could see a lot more than I cared to. Maybe it was because I was used to it. All of this had happened many times before, after all. More times than I cared to remember but never before had it hurt this much.

  
  


You'd think that somehow my past experiences would have made the pain suppress itself a little, made me lay back and take it like the whore that I was. Well I was laying back and taking it, because at that moment Dave was reaching out for the gun again, clutching it in his dirty hands and pressing the barrel against my head. Maybe that's what made it hurt more, made the pain that much stronger.

  
  


My legs burnt as he began to move in and out of me, his free hand groping all over my body, burning my skin, stinging my insides with every thrust he made. I felt sick and was almost certain that the bile was about to start rising up my throat only nothing more than a strangled cry left my dry lips.

  
  


"I told you to be quiet," Dave hissed and I squeezed my eyes shut as he began to push his evil self further inside me, so much so that I could feel the blood pouring out from within me.

  
  


"And open your eyes damit," he hissed, "I want you to see the pain your poor, hapless boyfriend is going through while he watches this."

  
  


Another sob escaped me as I did as I was told, too scared to do otherwise. Chester looked so afraid, so scared of what was happening. His thin body was still struggling about on the bed; his hands trying to squeeze themselves out of the scarf that bound them together. I wanted to tell him not to bother, not to try because there wasn't a way out. I knew Dave too well, I knew that we weren't going to make it out of here alive.

  
  


I'd given up already.

  
  


That's why I just kept on staring at Chester, my eyes focused on his face. He stared back, eyes locking with mine and I thought about how I'd never seen his face looking so shattered before.

  
  


He was always smiling, always willing to turn the corners of his lips up in order to cheer me up whenever I was down. His smile was cheeky, somewhat infectious. It made his eyes glint and was always so genuine, so sincere. Even when he wasn't happy or was mad at me, he'd always manage to raise a smile.

  
  


Only now his smile was nowhere to be seen. His eyes were full of tears, expression full of fear and vulnerability. He wasn't the Chester I knew. He wasn't the fighter anymore. He'd given up too, he'd been pushed way too far by Dave, only what had happened? I didn't want to even think about.

  
  


The coldness of the gun still pressed to my head woke me from where my mind had managed to drift of for a few minutes. It was a technique I'd mastered long ago; an ability to shut out what was happening and take my mind off to another place. The pain was too much though. The burning wound in my stomach and the feel of Dave rocking himself in and out of my body was tearing me apart; ripping my insides out and all I could to was cry every time he pushed a little bit deeper.

  
  


"Please," I suddenly found myself crying, "Please stop..."

  
  


His response was nothing more than a twisted laugh and he pushed the gun harder against my head, mimicking me after he let out a moan of pleasure, " _Please.. Please stop.._  Oh Mikey, when will you learn? I'm never going to stop. Ever."

  
  


"Why?" I whispered, noticing that Chester had stopped struggling against his restraints and was beginning to wheeze in a painful manner.

  
  


" _'Why'_  what?" Dave sneered.

  
  


"Why are you doing this?" I hissed, wincing as another startling pain shot up my spine.

  
  


"Because," he paused, dropping the gun to the floor and grabbing my head with his clammy hands, "Because I love you," he whispered softly, his hands clamping tightly around my skull.

  
  


"You can't," I sobbed, trying to pull my head away from his vice like grip.

  
  


"I can and I do," he replied, his grip tightening as he painfully forced me to look at his sweat covered face, "I love you more than anyone will ever love you Mike. I love you more than that piece of scum claims to do so. I wanted you to believe me, to come home with me but you wouldn't. You've left me with no other option. If I can't have you, no one can."

  
  


I felt sick as his lust filled eyes burned their desire into mine. His pants and groans sounded animal like as his hold on my head strengthened and I felt sure that his strong hands were attempting to crush the bone of my skull.

  
  


My senses began to blur. My vision became hazy, the sounds around me starting to feel so far away as if my head was being submerged under oceans of water. I began to struggle once more as his thrusts became harder; more frequent.

  
  


"Stop," my voice called out, "Stop," I cried again and again, shouting at him until my throat became even hoarser.

  
  


He didn't listen though. Did he ever? No. He just carried on thrusting in and out of me, ripping me apart, showing me no love or care like he had done at some point back in our relationship. He used to be so tender and caring, so soft and gentle, always wanting to pleasure me.

  
  


What happened to him? What happened to the Dave I knew and loved so dearly?

  
  


I stopped asking myself that question when I felt his hands move away from my head but just as I was sighing in relief that the clamp like grip had gone, a strangled cry escaped my lips as I felt his clammy hands wrapping themselves around my throat.

  
  


I couldn't breathe. I could feel his grip tightening. He was strangling me, he was going to kill me.

  
  


"I told you to keep watching him," his voice suddenly spat and I realised that somehow my gaze had wavered away from Chester and I'd been staring blankly at the floor.

  
  


"Did you not hear what I said?"

  
  


I raised my eyes to Chester, panic rising in me as he stared back at me, eyes emotionless and dull. His skin looked so pale, his lips barely moving as he breathed. I squinted at him, my heart beginning to race. His chest was barely moving. He was hardly breathing. What had Dave done to him? What had he done? What had he done?

  
  


"What have you done to him?" I yelled.

  
  


My hysteric voice not only surprised Dave, but me as well and as soon as my screams had left my mouth I regretted it.

  
  


Dave's hands were gone from around my neck. His eyes seemed to darken that bit more and as if in slow motion he balled up one of his fists, brought it crashing down against my jaw. It was then as I began to cry, my tears blurring my sight that Dave's thrusts became harder and deeper until finally I felt him shaking against me as he came deep inside me, his hot seed burning and marking me.

  
  


Then I lost it. The power to fight completely fell away. Chester stared back at me, whimpering and struggling as he tried to breathe. I couldn't see that glow in his eyes anymore. I couldn't see that smile, those perfectly formed teeth gleaming back at me. I couldn't even picture what he looked like when he was happy because all I could see was him lying a few feet from me, torn and broken on his bed.

  
  


I felt Dave pull out of me, rather gently considering his other actions. But nothing gentle was to follow.

  
  


As I heard him pulling on his clothes, picking up things from the floor and placing them in his bag my tears began to stop trickling down my face; my sobs faded away. Not because I didn't need them anymore. I'd just lost the will to cry; he'd managed to rip my emotions away once again. He'd reduced me to nothing.

  
  


I could barely keep my eyes open. The sounds of him as he clambered upon my body once again were hardly there. I could just about feel his fingers roaming over my chest, my neck and face, stinging me as they ran over my fresh wounds.

  
  


His manic laughter seemed so far away as it spun around my mind, followed by his crazed words, telling me how he loved me, how he'd done this because he loved me.

  
  


I scoffed, managed to sum up enough energy to speak.

  
  


"You don't know the meaning of the word love," I whispered, my breathing ragged by the time I got my last word out.

  
  


I kept my gaze on Chester as Dave's anger seethed up inside him. I could feel his breath in my ears, sense that smell of alcohol as he brought his hand down against my cheek. I didn't flinch though as he slapped me. Not the first time, not the second time, not even the third and forth time. After that I just lost count and as his slaps became punches, and his fists pounded down against my chest I just stared ahead at the broken angel who lay almost motionless against the crimson stained sheets.

  
  


It didn't matter that his wings were torn. It didn't matter that his porcelain skin was marred and tainted. It didn't matter. He was still beautiful, he was still my angel and as I felt my bones break, my skin being torn apart, I silently thanked him for all he'd done; for all his attempts to bring me away from this life of torture.

  
  


He'd not failed. I'd just not given him the chance to help me. All those times I'd brushed his worry and help aside, all those times in the past flew by in my mind.

  
  


If only.

  
  


Life is full of too many if only's. Too much time spent wanting to turn back the clock, to turn back time and change everything for the better.

  
  


I didn't have that chance though, maybe that's why amidst Dave's vicious blows to my ribs and the feel of my heartbeat gradually slowing down, I managed to whisper it under my breath.

  
  


"I'm so, so sorry."

  
  


I don't know when Dave finally got off me, when his punches finally stopped. I don't know when he left the room, shut the door behind him, turned his back on the mess he'd created. I don't know when I started to cry again. I don't know how many times I watched Chester's weak body trying to struggle against his restraints. I don't know how long it was before I felt my head starting to slowly spin, my hands and body starting to turn cold. I don't know when I felt myself slowly fading away. I don't know. I just don't know.

  
  


All I remember is telling Chester how sorry I was, how very, very sorry I was.

  
  


And as I felt my body finally giving up, I found it very ironic that I did have something to thank Dave for.

  
  


I had to thank him for killing me, for putting an end to the miserable life he'd trapped me in. For this was the last time. This was the end. I was no longer in the vicious cycle, I was no longer entangled in this world of hurt and pain. This was it, these were my last breaths. I'd given up, safe with the knowledge that he would never,  _ever_  hurt me again.

  
  


I took one final look at Chester before my vision blurred and everything seemed to dull to a black sheet, it's blankets pulling themselves over my eyes and lulling me into a peaceful place.

  
  


Thank you Dave. Thank you for freeing me.


End file.
